Open your eyes
by metropoli69
Summary: As many persons, I dislike the end of GG. I believed that Serena belongs with Nate. This fic is based on what is happrning after the wedding and the time that Serena needs to finally opening her eyes and sees who she has to be with. Gossip girl does not belong to me
1. Chapter 1

Opening:

For all those persons who belive that Serena should have ended up with Nate. This is my version of thr story. In the first chapter, below, I wrote a general plot and also what happened in those five years and a half.

I hope you will like it and want to read more.

xx

Just after Blair and Chuck wedding, Serena and Dan kind of tried to be together but he broke her heart and everytime something was coming out of Dan's mouth Serena was not sure if he was sincere or not. So once again, at the beginning of the spring she left to France.

Again, she said that she needed to be on her own and that this time she really meant it. Just when her car was waiting for her, Nate arrived. He asked her how long she would be gone because it was stupid for her to leave her city, friends and family because of Dan, again. He also said that may be the good decision would be for Serena to finally accept that may be her and Dan are not made for each as they can't accept who the other person really is today. They were not in high school anymore.

She did look at Nate, an intense look and suddendly she kissed him. She did it because it felt so right in that moment and she also told him that she will always love him and she was sorry that she never gave him a real chance but it was because she was too afraid to loose him. It came out of her mouth before she could realize what she said and what it could mean.

Nate was surprise but he decided to avoid it, it was better for himself. He was used to her weird reactions. He told her that this is not what he was looking for when he came to try to stop her from running away again. Of course, he still loved her and still wanted to be with her but:

"I am sorry Serena but not like that, if you ever want to give me, to give us another chance, it has to be a real one. I don't want to be a second plate because I love you too much and I don't deserve that again so please go to France and if you ever want to try again for real, I will be here."

She was crying but she understood Nate and he was right. She left and got in the car, heartbroken and she did not even why she felt so bad...

At the end Nate was right, she could not pretend in 5seconds to be with Nate and forget everything that had happened over the last years.

...

She spent 6 months in France, met a guy and decided to go to Brown, at fall, to study psychology. With the help of her mother and father, Brown accepted to have Serena. In august she flew back to NYC only to pack her things, see Blair and Chuck, her parents and Eric and then she took the road for Providence. She did avoid Dan and Nate, she had both in her head so it was better for all of them if she was not seeing them.

She came only for Thanksgiving and Christmas and to meet Henry of course. She was doing well at Brown, on her own for real as she wanted to do for so long. No gossip girl, no Dan, no Nate, no drama... Just her, her classes and her student life. She dated few boys but she was more focused on her grades.

As the end of the scholar year was coming to an end, she decided that it was time for her to go back to NYC, she asked for her transfer to columbia: accepted. She was ready to go back there.

A time apart had made her realized that people were right, she needed to do something and not being just Serena Van Der Woodsen. She also felt ready to see both, Nate and Dan again. She was not sure how her heart would react and if she could be able to choose one of them someday. A friend of her, from Brown, told her that may be she could not choose because none of them was the one and Serena started to feel that it could be true even if she still had feelings for both, but she would always have.

During her last week at Brown, Nate came to see her. He told her that he was moving to LA to open the Spectator there. It was doing so well now in NYC that he got investors in LA and for sure there it would be a success. He also came to ask Serena if she was now sure about what she wanted. Serena understood that Nate came here to see if she had finally chosen and she explained him that:

"I will love both until the day I die. I never understood why it was always so complicated to find the answer to that question which had been torturating me, torturating us for years and the answer is because none of us are made for each other. Neither Dan or you do belong with me. Few of my friends here told me that and they have an external point of view not like Blair, Chuck or my mum or anyone on the UES or in NYC and they are right. This year, I had been on my own and even if I am moving back to NYC it is only because now I feel strong enough to deal with that. I was going to meet both of you and said that I chose and it is none, so we can all be happy and friends again."

Nate listened and sighed, may be she was right but he was so in love with her that it was too painful to look at her and think that she was not going to be her wife, the mother of her kids. Thanks god he was leaving to LA.

For Dan it had always been easier to leave without Serena but for him it was a nightmare. The principal reason was because Dan was not a member of the « club », he was not always invited or be where Serena and Nate would be and Dan's best friend did not married Serena's best friend.

She said that she was sorry, that it took her a long time to understand and accept it and so will Nate need time and going to LA, having goals would help him to see sooner or later that she was right.

Before he left he told her:

"I don't think I will ever be able to love someone the way I love you, may be you are right but I love you too much to believe it and for now the only thing I know is that you broke my heart in thousand of pieces." And he left.

...

A bit after Thanksgiving and Blair and Chuck's second wedding anniversary, Serena started to see Dan more often but she was dating someone and he was too. It will take them months to get back together, almost a year but just after starting her 2nd year at Columbia they were on again. Blair did ask her if this is what she really wanted and if this time she was sure about her feelings.

"As Nate is in LA, I prefer to insist a bit and be sure that this time you know what you want and that you are sure about your decision to get back with Dan. The love triangle was good in Beverly hills between Kelly, Dylan and Brandon but let's face it, Kelly ended up with Dylan because she was alone and we all know that she was meant to be with Brandon."

Serena laughed at the reference that Blair gave her and even if it was true that Nate was not on the picture, she knew, she always knew that she loved Dan and wanted to be with him. She loves Nate too but it was not the same, she was sure about it.

"And Dylan is more like Nate and brandon more like Dan, so you see B, I am right" said Serena

Blair replied that it was quite the contrary but it was just a question of point of view.

Blair was still not convinced and she was really looking forward to see how Nate will react when he will learn the news. He was coming for hers and Chuck 3rd wedding anniversary party in few weeks and he told Chuck few weeks before that he still has Serena in his heart and may be this short trip would make them reconnect. The poor Nate was going to be left heartbroken again.

...

And Blair was right. Nate came, saw Serena with Dan and Serena told him she had finally chosen. He left the party and flew back to LA the same night. Serena felt empty for days but then Christmas came and cheered her up and because she is Serena, she « forgot » about her feelings for Nate.

Blair said that not because he is not in the pictures doesn't mean she should avoid what she felt because clearly when he was around she was still not 100% sure about who was the right guy.

"No Blair, it is Dan, I am sure about and I have been for a long time now, but Nate is kind if an old flame that will never really go away but I love Dan." Said Serena with a smile

From that day Blair stopped to question Serena about her feelings. She did not believe her friend but may be Serena was finally sure about who she wanted to be with. They were not 20 years old anymore.

She knew Serena and that her heart was conflicted between those 2 men but may be she had finally chosen and Blair was upset because she kind of always hoped that it would be Nate and not Dan. She could never forgive him for being GG for so many years. For Blair, Dan was the responsible of all the bad things that had happened to her and she was kind of right.

...

2 more years passed, Serena and Dan did break up few times but never more than few weeks. It has been now 5 years since Blair and Chuck got married.

Serena seemed to be happy with Dan and even Blair had to admit that it looked like they were finally accepting who they were. She even said that may be Serena could end up with Dan. But for Blair and more persons, including Chuck, it would be real the day that Nate would be back to NYC and Serena would not run to him everytime something was not right. She had not been doing it because Nate was in LA, everybody knew that but he would not be in LA forever.

For Christmas Chuck and Blair organized a big party, Nate was coming with his girlfriend Sara. He met her in LA few weeks after he arrived but only started to date her one year and a half ago. It was the first time that they were going to meet her, except for Chuck. Rumors said that he could propose during the holidays but no, the one who did propose was Dan and Serena said yes.

Sara saw Nate's face when Dan proposed in front of everybody and she saw how he fall down when Serena said Yes. Sara ran away. She went to the Empire and packed her things. Nate arrived behind her and asked her what was going on. That day was hard enough already for him...

"I have seen how you look at her Nate, you still love her and if you really want to be with her then you have 6 months before to loose her forever. I am gonna fly back to LA but you should stay here" Sara told him before to get in the car and go to the airport.

He did stay in NYC, he did fly back to LA but 2months later he flew back to NYC for good. After trying again with Sara, he knew that it was helpless, he was still in love with Serena and he should fight back for her as he was not ready to accept to loose her forever.

He came back just on time for the next scandal: Dan's new book. A Gossip Girl's tale which was basically the book that included all the marvelous chapters that came out in Vanity Fair 5 years ago.

Everybody was hurt and Serena even more. Blair and Chuck told Serena that Dan probably proposed to Serena because he knew what was coming. Serena said that it was not possiblr and that she did talk with Dan about thr book and he asked her before to give his final ok to his editor.

Thanks God Nate was back in NYC and Serena was doing what she does best: runs to him everytime something was wrong with Dan.

Nate was playing the best friend card. He did want Serena to realize that he was the one but not because he was telling her. She had to see it on her own or he would always have doubts. Chuck told him that this was not gonna work.

« Fight for the girl Nathaniel, for real as man does » he kept telling to Nate

But Chuck might be right as Serana married Dan. It did not feel right and even Serena had doubts specially after Dan's new book came out. People started to said that Serena had the Stockholm syndrome, that Dan used her and always looked for the best opportunity to turn her down.

...

4 months after the wedding, 1st week of september, monday morning

Serena and Dan's apartment

Serena was having her breakfast when Dan joined her

« Good morning Serena »

She did not even look at him and obviously did not reply

« I said good morning »

« I know, I've heard you the first time » she looked at him and immediately she got back to her bowl of cereals

« seriously Serena you are not going to speak to me like what, never again, how old are you, 10 years old » said an angry Dan

Serena sighed and rolled her eyes

« I think I have many reasons to be mad at you and if you now excuse me, I have to go to work » she said

« going to work, dressed up like a call girl, I think we had this conversation many times already, crop top to go to the spectator are a no as mini skirt or every mini something are not for work » he said looking at Serena's outfit.

« look Dan, I think we are done with this conversation and for the record I wear whatever I want, whenever I want. Stop trying to make me feel bad about everything I do »

« ok, I guess that means that you are not coming for lunch »

« nope » she replied with an angry face

« and what will you do, go for lunch with Nate. The Poor guy is so stupid that he doesn't even see that you are using him and the guy pays you every month a salary, a way too high salary just because »

« just because what Dan. Seriously when you are like that it makes me wonder if I did choose the right guy between you and him and for the record, the stupid Nate is going to be the Major of the city and he pays me a salary because I work there and I have a degree in psychology »

« Major of the city because his grandfather is behind and he hasn't been elected yet and for you, you write articles and answers people's questions about their love life, so yes 6k per month looks pretty high for me »

« have a good day Dan » said Serena before to leave the kitchen

and this is pretty much how it had been for the last past weeks between Serena and Dan. Fights, fights and fights again

...

in th next chapter it will be explained why Serena is mad. This is the plot.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

Xx

At the spectator,

Serena was upset, another Monday, another fight with Dan. Why was it so complicated for them to be happy. They have been married for less than 4 months and the only real moment of pure happiness that they got, well it had been during their honeymoon between Key islands, Bermuda and Cuba. They came back 3 weeks ago and since then it felt like grey clouds were not ready to leave them...

At least she was busy between the Spectator and her Master in psychology at Columbia but this is not how she had been imagining her married life with Dan. And Dan was always trying to put her down.

When Nate arrived and saw that Serena was eating donuts he knew that it meant that she had a fight with Dan and even if she had an insane body Nate really did start to think that she should also get an appointment at the gym if she continues to eat donuts that often. She got that habit a while ago already, few weeks before she got married. Everytime that she was upset or if she had a fight with Dan, she needed to eat sugar.

...

His office was next to Serena's one and it was breaking his heart to see her like that. He did accept that he would not get the girl but he could not accept to see the girl unhappy. May be he should have listen to Chuck and does not shut up when the sentence speaks now had been pronounced during the wedding.

...

As usual he stopped by her office and sat on the corner of the desk. Seeing how she was dressed up today made him thought about a lot of things, one of them was that those donuts were definitely the enemies of every woman except her. She was glowing in her little crop top. However, he noticed that she looked really sad and he asked what happened that time.

Nate was trying to cheer up Serena and making jokes about the donuts. He also made a joke about a possible pregnancy. When he started to see her eating donuts or reese's or cinnamon rolls or anything that contained a lot of sugar he first thought that she might be pregnant. So he joked about it, she told him that no she was not pregnant and he stopped to worry about that idea.

But since Serena and Dan came back from their honeymoon, the fear came back. He needed to be sure that it was not the real reason why serena was eating like that. Serena's answer made him relax.

« No Nate, I am not pregnant, not that I don't want to have kids but Dan is busy, I am busy, we met to fight, so no, no baby »

She looked so sad when she pronounced that sentence that Nate almost felt bad for being such an egoist for praying that Serena won't have kids with Dan anytime soon or never.

He was just not ready for a pregnant Serena unless he was the father of the baby. They would grt such cute kids but he had to stop to dream, she was married to another man.

Her voice called him back to reality

« I know, I will look like a pregnant woman soon if I continue to eat like that but believe me Nate, there are more possibility of you getting pregnant than me at the moment » and she sighed

« You know Nate, the worst part is that he thinks that I am not doing anything, that I am here because of you and that I am doing a master just to do something with my life. Which is not true, I love my job here and I really want to get my master and become a psychologist. Help people to deal with their problems »

« I am sorry serena » He took her hand and with his free hand he grabbed a donut.

« I take you one of those, ok, so you won't have to feel that bad and Dan's an idiot for not seeing how hard you are working and studying. But Serena, you have nothing to prove to Dan. You are doing those things because you want to and if he is not happy with that or thinks that you are not worth it, it is his problem because you worth it. »

« Thank you Natie and thank you for defending me on friday at the party when that journalist said that I was suffering from the Stockholm syndrome. I don't know what I would do without Nate »

« Well, you would go to Blair and Chuck everytime and I have to say that it would be funny, between Blair's war strategy and Chuck genuine and pragmatism. »

Serena laughed, he smiled, he could now start to work.

« I have tons of mails to reply between the Spectator, the Spectator in LA, the campaign for the election and of course my Grand Father »

« Good luck and thanks again »

...

Blair came for lunch to pick up Serena and asked what was wrong. Blair had a radar, she knew everythime that Serena had a fight with Dan and it was not because of the donuts that Serena was eating as when Blair was coming to pick up Serena for lunch, the donuts were long gone. She just knew it.

Blair said that it was because of her pregnancy. She was more sensitive and empathetic. But it was an excuse, the truth was that she knew Serena so well that it was evident when something was wrong and since Serena married Dan, Blair had never really seen her totally happy, which was illogical.

...

At the restaurant

« So what happened this time » Blair asked while she was reading the menu at the new italian that had just opened in front of the Spectator. »

Serena was following the contour of the glass with her index, trying to do not look at Blair.

« S, come on »

interupted by the waitress, they ordered and then Serena after drinking a bit of perrier explained what occurred with Dan earlier that day.

Blair listened but replied that as she already told serena she was not going to say anything because:

«S, we warned you, we told you to do not marry him and you did so now this is what you have to deal with or you can ask for a cancelation of wedding, go to see a psy regarding the Stockholm syndrome and get a real new start over for once. »

« So you really think that I developed that syndrome » asked Serena confused

Interrupted again by the waitress. He let the plates on the table and left in less than 30s, Blair gave him an angry look to make him understand to go fast. When he left, she smiled, looked at her plate of pasta, took her fork and looked at Serena with a smile and got back where she stopped.

« Why not, it is totally logical and it would explained why you married your psycho evil biographer » replied Blair

Serena sighed and remembred Blair that she was studying psychology and she did not have that symdrom. Blair argued that in those cases it was like anorexia or being bulimic, it was hard to recognize it. Blair added that one day she would just see it and accept it and start to do something,

«Before you turn 30 would actually be great and S just for the record, not because you are a psy means that you can see what is wrong with you, you should talk with one of your teacher about it or one of your schoolmates »

Serena raised an eyebrow. What does she have to loose by trying. Who knows may be it could help her to finally be happy with Dan or not and that was the part that was scarring her... What if that was making her realized that Dan was not made for her


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

xx

« Before you turn 30 would actually be great and S just for the record, not because you are a psy means that you can see what is wrong with you, you should talk with one of your teacher about it or one of your schoolmates »

Serena raised an eyebrow. What does she have to loose by trying. Who knows may be it could help her to finally be happy with Dan or not and that was the part that was scarring her... What if that was making her realized that Dan was not made for her

...

After her lunch with Blair, Serena went to Columbia as she had classes to attend. She was still thinking about her conversation with Blair. May be she should try to talk to someone about it, someone out of her regular circle. When she was at Brown it actually worked, the friends she made there gave her good advice and for a quite long time she thought that they were right and that either Nate or Dan were made for her. She was happy at that time but it was not real happiness as she was not facing her own reality that's why she came back to NYC. May be she should not have come back, may be that was the mistake.

...

She was so concentrated in her own thoughts that she did not realize that class was finished already and students were leaving. She thought about going to her professor and asked for his advice but it was not such a good idea, she was sure that it would not be a good sign for his professor if she asked for help. She was supposed to get her master degree in June and helped people with their problems, not the contrary.

She looked around, looked at the students who were leaving the class when her eyes spotted Behata Carmichael, very good student, nice girl, not coming from her world. She was at Columbia thanks to her scholarship, she was originally from Utah and Serena believed that may be she could ask for Behata's opinion. She packed her things and ran to the exit just after Behata.

« Behata, wait » screamed Serena

Behata surprised, stopped and looked at Serena walking towards her.

« Serena, is everything alright » asked the young girl, her eyes were wide open. Serena had never spoken to her until today, may be few exceptions in class but out never, never

« Actually, I am not sure, I am sorry if I scared you » said Serena who saw Behata looks

« I am just surprised, it is not as if we are friends or something and you are who you are and I am me »

Serena laughed, yes she picked the right person

« Look, I know it is gonna sound crazy but I need help with my life »

This time Behata frowned and looked at Serena in the eyes, was the it girl playing with her, was it a bad joke

« my love life actually » finished Serena who was starting to understand that the way that Behata was seeing her was pretty much the way that Dan used to see her. The rich girl who needs someone to talk about her big problems when she doesn't even know what have a problem means and it hurts Serena.

« Look Behata, I am sorry, I know I've never been speaking to you over the last years and you probbaly think that I am not worth it and that I just need help to choose between a Prada and a MiuMiu but it is not like that, not at all. If you give me a chance, I can explain you »

« Oh no Serena, it is nothing like that, I am just surprised that you are talking to me that's all, I've never thought something like that about you because I don't know you so I can't judge you »

Serena smiled at her but her heart got a bad shot. Not everybody was like Dan, not everybody was judging people like he does.

« If you want we can take a sit here outside, it is so sunny today » continued Behata while she was pointing a free bench with her index

« Perfect »

...

They sat in silence and after few sighs and hesitating for few seconds about what she was going to do Serena started to talk again. She explained the situation to Behata, did a resume of the last 10years

« and here we are now, my husband is kind of taking me down all the time for his own good and people think that I might have developed the Stockholm syndrome »

« well Serena, I think that the case needs more than 40minutes to be well described and I definitely need more time as a professional to tell you if yes or no but Serena let's be honest it does really look like you did develop that syndrome. But as I said I think it is not something I can judge in 40min »

« what is your real point of view » asked Serena serious

« are you sure that you want to hear it » asked Behata who was looking at her shoes

« yes and be honest please, I need it »

« Serena, I of course believe that you love Dan but are you sure that you are really in love with him. For me it looks like you wanted him so badly because when you came back from boarding school he helped you to become someone that you liked more, a person close to the person that you wanted to be but you are not that person. We all want to be someone we aren't and you were ashamed of yourself, what you've done, you wanted to forget who you were or who used to be and the problem is that you acted as if that person never existed and when that person came back Dan was not able to recognize you or accept you. You were all of sudden not the girl he fall for »

« yes, I know that already but »

« I am not done yet Serena, let me finish please and I am really sorry if you do not like what I am saying but you asked me for my real opinion and this is what I am doing »

Serena apologized and promised she was not going to interrupt her anymore

« so Serena from my point of view, you never accepted who you are, you don't want to be you, which is strange because I know a lot of girls who would kill to be you but that's not the point. You kept continue to run after Dan because you want to be someone else and you think that as Dan is not from your world you can only become the person that you want to be if you are with him. You always want a fresh start and Dan is always coming back after that episode of the new fresh start »

She made a pause not sure if she should continue or not. She decided to go on at the end Serena and her weren't friends, she had nothing to loose

« Serena, you should accept yourself, you can't be happy if you do not accept who you are, it is good to want to become a better person but you can't do it if you do not accept yourself first. You are hiding yourself and your problem with Dan is that he fall in love with someone you aren't, you are that person sometimes but sometimes is not enough to get an happy ending and makes it last forever. »

Behata made another pause, Serena was listening with attention and her blue eyes were full of tears.

« Continue please, Behata please go ahead »

Behata nodded

« May be if you start to accept who you are instead of looking down all the time and feel ashamed for your position and privileges, it won't be easy for Dan to take you down, if this is what he is looking for. For what you said, he knows where it hurts and likes to make you feel bad about your position but he can do this only because you are the one who is ashamed about it. He is playing with that. If I was you Serena, I would enjoy my life, enjoy it, you have everything to be happy and God had been generous enough with you to give you money, popularity, the face of an angel and the body of a model, without doing any diet, be you and if Dan doesn't accept you then he is not the one for you. So no, I don't think that you have the Stockholm syndrome but yes you do have a big self estime problem and yes it is getting worst because of your husband but only because you let him. I hope it will help you»

« I felt more confused than ever, what you said feels right but it doesn't help me to know what I should do and Dan doesn't love that Serena or that's what I think. I feel like I always do the wrong choices » confessed Serena while she was chasing away the tears

« Serena stopped thinking about people's opinion, think about you and what you want and what makes you really happy, forget about everything else. »

Serena thanked Behata and told her that she would like to see her more often and Behata accepted to be her psy.

...

Then Behata watched Serena leaving the campus and thought that if she would be Serena, she would just visit the best places in the world, go to the best restaurants, buy the most expensive clothes, sleep with different guys every night and just enjoy to say fu** everytime she wants just because she knew she could do it.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena stopped by the Spectator, after her conversation with Behata, she did not really want to go home and see Dan. It had been hard to hear everything Behata said to her. She did not even think about going to Blair and Chuck or her mom and dad.

She did not want to be with people who were going to ask her if she had been crying and why... She was tired of it. Nate was going to see that she had been crying, of course he will and yes he will ask if she was ok but he was not going to push and force her to talk about it.

However, he was really good at this game because she always ended up telling him everything, probably because she did not feel judge.

...

It was a bit late, almost 7pm but Nate was probably still at the office unless his mother had arranged another blind date for him. She saw the light in his office and smiled. He was concentrated that he did not even note that she was there. Loosen tie, bang up and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up but even like that Nate was still looking good. He was really the golden boy.

...

Serena was always laughing when she was listening to the conversation of the girls at the office, about how sexy was the boss. And with the interns it was even better, some of them were actually trying to get an intern here just to get the opportunity to have an interview with Nate. Serena was teasing Nate by telling him that he would be elected because all the women of this city were going to vote for him.

...

She knocked at the door, he looked at her and smiled. He asked what she was doing her so late and if she was ok.

« I am ok, I just did not want to go home » she took the chair to put it next to Nate's chair and sat. She wanted to be close to him not sat in front of him with the desk in between.

« because of your morning fight with Dan » he asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew he had to go slowly, if not Serena would leave upset which means that she would come back more upset on the following day.

Serena was unhappy but he could not tell that, Blair was already and it was not helping Serena, it was only making their relationship more complicated. The two women were having many fights lately and the hormones of the pregnant Blair were not helping at all.

...

Serena sighed and did a brief resume of her afternoon at Columbia and her talk with Behata.

« Well, the girl is right, you should not care that much about people's opinion and do what you want more often »

« come on Nate, I do what I want »

« oh really, are you going to the Waldorf's design party tomorrow night after the show and I mean really going there, not just an hour, when was the last time that you went out for dinner or just simply have fun just to have fun » and he really meant it.

He was seeing the inner fire, of the girl that he loves, dying a bit more day after day. Serena used to be the it girl, the golden girl, she wasn't shining anymore because she was leaving in her husband shadow. Dan did that to her by making her feeling bad for being a privileged one.

Serena was now annoyed, Nate's comment was not what she wanted but she was pissed because she knew it was the truth.

« I could ask you the same question because Nate except those stupid blind dates that your mother keeps organizing for you, you haven't been seeing out a lot and it doesn't look like you are having fun » she thought, take that Nate, one for you and now one for me.

Unlike He did not try to deny it but replied that at least he was still attending all the social events and if he was staying out of the spotlight it was basically because he was running for Major and elections were now, 2 months ahead. He knew she said that to hurt him as he just did hurt her with his comment.

« And Serena, we are not talking about me, we are talking about you. It is the fashion week and I am sure you had been invited to a lot of shows and parties and how many are you planning to attend beside Blair's party. »

she bite her lips and crossed her arms, as she was not answering he did it for her.

« none, right and you are going to Waldorf's design party only because Blair is your best friend and Jenny, your sister in law is presenting her first line as the new designer of the house »

what could she do, he was right, she looked at the mess on the desk, she did not want to meet his blue gaze.

« unless you tell me that you prefer to stay home every night and cooked for your husband, I would say that Behata got a big point here »

« and what should I do » she cut him

« what she said, do what you want »

she sighed and let her head fall on Nate's shoulder.

...

They kept talking for an hour more and before they left the office Serena told Nate that she would get out more only if he would do the same. He laughed and said again that he wanted to be the Major of the city, that he was working hard and that he should really stay out of the spotlight but Serena was not ready to give up.

« Dan is not gonna be home tomorrow night, he has an in and out meeting with his new editor in Chicago, he already told Jenny he could not attend the show and the party so why don't you come with me. I won't accept a no as an answer. Oh and Nate, actually being under the spotlight could be good, you just have to know how to do it, look at Chuck and Blair, they do great together »

« yes Serena, they do great together and here is the problem, I am not a together which means that if I drink too much, alert, I have problems, if I attend party alone all the time, problem but if I attend parties with a different girl everytime, problem too »

They laughed

« ah Natie, looks like being the most elegible bachelor of the state is kind of an hard job » she joked and they both laughed again

she gave him a hug to console him and kissed his cheek, he was used to it but the touch of Serena's lips was always as much as painful as a direct contact with fire. He had to stay quiet and looked as if he did not want to grab her waist and make out with her on his sofa, desk, floor wherever it could be possible.

« Be ready tomorrow night Nate » she called the elevator and smiled, a real smile.

as usual Nate did it, she felt bad, guilty, lonely when she arrived and now she felt good and confident, hope it will last until she gets home. It was more than 8pm amd for sure Dan would be mad at her. In the elevator, she looked at her phone, not even a missed call. She wished that Dan would have at least tried to reach her but why would he, he knew that she was always coming home, always.

They walked out of the elevator and she tried to hide her awkwardness.

« I am gonna take a taxi Nate, I see you tomorrow morning at the office » she said and before he could even add something she was already jumping in a taxi.

Bye Serena, I will be draming about you as always thought Nate. He made his way home by walk. He bought the house of his parents a year ago when he came back from Los Angeles. The 6 floors were too much for him but he could not see him living anywhere else, he just wished that someday he would see his own kids growing up there. A complete football team, mixed of biys and girls and obviously Serena as his wife, yes that was his dream. May be one day, Serena would open her eyes and see what was just in front of her


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Note: in this story, Cece is still alive. More details will be different. I will add the note on the chapter when it contains something different

...

Serena arrived home and Dan was in the living room working. He did not even turn to see her before to start speaking.

« Serena, you could have call, I was waiting for you, where were you »

« good night Serena, did you have a nice day, a lot of work. May be you could have start that way Dan » replied Serena annoyed

Dan laughed, ironically of course and said that it was almost 9pm so he was right to be mad and he repeated again that she could have call

« Dan, I don't want to fight again, please, I had a long an hard day and just for the record, you could have call too »

« if you are mad, you wouldn't have pick the phone and you know it and this kind of behavior are so kindergarten and you know how much it pisses me off, so no I was not going to call. I also have a lot of things to do. I have an important meeting tomorrow with my new editor in Chicago, which is one of the best of the country, so I don't really have time for the Serena's drama show of the day. »

« the Serena's drama show, is it seriously what you think » she said mystified

He nodded and sighed

« Look Serena, I don't want to fight with you either but you act as if you were having a very complicated life when you pretty have nothing to do and yes you are gonna tell me that you are working and studying and you know my answers about that too. Nate is paying you way too much for answering people about their love life and your master at Columbia, you will get it just by your name so »

« so I can't complain about anything, my life is perfect and you are the hardworker here and I am the one making your life even more complicated because of all the dramas »

« serena » he sighed

« don't feel that you have to reply, we had this conversation many times already, I know this is what you think. But you know what, you should be thankful to have me because without me, you would not have get any good connections and you would never have get the chance to be sign by the biggest and best edition house of the country » she said exasperated

Dan looked at his wife and his eyes were wide opened. Usually, Serena apologized for everything. She never said something like that even though he knew that she thought about it many times. It hurt him a lot so he decided to end up the conversation here.

« I am going to take a shower and then to bed, I have an early flight tomorrow, good night Serena »

...

Serena let her fall on the couch, her knees were still trembling. She could not believe what she just said. Dan was gonna be mad at her for days but she only said the truth for once.

Dan would not have get that without her, yes he was a good writter but his writings were focused on them, gossip girl, being an insider, the UES... it was good for magazines but getting the most important editor of the country was not possible with just only a good ponctuation. She did not want to hurt his feelings but wasn't he doing that to her all the time. She believed in him, helped him, ask for her mom, grandmother for help and he did never thank her in the way that she expected, instead he was putting her down all the time.

However, she felt relieved to have finally let those words coming out. Feelings were mixed as she felt a bit guilty too but that one would go away in few minutes. She had no right to feel guilty after everything Dan had done to her over the years.

...

When she was sure that Dan was in bed, she went to the fridge and prepared a turkey-avocado sandwich, she was starving but she did not have time to do the groceries or order them online so that what she had to eat. She wondered if Dan actually had dinner at home but she shaked her head and decided that she did not care.

she ate alone, in the dark, with only a single light turned on, she finished her sandwich, turned off the light and went to the bathroom before to go to bed. She looked at Dan sleeping, or faking that he was, and took a long deep breath. She had to be herself again but inside of her she knew that it meant that her marriage with Dan was over and she was not sure if she was ready for that yes. She took her baby pill with a sigh before to finally go to bed too.

...

Having a baby that was another source of conflicts. She wanted to have a baby, she really wanted to be a mother but Dan was not ready yet, he told her many times that they had to make their wedding works before to think about adding a new life, she disagreed. For Serena, a baby was not a problem, because if they have to wait until their wedding is kind of going perfectly then she will never have kids. A kid implied a lot of responsibilities but a lot of people were dealing with that, Blair found out she was pregnant with Henry not even a month after their wedding, they were 22 and everything went well so why would it be differnt for them.

Anyway, deep inside her she knew that Dan did not want a kid yet because basically he did not think that Serena was responsible enough to have one, or may be he was just simply doubtful about their marriage, she was not sure which option was hurting the most.

The worst part is that Nate had been asking her constantly over the last months if she wasn't expecting a baby. She wanted to scream everytime he was asking her. He was always insisting so much, it was the only point that he was constantly bringing up and Serena could not understand why because for her it was the most painful thing to deal with.

No one, not even Blair knew how she felt about it but for sure if Nate asked her again if she was pregnant, she would just cry and fall down. The pain was getting bigger and bigger everyday and she would have to make it go away.

She sat on the bed and wiped the tears with her fingers and finally went under the blanket.

...

on the next morning when she woke up Dan was gone already. She tried to forget about everything that happened over the last 24 hours. It was so sunny outside, she went out of her bed and forced her to smile.

she opened her closet and picked a short dress, a yellow one, Dan would not approve that outfit if he was there but he wasn't here, so she picked the dress, underwear and went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready before going to the Spectator.

she dressed up, let her hair falling in her back, put her shoes on, pink sandals with heels of course, a little touch if make up and left the apartment with a smile. She felt confident, she went out and as she had time deicided to go to the Spectator by walk, it was 15min only. She stopped by a starbucks and many men looked at her, women too, she felt so confident again and it was good.

she pushed the door of the building where the Spectator was and called the elevator. When she arrived at the Spectator, the girls who were having their morning coffee talk, looked at her surprised, amazed, jealous and confused. Serena was smiling inside, it felt so good to be her. She saw Chuck with Nate and went to his office to say hi.

« Nathaniel breath » said Chuck when he saw Serena coming and the way that Nate was looking at her told pretty much everything about his thoughts

« where is that dress coming from, oh my gosh, is she trying to kill know she asked me to go with her to Blair's party tonight, may be better if I say I am sick » Nate replied

Serena smiled at them, she got the last part of Nate's sentence

« don't even think about that Nate, you are coming tonight even if I have to drag you to the party »

chuck laughed, it was going to be a good party for sure

« well sis, Nathaniel, I am going to go to work, I see you tonight and Serena, you look radiant today, I think you will even put the sun in the shade »

the three of them laughed but Chuck a bit more. He knew Nate too well and knew that the man was nervous to be left alone with Serena now.

waiting for the elevator, he sent a text to Nate: « Remember, your office has cristal and not wall, everybody can see you, take a cold shower for lunch »

Nate looked at his phone and turned red, Serena frowned

« Nate, are you alright »

he laughed, he was nervous but replied

« i should ask you the same question, I think all the man that you met this morning are blind now and all the women you met wished they could kill you with a look »

Serena laughed

« I am just me, dressed up like me, now I will go to my office, I have a lot of mails to reply » she said with a radiant smile

She turned and crossed the room, Nate looked at her. Her toned legs, her body, the dress, her hair, gosh, it was going to be a very long day. Dan was an idiot for not be thankful enough to God to appreciate what he gave to him

Serena and Blair outfit of that day. (Serena on the right, Blair on the left)

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	6. Chapter 6

Nate had been working hard the entire day. He was tired and really wanted to go home but he promised Serena he would go with her to the Waldorf design party. He knew she would go to his house to force him to go if he tried to escape.

He sighed and looked out the window, just on time for sunset, it was almost 7pm, Serena would be here soon and he was not ready for that. He was the happiest man on earth with Serena next to him but he was also the saddest because this is not what he wanted. He wanted her so badly, be her man but instead of that he got the role of the best friend. He did accept that role, however he was having doubts lately about it.

Serena was unhappy with Dan but she was kind of, fighting, was not the right word, but she was dealing with that situation and Nate had been wishing that may be one day she would open her eyes and see that he was the right man for her but it was taking a long time, too long... Nate was thinking about giving up, Serena would never be his again...

Chuck told him many times that he should have fight for real and not just prayed that Serena would open her eyes.

« You act as if you are happy of being the best friend when you aren't, if you want the girl Nathaniel you will have to get your hands dirty. If you think your love is worth fighting for »

« it is worth fighting for »

« then what are you waiting for Nathaniel »

« I am waiting for Serena to fight for me, for once »

This was the conversation that him and Chuck had many times over the last year, since Nate moved back from LA to NYC.

...

He knew that Chuck was right but Nate got his heart broken and not just once by the beautiful blonde. He was afraid that if he fought, Serena would come back to him because she knew that he was there if things weren't going well with Dan. He did not want to be a second plate or her choice by despite so he decided to hide his feelings and not fight. He was fighting, he really was but it was not an open war.

Serena was running to him all the time and he was always there for her but the fact that Serena did not know that he was still in love with her was different. Serena was running to him because she wanted to not because she knew Nate would be here with opened arms to get her back. Line was blurry here as Blair used to say but in Nate's head it was not, at least for him.

When Serena was going to see him and talk to him, it was her choice and this is what he wanted, he wanted Serena to choose him over Dan for once and not just because things were bad, no, he wanted Serena to come one day and tell him that she had been wrong for years and that he was the one.

...

It was a really complicate situation, a complicated love triangle and as Blair told Nate, a love triangle only from your point of view Archibald. I am seeing a couple, an unhappy couple and you, alone all the time. Your position is closer to Cyrano than anyone else.

But what could he do to change that, he was so afraid to be hurt again and the reason why he did not want to go to that party tonight was because many people who would be there knew about his real feelings and could say something about it. He did not want Serena to find out, if she does one day it will be because he will tell, him and only him. He did not need them to get an awkward moment.

...

Serena's voice interrupted his thoughts

His eyes went from the window to the door where Serena was standing. She wearing a lovely emerald dress with white dots, her golden hair and her smile, his heart was beating faster already.

« Hi Serena, I did not hear you » and he smiled at her

« yes, I kind of noticed that. Nate are you ok. You seemed really far away when I arrived, where were you, in which foreign country did you go» she said with smile. It was easy for her to smile around Nate, he always was smiling and so nice, so peaceful.

« the country I was in, is well yes far away let's say that » he said with a smile but his eyes were sad.

Serena noticed that and came closer, he was observing her. She placed herself behind his chair, she put her hands on his shoulders and then crossed her arms around his chest in a hug. She placed her head on his shoulder and gave him a kiss on the cheek

« Nate, you know I am here if you need to talk. You sure you are ok » she asked again with a worried face

Nate nodded because right now he was ok, he really was. He was back to that foreign country of him, where this moment was nothing more than his wife comforting him after an hard day of work. He was doing it many times, he was associating the present moment to his dream's life, probably Blair's influence...

But he was not Blair and the scenario of this movie was written already. He sighed before to talk

« just a lot of papers and with the elections getting closer, everything has to go perfectly » he lied, he did not like to lie to her but it was not 100% a lie anyway so it was fine.

« you will win Nate, I am sure about it and I am curious to discover the last part of your program, the part that you have been hiding »

« good try Serena but I won't say anything, I really want it to be totally done before to talk about it with a anybody else »

« I know but please Nate don't worry, it is gonna be ok and now please tell me that you have some clothes to change here because we are gonna be really late if we have to pass by your house and Blair is going to kill us »

Nate laughed, he tooked off Serena's arms from him before to stand up. He opened one of his drawer and picked a shirt, a light blue shirt.

« I will change my shirt, it is gonna be ok, I do take a shower everyday and I haven't seen Blair today, so she won't noticed that I did not change for the show » he said with a funny look on his face

and they both laughed about his words. Blair was like that, her and Chuck probably already had 3 different outfits today.

He took off his shirt and grabbed the new one. He turned to do not change in front of Serena but he could still feel her eyes on his back.

Serena tried to apart her gaze but Nate was good looking and as one of her friends from Columbia said, we are may be married and we can't touch but we have eyes to see and we have to take every opportunity that we get and this is what Serena was doing now.

She did blush as she remembered how warm and soft Nate's skin was.

...

When they arrived at the Palace hotel, were the show was this year, it was crowded. Serena took Nate's hand to do not loose him in the crowd. They made their way to the backstage to find Blair, Chuck, Dorota, Eleanor and Jenny who was going to present her very first collection as the main designer of the house.

Blair saw them first. She was wearing a colorful dress and her little baby bump was now visible even if Blair was still trying to hide it. For her own peace, she was trying to hide it as long as possible.

« oh gosh Serena, Nate here you are finally, I have big problems and I need your helps, we need your help » she said while turning back to Jenny

« Anna Wintour is here, in person, she came and she did not come alone, so we had to move the entire front row but now I have 2 seats left just next to her because the persons who were supposed to sit there, well they just can't now so you two are gonna sit there » she said with her index up which means that it was an order

« Blair, are you sure » asked Serena who got a bad memory from the last time she sat front row instead of staying backstage with Blair.

« Yes I am Serena and I know what you are thinking but things are different today and I need your help, from both of you and no, I did think about sending Chuck and Nate together but it would not be the same, so you two front row »

Serena and Nate looked at each other, this what not the plan. Serena knew that Nate was afraid of being under the spotlight and she was afraid to be seen, front row with someone who was not her husband, specially after her last public appearance with Dan. She could see the rumors coming, Nate Archibald and Serena Van Der Woodsen together again, unfaithful to her husband after he tried to put her down again...

She did not even mention to Dan that she was going there with Nate and as the two men were not really friends anymore, Serena knew that he would get mad.

Her gaze met Jenny's one and that when Serena thought that things could not get worst. In the hurry and with Blair's interaction she forgot that she was still holding Nate's hand. Jenny's eyes looked at Serena and Nate with a suspicious look and a rictus on her lips. Serena closed her eyes and sighed. Her relationship with Jenny did never get better over the years and Serena knew inside her that Jenny still wanted to destroy her. She believed that the young woman was still jealous of her and obvisouly the fact that Nate was around today was making it worst than usual.

Jenny was still kind of thinking about Nate and still had feelings for him. She tried to get close to him again but he never paid attention to her and Jenny thouht that it was because of Serena because as everybody except Serena herself, Jenny knew that he was still in love with the golden girl. He never got over her.

Jenny decided to talk as apparently Serena had lost her tongue

« Serena and Nate what a lovely surprise, I can see that you found someone to make you company while Dan is out, I hope you will enjoy the show, you should get going now, Kelly our assistant will show you your seats » Take that Serena, Jenny thought

« I will enjoy the show Jenny and make some reviews with Anna Wintour. I hope your collection is as good as Blair said because with Anna here, if it is not, it could be your last. Oh and Jenny before I go, your brother never understands anything about fashion so Nate is not a substitute, we are friends and he has a high fashion, something we can't say about everybody. » replied Serena with a smile. She remembered Behata's word, be you Serena and this is exactly what she was doing. She was not going to let Jenny takes her diwn, she had enough with her brother already. One Humphrey was more than enough.

They all looked at Serena, they were surprised. Blair opened her mouth but before she coud say anything, Serena was leaving, still firmly holding Nate's hand. Nate followed her without any comment.

Chuck laughed and Blair turned to Jenny, she was angry

« I gave you a chance Jenny, do not make any mistake or I will ruin you and next time you want to have a catfight with your sister in law, in private please and get over Nate, it is about time »

« get over Nate as he is over Serena » smirked Jenny

« you have a collection to present, now go for it » replied Blair with her most Waldorf bitch expression

Jenny left and once she was far enough Blair asked Chuck what was this coming from

« I don't know Blair but it looks like old Serena is back »

« I was not talking about that Chuck, I was talking about her dress, her boobs there ready to get out, her hands in Nate's hand, the fact that he apparently has lost his tongue »

« I don't know what to say Blair, they are friends, Dan is out, I don't see the fact that they came together as a problem as for Serena's dress, well isn't it how she used to dress before to be engaged to Humphrey. I am sure you have nothing to worry about »

« I am not so sure my love and we both know that Nate is still in love with her so be sure that they don't drink or are left alone with something to drink because I think I know how it could end and if it was not funny the first time, it would not be funnier this time »

Chuck knew that Blair was right. Serena needed attention and Nate needed her so yes few drinks could be very dangerous.

«I will take care of them, now Blair plesse relax, for you and the baby. Jenny's collection is amazing and the show and then the party are gonna be a huge success » and they kissed


	7. Chapter 7

Serena and Nate sat, front row, Serena was just next to Anna Wintour and she was surprised when Anna actually told her that she liked her blog on the Spectator, she did even add.

« As you are here with our future Major and owner if the Spectator, I think it is not possible to make you an offer but if one day you want to try something else, give me a call. I love your style and it should not be a problem for you to find my personal number » said Anna with a smile

Nate and Serena looked at each other surprised.

« Thanks, I will remember that » said Serena who could not believe what Anna Wintour just said. Serena wanted to scream, get in the middle of the set and scream how happy she was that Anna Wintour almost said that she would hire her. She also wanted to kiss Nate for believing in her when nobody did. He gave her a job, he let her create that blog when everybody else thought that she was able to do a job, except being a socialist.

She smiled at him and grabbed his hand again and murmured

« thanks for always having faith in me Nate »

« you are worth it, always » he said with a smile and shining eyes. He should not have say that in that tone, he regretted it because he saw the confusion on Serena's eyes but she was so close to him, it made him forget that he was not in his dream but in reality

thanks God, show was about to start but Serena was still looking into his eyes, looking for an answer. She was not sure if it was her and her own confusion or if Nate's words really meant something deeper.

Anna Wintour saved him as she asked Serena about her opinion on the first outfit.

...

Later at the party, the all Waldorf Design team were celebrating after the huge success of the show. Anna Wintour told Serena that her sister in law was really talented before to leave just after the show.

Blair, Eleanor and Jenny were so happy, after days of pressure it was all happiness now. Serena was with them while Chuck and Nate escape to the bar.

Serena did congratulate Jenny.

« Your collection is beautiful Jenny and I am glad that we sat front row, Anna Wintour almost offered me a job » she said happy to share the news

Blair and Eleanor congratulated her but Jenny did not.

« of course she did, there is no way that Serena can't steal the attention. You always have to be the most shining one in the room. It is my big night, I have been working so hard and here you are standing in your louboutin, with a smile, telling us that Anna Wintour told you to call her if you ever looked for a job. »

« I am just happy to share the news with you, I thought you would be happy for me as I am happy for you now » replied Serena. She decided to stay calm. She was not going to enter into another catfight with Jenny.

« My question is what did you do to get that, nothing. You are Serena Van Der Woodsen and it is enough to get inside of Vogue or anywhere else, tonight is my big night, can't you just stand in the dark for few hours. » said Jenny ironically

« well I am working hard too but apparently you and your brother do never noticed that, she talked to me because she likes my blog » answered Serena

...

Blair was observing in silence. She could easily put herself in Jenny's shoes. It had been pretty much her all life, she was getting something and then Serena was coming, bringing the attention on her all the time. Serena was no doing it on purpose that's what Blair understood over the years and this is how her relationship with Serena finally escape from those fights.

However, she did not know what to do to separate the two blondes. For once it was probably better to do not say anything and let those ladies deal with their problems alone. At least they were in a private room and not in front of everybody.

Eleanor left the room, she told Blair that she should go to answer the questions of the journalists. She added that Blair should wait few more minutes and then do the same, at the end this fight was none of their business.

...

Jenny was not ready to give up, she had so much anger

« your blog, that stupid blog where people ask you question about their love life and you help them as the super psychologist that you are, don't you dare to compare that to my work. You had nothing to do and one morning you just asked Nate to give you a new chance at the Spectator and he did and he let you do whatever you want because he can't say no to you. »

« Nate gave me a chance and he believes in me, I would love to say the same thing about others but I can't. » replied Serena offended

« you can think whatever you want, I know how hard I am working and just for the record as I did record it to your brother. You got that chance and you did work yes but only because I dated your brother so you got the opportunity to get closer to Blair and Eleanor, if not you would have never done any internship at Waldorf design. If my mum would not had been married to your dad, you would have never get the opportunity to meet big names and you would not be here today. So actually you should be thankful instead of always being jealous of me. Tell me what I've ever done to you, the only thing I've ever tried was to help you and we bith know I am right, so what is this all about, Nate. » asked Serena who was hurt.

She knew what Jenny thought but Serena always tried to help the young girl back at the Constance's day, she even fought with Blair because of Jenny and suddendly Jenny saw her as her ennemy when she has never done anything to own that anger.

Blair did Jenny's life impossible and Jenny did forget Blair and they were working together now, they were not friends but their relation was cordial when she has never done anything bad to Jenny and Jenny was still trying to put her down all the time. That was the peak for Serena

« no Serena, it is not because of Nate. It is because of you and only you. You are effortless, always but we still have to look at you getting the icing on the cake, all the time. »

« Jenny, jealousy is something you have to deal with on your own. I've never done anything bad to you and we all know that so don't try to put the blame on me. I have enough with Dan already »

« speaking if my brother, does he know that you are here with Nate. »

« I do whatever I want with my life Jenny »

« yes but it doesn't give you the right to use the poor Nate or my brother »

« I am not ok »

« come on, you are trying to make my brother to feel bad, so what a better person to make him jealous than hanging out with Nate. I saw you two holding hands when you arrives »

« it is not like that Jenny and this is getting ridiculous, I have better things to do that being here arguing with you about things that you have no idea about. I am not using Nate and yes I was holding his hand and what do you want me to tell that we are sleeping together just to make your brother jealous. But is he jealous or are you » finished Serena and she left. She ran into Chuck and Nate who have heard the last part of the conversation.

Serena grabbed Nate's hand and with a smirk to Jenny, she crossed the door

« Come on Nate we are leaving, we have to find a room » she said laughing

Nate knew she was trying to drive Jenny crazy but he thought that it was actually funny and he laughed to, letting Jenny, Blair and Chuck perplexe

« Chuck are you sure that they aren't sleeping together » asked Blair once Jenny left

...

Serena and Nate walked out of the Palace hotel

Serena was hurt, why people used to think that she needed to get people's attention all the time, it was not like that. She looked at Nate

« I am sorry, I drive you out like that but I just got mad and wanted to leave »

Nate confessed that actually he came back to the girls to say that he was going to leave.

« It is late already and we have to work tomorrow, I have lunch with my grandfather so it is gonna be a long day »

Serena looked at her phone, it was almost 11pm already.

...

They did not say much, they were both lost in their thoughts. Serena was trying to understand the reason why Jenny was still jealous, she was also trying to forget about Nate.

Somehow the man was always coming up the conversations as if he was a part of her life and yes he was a part of her life, Nate was her best friend but Serena had the feeling that people disagreed with that like if for them Serena and Nate would always be more than just friends.

Most of the time, she had the feeling that Nate and her were, for everybody, still that forbidden love as they were when he started to date Blair while he was in love with her and she was in love with him too.

As for Nate, he was confused, Serena's words to Jenny had the effect of a bomb. He knew that Serena replied that only to piss Jenny off but did it mean that Serena had been thinking about it or the words came out of her mouth, just like that. Since he was a kid, he wished that he could read Serena's mind, his life would have been less complicated with that power. He would give all his money, everything he owned just to know if Serena still has feelings for him because if she has, he could fight for her heart as Chuck told him many times. He had so many doubts.

...

« Yes, it is gonna be a long day » sighed Serena

« I am gonna get a taxi, are you going home walking » she asked him. She knew that Nate took the habit to walk around the city

« yes, it is a but far but I can do it, I see you tomorrow Serena. Have a good night »

« you too and Nate, I am sorry that I ruined the party, I know you said you wanted to leave anyway but I feel like I ruined it and since I am the one who forced you to come »

« Serena, it is ok, really, I really wanted to leave and don't think that much all the time, nothing happened »

and he stopped a taxi and opened the door for her. She got in and looked at him out of the window. If only things could be as easy as they were with Nate...

...

on the next morning Serena found Dan in the kitchen. She was not sure if he was still angry or not. She said good morning and he replied with a smile so she smiled too and asked how his meeting in Chicago went. They spoke for almost 30minutes, atmosphere was still a bit tense but less than 2 days ago.

Before he left, he remembered Serena that Jenny, his dad and her parents were coming for dinner to celebrate the success of Jenny 's collection. Serena thought that he would do a comment about the party, Jenny could have send him a message about what she saw and about she thinks she saw... but he did not and Serena appreciated it.

She said she won't forget and that she would be at home at 6pm. Then he left and she went to the bathroom to get ready before to go to the Spectator.

...

The day went slowly for Serena, she got the feeling that Nate was trying to avoid her, which was stupid because she knew that he had lunch with his grandfather but he seemed distant. She went to Columbia after lunch and decided to stop by the Spectator before to go home. She would be a bit late but she ordered the dinner already for 7pm and she would be home before 6:30pm anyway.

She had to talk with Nate. She skipped her daily lunch with Blair because she did not want to listen to her and her comments about what happened last night.

She needed to be sure, first, that Nate was not mad at her.

She found him working in his office.

« Hi Serena, what are you doing here, don't you have family dinner tonight » he asked with a smile. He was always smiling at her, he couldn't be not smiling when she was around

that smile borrowed Serena's doubts, he was not mad.

« I wanted to check if you were ok after your lunch »

Nate laughed

« I survived, my grandfather is a smart man and he is here to help me even if he bothers me sometimes, I know he wants me to win »

« of course and we all do want to see you win, so now that I am sure that you are ok, I am gonna go home » she said. She did not want to leave but she had no more excuse to stay here

...

she arrived home at 6:40pm, her parents, Rufus and Jenny were there already and so were Chuck and Blair. Lily probably asked them to come.

before Serena could say anything Dan looked at her. He was mad obviously

« Sis, better later than never » said Chuck trying to relax the atmosphere

«Serena, where were you, I tried to call you » asked Dan

she looked at her phone, saw the missed calls and apologized. She said that her phone was still mute and that she was late because she forgot her keys at the Spectator. Dan obvisouly did not believe her. He took her arm and took her apart.

« Serena, do you know how it feels to have our guests here and you are not picking the phone and I have no idea where you are or what time you will come home »

« Dan, you are overreacting here, it is our families, not the president of the United States and I am sorry I was late, it can happened to everybody, it does happen to you sometimes too »

« you are right, except that people usually let the rest of the group knows that they are gonna be late, is it too much for you and what is this outfit. Did you go to work like this. What is that underwear »

« Dan, you are not the boss here and I can dress as I want, I am sick and tired of having you on my back all the time and I like this top and you are the only who has a problem with it »

« funny, I do because you are my wife and I know that all the man that cross your way today must have been thinking about you, may be they still are. Serena don't laugh please. You look like an escort, you think you are sexy and yes you are but this top is not appropriate to go to work or to Columbia »

Serena pushed him away and furious she went to their bedroom. Dan looked at their guests, he tried to smile

...

Serena came back 5min later with 2 travel bags in her hands

« where do you think that you are going » Dan asked

« far away from you Dan, I need to get out of here before I explode, I am sorry mum, dad, Blair, Chuck, Rufus but I can't stay here and if you wanna know why ask Dan »

« Serena, you stay here, where are you going »

« I don't have to get any order from you and I am going somewhere I can be myself and dress up as I want » she replied on the same tone that Dan

« Serena, if you get in the elevator and walk out of the apartment » he warned her but she cut him

« what, you are going to ask for divorce, come on Dan, you still need me too much, don't you have a book coming out soon. I need fresh air Dan, I am gonna explode for real, I am sorry » she said and she left


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to my followers, I am looking at the statistics and I am happy.

xx

Serena was in the street, she looked at the building behind her. She was suffocating, she did really need fresh air but now that she was outside with 2 hand luggages, she had to think about where to go. She knew where she was going to go but she was not sure if it would be a good idea, what would people think and then she breathed deeply and forced herself to remember that she does always worry too much all the time and as Behata told her, she could not.

« Come on Serena, be brave » she told herself before to stop a cab.

She gave the address to the driver and sighed. She looked out the window, the buildings around, taxi going up into the streets of the UES. It was busy at this hour but when they finally arrived, she looked at the house that she knew so well and bit her lips. She paid the taxi driver and looked around like if she needed to be sure that no one could see her but again she remembered, gossip girl era was over and all those years of fears had been because of her husband.

However, as she was still living with gossip girl, she was still living with the idea that everybody was looking at what she was doing, with whom and waiting for the: spotted SVDW...

She shaked her head and looked at the door. She noticed that the black woman who used to spend the day next to Nate's house was still here. She did not know if she was an homeless or not. Nate told her once that she was actually nice and that on the evening a lot of people were coming to see her. She was reading people cards.

Serena thought that may be she could try, she had never done something like that before. She spotted the woman looking at her and Serena walked towards the lady.

« Good night » started Serena a bit nervous

« Good night Mrs Van Der Woodsen or do you prefer Humphrey » asked the lady

« you know who I am » asked Serena surprised

the lady laughed

« of course as everybody in this city, so how can I help you, if you are looking for a place to stay tonight, darling, believe me you should ring that door as you were about to do 2minutes ago, my place, well I am not sure you would like it» she said pointing Nate's door

« Oh, no, actually I was wondering if »

« if I could read your cards » finished the Lady

Serena nodded and looked around, she felt uncomfortable, which made laugh the Lady again

« I am Winnie and Serena, you shoud not worry too much, everything is gonna be ok »

She looked at Serena in the eyes, her gaze was penetrating and Serena saw confidence in the eyes of Winnie and she felt the tears coming

« I am not really sure about, I feel so confused and lost. »

« you really should not and I know it will sound a bit old but listen to your heart and now if you excuse me I have clients » said Winnie

Serena noticed 2 couples coming ahead. She thanked the woman and promised herself to go back to see Winnie and ask for more details. If people were coming to see her, it might be for something and she was lost, she just wanted an indication, a something to know in which direction she should go.

But for now her direction was Nate's house. Thanks god she turned off her phone when she left the apartment because she knew that her mum, Blair, Chuck, Dan and may be even Rufus have been probably calling her.

...

She rang the bell, she heard Nate opening the door and looked for an excuse

« Serena, Blair called, she wanted to know if you were here, I said no but may I should not have, what's going on » he said confused

too late to look for an excuse thought Serena

He took her bags and let her come in. He let the bags on the steps of the stairs and they walked to the kitchen.

Serena explained Nate what happened and he listened without any interruption. She liked that too, Nate was listening and not cutting her every 5 words.

« Well euh, chicken, zucchini, asparagus and beans for dinner, is it ok for you » asked Nate who preferred to do not give his opinion yet

Serena laughed

« Yes chief, it is ok and I am starving, thanks for listening »

« whenever you want Serena but hum what are you gonna do » he asked

...

he was a bit doubtful about Serena's next action. She said she needed fresh air but for how long, fresh air for a week and then again the same period of problems followed up by a new chapter of fresh air...

It does look like Serena Van Der Woodsen's way of life but they were not kids anymore, 30's were on the corner and she was married, Dan could ask for divorce using that card against her, the card that she left the marital home...

May be Serena should ask herself if she needed fresh air or ending up her marriage even if it would be painful. But Nate knew that asking for divorce had another meaning for Serena. It meant starting to follow her mother's footsteps but also a feeling of unfinished and of course a big incapacity of achievement. He had to find a way to tell her that, he was going to think about it.

...

Serena's voice called him back to earth

« And I am sorry I came here without a previous phone call but I know that Dan won't come here and I really want to be alone »

« like when we took a summer alone together »laughed Nate, she laughed too.

She remembered that summer, she had a good time, she was missing Dan when she was alone but she had a good time when she had to play the role of Nate's fake girlfriend.

« Exactly, alone together, it should be our maxim. » she replied with a smile. The tension in her body was gone.

« so I am gonna go upstairs and put my pyjama before dinner so I can match with your lovely outfit Mr Archibald » she teased him as he was wearing a grey jogger and an old white t-shirt

« I hope your pyjama doesn't mean froufrou and lace because that won't match with my outfit but the rules under this roof are differents, no worries you can wear whatever you want or not » he joked

inside he thought actually you can wear nothing if you want and he hoped that her pyjama does mean lace and froufrou but that was part of his dreamy scenario. Thanks god he had a good sense of humor to save his ass.

«oh la la, So much freedom, may be I could rent a floor » joked Serena, it was not really a joke but she had to pretendit as if it was one

they both laughed again, Nate told her to take the white and pink room

« pink room, Nate are you hiding something, are you gonna be a dad soon or, no, you aren't gay, I know you aren't »

« I am not gonna be a dad and I am not gay, but you got a point. When I moved here again, I decided to get a pink and a blue room because I do hope to have kids. Too many years around Blair Waldorf had a bad influence on me, I do those kind of things »

Laughing again

...

Once Serena was in the stairs, Nate joined his hands and looked up. He thanked God for the gift, he could not believe that Serena was here, now the question was to know for how long.

...

About 5min later, Serena was back in the kitchen, Nate was filling their plates. She was standing up in front of him with a smirk

« so what do you think of my outfit, does it match with yours » she asked

She was wearing a grey legging and a t-shirt with the bad mother in law from Snow White

« I love it, specially that you are portraying yourself on your t-shirt » he joked and she hit his chest before to laugh

« ok let's that it is Blair but don't tell her I said that » he said with a fake terrified look

Serena took her sit and smiled at him.

They ate talking about his campaign, The Spectator, her blog a lot of things, they laughed a lot. She helped him to wash the plates and clean the kitchen. Since he moved in again, he decided to do not hire anybody except a cleaning lady who was coming two times per week. In LA, he was doing everything on his own and he learnt to like that, he did even enjoy going to Whole Foods Market to do his groceries. Nate asked her if she wanted to watch a movie.

« Yes, let's watch something cool » she said

Nate was seeing her happy and he was proud to know that he was making her happy, if she could only realize that too...

« ok but please no dirty dancing or I will put your fingers in a glass of water while you sleep » he gave her a warning look

As kids, Serena told him and Blair that she read that doing that was making the person piss in their sleep. Serena giggled, she remembered that too.

« I can't believe, we actually never did try if it works or not »

« well do not even think about it Serena » warned her Nate

« I am not 10 years old, no worries, let's focus on that movie now » she said happy

They finally chose the Da Vinci Code, not romantic, not too girly, not too special for men, it was a good mix.

...

They did a lot of comments during the movie, something that Serena usually could not do as Dan doesn't like that. They went to bed before the end as they had to wake up early but Serena said they could finish it: tomorrow

In the stairs, Nate looked at her, a confused look the same that he had at the Waldorf show. Serena wondered why he was taking this weirdo expression that often. The truth is that Nate was amazed, yes Serena would still be here tomorrow.

He knew deep inside of him that he should not get too happy because it was Serena and may be tomorrow before by noon she would come here to take her stuff and return to her home with Dan or God knows where she could go but for now she was here with him and this is the only thing that matters now.

He learnt over the years that regarding Serena, it was better to anticipate everything, in a bad way when it comes to him but for the first time in a very long time, Serena decided to come here when she could have go to a lot of places. The Empire, The Palace, Cece's empty apartment, Eric's apartment... but no she came here and he had done nothing for that. So yes today, he got a really little victory and yes tomorrow he would go back to his old folders, tomorrow...


	9. Chapter 9

New chapter. I wanted to post picture of Nate's house but it is not working and I don't know why :(

xx

On the next morning Serena woke up early, she had a conference to attend and she wanted to go by walk to Columbia. We were in September and even if she loved fall and winter, she wanted to enjoy the last days of sun as much as possible.

She went to the bathroom, she was in love with the room. Nate bought back the town house, a year ago, with a bit of help from his grandfather and Nate decided to do a lot of changes. He kept the charm and the character of the house but he changed many things and he was not done yet with them.

...

He was living only in the main and the 1st floor. The 3, 4, 5 and 6th floor were still empty. Nate said that he had few ideas but he was not 100% so for now they were empty. He did put an elevator and seperate his part of the house as his future idea was to rent the floors as apartment and obviously he did not want people to pass by his part of the house all the time.

Serena was always telling him that she would love to rent the 6th floor. The views on Central Park were amazing, the light was too and she could see herself up there. Nate did arrange the rooftop and all the plants and the green made it even more interested for Serena. Her patients would feel safe and in security, she knew it.

Nate was not against the idea but they had never spoken about it further than that and Serena thought that as she was here now, may be it was the good timing to do it. She could offer him, to help , economically, with the renovation as he was already renewing the 2nd floor to do an office.

If he was elected Mayor, and he will, it will mean a lot of work and as Nate really wanted to continue to spend time at home, he decided to do a big office on the 2nd floor. He would be an amazing husband and dad, thought Serena. Saving time for family and time at home was something so hard to find in their _community._

Serena could talk about it for herself, her mother was traveling all the time, getting a different husband all the time too, sending her and Eric somewhere for days before to come back

...

Nate's future wife will be so happy to have an husband like him. Serena never understood why Nate and Sarah broke up. Last year for Christmas, they came together but then Sarah left, Nate ledt behind her but only to come back all alone few weeks later and since then he was going, sometimes, to the blind dates organized by Anne but nothing else. Serena could not understand why.

...

After taking a shower, she dressed up and went downstairs, she had no time for breakfast this morning but she could not leave the house without seeing Nate.

He was reading the news on his ipad, eating french toasts.

« Smelling amazing Natie »

« oh hi, good morning Serena, I was so focused on my reading that I did not even notice that you were here, do you want some coffee » he asked with his brightest smile

it took Serena's heart to see his reaction. He was so sweet and that smile on his face, it meant so much for her to start the day like that. She was so used to start the day with a fight or at least some disagreements with Dan.

She smiled too and epxlained that she had to go to Columbia so no time for breakfast. She also said that she would go to the Spectator on the afternoon then and asked if he would be there.

He was not sure about it, he had some meetings so Serena replied that she would see him at home later that day, on the evening. Nate asked if she was going to have lunch with Blair or if she was thinking about skipping their lunch as she did yesterday. Serena bit her lips

« I am just asking you because Blair is going to come at the office and well you know her » said Nate

« I will have lunch with her, I am going to text her now. I looked at my phone when I woke up, I have dozens of missed calls, a lots are from Blair, so if she comes before I arrived, tell that I am on my way please »

Nate nodded, of course he will do that.

«She is just worried about you »

« I know Nate but I also need to think by myself and B is not really helpful sometimes because she keeps telling me the same things and it doesn't help me, it does make me feel more confused actually and believe me I am lost enough »

and they laughed because of Serena's face, it was priceless, she looked really lost.

He gave her a toast and she took it with a smile and gave him a kiss on his cheek and wished him a good day. He told her to pick up something to eat and said that better if it was not donuts and Serena replied with a luminous expression that this morning she did not need donuts.

« You too » replied Nate and watched her leave. He touched his cheek as if he was a teenager.

He asked God to please keep things going on like this. Usually his mornings were lonely. His empty house alone, nobody except Sherlock his golden retriever and Van Der Bilt his cat. They were helping him to do not feel that lonely but having the love of his life in his house, having the pleasure to enjoy a small talk with her, to be the first one who was seeing her, what she was wearing, her smile, that was heaven for him and the kiss it was just the icing on the cake.

He felt full and he missed that feeling, this morning he was truly happy. He thought about Dan and he could not understand why it was so hard for the writer to see and enjoy those little details instead of inspecting all those little details and turned them into something bad and well then in a fight.

...

Later at the Spectator just before Nate left for lunch Blair arrived with Henry and her baby bump hide in a large dress. She went straight to Nate and asked where Serena was and if she was planning to come or not. Nate was not sure if he should say that Serena was at his house and as Blair did not properly ask it, he only replied that Serena was at Columbia but that she should be here soon.

Blair took her suspicious expression and asked Nate how he knew that if Serena hasn't been here in the all morning.

But Nate had the perfect answer for that

« well Blair, here Serena is one of my employees and not because we are friends meant that she can do whatever she wants, even if this is not what you believe. She did inform me this morning that she would come to work this afternoon and then she added that she would be here for lunch time and able to meet you. »

Blair was not convinced but at the end it could be true. Nate had many employees and she never heard that Serena had a special treatment so she did not reply anything. Also she did not look for more info because Henry was there and as he was her son and the son of Chuck Bass, he was always listening and then asking too much about everything, too much for a 5years old boy.

Serena arrived few minutes later and when she saw Blair in Nate's office she hoped that Nate did not say that she was staying at his place. He probably did not but Blair could be very persuasive, she knew that too well...

She took a deep breath before to meet them. Blair turned and saw her, Serena knew just by Blair's smile that it was gonna be a long lunch...


	10. Chapter 10

New chapter

xx

Serena and Blair decided to have lunch at the Bass triplex so they could have more privacy.

...

Chuck had bought it a year ago but Blair did a lot of transformations, they moved in only 2 weeks ago and Blair, with the help of Dorota, was still arranging details. Waldorf's design was going to move to the 1st floor so Blair could take care of the kids and work at the same time.

They did not sell the townhouse yet, they were not sure if they wanted to sell it or not for now so they were for now renting each of the 3 floors as private apartments for students, rich students from Columbia or Juliard or any other expensive school.

Blair did many interviews and she found 3 lovely girls, who could have been the perfect minions back at her Constance's days.

...

Henry was happy to be home for lunch, he asked for a simple sandwich, Blair disagreed but Serena took the party of Henry.

« Come on Blair, he is 5, let him have a peanut and jelly sandwich, with a piece of fruit »

« but it is not healthy, ok for a sandwich but ham and french cheese with something green inside aswell, lettuce for example or cucumber » replied Blair

Serena laughed and looked at Henry

« sorry buddy, but I promise you next time we go to see a movie together, I wil make you a real jelly-peanut butter sandwich, deal »

« deal » replied the young boy and he smiled at Serena. After he went to the kitchen to help Dorota.

Blair was sitting in front of Serena, a Blair's expression on her face and a smile to make it worst for Serena. Blair first did ask where Serena left and why. Serena simply explained that she needed a time off from Dan and her married life.

« I haven't feel as Serena for so long Blair, I need to reconnect with myself »

Blair raised an eyebrow

« isn't it what you always do, leave, run away, come back, may be you should look deeper than that. You obviously have a problem but I don't think you will fix it by runnning away. You have to face your problems and if the problem is Dan Humphrey then ask for a cancellation of wedding. It won't be expensive, not as if you cared about it anyway but your husband does »

Serena replied that she was not thinking about a cancellation but she agreed, her problem was deeper and she did decide to take a break to see if she could find the answers. Blair asked if she talked to someone about it and Serena shared her conversation with Behata. Blair found it really interesting and understood why Dan got so mad.

« He got mad not because how you were dressed up but because you did not let him turn you down » exclaimed Blair happy to see that may be this time Serena would open her eyes and realized that Dan was probably not the man of her life. Blair did not know if Dan was in love or not with Serena, he had been but was he still in love, Blair as Chuck doubted. Blair encouraged Serena to continue to see Behata and share those details with her, she also affirmed that Beheta was right about Serena being herself and to do not give a sh** about people's opinion.

« You are Serena Van Der Woodsen, you as me, can do whatever we want and it is not your psychotic husband who will tell you what to do, this period is over S » and she asked Dorota to bring a glass of champagne

« for you only S, I am not drinking but I will join you with my peach and mango juice » smiled Blair who was really happy about the news.

...

while they were eating the second part of the conversation arrived, the part that Serena did not want to explain. So when Blair asked where she went, she said that to the empty apartment of her grandmother

« you know she is still in the Hamptons, I have the keys so »

Blair observed Serena, she did not believe her but she had no proof that Serena ran to Nate's so she skipped that part for now.

...

They finished to eat talking about lighter things like the caritative reception of the Van Der Bilt on saturday night, fashion week, their outfits for the party, Serena's shoes... Blair asked Serena if she would go alone then and Serena said that probably

« you could come with Nate, you two looked great on my front row » said Blair with a smile

« look B, I do not know, after what Jenny said »

« Serena, please tell me that you do not care about what she said because that totally goes against your new decisions »

« I would love to go with him Blair but I do not want people to start to gossip around. Nate told me that he was keeping low profile lately because he really wants to win the election and I am not sure that going with him is on his tablet. If he asks, I will say yes if not I will go alone and meet you there »

Blair looked at Serena surprised. Serena showing a real interest on protecting Nate's career, it was brave from her as going alone to a party would be hard for her and her marriage. Sure it would be worst to go with Nate, because the possible upcoming rumors, but the event was owned by Nate's grandfather so it was a safe event. However, as Blair thought that it was really interested to see those little changes in Serena so she decided to do not insist.

Then Serena left and went to the Spectator. She had to work.

...

later that day when Nate came home after a long meeting with the investors of the Spectator, his headache was heavy but once he crossed the door of his house and he smelt a delicious odour in the kitchen he remembered that Serena was here and apparently she had been cooking dinner. His perfect scenario was almost real.

Serena did not kiss him as in his dreams but she smiled at him and looked so happy that Nate thought that it was a correct compensation.

She was reading on the couch with her Van Der Bilt in her stomach and the Golden Retriever was laying at her feet. She was not wearing the maxi pink dress that she wore today, she was wearing a black legging with a long t-shirt from an old madonna show.

He took off his tie and sat between the dog and Serena. Van Der Bilt looked at Nate, he was not happy to have to move. Serena took him in her arms and kissed him, Nate almost felt jealous of his cat and apparently the cat knew it, he looked at Nate with his sharp-eyed

« I can see that both Van Der Bilt and Sherlock have adopted you already. » laughed Nate

« yeah, they are so adorable. » she replied

they talked about their days, her lunch with Blair, his meetings and she comforted him when he said that he was scared about the election, about not being good enough, about people thinking that it was all because of his grandfather.

« You Nathaniel Archibald are an amazing man, a gentleman with integrity, you are going to win because you deserve it and I think my curry is ready so let's go to eat but first you have to wash your hands » she said with a smile

She was up already, she took Nate's hand and pushed him to get out of the couch.

...

As the day before they had a lovely evening. They shared memories they had in this house and Serena said that she would really like to get the 6th floor for her. Nate could not say no, having Serena in his house everyday, it was his dream. He said yes without thinking about what it could mean. For now, Serena was here with him but he had to remember that she was married and would not live with him forever but he was so happy that he did not want to think about it.

He was ready to have this life, without sex, without Serena in his arms every night if in compensation he could at least have this life.

« Nate, hello, earth calling Nate » joked Serena

« sorry I was »

« in your world » she laughed

he nodded

«well may be you should bring me there, it looks a really nice place. Just please tell me no Audrey there »

he laughed too and said that no, no Audrey there and confirmed that yes the place was amazing

« it's heaven, better than that actually» and with you inside for real, there would not have any better in the all galaxy he thought but did not pronounce the end if the sentence.

they exchanged a deep gaze. Nate wondered what Serena was thinking. She was thinking something, she could not, she was in Nate's dreamy land with him and she had no right to think about it. She was married, she shocked her head and took the plates to wash them.

She brought her blog to the conversation to chase her ideas away.

...

They went upstairs to finish to watch the Da Vinci Code on the living room of the 1st floor.

When it ended it was time to go to bed, the dog and the cat looked at them as they did not know with whom they should go to sleep, Serena and Nate laughed.

« Just let's your door open Serena, so if they wanna move during the night, they can »

Sherlock followed Nate but Van Det Bilt followed Serena and Nate thought: I always knew that cat needed to demonstrate who was the boss and laughed

Serena believed that he laughed because of the situation and she laughed too. She went to bed with the russian cat and fall asleep so easily with a smile in her face


	11. Chapter 11

New chapter.

Introducing old elements

When Serena woke up she felt extremely happy and free. However, she was a bit upset that Dan hadn't try to reach her since she left the house on wednesday. Was she going to be like her mother, 5 husbands and too many boyfriends, she did not want that life. She chased away those ideas and got out of the bed.

...

When Serena arrived to the kitchen, Nate was there with Van Der Bilt and Sherlock, the scene was cute. As the day before Nate proposed her some french toasts with coffee. She joined him and they started to talk about his plans for the day.

She knew that he had a meeting regarding his campaign but he was really discreet about his final projects. He did present his program already but he voluntarily kept secret some projects. She wanted to know what they were, she was supporting Nate and she had no doubt that his ideas were amazing and she needed to know what they were.

She tried to get answers but Nate was making jokes or just laughing at her. So she did something that she hadn't done for years, since they were teenagers actually. She looked at him in the eyes, closed her mouth and with her finger faked as if a key was closing her mouth.

«seriously Serena, it worked when we were kids but now » Nate laughed

...

As kids, everytime he was trying to hide something from her, she was doing that. She stopped speaking, it drove him crazy so in less than 10min the game was over and Serena got the answers she wanted but they were adults now and his secrets were not the same anymore. They were real and important now, not that they weren't when they were kids, it was just different.

...

However, something did not change and it was the fact that he could not stand that situation, a mute Serena next to him. He tried to see if he could make her laugh, he tried to steal her toast, he did even mention Dan but no, she did open her mouth.

Serena knew that he was about to break and so was she, she wanted to laugh but she could not loose. She left the kitchen as she believed that it would be the end of the game, Nate would speak for sure and he did so she came back to the kitchen.

« I am going to Constance and St Jude this morning, there is where I have my meetings »he said with an angry expression.

Serena looked at him confused, was he mad at her. She asked and he said that he was not angry. He did ask in a nicer way if she wanted to come and she said yes. He made her promise that she would not tell a word to anyone. He was really serious noticed Serena

Nate was mad at himself, no matter how old they were, in front of Serena he was weak and that's why he would never tell her how he felt unless he was sure that she loved him and was ready to be with him.

« Natie, I would never do something like that, I just really want to know about your plans, I am working with you, my office is next to yours, you are my best friend and I've seen how hard you work and I care about you and your projects » she replied

« I know but it is just that I am scared that people are not going to approve or understand my choices so until it is totally done I prefer to stay in the dark. It has nothing to do with you Serena. »

« have faith in you Nate and I am going to come with you and I will love your ideas, I know that » and she took his hands in hers

« ready to go » he asked and she smiled

...

At Constance, before to meet headmistress Keller, Nate explained that he was working on a new sort of scholarship. Some students from Constance who were there thanks to a scholarship could now get the chance to be sponsored by a company based in NYC or with a big office here. Every beginning of a new school year, a list of students would be presented to the companies, they would picked 3 and after interviews decided which one they wanted to sponsor.

« It can be for a year or the entire cycle of high school and beside being sponsor, they have the opportunity to get internships in that company. It is not that much about the money but about giving those teenagers the possibilities to get some great contacts before college. The scholarship is a good thing but it is not enough to compete with the rest of the students from here. » said Nate

« yeah like Dan in his old days » remembered Serena.

...

Dan told her many times that she was lucky and that she did not know what it was to be looking for something that you knew that you would never get.

She believed that Nate's idea was great as if it worked may be there would be less Dan Humphrey, if things would have been more equal may be he would not have turned into the person he is today. Dan should have go to Yale but Rufus lost the money because of one of Serena's ex boyfriend and Serena knew that Dan had never totally forget her for that.

...

« Your idea is amazing Nate, I hope that a lot of comapnies are going to sign and give opportunities to smart students who deserve to be known and can't because they don't have the right family for it. It is amazing » she said with tears in her eyes.

Nate knew that she was touched because this was a bit of Dan' story and he knew that Serena felt guilty again for who she was. This is one of the reason why he did not want to tell her about this project because Serena had not accepted yet the situation. He could understand, it took him years to understand that he did not have to feel ashame of being s privileged unlike Blair and Chuck who never felt like that.

«Serena, it is not your fault, we are born like that and we both believed that sometimes it should be more equal and that's what I am working on this project because feeling guilty won't help. We have power don't we, so let's use it for the good things »he said with a smile.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and then with his right hand he dried her tears.

They were looking at each other in an intense way, some could say they were about to kiss but Headmistress Keller opened the door of her office and caught them.

« Mr Archibald and Mrs Humphrey, what a surprised »

Serena was not used to be called by Dan's last name, people kept calling her Van Der Woodsen and she would never say it out loud but she preferred it.

...

During the meeting Nate explained that 10 companies had signed and he gave her the list. She said that she would send to each company the profile of the students and that may be in two weeks they could start the interviews. Nate agreed and said that they could use the example of Adriana to encourage the students with a scholarship to rely the online formulary.

Serena looked at Nate perplexe. He said Adriana and Adriana had been their intern this summer, an intern from Queens but studying at Constance, she just started her Senior Year, Serena never understood how Adriana got there, it was making sense now. Nate started the program by trying it first. Well Adriana had been an amazing intern, Nate's idea was going to seduce a lot of companies for sure.

He answered her with a smile.

When they finished the meeting, Nate told Serena that he had a meeting with Adriana and Mrs Keller now but that it would not take long. Serena said that she would wait for him so after they could go together to the Spectator. She had not class on Friday afternoon so she would work.

...

While Serena was waiting for Nate, she did a tour of the school that she knew so well. She remembered the different periods of her life here, 3 periods she counted. Before Blair and Nate becoming the it couple, sophomore year with Georgina and then after boarding school. Thinking about why she started to hang out with Georgina was still painful. A scar that seemed as it will never be cured.

She sighed and took a sit on a bench outside, trying to forget about this part of her life. Seeing Blair and Nate becoming a couple had been so hard for her, so hard. Nate was supposed to be with her, she was supposed to be his girlfriend, they should have been the it couple but she did let Blair have Nate because of a stupid generosity act.

So as it was too painful and she could not see Blair and Nate together, she started to hang out with Georgina and she lost herself. Tears were back and she thought that definitely coming back here was not having a good effect on her.

Some girls arrived and she did not even see them coming.

« OMG, Serena Van Der Woodsen, at CB, unbelievable » said a brunette

« oh my God, I love your skirt, this red skirt with white dots, I need it » said another a curly red hair girl

« and the shoes » added the brunette

Serena looked at the 3 girls and noticed that the blonde one was observing her and not in the same way that the 2 others.

« Are you here with Nathaniel Archibald » she asked

Serena said that yes and she was not expecting the answer that she got

« don't you think that you have used the poor Nathaniel enough, you broke his heart many times, you used him and even with that he almost lost his company because of you but you still decided to be with Daniel Humphrey. »

« well, Alicia, I never used Nate and I got my heart broken too and as for his company, what is that coming from » asked Serena who had recognized Alicia, the 17 years old of a member of Bass Industry and also an investor of the Spectator.

Alicia was about to explain but Nate arrived with Mrs Keller.

« Yeah, pretend you don't know Serena, you are so good at it. But come on as if you did not know » replied Alicia

...

The 4 girls smiled at Nate and Mrs Keller but Serena was lost. Alicia sounded so serious plus Serena was not in high school anymore and Alicia had no reason to invent that. Her father was an investor of the Spectator may be he told his daughter this story which was not making it looking better. Mr Clark had no reason to invent such thing.

Serena had no idea about what Alicia was talking about and she suddenly felt bad, Nate almost lost his company why and when. It could not be true, why Nate would do such thing when they all have so much money. Why hasn't been Chuck or her mother or even her grandmother.

Why nobody said anything to her about it if it was true. She had right to know and why Nate was always saving her when she acted so badly and broke her heart because she got her heart broken but it was her own fault. It broke her heart to see Blair and Nate but it happened because she had been a coward as usual.

On their way to the Spectator Serena tried to hide her confuse thoughts behind a smile but when they arrived at the Spectator and she looked at the people around her who could have lost her job because of her, she could not stay in there.

She asked Nate if she could work from home

«and when Blair comes at lunch time, please tell her I am sick »

Nate observed Serena, he knew her, something was bothering her, she was not sick. He insulted himself for being such a fool for bringing Serena to this meeting.

She was feeling bad because of Dan for sure and now the one who was gonna be sick for real was him. Serena loved Dan and there was nothing he could do to stop that. He could not cry in his office but he really felt that he was going to.


	12. Chapter 12

New chapter

xx

Serena arrived to Nate's house almost tembling. She could not chase away those words, Nate almost lost the Spectator, his baby for her, when, how. She had no idea and she was mad at Blair for not telling her because for sure they all know except her.

May be if she would have known she would have take other decisions. She shocked her head and forbid her to have those thoughts crossing her minds but who would not. Isn't it how people react when they get, may be, the breaking news of their lives, thinking about what they have done and what may be they should have...

Dan never sacrificed anything for her, never. She never gave Nate another chance because she did not want to loose her best friend but she never explained it to him, he never got answer but he still managed to do the most generous and honorable thing that nobody had never done for her, risking everything just for her.

Of course, her romantic side always wished that something like that would happen. But she did not need that now, she was already confused enough about her life, her marriage even her love for Dan. Why was God doing this now...

She was so blindsided that she did not even make it to her room, she was in the stairs with Van Der Bilt and Sherlock who were looking at her, wondering what was happening to her. She laughed because of their expressions. They were so cute.

« What should I do know, help me, why did Natie do that, I am sure you know » she told them

...

She took off her shoes and looked at nothing in particular, the infinity. She was trying to clean up her head, she did not know for how long she had been like that, 5, 10 may be 30min. She came back to earth as she heard Blair knocking at the door and ringing the bell.

« Serena open the door, I know you are there, open the door, Serena » said an angry Blair

Serena rolled her eyes, she did not want to see Blair now, she was mad at her but at the same time may be Blair could give her the answers she needed. She took a deep breath before to open the door.

...

When Serena opened the door, Blair started to talk so fast that Serena could not understand everything

«Blair, breathe, I can't understand you » said Serena who sat on the couch that was in the entrance/waiting room

Blair gave her a black look and did not sit

« staying at your grandmother, seriously Serena, for how long did you think that you could go on with this lie »

« who told you » asked Serena who could not believe that Nate betrayed her, it was impossible

«I went to the Spectator and Nate said that you were sick so I went to your grandmother and the receptionist said that Cece was coming today and that he hasn't seen you since last june. I wondered where you could be and then I thought that Nate did not seem to be fine when I arrived at the Spectator. He was nervous and that's when I understood that you came here on wednesday. I thought about it but then Chuck told me that you had no reason to lie, but I know you too well Serena. »

Blair stopped for few seconds before to pursue

« You are never gonna change, when are you going to stop using the poor Nate everythime that you have a problem. Leave him alone » said Blair who looked furious. Her ton was full of reproaches

Serena was stunned. She could not understand Blair's reaction

« I am sorry B but I am not using Nate, he is my best friend and he doesn't judge me and I don't feel under pressure when I am with him that's why I came here »

« oh that's it, then why did you not tell me this yesterday »

« I don't know » replied Serena and it was the truth, for some reason that she could not explain she did not want Blair to know. May be because inside she knew what would come and this is exactly what Blair replied.

« Blair, I swear, I am not using Nate. Blair, I am sorry but I don't feel in the mood today, I had a very hard morning and I would like to be alone. And you have no reason to be mad at me but I do, so please Blair leave me alone. You are the last person with whom I want to fight » said Serena with tears in her eyes

It touched Blair to see Serena like this. Nate looked upset when she saw him at the Spectator, Serena looked more than upset, Blair frowned

«did something happen between you and Nate » she asked

« no, I am mad about what did not happen. Blair, I need you to be honest with me. Did Nate almost loose the Spectator because of me » replied Serena who was very serious

Blair was in shock, how did Serena learn that. Only few persons knew and she knew only because Chuck told her.

« Did it happen B » asked Serena who was crying now. She did not need an answer, the silence of Blair pretty much said it all but she had to hear it.

« Look Serena, I don't know who told you that but if it is affecting you so much then the question is not if Nate did it or not, the real question is why do you care so much »

« Blair, I need to know, I felt horrible when Alicia Clark told me that this morning. I felt so bad, you can't imagine. »

« and why do you feel so bad Serena, I mean don't get me wrong but what would that change for you. Would have you choose Nate over Dan if you would have known » asked Blair who decided to skip the part that Alicia Clark a 17YO teenager knew about that story.

« may be, I don't know but this is not the point B »

« actually Serena it is the point and may be this is the reason why you were not aware, may be Nate did not want you to know because he knew that everything would have been different » retorted Blair

« I am confused now, are you telling me that Nate did not want me to give me another chance »

« Serena, you broke his heart in many pieces, several times. The only thing that I can tell you is that the last thing Nate wanted was you coming back to him because of something he did for you. If you would have ever gave him another chance, it should have been your own decision. It was not a competition Serena. You just could not choose Nate because of something he did. You did choose Dan because you love him right, well it should have been the same for Nate »

...

Serena got Blair's point of view but it was making a huge difference and it was not that she loved Dan more than Nate, it was more complicated than that. She just needed to know when it happened for now but did not get the answer.

« sorry S but you are staying with Nate, you work for him, if you want answers then ask him but I can't do it. I can't because I do not have the answers that you are looking for. He does, ask him if this is really what you want but Serena I think that it is not the right timing. Fix your marriage first, Nate has suffered enough in the past. »

Serena felt her heart breaking in pieces. She always looked for what was the best for he which was keeping Nate as her best friend but she never tried to think what it was to be in his position.

Blair was right, Serena knew that but she needed to confess something to her best friend so she would not be seen as the vilain anymore because she was not. As everybody else she has suffered a lot, may be more than the others.

« Blair, he got his heart broken but I got mine too »

« by Nate, that's knew » Blair said mocking

«because of you. » murmured Serena

Blair's heart was beating faster, she observed Serena, not sure that she heard well

« Blair, I loved Nate more than you ever loved him but I cared too much about you and I let you have him and when I look back now, I can tell you it has been the biggest mistake of my life. I got the blame but you never asked me if I had feelings for him. I was the whore who took his virginity but this is the story from your point of view, the one that everybody got even Dan but it is not like that. »

Blair sat on the couch and looked at Serena. Of course Blair was over Nate but listening Serena was painful and Serena was right, she never tried to get the version of Serena.

« Do you remember the day before starting our freshman year, when I came to see you I was supposed to tell you that Nate and I were together but I saw you all dressed up, speaking about how you and Nate were going to become the it couple of CB and St Jude. I got scared to loose you, to loose Nate. I did not have more friends, real friends and I thought, if you open your mouth Blair is gong to hate you and make your life impossible and if things don't work out with Nate, you will have nobody so I stayed mute. I watched you the day after asking Nate out and this is how everything started, this is when I got my heart broken to see the guy that I loved since I was 5 years old being with you. But I had to accept it, I did not have any other choice. » confessed a broken Serena

Blair was in tears too now, she took Serena in her arms.

« You are so stupid S, why did not you tell me that before »

« because I loved you both too much and I did not want to take the risk to loose any of you »

« You are so stupid Serena and now I am the one who is going to feel bad for the rest of my life. But there is one question that I need to ask you »

« tell me » asked Serena

« what happened that day » asked Blair just when the door opened

...

Nate was here with Chuck. They were both with their eyes wide opened, watching the 2 women in front of them crying.

« What happened here » asked Nate who thought that may be something terrible happened, something like Serena being pregnant. He took a sit, it was too much for him.

« No worries Archibald, just old stories that we never truly explored » replied Blair with a smile

she took Chuck's hand and kissed Serena's cheek

« I love you S, we will finish our talk later »

« I love you too B »

« well, Nathaniel, it looked like we crashed in the middle of a love declaration » laughed Chuck who tried to analyze what had happened here

« may be » said Blair giving a knowing gaze to Serena

« come on Chuck let's go to eat, baby Bass number 2 is asking for fries » said Blair driving Chuck outside letting Serena and Nate alone.

« Look Serena, I am sorry, I should not have proposed you to come to CB this morning. You are having and hard time with Dan and I took you to the place where everything begun, I am an idiot. »

She fall in his arms

« stop apologizing Nate, stop please. It is where everything begun but we were not talking about this story » and she started to cry again in his arms, she said few times that she was sorry and Nate did not understand why

« sorry about what »

« everything Nate, I don't deserve a friend like you. I don't know what I would do without you, you are an angel Nathaniel Archibald »

He hugged her a bit stronger but he did not ask why she was saying that. Serena was too confused, it did not matter what she was talking about, Serena was too lost to think with clarity


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for your nice words and for following me

xx

After leaving Nate's house Blair told Chuck that she wanted to go home and she asked him to come with her. Blair needed to talk about her conversation with Serena, she was still in shock.

Once they arrived home Dorota said that Henry was still asleep and asked if she should wake him up from his nap but Chuck replied that they need to talk without Henry around so it was better to let him sleep. Dorota took good note and left them alone. She knew Blair well enough to know that something important had happened. Her red eyes said it all.

...

Chuck listened Blair, everything, carefully. It was hard for him to see Blair like that. For the first time Blair got the point of view of Serena and she felt guilty.

« Blair, don't get me wrong but seriously did you always believe that Serena sleep with Nate just to have fun »

« yes and because they were drunk » achieved Blair

Chuck was surprised to hear that. Everybody knew, well apparently not Blair, that Serena was in love with Nate and was still in love with him when she slept with Nate.

«Blair, refrain said that we don't see what is in front of us, I think it makes sense here. Serena was in love with Nate, I think you are the only one who did not see it. Serena was pushing Nate away because of your friendship but even Nate knew that Serena had feelings for him, he was never sure if she loved him or not that's true, we all knew or thought that Serena »

« I understood the first time Chuck. » cut Blair

« But Serena is my best friend, I should have noticed little details which betrayed her feelings. I could see thise things in Nate but not in Serena » added Blair

« why do you think that she started to hang out with Georgie » asked Chuck without letting the time to Blair to reply

« It had been her only chance to hide her feelings » finished Chuck

...

They spoke about it almost the entire afternoon. Blair felt sorry for Serena and Nate and guilty because years ago she realized that she wanted Nate and Serena to be together, she shipped them and learning that she was the reason why they weren't married yet was painful. Chuck comforted her and told her that she had been the reason why they did not became a couple almost 14 years ago and he insisted on the fact Serena, Nate and Dan were the reasons why Serena and Nate were not together today.

« Actually, I would say that Serena is the only one responsible here. She is afraid of being with Nate which doesn't make sense as she is always with him »

Blair frowned and thouht that may be she knew the reason why Serena was not with Nate. After everything that happened today and from what Serena told her, Blair believed that she had found the clue. She shared her thoughts with her husband who agreed.

« Well, it looks like we will have to help Serena to open her eyes » said Blair before to love herself in Chuck's arms.

...

In the meantime that afternoon Serena and Nate almost did not talk about what had happened. Once Serena stopped crying, she told Nate that she was really too sensitive lately and that it had been her own decision to go with him to CB. She justified her sobs telling that she was upset that Dan had not try to contact her since she left.

She did not mention anything about the real reason that made her cried that much. She believed that there was no reason to bring that on the table. It had been a very painful period for both at the end, a past period that it was better to forget about. Also Blair was right, she was too confused now. But what if the answers that she was looking for remained in that period.

It was time for a self introspection. She would call Behata later and asked to meet her after class on monday.

...

On the day after, Serena and Nate went to Chuck and Blair for brunch. After that Serena went with Blair for a bit of shopping at Barneys, Blair needed flat shoes. There was no way she would do the 9th months in high heels this time.

Everybody acted as nothing happened the day before but everybody was thinking about it. Serena could not stop thinking that she did a terrible mistake, she should have told Blair that she was in love with Nate instead of letting Blair having Nate. She also could not stop thinking about what her life could have been if she had acted like that.

She would have lost her virginity with Nate for sure and not with a guy that she did not even remember the name. It would have been as in her dreams and probably in Nate's bed. She wondered if they would be married today or if they would have split up years ago already, probably married and may be with kids. That hurt Serena, kids, she wanted to be a mother but Dan was against the idea for now...

« Serena, are you with me » asked Blair who was showing 2 pairs of Louboutin to Serena

Serena nodded and told Blair to buy the blue ones and not the red ones.

...

Blair tried to find out what was Serena thinking but it seemed that the beautiful blonde was not ready to share her thoughts.

Before to go home to get ready for the Van Der Bilt charity event, Blair asked Serena if she would go with Nate

« he did not ask but I guess we will, I mean we are living together, it would be ridiculous to go separated »

« still no news from Dan » asked Blair

« no and I don't know may be it is better like that »

Blair disagreed and told Serena that who knows what Humphrey has in minds and that Serena should call him at least.

« You have things to fix and acting like this you are not fixing anything and Serena in case you think there is anything to resolve then ask for a cancellation of wedding »

Serena bite her lips, no she was not ready for that yet, not ready to give up on Dan but in the meantime she was happier since she left him and she was not ready to end her kind of holidays yet.

Blair wanted to tell Serena to leave Nate's house, that it was the best for both of them but finally added nothing. Serena decided to go to Nate's house, may be if she stayed there a bit more her heart would see that Nate was the man for her and not Dan.

...

Later at Nate's house, Nate asked Serena if Dan was coming to the gala or not. When she said that she had no idea but probably not, Nate asked if she was ok to go with him then.

« Not as my date obviously but we are not taking 2 cars, we live together » he said blushing. Living together, the dream of his life and he could not even totally enjoy it.

and Serena smiled at him, he blushed and she found that was cute.

« Of course I will go with you, I was going to ask you the same thing anyway. I should get ready now » she said before to disappear upstairs

...

An hour later Nate was waiting for Serena downstairs. When he saw her, he was amazed. Her blue dress, her golden hair, her red lipstick and her blue eyes, his heart was beating so fast that he was sure that Serena could hear it too.

She offered him her hand with a big smile on her face.

« Looking good Natie »

« and you look amazing » and he blushed again which made Serena laughed

« Natie, are you blushing »

« may be, I can't remember the last time that I got the honor to have such a beautiful woman by my side » he replied, an answer a bit too honest he thought. Keeping his feelings under control was so hard.

Of course he knew when the last time had been, 2 years ago when they went together to Cotillion because Dan was sick and Sara had stayed in LA. Serena had helped with the organization and Dan was supposed to go with ber but he got sick. Nate was in town because of thanksgiving, Serena called him and he jumped in his suit... story of his life, waiting for Serena to call. You are a disaster, he thought deep inside of him

Serena bite her lips and it was her time to blush.

« Thank you Nate »

...

When they arrived at the Van Der Bilt Charity Gala Nate was a bit stressed. His grandfather organized this party so Nate could have the chance to speak with the all important men of the state that he hasn't met yet. Nate was also nervous because he did not say a word to his parents or his grandfather about the fact that Serena was kind of living with him, he knew that they adored Serena but they disapproved how she had been treated him over the years.

...

For Anne, Serena passed from the beautiful blonde little girl that she wished was her daughter to the intrepid and wild teenager who could ask anything to her son, he would do everything she wants, always, and that's always terrified Anne to see her son ready to put himself in danger just for the pretty blonde.

Anne loved Serena, more than Blair, but apparences were important in this world and Serena's behaviors were not working in her favor plus Anne knew that she broke Nate's heart so even if she cared about Serena, she distanced herself.

...

For William it was pretty much the same thing, as a man he loved Serena, she was explosive, she has style, she was the woman that every man wanted which was a problem actually. He knew that Nate was not over Serena and he many times doubted that Serena was really over his grandson but Serena had a complicated past that everybody knew so she was not really the perfect woman to be with in time of pre election.

And Nate knew all of this so for sure they would not be super happy to see that they came together.

...

When Serena asked what was bothering him, he did not lie. He did explain with nice words but he said the truth. Serena replied that she kind of thought about something like that and that if he wanted she could just stay with Blair, Chuck and her parents.

« No, no Serena, I came with you and I am happy to have you by my side. I don't care about what they think. It bothers me to know that it is what they think because I know you aren't like that but I will never ask you to stay away from me, never, I can't » he said in a sigh

It touched Serena's heart to hear those words. It was good to hear things like that. She knew that people kept gossiping about her past, present life, marriage... and she was touched to see that Nate did not care even when it could affect his campaign.

However, after saying hi to Nate's parents and his grandfather, Serena joined her parents, Chuck and Blair. She did not want people to start gossiping around. Nate was working so hard to be elected, she was not going to run his chance.

...

She did not take her eyes off from him in the all night. She observed how nice and graceful he was towards people. She could not stop smiling and when Lily asked why she seemed so happy, Serena replied that she was glad to see that some people were still worth to fight for.

Blair listened those words and raised an eyebrow. May be there was a real hope for Serena and Nate. She looked how Serna was looking at Nate and she smiled.

« I think I look at you the same way » murmured Chuck in Blair's ear. As her he did not loose anything.

...

Before to leave Lily and William asked Serena what she was going to do.

« You can't stay with Nate forever honey, you have to fix things with Dan » said Lily

« I know but I don't know what to do and I don't want to fight with Dan »

« Serena, I think you should go home and talk with Dan before things get more complicated » answered a concerned Lily

Serena frowned, she did not catch her mom's last sentence but she did not ask for more.

...

On their way back home, Serena asked Nate if he was happy, if he got nice contacts and he asked why she stayed away from him. Serena said that he was working too hard and that she could not accept to see people spreading rumors about him because of her.

Nate took her hand and kissed her palm. It was a sweet gesture that Serena wasn't used to anymore. She wanted to snuggle in his arms but she just put her head on his shoulder.

...

When they arrived in front of the house, they saw too many people, Winnie was around for sure. Reading people's cards. Nate took Serena's hand to get out of the car and she did not let go his hand once they were out of the car.

Serena was laughing, she could not believe that Winnie was attracting so many persons.

She broke the contact with Nate only because she wanted to say hi to Winnie.

« Good night Serena, so when are you gonna be ready to face up your life again. You can't hide yourself in this house forever » those words hurt Serena because Winnie was right, as Blair, her mother. The fact theywere now pronounced by a stranger was different as if they were more powerful.

She looked at Nate who was in front of his door. She had to face her life. This perfect life with Nate was not her life, she decided to choose another one when she married Dan, may be it has been a mistake but she still had to fix it.

Nate saw her worried expression, Serena ran to him, he opened the door and she said that she had to leave now. She ran in the stairs to her room.

Nate was surprised and confused. He went out the house to talk with Winnie

« what did you tell her »

« the truth Nathaniel, it is too confusing for both of you. »

He was angry she could see it, she smiled which makes it worst

« no worries Nathaniel, before the end of the year you will be the happiest man on earth, believe me. Look how many people are coming to listen to me. Just have faith » she said looking at Nate in the eyes.

At the same moment Serena was walking out of the house, with one of her bags, stopping a taxi. Nate felt his heart breaking in more pieces that it was already

« Have faith » repeated Winnie who had catch his hand


	14. Chapter 14

New chapter

xx

...

The next morning when Nate woke up, he stayed, like paralyzed, in his bed, his head was so confused that he was not even sure if Serena did really leave yesterday when they arrived home or if she never came at all and if he was just dreaming or if he just had a nightmare and Serena would be in the kitchen having breakfast.

he sighed and finally made an effort to get out of his bed, of course he knew that it was not a nightmare, well it was except that it was a real one.

Serena did leave last night but she looked so sad when she left and so happy few minutes before to leave. In the car, when he had her hand in his, he kissed her palm, he could still feel her head on his shoulder, her perfume, she seemed so happy, why the hell did she leave.

He had the answer, Dan her husband, her life but it was so hard for him to accept it. Lately, it was becoming harder to be just Serena's best friend. He thought that he could handle it but he was not sure anymore. He had two options in front of him.

The first one was going on with his life, knowing that Serena would never be his and try to find a woman that he could try to love, someone who could make him happy and that he could make him happy but how. He tried, he really did, it almost work with Sarah but Sarah was too smart and she realized that he was still in love with Serena. He was afraid that all the possible next girls would see it too...

the second one was, may be the best, but he knew that it could hurt him so much, he was so terrified. Fighting for Serena, tell her how much he loves her and take the risk that she might end up with him but only as a consolation price as it did not work with Dan. But he did not want that, he did not want to be the plate choosen on the menu because the other was not available, no he wanted Serena to be with because she chose him, her choice.

he sighed and went to the kitchen followed by Van Der Bilt and Sherlock.

« At least I have you guys » he said

...

He made some french toasts and coffee, he tried to borrow that scene from his head, Serena leaving the house almost crying. She hadn't planned to leave because she forgot almost everything. She ran away. He needed to know what Winnie told her but he knew the woman, she was not going to tell him.

Also he was listening, endlessly, Winnie last words, have faith. How could he have faith. Yes he was rich, yes people think that he was beautiful but beside that what did he get, nothing. Back to his teenage years, he always felt tortured, his could see a life coming ahead, a life that he did not want and had not chosen, with Blair. Then his father and the drug, money problems, numerous girlfriends, loosing Serena...

Most of his friends were married now with kids, or about to have kids or being engaged and here he was in this big house, alone. He looked at the empty chair where Serena sat the past few days. Since he came back from LA for good, almost a year ago, he had never given a real chance to any woman.

His mother was organizing blind dates almost every weeks but he never tried to know more about the women but he had to face reality, Serena left because she was ready to fight for her marriage, not for him, may be it wad time for him to try to be happy. He would never be truly happy if he was not with Serena but he was 28 already, he could not wait forever.

He washed his plate and his mug and got so frustrated that he squished the mug a bit too much and it broke in his hands. He saw the blood and the pieces of the mug and he felt the tears coming. He was alone, no one was seing him so he let the tears fallen. The mug in pieces, flooding in his blood was the perfect representation of his heart.

...

Anne arrived and observed her son, in silence.

When she noticed that he was crying, she ran to him and opened her arms. He was surprised to see his mother that early, she probably came to see what was really going on between him and Serena. She hugged her son and tried to calm him

« it is ok Nate, I am here, Serena left, right » she asked and the only answer she got was stronger sobs.

« Nate, honey, do you want to come with me and spend the day with me and your dad »

Nate looked at his mother and nodded. He left her alone in the kicten and went downstairs. Anne took the pieces from the broken mug and looked at the blood in the sink.

waiting for Nate to be ready she did a mental list of all the girls that she could introduce to Nate. She had one in minds that could be percfect. She needed to call her friend Molly to see if her daughter Tamara, was in town. Yes Tammy could, may be, suit Nate. She had to find a way to make him forget Serena.

...

Nate passed by the pink room before to go downstairs to leave for the day with his mother. He looked behind the pillow and found Serena's pajama. He smelled it and closed his eyes. His mother was calling him, he left the pajama on the bed and left the room.

...

Oustide Winnie was there already. Nate said hi to her and he was dying to ask again what the hell she told Serena to make her leave. He was not mad at the poor lady but he wanted to know. She smiled at him, it was smile of compassion. She looked at his bandage on his hand.

She did not say anything because Anne was there but when she would see Nate alone, she would tell him again to have faith, he was going to be happy.

...

When they arrived at the Archibald penthouse, the Captain hugged his son a bit too much. Nate guessed that his mother told him what she found when she arrived.

The captain passed his hand around Nate's neck.

« Come on son, let's see if you can beat your father at Fifa »

« oh look Dad, I don't know if I am in the mood »

« you aren't but it will help you to forget about her. »

The captain put his hands on Nate's shoulders and looked at his son in the eyes

« Nate, she is married. I know that you are in love with her but she is married, you were there when she said yes. You have to forget about her, she is not the woman for you. It breaks you to think about it but the sooner you will accept the better it will be. »

« Then I am destined to be alone. Don't you think that I've tried to forget about her, that I tried to love other women, of course I did but it seems that I am under a spell » sighed Nate

« well it's about time for you to find the antidote. You are under that spell since you are 5 years old Nate » said Anne who was back in the living room.

« Your mother is right Nate, what do you want to do anyway, kidnaped her » added his father

« look if I came here to listen things like that I prefer to go home and be alone »

her mother looked at his hand

« I won't cut my veins, I promise » Nate replied upset

«Nate don't go, please. We are just worried about you. We don't want to see you like that. The only thing that your mother and I want is to see you happy and Nate I swear, I wished that you could be living your dreamy life with Serena but she is married. »

Nate let himself fall on the couch. Anne sat next to him

« Nate, your father is right. I would have loved to see you with Serena but she chose. It takes years to cure a heartbreak but one day you will wake up and feel fully happy again, have faith » she said.

Nate sighed, he was starting to hate those 2 words.

« may be » and looked at the TV

« ready dad » he asked with a forced smile.

it was better for him to stop talking about Serena. It was hard enough for him, he did not need to listen things like that, specially not today.

...

In the meantime at Serena and Dan's apartment.

when Serena came home last night Dan was sleeping already. She knew that he woke up when she arrived but he did not move or say anything.

She almost did not sleep, she was anxious. Now that she was back here, she felt insecure. She had no plan, no idea about what to do.

Shealso felt awful to have leave Nate's like that. He had been so kind and she did not even thank him. She would talk with him tomorrow at the Spectator.

She woke up early, before Dan. She prepared breakfast, she came in peace so she thought that it would help.

...

when Dan woke up and went to the kitchen he looked at his wife. He was waiting for Serena to talk first, she did. She said that she was sorry to have left like that but she needed to be alone

« alone » laughed Dan

« what does that mean » she said with anger.

Not even 2minutes of conversation and his tone was already a killing one.

« It means that being with Nate Archibald doesn't mean being alone. So did you have fun. Did you try all the rooms of his house and that's why you came home »

« is this really what you think that I slept with him » she asked horrified

Dan rolled his eyes in sign of exasperation

« Serena, you know what, I don't care but I can tell you next time you leave like that I ask for divorce and I will use against you the fact that you left the marital home »

« trying to threaten me, already, I am impressed Dan. Well you know what I should have slept with Nate, I really should have so at least I would have something to feel sorry for and without mentioning the wonderful time that I would have. Nate's in bed compared to you, I would not have come back, believe me » she replied.

She was trying to hurt Dan and apparently it was working.

...

She thought about what she just said and forbid herself to think about things like that. The best sex she ever had, it had been with Nate and as lately not much was happening with Dan it was better to do not think about it.

...

«Serena why did you come back, to fight »he asked

« I came in peace. Dan, I love you, I married you and I really want try to fix things between us. Don't you »

He looked at her and sighed

« I do but Serena, I miss my wife, I don't like this weirdo wild version of you that you are lately »

« and what if this is the real me »

« Serena, I know you and you act like that when you are afraid or having doubts. I know, I have to travel a lot because of my new book but I am doing this for you. I always do » he said with a smile. He took her hand and kissed her plam, just where Nate kissed her. But compare to Nate's kiss, Dan's felt so fake.

Serena closed her eyes, she had to be strong and do not let Dan manipulate her

« yeah your new book, that piece of shit, destroying my closest friends and of course myself and don't start with the refrain, I am sorry but those things happened blablabla. » she replied and took back her hand.

« Dan if we want things to work out, I think we have to clean up the board. I am ready to do it if you are » she affirmed

« my board is clean Serena, yours is the dirty one but I married you and I also want things to work out, so let's clean again» and he gave her a kiss

Serena almost pushed him away, her dirty board. She asked herself if there was really something to fix or if she should listen to Blair and cancel the wedding.

Tomorrow, she would really have to talk with Behata.


	15. Chapter 15

New chapter, thanks for the reviews. I am glad you like the story.

xx

...

Sunday was over, Nate was on his way back to his house. His mother told him that Tammy, an old friend, was in town. She just moved to NYC. She was a lawyer and their parents had been friends forever, actually his father had been the one defending the Captain.

The couples met in the Hamptons many, many years ago when Nate and Tammy were babies. Nate did never really appreciate Tammy, she was too posh and bitchy at the same time for him. Like a bad version of Blair.

Of course, he knew why his mother wanted him to see Tamara. He said that he would invite her for dinner very soon and he would, his mother would do it for him anyway...

May be he could ask Blair and Chuck to come. Tamara and Blair met years ago when he was dating Blair and the two girls got on well. There was a new gourmet restaurant that has just opened, few blocks away, it could be a good idea.

...

It had been a long day, he tried to do not think about Serena but it was hard. He arrived home, took Sherlock for a walk, bought an hot dog so he could go straight to bed even if it was not even 9pm.

He was not tired but he did not want to be alone his this big house. If Winnie would not have been busy reading people's card, he would have asked, again, what she told Serena.

...

He was looking for Van Der Bilt, he could not find him anywhere. He started to worry, may be the cat escaped when he opened the door to leave with Sherlock. He was calling the cat, he had been looking everywhere, even the dog seemed to be looking for his companion.

Nate went upstairs again and saw that the door of the pink room was not totally closed. He gulped before to push the door. Of course, his cat was there. He was convinced that he had closed the door when he left on the morning but apparently Van Der Bilt knew how to open door. Nate closed the door because he did not want to see that room as the image of Serena, her smell was still everywhere in the room.

He walked in and Van Der Bilt was sleeping on Serena's pajama that Nate threw on the bed earlier. Nate sat next to his cat. Van Der Bilt woke up and looked Nate. He started to purr and Nate took the cat in his arms.

«you are missing her too buddy » said a Nate sad

Van Der Bilt lick Nate's face as if he was trying to cheer him up.

Sherlock arrived and jumped on the bed. Nate was now laying in Serena's bed. He took off his shoes and his jeans and looked at the empty room. He took Serena's pajama in his hands and let his head travelled to his dreamy land.

Sherlock was at his right and Van Der Bilt at his left, Nate fall asleep imagining that Serena was here with him too.

...

On the following day,monday.

Columbia University

Serena was not really listening today. She wanted to get out to talk with Behata. She needed to talk with her and get her point of view. Yesterday had been an awkward day, Dan acted as if nothing happened, he actually barely spoke to her after their morning talk. And Serena did not know what to do, she did not want to have this life, it was boring.

She cooked, cleaned her closet and started to write her thesis. This is how she spent her sunday. By coming back she believed that Dan would spend the day talking with her, may be they could have get out for a walk or lunch and talk about their marriage but that did not happen.

And now she was desperately waiting for the class to end.

...

When class ended, she waited for Behata outside. Behata smiled at her and they sat on a bench as they did the week before. It was still warm and sunny outside even if we were in the middle of september it still felt like summer.

They spoke about th pe weather, classes before to start again with Serena's kind of therapy. Behata asked Serena to tell her what had happened in that past week.

«And yesterday, I was home with Dan and it was like if we had nothing to talk about. I was bored and I do not know if he is mad at me or what » finished Serena biting her lips.

« wow, Serena, I am impressed, in a week it is a change at 180 degrees. But you feel ok, don't you »asked Behata concerned

...

Definitely Serena did listen and she started to act as herself but it was just the beginning. Behata did not think that it was actually such an epic case. Last week, when Serena asked for advice, she believed that it was just a bad moment in her marriage but apparently it was way deeper than that, so much deeper than what Behata could have ever imagined.

« I do, I mean, I did what I wanted and I feel great but I do not know what to do with Dan. I love him and I am done fighting but I am blocked now » said Serena who looked really confused

«You could propose him to go out for dinner today or tomorrow or surprised him with new lingery, something to break the ice you know »

«Lingery is a great idea but I am not really in the mood. I don't want to fix things with sex because it doesn't fix anything »

Behata approved and repeated that taking Dan out was the best idea. Serena agreed and they talked for a while about where to go, what to do...

Behata was trying to stay focused on Serena's marriage but if she really wanted to help Serena, she knew that there was not much to fix in this marriage. It was something to fix between Serena's head and heart.

Once that they were done with the first part and when Serena was about to leave, Behata asked Serena why she decided to go to Nate's. She wanted to help Serena, Serena inspired her compassion, a feeling that Serena actually never really did what she want.

« He is my best friend, I needed a place where I knew that I would be safe and free. Nate is always here for me, I don't know what I would do without him and I never feel judged. He listen and gives me advice but he doesn't judge me. I love his house, his cat and his dog, it is like paradise there. » smiled Serena

«Sounds like you did not really wanna leave » noticed Behata

« I did not but everybody was pushing me to go back to my life with Dan and fix my problems with him. Also people are worried that Nate and I could crossed the line and that I could break his heart again, blabla » replied Serena rolling her eyes

«Would you » asked Behata.

Nate was always somewhere around Serena. Behata had the feeling that he might the key of Serena's problem, or the reason of her blockage or both things...

« what break his heart, no and I never wanted that. You know I got my heart broken years ago because I loved him too much and because I was a coward and it pissed me off to see that nobody ever tried to be in my position or asked me what I was feeling. I've always been the bad girl who broke his heart but nobody knows the truth » revealed Serena.

She doubted about letting Behata knows about it. But with Behata she knew that her secrets were in safe hands.

« Not even Nate, you never told him » asked Behata who was trying to keep things simple to do not block Serena

« No and may be it is better like that because I don't feel like explaining my point of view after all those years. I am not sure that he would believe me anyway and I missed opportunities to tell him and telling him now would be too confusing »

« For whom, you or him »

«Maye be both » murmured Serena who could feel Behata's eyes looking inside of her. She felt naked

« Do you still love him, are people right when they think that you could have crossed the line if you would have stay with him »

Serena replied a bit too fast for Behata. Behata saw in Serena's eyes that she was lying.

« Nowadays he is my best friend that's all. People just love talking »

Behata nodded before to add

« You did not reply to my question. But I think it is enough for today » replied Behata. She voluntarily let that question in suspense as she knew that Serena would start to think about it and she had too.

...

Serena looked at her feet, what was she supposed to reply. That she kind of never really stopped to love Nate but her fears to loose him have always passed first and that's why she never gave him another chance. That yes she could have crossed the line, she could not speak for Nate but she knew that yes she could have sleep with him.

Of course, she could not say that and less to someone that she did not really know. She was ok to let Behata knows about past secrets but not those so private thoughts of the moment, for now at least.

Nobody knows about her feelings and her version of the story and Behata was not going to get the privilege to hear that today. It had been enough for today. Serena's old scars were reopened and it hurt.

...

« I love him as what he is my best friend » she finally replied

Behata understood that it was better to do not insist. Serena felt bad for hiw she just reacted and decided to invite Behata for a coffee.

...

On the next morning when Serena arrived at the office, she brought a latte for Nate. She wanted to apologize for leaving like that. She wanted to see him the day before but he had meetings on the morning and she had classes on the afternoon so they did not have time to really talk.

When he arrived, she noticed that he looked tired. She smiled at him and gave him the latte. She said how sorry she was and how bad she felt. He stopped her and said that he understood and knew that she would not stay at his house forever. He was actually worried about her as she left suddenly, he asked if she was ok and if things went well with Dan and it touched her heart to see how preoccupied he was.

« Oh Natie, I am fine, I am sorry that you worried that much. I should have call you but it would have lead to another fight with Dan »

« So how is it gong with Dan, no donuts around so I guess not too bad» said Nate nervous

Serena laughed

« Slow but I am working on it. We are going to go out tomorrow night for dinner. I hope that we will enjoy that moment and that it will help to bury the hatchet » she said smiling

Nate tried to keep his happy face but seeing her smiling like that was killing him. The problem is that she was smiling because of him and not Dan. She was always smiling around him because she feels free and happy.

He said that he had a lot of work and went to his office. Serena observed him, she noticed his sad expression, she bite her lips. It was killing her to see that Nate was unhappy, he was the most adorable man on earth, why was God such a badass sometimes.

...

It was wednesday night. Serena and Dan were going out for dinner with Blair and Chuck. Serena got scared that things could end up in a bad way, if more people were around she knew it would not happen.

She was wearing a sexy orange dress. Dan rolled his eyes when he saw what she was wearing but them he conceded that she looked amazing. She kissed him, a real kiss, the first real once since she came back on saturday night.

She made a reservation at this new gourmet restaurant that the all UES was talking about. Blair and Chuck had tried already and said that it was amazing.

Blair and Chuck arrived before Serena and Dan. Chuck felt bad for Nate as they cancelled dinner with him and that Tammy to go with Serena and Dan. Chuck hated Dan, Blair too but she insisted saying that Nate could handle Tamara alone for a dinner, not Serena.

Blair was still feeling guilty about what Serena told her. She was seeing herself as the vilain of the story for the first time and it sas not really pleasant. Blair was lost in her thoughts when she suddenly heard Nate's voice.

He was in front of them, with Tamara. Chuck and Nate laughed. Ok, that restaurant was really the place to try. As Chuck and Blair canceled they did nit even ask where Nate was thinking to bring Tamara.

When Chuck explained that they were waiting for Serena and Dan and that may be they could get a table for 6, Nate's face changed. His smiled went away. No, no he did not want to see Serena and Dan together. He did not even want to go out tonight so adding this, no it was too much. But it was too late Serena and Dan were coming in and Blair was already asking for a table of 6.

She wanted to see Serena and Nate faces, observed them during the dinner.

Serena's face changed too when she saw that Nate was not alone. She had never met Tamara before but had heard about her. Nate did not appreciate so what was he doing with her. She observed the brunette, detailed her look and felt having a lump in her throat. Why Nate did not tell her about Tamara. They could not be dating, she had been at his house and he did not even mention Tamara.

She tried to convince herself that it was probably another blind date arranged by Anne.

Dinner went well except. Chuk was in front of Nate. Tamara in front of Blair, next to Serena who was in front of Dan. Serena and Nate were in diagonal and Blair in the middle noticed that they were to quiet, observing the other when the the other was not looking...

However, Blair was happy. She knew how to feel better, she had to fix things between Serena and Nate. Without her they would have been together right, so now they would be together thanks to her. Her eyes were shining and Chuck knew that Blair was plotting.


	16. Chapter 16

New chapter

xx

...

At the Spectator

Finally it was friday, Nate was happy to see that week ending. Almost a week since Serena left his house to go back with Dan. He was still thinking about his two options to go on with his life. He was ok to let Serena go for good and accept that she was not gonna be his wife, ther mother of his kids but first he needed to know what Serena was thinking about him. If she still had feelings for him or not. It was consuming him.

He always said that he was ready to give everything he had to read into Serena's minds and that was still true today. It seemed so right when they were together. The few days that she had stayed at his house, it felt so real like a real family and Nate needed to find a way to discover Serena's deepest thoughts about him.

But how could he do that.

...

The day before, when he spoke with Chuck about it, Chuck told him that he should send a message to Serena via her blog and under a fake name. Nate found the idea ridiculous. He was reluctant, what if Serena found out.

« Isn't it what you want » asked Chuck confused

« No, I mean not like that. Chuck, I just need to know if she still has feelings for me, if she ever loved me, if I should wait or resign forever and let this perfect image of the perfect family that I have in my head since I am kid, go away forever. »

«Serena has a blog where people ask for advice about their love lives, do the same. Let's see what she replies, may be it could help you » insisted Chuck

«But Chuck, if I do that how the hell I am going to find out what she thinks, I can't write that it is about her »

«Well she said several times that she writes with her heart on that blog, what do you have to loose »

...

Those words were still in Nate's head. May be he could try, Chuck was right he had nothing to loose. He sighed and closed his computer, happy to leave for the weekend. The only problem about this weekend is that it was the fall brunch at the Palace hotel and Blair had invited Tamara.

Chuck had decided to keep organizing this brunch even if Bart created it. You can threw away everything or you will loose the basis Chuck used to say and Nate found the sentence really appropriated for his own life, except that he was missing some details in the data base...

Speaking of that he got out of his office and saw that Serena was still working hard. He worked with he curtains closed as he did not want anybody to interrupt him this afternoon and he thought that Serena would be gone. It was almost 7pm and it was friday.

He sat in her desk and she raised her eyes from the computer and smiled at him. This smile was killing Nate, always.

« Hey Natie, leaving for the weekend, what are you doing tomorrow and tonight » she asked curious to know his plans

« I am going to Blair and Chuck for dinner tonight but tomorrow no idea, nothing I guess. And you »

« Dinner with Dan tonight, just the two of us at home. I am a bit nervous. » she confessed

« We have been kind of avoiding every conflicted subjects this week, avoinding each other actually, so I am a bit nervous. I hope it won't end up too bad and tomorrow Blair wants to go shopping and sunday brunch »

« Yeah the brunch, see you there then » he said, standing up, ready to leave her office

...

Serena bite her lips, she wanted to ask if he had invited Tamara. Blair told her during their lunch today that Tamara was coming on sunday and Serena felt a hint of jealousy so she acted as if she had not hear Blair.

She asked Nate before he opened the door, he sighed rolling his eyes and said that Blair did.

« But actually, I think I will have to kind of invite her soon, our date the other night ended up being with you, Chuck Blair and Dan so I am going to honore my gentleman title and invite her next week for dinner » he replied with a smile

« It seemed that you like her » said Serena who was not smiling anymore. It was bothering her so much but Nate was single and free to date who he wanted.

Nate was surprised to see Serena's face, she looked upset.

« You know my mum » he said laughing and Serena made an effort to smile.

« Yeah I know. Hum Nate before you go » she wanted to ask him to go out with her on staurday night.

She wanted to have fun and they could go to the Empire.

...

Chuck was having a different groups or DJ's every saturday evening. He hired a designer to create a new atmosphere every week and also a super chief who had to elaborate meals and also cocktails every saturday in accordance with the theme of the day.

The Empire was the place to be on Saturday night, Serena loved to go there but Dan did not really like it. She went almost every week with Nate before to get married and she was missing their Saturday night rendez-vous.

...

Nate looked at her, waiting for Serena to speak

«Come on Serena, spell it or should I get a cup of veritaserum» he joked

She smiled and with an hesitating voice asked him. He could not believe what she said. It was their weekly date before she married Dan, he was missing it. He replied an immediate yes

« See you at 6pm at the Empire tomorrow »he said and he left, happier than he could have imagine when he got out of his office about 15minutes ago.

...

Hotel Empire, saturday evening

When Nate arrived at the Empire, Serena was already at the bar. She was looking fabulous in her pink pastel dress and he wondered how he would manage to do not kiss her or reveal his feelings. He would avoid the cocktails and drink water.

The theme tonight was teenage years which made them laugh. Serena said that those years felt so close and so far at the same time. Nate who was already struggling enough with his feelings thought that it was better to talk about something else.

He asked Serena how her date at home with Dan had been and Serena laughed saying that probably she would be eating donuts on monday.

Nate laughed and just after said that he was sorry that things weren't going well.

« I don't know when they started to go that way, you know I would like to know where is the line that we crossed. It is so frustrating Nate, you can't imagine. I do not know what to do. I am mad at him for so many things and the worst is that I think he keeps seeing me as the responsible for the bad stuff when he should be thankful for all the good things that I've done for him. I helped him, I really did for what being humiliated everytime he has the opportunity to do it » she sighed.

She was very frustrated but at least she was happy to be with Nate tonight. Things were easy with him.

...

She asked why they stopped doing that, it had been their ritual for months but suddenly they stopped.

« Well you get married, I went to LA as I had to fix some stuff with the investors of the LA Spectator. When I came back you were gone in the hamptons and then you left for your honeymoon »

« I've been back for weeks » said Serena who had the feeling that they stopped because she married Dan.

She could not tell Nate that he should have told her to go, it was inappropriate and he could tell her the same things. So she opted for the best line

« We definitely have to go back to our rituals » she said smiling

Nate was smiling but the memories of her wedding with Dan, how bad he had felt when Serena and Dan left for their honeymoon. How stressed he was, still was, about Serena being pregnant. That day would come and he would probably feel like dying that day.

...

Serena called him back to earth and laughed

« In your that perfect country again » she asked

« Nope, not this time. Just stucked in my nightmare, the election coming soon while I haven't found enough partners yet. » lied Nate

It was not really a lie, he had sponsors but no real partners except Chuck, Blair with their respective companies and few more that was all. People said that he would win the election for sure because people were going to vote for him however if he did not have the approval of all the big fishes of NYC and it could be a real problem once he would be the Mayor.

Serena said that she could ask her grandmother to talk about it with her friends at the club country and may be they could arrange a meeting at the Spectator so people could see how he works...

Nate approved, it was a good idea, his grandfather was focused on the big events but he had not think about a private meeting with all those people at the same time.

« I will talk about it with my grandfather but for even if he doesn't approve, I will do it » said Nate

He knew that his grandfather would probably dislike the idea as it could also be a way for people to see Nate's weaknesses. The Spectator was a newspaper not a worldwide famous company...

...

They asked for their table as Serena was starving. Menu was quite simple, theme was teenage years so obviously it was not going to be too elaborated. They were talking about everything, the campaign, her blog, her thesis. The current song was call me may be and the following one was my dirty little secret.

Nate laughed and Serena asked why. He explained her that Blair called Serena Nate's dirty little secret when she learnt that they slept together.

« Whaou, I had no idea, she never told me that » laughed Serena

« But I am not a dirty little secret » she pursued and specially not Nate's.

«You know she was so furious. It had been an hard time for me when you came back. I was still in love with you and it was better to handle my feelings for you without you around » he conceded

Serena asked Nate if he really continued to love her when she was at boarding school. He nodded.

« I tried to call you but you, of course, changed your number, your msn messenger address, everything and I felt so bad at the beginning because I thought that you leftt because of me, because you did not enjoy you know. I had been a mess but then I thought that you left because of Blair and not me, I tried to find excuse but I was thinking about you all the time » he affirmed

« I am sorry you had such an awful time, if it makes you feel better, I did not really have a good time. I kept my badass attitude for a while and then I decided to change, to become a good student... »

« Because of Ben » asked Nate who was really curious to know that. Serena came back to Constance being already a non party girl.

« Kind of, you know Nate, since you, he had been the only man who was not looking at me with dirty thoughts in the eyes. I felt in security with him and you know why I left »

« Yeah better to do not remember that part » said Nate who was definitely looking forward to talk about something different. Obviously it was before opened her mouth again, the revelation he got was priceless.

« I am just sorry for one thing, I wish that it would have been my first time too » she said. It was the right moment to let him know. She could see that it was still painful for him and she had to stop it. She had to let him know part of the truth of that night.

Nate were looking at her, surprised, his eyes were wide opened.

« Really »

She nodded and said yes, really. She explained him that it would have been much better like that and she would like to go back in the past to change it.

« I lost my virginity on the back of a car, and it was not a limo, with a guy that did not even know. » she started

« It had been painful, I cried but the guy was just doing his business, he did not care about me. Georgina took me to a party with students from NYU and Columbia, we had fakes ID. It had been the worst idea ever. » she said with a broken voice

« I went home and took such a long shower. My mum opened the door of the bathroom as I had been stuck in there for a while. She took me out of the shower, saw that I was crying, she took my clothes on the floor and when she saw blood in my underwear, she knew that it was not my period. She did not even hug me Nate, nothing. She asked me to go to bed and on the following day she took me to the doctor. She put me under the contraceptive pill after of course asking for blood check up »

Nate was listening, surprised to fet that confession. Serena was not crying, she did not have tears in her eyes but Nate was seeing the pain in them. He had no idea and felt sorry to gear that. When they asked how she had lost her virgnity she said that she did not remember because she was drunk, everybody believed her, she was kind of always drunk at that time...

And he did not ask because he did not want to know as he wished to have been the first one, and the last...

« So yes I wished that it could have been my first time with you, that day at the wedding because it would have been like in my dreams. »

The only words that came out Nate's mouth were that he thought that she would have wished for Dan not him. She said that she did not wish to have loose her virginity with Dan because it would have been a disaster.

« You know the typical bad first time. Dan was so insecure the first we did it, so I don't want to imagine how it would have been if it would have been the first time for both but with you, I have to say that gosh, you were so passionate. Desire was intense and even if what we did was wrong, I had a wonderful time » she said letting Nate with no word.

« I have no regrets for that part » he said

« me neither but I still feel sorry for leaving like that but it was a question of minutes before Blair arrived and she would have »

« killed us » he finished for her

Here was the truth, Blair was going to kill them, so without Blair Serena would have stayed, that's what he understood. He knew that he could not express any happiness right now but he was happy as somehow, it was giving him hopes. It happened years ago but as he always suspected Serena did not give her version because of Blair. When she came back from boarding school, saving her friendship with Blair was primordial so she lied about a lot of things, Nate always felt it but never got proofs, now he had one.

They spent the rest of the evening talking about the present, it had been intense enough for both.

« See you at the brunch tomorrow » said Serena before to get in the cab. She hugged Nate and surprised Nate with her last words

« Natie, I am really sorry that I've left you alone, I've never wanted that »


	17. Chapter 17

New Chapter

xx

...

Palace hotel, Fall Brunch.

Blair was waiting for Serena and Dan to arrive. She wanted to carefully observed Serena and Nate today. Nate did not really come with Tammy, as she invited her, but still here was Tamara with Nate and Serena was not sure who invited Tamara.

Chuck wanted the best for Nate and Serena, however he knew Blair and how she could overreact sometimes and she was afraid that it could have some collateral damages that Blair had not think about.

He knew that she felt guilty and they talked about it as he was the only one who knew about Nate's real feelings for Serena and what had happened between Serena and Nate. He told Blair that it would probably be better if she stayed in the backyard this time.

At the end, Blair could loose both, they did not get their chance back at that time because of Blair, and because Serena was a coward and Nate was too confused about everything but still, Blair was not the best person to force them to jump in the past and explore it. But Blair was not listening and Chuck decided to keep an eyes on her and her actions and act if needed.

...

Serena and Dan arrived with Cece, they looked more or less happy and when Blair arrived with Tamara, Serena asked where Nate was. Serena detailled Tamara and Tamara did the same. It was intense, looking at each other in silence and Blair was obviously enjoying what she was seeing.

Blair asked what was so urgent and Serena said that it was business and she needed to find him. Tamara said that he was at the bar speaking with some investors.

...

Serena had called her grandmother before to leave for the brunch. Serena explained to Cece the idea that she got to get her help to get the sympathy of the big fishes of the city who were still not totally seeing Nate as the perfect figure to represent NYC.

Cece found the idea generous and really good. She liked Nate and believed that he could be a good Mayor even if he was young, he has the Van Der Bilt blood in his veins. However, Cece did mention to Serena that it would not be easy as Nate got some problems in the past. Serena said that it was only because Bart Bass was blackmailing Nate and using him that's all.

Cece did not reply, she did not want to talk about it by phone and without Nate but she was pretty sure that Bart Bass had not been playing with numbers and that the young Archibald just did it like his father...

Bart Bass could blackmail who ever he wanted but he could not without something big to threaten people.

But she did not mention that to Serena. If Nate hadn't talk about it with Serena, she was not the one who should do it. She knew that they were really closed, too closed for just be seen as friends for many... as if there were some unresolve things between them.

...

Serena was driving Cece around people, they found Nate he was talking with grandfather and some members of Bass industry, included Mr Clark, Alicia's father. Serena wanted to confront him and told him what his daughter told her the past week but Nate was here, she could not.

Also, due to Blair's reaction she was pretty sure that Nate really did something for her and almost lost the Spectator because of it. Nate was the one that she had to confront about it, she will when the time will be right for now it was not. She felt guilty but today was not the day

Serena took Nate's hand and said that she was sorry to steal him but that she really needed him, William Van Der Bilt looked at Serena, his gaze was serious. He was not appreciating that Serena interrupted them in the middle of a very serious conversation and he was geeting upset to see that Nate was still doing everything she wanted.

...

Once they were far enough from the different groups of people, Serena explained again her idea. Cece questioned Nate about his ideas, his projects, the vows that he was missing...

Cece was surprised, Nate seemed so sure about his ideas and so ready to fight for his convictions. She agreed with most of them and said that yes she would help him. William who was still observing them joined them and Cece thought that it was the right moment to ask Serena to go to the bar for something to drink.

William asked what was going on and what was Nate's secrets with the two ladies. Cece briefly resumed Serena's idea and William looked at Nate and Serena. He was apparently not as happy as they were.

Before he spoke Cece told Serena that she was thirsty and wanted a limonade. Serena felt that she was not wanted and looked at her grandmother and Nate, she was confused but did what Cece asked.

...

Once she was gone William said that under any circumstances they would organize a meeting like this. Cece disapproved and started to argue with William. Nate interrupted them.

« Grandfather, it could be good, I do believe it would help »

« Certainly not Nathaniel. » replied William very serious

« William, we both know that Nathaniel learnt a bit too much from his father skills to change numbers but it happened years ago and it came out only because of Bart Bass and we both know that Bart's intentions were really bad.» said Cece

« Nathaniel, I understand your grandfather but as I said, William I think it might be time to think about it and give a chance to Nathaniel to obtain amendment for what he did. I actually do not understand why you haven't done that yet, they are your friends, even more than mine» she continued but William interrupted her

« I think that this situation is quite ironic, you want to help us to win the vows of people who do not trust in my grandson for something he did for your own granddaughter. »

Cece looked at Nate perplexed, raising her eyebrows. William did not let Nate talk.

« About 6 years ago when Serena disappeared again, the Spectator was not going so well because of Diana and Nate had a wonderful As in his pocket but he put it back in his pocket only to save Serena. Actually, he gave that As to someone else only to help Serena. Nate did change few numbers because of that. »

Cece was shocked, she heard rumors but Serena never said anything, obvisouly because Nate never told her anything. It was a pity, Cece hated secrets. People used to think that keeping a secret was good but it was not, there were always consequences...

« Cece, it took me years to clean Nathaniel hands in people's head so sorry if I feel a bit reluctant about an idea coming from Serena. »

« But grandfather » tried Nate who was ashamed, he did not want Cece or anyone related to Serena to know about it. It was his own secret. He did not want Serena to know what he did and specially not now.

« No Nate. The day that you will know how to separate your feelings from business, I will reconsider my position but we both know that when Serena is around your attention is focused on her. Before we got that problem 6 years ago, you also lost investors because you let her do whatever she wanted. She almost ruined your cousin career, his marriage, she won't ruin yours » replied William. His ton was firm, the conversation was over.

Game off thought Nate. He sighed and looked at his grandfather.

...

Cece and Nate were looking at each other. Cece got the answer she had been looking for years, yes Nathaniel Archibald was still in love with her granddaughter. She was in a delicate position now and she did not really know what to reply but she wanted to comfort Nate. He seemed so upset.

« William, I think that we have to let those stories in the past and think about Nathaniel's campaign. Serena only wants to help her best friend and so do I, help Nathaniel. I truly believe that he will be an amazing Mayor and I think everybody should believe that too»

« Cece I appreciate your concern but I know what to do. Now if you want to help, really help, tell your granddaughter that we know she is good with politicians but not doing politics. She better takes care of her husband and marriage than my grandson and his campaign»

Nate left, he had heard enough. Cece tried to retain Nate and she looked at William with anger.

...

« I know that the situation has always been complicated between Serena and Nate but William, I think you are the only one here who is mixing both things. Serena wants to help that's all »

« And I know what is the best to win elections and having a meeting at the Spectator is not a good idea specially if Serena is around. What do you think people think about her. Lily always knows how to save apparences but Serena did not even get that skill. She is beautiful and as all the beautiful ladies, it is her biggest default » said William

Cece and William were still talking about the relationship between their grandsons when Serena came back with a glass of fresh limonade.

Nate had lost enough because of her, are the only words that Serena caught. They stopped talking once they saw her coming back.

She could imagine that she was the her because of whom Nate had lost enough.

« Sorry if I am interrupted » she said when she saw their serious faces.

« Where is Nate » she asked without looking at William.

She felt as if she was 8 years old again, the day that they broke an authentic Tiffany Lamp at the Van Der Bilt townhouse and William found them trying to hide what they have done. William Van Der bilt always inspired respect and authority, too much authority...

« He left darling, I think he had enough of two old people like us, right William » laughed Cece but Serena knew that her grandmother was lying

William nodded, he considered Cece as a good friend so he decided to do not tell Serena what he was really thinking. He liked Serena, he would have purchase her if he would be 20 years younger but there was too many unresolve things between Nate and her and it was a problem and Nate loved her too much. It was a real love, the one that you will have in your veins until the day you die.

Serena said that she would go and look for him then. She did even ask about her idea, it got a red card from William, she could feel it.

...

She found Nate at the bar where they slept together more than 10 years ago. He was alone with a bottle of scotch on the bar and a glass full of the ambar liquid in his right hand.

She observed him for few seconds, she was thinking and looking for the reason why William pronounced those words. She was looking in her memory for something bad that she could have done to Nate but except keeping him locked in this love triangle with Dan and herself, she could not see anything else.

At least nothing bad. She had never done anything bad to Nate. She loved him too much and needs his friendship too much to risk it by playing. She was not Blair, anyway, it did not matter now. William probably turned her idea down and some of Nate's hopes too so for now she was going to comfort him. The rest could wait.


	18. Chapter 18

New chapter

xx

...

Serena walked through Nate, she sat next to him. He did not open his mouth or looked at her. He did not want to see her right now, that feeling will be gone in few minutes but right now he wanted her to leave him alone.

Of course, he knew that it was his own fault if his grandfather refused to help to organize that meeting and not Serena's one but it was painful, painful because he could not tell the pretty blonde the reason why his grandfather said no.

And now that she here, he would have to at least tell her part of the story... praying that she would not ask too much for too many details.

...

« So your grandfather did not like my idea, I guess » started Serena

Nate did not reply, he was looking at the ambar liquid. He knew that he had to explain Serena why his grandfather was so reluctant, he did not want to lie to her but at the same time he did not want her to know the truth.

He sighed and finally looked at her

« No, it is not that. »

« Then what is it » she asked worried

Come on Nate, be a man, he thought

« 6 years ago, almost 7 actually, just after Diana left, I was alone to manage the Spectator, I was young and I did mistakes and the Spectator was not in a very good position when she left. And it got worst Serena. By the end of the summer, I had real money problems and I did not want to ask my grandfather to help me because I could not accept to be just Nathaniel Archibald, the grandson of William Van Der Bilt. I changed numbers because all those people working for couldn't loose their jobs because of me » he confessed

« This is what Bart had against you, this is why you almost went to jail. Nate, I know that what I am going to say sounds surrealist but what you did was noble. You did it not for you, you did it to save the jobs of the persons who are working at the Spectator. It was bad but also very noble. I understand your grandfather's position but I think he should give you a chance. » said Serena who for now could not understand why William seemed so upset

« I am the son of Howard Archibald Serena, this is the problem. For people I just did what my father did, they don't care about the fact that I did not do it for me. I did it that's all that count for them »

« But you are not your father Nate and it is not like you had any other choice, I understand that you did not want to ask money to your grandfather, I really do and for sure if you could get the chance to explain why you did it, they would see that you are not like your father. It was bad but you had no other option »

Nate looked at her, asking himself if he should tell her the truth. It would be better but he had promised himself to do not say a word about his feelings as long as he was not sure about hers.

« I had something to save the Spectator but I lost that opportunity » revealed Nate looking down

« It can happen to all of us. I am sure you did not loose that chance because you wanted. You did not control it and your grandfather should understand »

« No Serena, this is where you are wrong and this is the real reason why my grandfather was so mad at me. I voluntarily lost the opportunity to save the Spectator and I don't consider my choice as a bad one because in that moment, I lost it for something that was more important that the Spectator and my grandfather doesn't share that thought »

Serena was observing Nate. She wanted to ask if she was the reason why Nate had to change numbers, if she was the reason why Nate almost lost the Spectator, took the risk to go to jail for her. But she could not speak.

« Was the other reason really worth it, I mean compare to the possible loss of the Spectator. » she finally asked. She could hear her heart beating so fast.

« Nothing could ever be more important than that. I will never regret my decision» he said looking into her eyes.

She had to reply fast, she could not let him see her trouble.

« Than Nate, you have no reason to feel guilty and your grandfather has no reason to be still mad at you for this. Yes you did a mistake but we all do. You are so noble Nate and those people and your grandfather should have a look at the man that you are. I don't think that many of them can be that proud of the person that they are and how they became that person. »

Serena took Nate's free hand in hers. She wanted him to tell her that she was the reason why he did that. She needed to be sure that she was right. She could not understand why Nate was still hiding it or why he never told her anything before.

Nobody had never done anything like that for her, it was such a powerful gesture. She did not know under which circumstances he did it and what he had in his hands that could have save the Spectator that he finally used for her but Serena saw here a powerful act of love. Real love, pure love when you don't expect anything in return just the best for the loved one.

She thought about everything Dan had done to her, nothing except hurting her and the few times he did something with uninterested thoughts, he always made sure that Serena knew about it.

The fact that Nate was almost not speaking was also a sign for her that she was not wrong. Her heart was still beating so fast, she was pretty sure that Nate could hear it too. What was she supposed to do.

« Nate, I am really serious you know »

« I know and so was my grandfather. I appreciate your help and I loved your idea but I am not going to fight with my grandfather. He is helping me a lot, I know I have his support, always and I will respect his choice. I will try to meet most of those persons before the elections anyway. »

Serena knew that they were done with that subject. Nate was not going to tell her that she was the reason why he did it. May be she was not at the end. Who knows...

May be she just wanted to be the reason why he almost lost the Spectator. May be she just needed to know that someone loved her that much, that it was possible for her to be loved for real.

Be loved was an issue for Serena, she needed to feel that she was loved however once it was too much, she got scared and runaway or destroyed it, pretty much what she did with Nate when they tried to be together years ago. She was scared to involve herself too much and to be hurt after, hurt and alone.

With Dan it was different, if they ever split up, she knew that she could go ahead, Dan and her had not much in common.

She bite her lips, what was she thinking. Dan was her husband and the one who should be ready to do something like that and she should not be here having doubts about her own choices.

...

She shocked her head and took Nate's glass and drunk the scotch. Nate looked at her and laughed

« If you were thirsty you just had to ask » he said laughing louder

« I just need energy to go back there. My plan did not work, I feel bad so this is going to help me »

« Now I do think that you are right to pick up donuts when you are mad Serena » he joked

« See sugar is actually a good option. I will become fat for sure but who cares » and they laughed

...

Dan who was looking for his wife for a while now, heard her laugh and Nate's one of course. He opened the door and saw the two of them laughing so much.

There was a bottle of scotch and only one glass. Nate's hand were in Serena's right hand, the glass in her left hand. They were so closed, her long hair falling in waves on their backs. It was like the image of just one body with two heads, thought Dan.

He observed them, Serena was never like that with him, never was he. He always thought that there was a strong link between Serena and Nate but he knew that for some reason Serena never truly wanted to see it. He knew that Nate was still in love with his wife and probably always would be and Dan wondered if they would always be trapped in this love triangle.

He looked at the bar, he had sex with her there because Serena wanted to hurt Blair, she also had sex with Nate here but not because she wanted to hurt Blair...

It took him years to realize that Serena and Nate were actually in love with each other back at that time and what happened here more than 10 yeras ago had not been a mistake done because of the alcohol. The alcohol only gave them the power to forget about Blair and lost their inhibitions to be together.

Dan was thankful for the fact that only Nate was virgin because if Serena would have lost her virginity too that day, Dan knew that this link between them would be so strong that it would have change the final of the love triangle.

He did fall in love with Serena but he was pretty sure that Nate's love was more powerful than his and Serena did not want to see it which was good for him as for once he got something that Nate did not, he got the girl, the it girl of the UES, of the city.

...

Blair and Tamara found Dan and Blair asked what he was doing and who was there.

Dan laughed and asked Blair

« who do you think is inside, pretty essy to guess Bass »

Blair pushed the door, for a minute the thought that she would push the door and jumped in the past, finding Serena and Nate doing it but no, they were just laughing.

Blair said that they had been looking for them for a while now. That Chuck was about to talk and they should come to hear him. Nate and Serena looked at each other, for Nate it was time to connect with reality after this moment locked in his perfect world with Serena. For Serena it was time to forget about came to her minds and focused again on what was important, fixing her marriage with Dan.

...

Nate left earlier than the rest of the group, letting Tamara alone with his friends. Serena got a clear answer, no he did not invite Tamar and she felt better. She was not jealous, of course not, she just did not like that girl for Nate.

When Serena and Dan went home, they spend a lovely evening with no fight until Cece called Serena and Serena mentioned their conversation. When she put the phone on the table and looked at Dan, she noticed that he was mad. She did not want to fight, so she said that she was going to sleep.

Dan took her arm

«you are not going to bed until you till me what the hell do you always need to put your nose in Nate's stuff. I think Nate is pold enough to know what to do and he doesn't need your help Serena. »

« he is my best friend and I want to help him »

« then do what Blair and Chuck do, invest in his company, invets in his campaign but I would be grateful if you could not involve yourself that much with him. »

« Dan, I am starting to get mad, your jealousy is driving me crazy. He is my best friend and I care about him a lot and I will do whatever I want, you are no one to tell me what to do or not and now if you excuse me I am going to bed. And I am the one who would grateful if you could just try to do not look for a fight all the time. We were having a nice moment ss se haven't in weeks and you ruined it Dan. » and she left him alone

He followed her to their room

« Serena, open your eyes, Nate is still in love with you, how many times do I have to tell you that. And I don't like to see you with him that often, work is more than enough but you are always with him »

«So you don't trust me » asked Serena who looked at her husband in the eyes

« I have many reasons for that » he said

She took her pillow, her pajama and a blanket and said that she was going to sleep on the couch.

« Good night » she said very upset


	19. Chapter 19

new chapter

xx

...

Serena left home really early on that monday morning. She was not mad at Dan anymore, she was mad at herself for thinking that it would be that easy to fix things with Dan. She was actually really started to think that may be there was nothing to fix. Some people said that love was not enough and it sounds right.

She loved Dan but lately she was wondering if it was real love and if he loves her that much, if she loves him enough to put up with Dan again and again. She tried to be the perfect wife, the perfect woman that Dan wanted but clearly she was not and she was feeling good by acting as she really wanted but it was making things worst with Dan.

Dan helped her to start over 3 times, after coming back to NYC at the beginning of their junior year, after Steven's chapter to give it a name and finally when she came back from Brown to NYC. It seemed so real when they started to see each other again, to date again as if they belonged together but it looks like it was not meant to last.

She was sad to think about it. She only wanted to be happy but she was not. They broke up in the past because of who she was or what he had done to her and now it was just a mix of both things. They could hurt each other so much if they did not find a way to end up this sort of war of power.

...

She was reading and answering people's question on her blog. It was funny that she could help people so easily but was not able to fix her owns. May be because there was nothing to fix, only something to end, Blair told her fee times.

She sighed and looked at people arriving and starting to work. She thought about what Nate did and that those people could have loose their jobs because of her. Thanks god it did not happen.

She was eating a croissant when Nate arrived and she laughed when she saw his face.

« Yes croissant, I am getting tired of donuts and no don't ask » she said with a smile and they laughed

She asked him why he left so early the day before, he answered that he was just tired. She bite her lips, it was bothering her so much to see that Nate was lying to her because of her actually. He must have his reasons to do not say a word about it but she wanted to know so badly if he really did that for her.

Your ego is so big that it doesn't fit in the map, this is what Dan would say for sure. He did tell her that once but she was sure that she was right.

...

The day passed as always, a monday. She met Behata but it did not give many strenghts this time. Behata was insisting on the fact that Serena had to continue to act as herself and see if things could work or not with Dan. Serena knew that already and had no clue about what to do.

She did not want to go home yet so she stopped by the Spectator. She could answer few mails and helped few persons with their love lives. Nate was in a meeting with Chuck, the curtains were closed which made her laugh. Chuck loved to force Nate to close the curtains when they had a meeting because he knew that everybody would try to know what was going on inside.

If only he knew that some people here were joking, saying that may be there was something between Chuck and Nate, Chuck would probably let the curtains open or not.

She could not stop laughing. She tried to focus on her work and then thought about her idea again. She decided that she would go to see William Van Der Bilt tomorrow and convinced him to organize that meeting for Nate.

...

It was almost 7pm when Chuck left Nate's office. Serena was still working, she did send a text to Dan to tell him that she would be home around 8pm. He did not answer back but at least he knows thought Serena. Chuck stopped at her office and they spoke few minutes. He was surprised to see her that late here.

Serena said she had a lot of work and also her curiosity made her stay. She wanted to know what they were talking about. Chuck laughed and said that just business, money, uninterested things.

Nate showed up

« Nathaniel please tell my sister that we were only talking business »

Nate looked at both and for some reason he blushed. Serena frowned, why was he blushing.

« Yeah business, what are you doing here so late again. » he asked still red

Serena repeated that she had a lot of work.

« Well sis, happy to see that your blog is going better than your marriage, Nathaniel, see you tomorrow. » and he left

Serena rolled her eyes while Nate was looking at his feet. Once Chuck was gone Serena asked him why he was so weird.

« Nothing, we were just talking business and you know Chuck and the ideas he gets sometimes. So please let the Blair Waldorf's radar away. No need to use it. » he joked

She laughed and he said that he was leaving and she should do the same.

« Come on the Spectator is closing doors for today. » he said coming behind her and turned off her computer while she was opening an email.

« Nate, I was opening a new mail that I just got. It looked so interesting, PrinceCharming91 wants to know if he had lost his queen forever. It sounds so romantic, I wanted to open that. »

« well you will tomorrow. Come on let's get out of here, you have worked enough for today and this is your boss who is speaking now. »

She looked at him and finally stood up, took her purse and followed Nate to the elevator. She would just open that message once she would be home.

...

When she arrived home, she was surprised to see that Dan had been waiting for her to have dinner. He ordered Thai and seemed to be in a good mood.

They talked about their day while eating and then Dan said that it's been more than 3 weeks since the last time they had sex. Serena looked at him confused. She asked him what does that mean, if she was supposed to take off her clothes now and just go to the couch or bed.

« I am not in the mood for this Dan and if this is what you wanted you should just have told me instead of ordering the food that I like. Not because we are married means that you can force me. »

« No Serena, stop, what I meant is that we have a problem Serena. A real one and I just want to fix things. »

« So would I, but it seems that you are looking for a fight all the time. » she replied very serious

« I just want to have my wife back. »

« I am here Dan, I am not gone. I tried so hard to be the perfect wife but it was enough and I am just being me now. »

Dan sighed, this is what he was afraid of, having Serena in front of him.

« You asked me the same thing when Georgina came back during our Junior year,we talked about, this is just me being me. » she insisted trying to do not loose in front of Dan. She had to be strong, she could do it.

« And we broke up because of it too. Serena, if we want things to go ahead, we have to make efforts both of us. So please grow up . »

« It seems that there is only one person for you who have to make efforts and it's me. Dan you are not Mr perfect and if you think that I am acting as a child well I don't know what to say. I feel so confused because you are the one who is asking where am I but I should be the one asking this question. Where the Dan that I fall in love with because he seemed to be long gone. » replied a now sad Serena

« Let's accept that we have changed. » he replied as the conversation was not taking the way that he wished

« I think I did, if I hadn't I would not be here. Have you realized how you have been treating me. You humiliated me so many times and it seems that you are enjoying it. » she said

« Serena, do you still love me. »

« How can you ask me that. »

« It is not an answer. I still do Serena and I want us to be happy believe me. » he answered but did not convince Serena at all

« But »

« But it is going to take time and I have to be sure that you are all in. » he insisted on that point

« I can't believe it. It surrealist, so you are the one asking me that why because now I am not doing what you want, I am telling what I really think. It doesn't mean that I am not all in and it sounds like a joke and going that way we aren't going anywhere, except into the wall and to the divorce. » she said leaving the room

He tried to retain her but she pushed him away and locked herself in the bathroom.

...

She took a bath and went to bed. Dan was reading in the bed. He said that he was sorry but Serena did not really believe him. She said she wanted to sleep and asked to go to the living room to read. He kissed her cheek and said what she asked him.

« Good night and I am sorry, I really am. »

« Good night Dan. » she turned off the lights, took her phone to active the silence mode. She saw the mail in the box, she had almost forgot about it. She opened it, she was not going to reply now but she wanted to read it before to go to bed.

 _Dear Serena. I've been in love with the most amazing woman on earth for my entire life but I think it is may be time for me to move on and accept that she is not going to be my forever and ever. Yes, she is with another man. You are probably thinking why I need your help then as it looks all settled but I do because I want to be sure that she has no feelings for me anymore before to accept the situation and look ahead. And no, I can't tell her, I want proofs and I don't know how to get them. I just want to know that she doesn't love me anymore so I can move on, I won't love anybody as I love her but I can't wait forever. I wished that she still has feelings for me so I can get an excuse to wait for her forever. I could spend my life waiting. I am ready to go to war for her but I need to be sure first. Princecharming91  
_

Serena read 3 times the message. It was so deep. She could feel the love in his words, how much he was suffering and she wondered if the girl was just stupid or may be blind to do not see it and how could she be with someone else with a man who was so in love with her. She sighed and thought that some people were really not good at choosing with whom they should be, herself included.

She thought about Nate and wondered why he was not dating anyone. Since Sarah broke up with him last december, he had not been dating anyone and she could not understand why. Nate was kind of the perfect guy. She would go to the Van Der Bilt's townhouse tomorrow and prove to William that her idea was good and that it would help Nate. She would not give up, Nate had never give up on her when he had so many reasons to do it.


	20. Chapter 20

new chapter

xx

...

Serena woke up early that morning. She chose a lovely floral dress, with no low cut neckline and not too short either. If she wanted to convince William Van Der Bilt, she had to be careful with every details. She did not want to wake up Dan, who slept on the couch, she dressed up and left.

It was hard for her to see how her marriage with Dan was falling apart. She could feel already that the end was closer day after day. She did not know when it started to feel wrong or what had happened. She had doubts before to marry Dan but she thought that it was normal, that all the brides had doubts before the day D. May be, they should have take more times instead of organizing a wedding in 6 months and then she sighed because she knew that the problem had nothing to do with that.

The problem is that Dan and her had been on/off for years and it kind of never really worked out, it was stupid to think that by marrying Dan things would get better. She was actually about to break up with Dan last year, a bit before Christmas as she had the feeling that their relationship was not going anywnere and one day she would wake up thinking, what a waste of time and 9 months later, here she was. The problem is that she did not break up with him, she married him and that's why she felt so lost now.

...

She asked the driver to stop in front of the MET, she needed to walk a bit to organize her ideas. The VDB townhouse was on the 82nd street and the 83rd street.

She rang the bell of the spectacular VDB's townhouse. Nate's house, was the former William VDB's townhouse but then 30 years ago, when Anne married the Captain, he gave the house to her daughter and bought that one. Serena always felt so small in this house, it was so huge, 6 floors a garden, a rooftop... The essence of the power of the VDB family was everywhere.

An house where you could spend a week without even going out. When they were kids and she believed that she would marry Nate, they always believed that one day it would be their house and that they would have so many places to play at hide and seek. She smiled, that were nice memories.

...

The maid asked Serena to wait in the little living room, which was obviously bigger than some appartments in NYC. William VDB was surprised to see Serena. He felt that it has something to do with what happened at the Brunch 2 days before and he was not sure what Serena wanted to talk about, conversation was over, nothing to add on his side.

He joined Serena and asked her to follow him to the dinning room of the 1st floor. He asked if she had breakfast, she said that no she did not but that it was fine she would just buy something before to go to the Spectator.

« I did not come to have breakfast Mr VDB »

William looked at her and laughed

« I can imagine that but better to speak with something in our stomachs. » he said wth a smile, she smiled back

« So Serena, what brings you here » he asked looking into her eyes

The maid broughts muffins, fruits, tea and coffee then she closed the doors of the room and let Serena and William alone. Serena felt a bit intimidated but she could not, her mother had been married to Bart Bass, the devil in person, she had been living with Bart Bass so no William VDB could not be intimidating her and Blair Waldorf was her best friend and Chuck Bass her step brother...

She took a deep breath and started to explain her idea again, insisting on why it would be positive for Nate. She also insisted a lot on the fact that it was time for people to stop judging Nate because of The Captain's behaviors. Nate was different, he was not his father, he was so kind and always thinking about the others. She did such a nice portrait of Nate that William was impressed, may be he had judged her too fast. He always thought that she liked to use men, like her mother, and that this is what she was doing it with Nate too but apparently he was wrong.

Nate was in love with the beautiful woman but probably Serena still has some feelings for Nate too which let William reflective.

...

Finally after an hour talking about her idea, William finally agreed that it could be a good idea and they agreed on terms. Serena said that she did not want Nate to know that she came here and plaid the cause. William was surprised and he asked her why.

« Well, he does have secrets for me but I bet that secrets are not bad if it is to protect the people that you love. » she replied

William smiled and agreed. They talked a bit more about her life and her marriage. William was curious to know why she married Dan as definitely with what he just heard, he could say that her heart was conflicted, even if he did not mention that part.

« Actually, I don't know, I am bit confused now. I said yes because of the emotions of the moment but I don't know if I did the right choice. »

William told her that sometimes it was complicated to really understand what our heart felt and that getting a symbiosis between heart and mind was difficult.

«Open your eyes Serena, look around, may be the answer you are looking for are just in front of you. » he said with a smile

She smiled and thanked him for the advice. She finished her muffin and left the house. William said that he would organize for next friday and wished her a nice day.

...

When she arrived at the office, Winnie was waiting for the elevator with a shopping trolley full to the brim.

Serena asked what she was doing here and Winnie explained that Nate had no time to do his groceries and she simply proposed to help, Nate accepted with one condition, paying her.

« The money that he offered me to go to Whole food is, well I could not say no. If I would be 30 years younger and looking, well a bit more like you I would go for this man. Gosh Serena, Nate is such a sweetheart. » said the black woman with a big smile on her face

Serena nodded and laughed. They were now in the elevator and Serena could not stop laughing. She did not know what to think about the comment, if I was looking a bit more like you, she wondered if Nate talked to Winnie about her and she bite her lips.

...

Nate was in his office working, he smiled when he saw the two women.

Winnie gave him a box with his lunch for today and also a pack of different teas

«Look who is here, oh Winnie thank you so much you saved by ass, my fridge was empty. »

« Don't worry Nate, now I just hope that the neigboors won't think that I am trying to steale something when they will see that I am getting inside of your house. » replied Winnie

Nate laughed and said that she has nothing to worry about.

«Actually just be careful with Van Der Bilt, I don't want him to escape. Thanks a lot again and see you later with Sherlock. »

Serena asked why Sherlock and Nate said that he aslo asked Winnie to bring Sherlock here on the afternoon as he has to bring him to the vet after work.

« I am going to become Nate's personal assistant » joked Winnie who was opening the door to leave

Nate and Serena laughed.

...

Winnie left them alone and Nate asked where she had been.

« It is almost 11am Serena, where have you been. I know that I let you flexibility but I wondered where you were as you always tell me when you are not coming. I was just worried. »

Serena smiled and told him that she had a fight with Dan and that she needed to be alone this morning. She said that she went for a walk at Central Park. Nate took her hands and said that he was sorry that things were not working with Dan

« I hope to see you happy soon Serena. » he said concerned which touched Serena.

She smiled and hugged him

« I am happy here Nate, thanks for being here always. » she murmured in his ear, he closed his eyes and kissed her neck.

Thanks god the workers of the Spectator were used to see them like that as today Nate had not closed his curtains.

...

On the afternoon William and Anne came at The Spectator. Nate was surprised to see them, he asked if something had happened and William said that actually he had been thinking about Serena's idea and he was in. Nate frowned and asked what made him change his opinion about it.

William looked by the cristal, Serena was talking with few of her co workers and William said

«You can be grateful to have her in your life Nate. She came this morning, she convinced me but do not tell her that I told you. She made me promised that I would not do that. She cares about you Nate, a lot, actually may be more than what you think and definitely more than what I thought. »

Nate was surprised but happy, he looked at his mother

« And for me, I had been thinking about what you told me the other day about having her in our circle of socialites, well why not. We have to start to work on Cotillion and of course I will tell that the idea came from Lily and Cece and not from you. If you think that it will help her to feel better then let's try. Nate don't close your heart, if you love her tell her. » said Anne

Nate said how surprised he was to see that they had changed their opinions. Anne replied that they always loved Serena they were just not sure about her feelings.

Nate sighed

« She is married mum »

« For what she told, she regrets, she even regrets to have said yes to Dan's proposal, I have my thoughts about why she did but it is not the place to talk about it. » affirmed William

They spoke for few minutes and then they left. Nate was still looking at Serena talking and working with her colleagues. What should he do. He then remembered about Prince Charming91, did Serena reply. She had not say anything about it today which was weird as she looked so excited to read that mail yesterday before to leave.

He checked his mails and saw that yes she did reply, the post was already on her blog with the answer.

Make her jealous, try, if she gets jealous you know she still has feelings for yo, that was her answer, brief but firm.

How could he try to make her jealous. He looked at the CV which were on his desk. He was looking for new reporters and Sage applied. He wanted to drop her candidature, at the beginning, he did not really want to see the young woman around. She had been behind him for almost a year after they broke up, after he broke up with her.

May be he could just ask her to come for an interview and offer her a job in LA if she deserved it but with just an iterview it would probably not be enough to see if Serena was jealous or not, plus Serena was never coming at any define schedule, she was just coming, then leaving to Columbia or the contrary.

He could ask Sage if she could come on thursday, the day that he was planning to do the interviews so he could try to schedule Sage's interview when Serena would be at the office for sure.

He called Chuck and asked what he was thinking, Chuck approved.

...

Here we were on thursday morning. Nate was a bit nervous, he was not sure that his plan was going to work at the end Serena had many reasons to hate Sage but Chuck told Nate that no Serena had no reason anymore, if she had it would mean that Serena was still having feelings for Stevens, which was ridiculous and it was but Nate knew that Serena could still have rancor.

Serena was working already, it was 9am, Sage was supposed to come at 10.30am. It was going to be explosive and effectively when Serena saw Sage, she jumped out of her chair and asked to the brunette what she was doing here.

« Good morning Serena, I can see that you kept a special place for me in your heart. I am here because I have an interview with Nate for the job, the reporter. »

« You a reporter, I thought you were just a bitch full time. »said Serena with irony

« Serena I was in high school, I think it is time for you to get over it. »

« I am over it but I won't let Nate hire you. You are venenous for him and we don't need you around. »

Nate opened his door just in that moment. Actually he had been waiting behind the door, to hear Serena's reaction. He looked at the two women who were arguing, at least he got a point Serena did not want to see Sage, was it jealousy he was not sure.

He asked the girls to calm down and asked Sage to wait for him in his office.

« Seriously Nate, Sage » asked Serena very serious

« Serena, it was 6 years ago, more than 6 years ago actually, she is now diplomed from Yale. I have to play fair and see may be she could be an amazing reporter for LA or NYC and she has a boyfriend. »

« Please Nate, don't do that, she is like a venenous snake, like the worst version of Blair and Georgina in the same body and I don't want her to be around you. I am sure that she is still not over you. Don't forget that she had been chasing you for almost a year after you broke up with her. It is not a good idea. » she insisted

« Serena, let me deal with it please. »

Serena sighed and went back to work and looked at Nate closing the door behind him.

...

Serena could not focus on her mails while Nate was with Sage. It's been almost 30min already, Serena was wondering what was taking so long. It had been shorter with the rest of the persons, 15min, 20min max.

She looked around and tried to forget about Sage and Nate, she looked in front of her just when the door of her office opened.

She could not believe who was in front of her and the presence of that person bothered her even more than Sage. She looked at the woman who was smiling at her and she tried to smiled her back but she could not. What the hell was Sarah doing here.

« Serena, hey how are you. » asked Sarah with her Californian accent

Serena was looking at Sarah, wide opened eyes.

« Sarah, what a surprise. » she replied

And obviously to make it better this is just when Nate opened the door, he was surprised as Serena was to see his ex fiancee here but contrary to Serena, he was happy. Yes, they broke up but they stayed in good terms and Sarah was one the only, with Chuck, who knew about Nate's actions and feelings for Serena. She did break up with Nate because she understood that he was still in love with Serena.

« Sarah, oh my gosh, what are you doing. Why did you not call me, I would have send a driver for you. » he said opening his arms to reveive her

They hugged each other, a bit too much for Serena. Sage was still here and Serena asked her to leave

« You are done with your interview, no, so goodbye Sage. »

« Go to hell Serena. » replied the young woman before to leave

Sarah asked what was going and Nate briefly explained the situation

« And you won't hire her Nate, you just can't. » replied Serena

Sarah looked at Serena, it was time to play. At the end, she lost Nate because of Serena, so she had the right to play a little bit

« Serena, unless I am not aware of the last moves here as far as I know this is Nate's newspaper, not yours and he is free to hire who he wants, either you like this person or not. »

« Nate, are you let her talk to me like that. » said Serena as a little girl who was waiting for protection

Sarah was about to reply but Nate cut off

« Ladies, please. Serena, please it is enough for today. » replied Nate as if he was pissed

Serena was furious, she walked towards her chair and sit down without even looking at them.

Nate invited Sarah to come inside of his office, he closed the door behind him and sighed but inside he was smiling, yes serena was jealous

note. Sarah is Margot Robbie. I needed someone as hot as Blake


	21. Chapter 21

New chapter

xx

...

Serena was trying to hear the conversation between Nate and sarah but she could not hear anything except the noise of sarah's laugh. It was bothering her so much, Nate was hers and because of the presence of Sarah here she realized that she could one day loose Nate, not loosing him in a way that she could loose his friendship but in a way that she would not be his the one with whom he shares everything first and that idea was not making her happy.

Serena was the one who had the right to be with Nate, in his office, laughing, the one that Nate will always defend in front of everybody, the one that, that would do everything for her... he was just the one.

Nate dated Sarah when he lived in LA so serena never really got that feeling before but now seeing them together, even if it had been just 5minutes but Serena saw Nate's eyes, his smile. A look and a smile that she thought that were only for her and she was wrong.

She took her purse and left, she needed fresh air.

...

In the meantime in Nate's office

Sarah did sit on Nate's desk as she used to when they were dating. It was strange for Nate to see Sarah but he was happy. She was an amazing woman, he could have married her for sure if he was not that much in love with Serena.

« So what's bring you here, you could have call me, I would have send a driver for you. »

« I know but I did not want to bother you and I also wanted to surprise you, see how you are doing in special project. » she joked pointing the door and Serena's office.

Nate laughed

«As far as I can, she seems not that happy to see me which is a good point Nate and I am here because of her husband and the wonderful chapter he wrote that I need to make him change. » said Sarah, her smile was gone

« Oh gosh, another chapter. » sweared Nate

«Yes, we got a new deal with Vanity Fair for a lot of money, 3 chapters, one each month until december but I can't let him publish the one he sent me yesterday so I jumped on the plane and here I am. I need to fix it before our main office in Chicago got the chapter. »

« Is it that bad. » asked Nate worried. He knew Sarah and she was really annoyed.

« Yes », she took an envelop out of her bag and gave it to Nate.

« OMG, I can't believe it, what's wrong with him. » Screamed Nate just by seeing the name of the chapter

« Well Nate, he is right, the only thing is that I can't let him published that because it will be bad for you and the elecions are so closed now, I just can't let him do it. I will ask him to go for another chapter. » explained Sarah

« Why does the man always need to write about us. » sighed Nate

«Because it works Nate. But I will fix it, no worries. So how is it going with Serena. » she asked to talk about something lighter

He explained her the last things that occured, Sarah was listening with attention and made few comments.

« Wow Nate, it looks interested, too bad that she seemed to realize that you are in the picture now that she is married. »

« Do you think I should fight or what. » he asked. It was so unreal for him to be talking about this with his ex fiance who broke up with him because of Serena

« I think that the idea of Princecharming91 is a bit highschool and Cyrano de Bergerac at the same time but who knows it could help, not you but her to realize things. She might realize that what she is writting is actually what is happening to her but I do think that at some point she will understand that you are princecharming91 and that's why may be it would be good for you to do not make it last for too long. »

« Actually, I am worried to be discovered before the end of the week. And now what, after what happened, what am I supposed to write, yes she was jealous so what is the next step. » he said sarcastic

« Tell her how you feel Nate, I am pretty sure that she still loves you but she is too blind to see it or scared, for some reason I actually believed that it could be fears what stop her. »

« It is not a good moment now to tell her. » affirmed Nate

« I agree but do you think that there will be a good moment, may be you should create the perfect moment. »

« You know you are amazing Sarah, you should hate me but no, you are helping me, what would I do without you. »

he took her hands and kissed one of them. She smiled, Nate was so kind

« I want you to be happy Nate, too bad that it can't be with me but I just want happiness for you, the real one, you deserve it. »

«Someone I know told me to have faith and I am trying. But let's talk about something ok. Do you wanna go for lunch. » he asked and he got a big smile for answer.

...

They met Chuck and Blair at the elevator. They were surprised but pleased to see Sarah.

« Ok, so your presence might justify why Serena was leaving the building almost running. » laughed Chuck

« I guess so » murmured Sarah

« Do you mind if we join ou for lunch or do you want to have some free time. » asked Chuck

« Oh no, it's ok, come with us. » said Sarah smiling

They left talking about LA, about her life and also Baby Bass number 2 and Henry... Sarah was a very smart woman and easy going, it was Chuck and Blair, choice number 2 as the future Mrs Archibald but the number one was Serena and she would always be.

...

At the restaurant they saw Serena who was waiting for a table. Once she saw them, she sighed and decided to leave. Chuck stopped her and Blair asked why she was leaving

«You could join us. »said Sarah

Serena looked at Sarah and laughed

« I am sorry, are we friend, I don't think so. » she replied and then she turned to Nate

«You should not be seeing her, she broke your heart, she broke up with you when you were about to ask her to marry you. » she added looking at Sarah drom head to toes.

They all looked at Serena confused, except Sarah who was laughing

« I am sorry Serena, I never broke his heart, your are the specialist for this because you did what 7 times more or less and Nate never thought about proposing to me. »

« I never broke his heart and of course he told you that he was not going to propose to you because you broke up with him, I saw him when he came back from LA, how destroyed he was. » replied a now angry Serena

The fact that Sarah was still laughing was not helping Serena to calm down.

Sarah face got serious again and she looked at Serena with the same face that Serena was giving her.

« He was not destroyed because of me Serena, come on open your eyes for once in a lifetime. Nate and I broke up because it was not working and if he was destroyed it was not because of me. » affirmed Sarah

Serena was choked, was Sarah saying that she was the reason why Nate why destroyed, but it did not make sense to her. Why would Nate had been destroyed because of her. She did nothing to him, back at that time he was living in LA and she was living in NYC with Dan.

Nate came back for Christmas when Dan proposed to Serena, the Sarah broke up with Nate and he came back, she was sure that she had nothing to do with Nate sadness unless he was sad because she said yes to Dan's proposal. But still would he get mad it is not like if he was still in love with her.

Serena looked at Nate confused

« I never said I wanted to propose, it was just gossip. » finished Nate

« I am sorry I have to go. » replied Serena leaving, ashamed and confused

...

On the afternoon Serena went to Columbia and went to see Cece before to go home. She did not want to pass by the Spectator. She was afraid to see Sarah and also Nate. She had been as a bitch with no valid reason. She thought about the 7 times that she broke Nate's heart, she was looking for those moments and obvioulsy she could not count 7, not even 5 which meant that she had been hurting Nate many times and she did not even knew it, she did not even think about it and it made her feel so bad.

...

On the following day when Serena arrived at the office, Nate was there already. She came into his office and said how sorry she was. Nate asked for what was she sorry for

« I guess for everything Natie. I am sorry if I hurt you. I feel so bad and I am sorry I had been talking to Sarah like that but it just, just thought about you and as I was wrong about everything I said things that I should not have. »

« Serena, it is ok, Sarah took out her bitch side too. »

«Yeah but you got the collateral damages. Nate did I break your heart 7 times. »

« I did not count Serena but sure it was not only once. » said Nate with a sad look

« I am sorry Nate. I've never meant to hurt you. » she said with a broken voice


	22. Chapter 22

New chapter

for Serenatefan, yes she will but it will take times for Nate to believe it. She will have to confess more than one or two times.

thanks for reading

xx

...

At the Spectator

Serena and Nate spoke for few more minutes before to be interrupted by his secretary. He still had few people to interviews for the jobs before to decide who is was going to hire.

Nate answered Serena. He told Serena that yes she broke his heart many times and he knew that she never tried to hurt him but still. He noticed that Serena was very sensitive so he preferred to do not give too much details.

Justin Bieber song, friends was on air and he stood up and imitated the moonwalk that the singer was doing on the video. He looked at Serena and said

« Doesn't have to end and if it ends, we will always be friends, always. » he smiled

Serena laughed

« Nice version of the song. » she replied

She was still laughing but Nate's words had just produced something big into her, we will always be friends. Those words were the explanation of why she did never give a chance to Nate, a real chance, she needed him to be her friend forever. But the words that Nate said were different, as in the song, he said, and if it ends, we will be always be friends. As if no matter what they will be friends.

They had been through a lot and Nate was still here for her, why would it be different, why had she been so afraid of loosing his friendship. Nate deserved another chance, she should have give him another one but now it was too late, she thought and she felt broken.

For Nate, it was a way to tell that, one more time, she can count on him always, that he will always be here for her no matter what.

...

He sat on his chair and Serena got serious.

She asked with whom he was going to the Constance Billard 10 years reunion, which was on the evening. He said that he did not know yet may be alone or may be with Tamara.

« Tamara, Sage, Sarah and all the single ladies here in NYC, all for you Natie » joked Serena before to go back to her office

however, he noticed that ger facial expression was just a poker face. It was definitely bothering her too see all those ladies around him.

He opened his computer and sent an email to Serena's blog via his pseudonym

 _Dear Serena, My friends and I think that yes she got jealous so what's next. Princecharming91_

He clicked send and closed his laptop as Donna, his secretary was letting in the first person for the interview.

...

Chuck came around noon with Blair as usual. Blair and Serena left while Chuck and Nate were still in Nate's office talking. Nate was confused Serena answered to princeharming91 that he could not think that the person he loved got jealous just after one day. She wrote that he must continue on this road until the girl he loves break down and admit she is jelaous.

Chuck laughed and agreed, Serena was right.

« Look Chuck seriously, I am not sur sure about this princechraming story. She is goung to find out that it is me and I will look like an idiot. »

« Hum, well who is gonna be your date tonight. Too bad that Sarah left because she would have been so perfect. » replied Chuck with a smile

«How do you know that she left. »

Chuck explained that he had to talk business with her, by business he means Dan's new chapter for Vanity Fair. He said that he agreed to let Dan published the chapter about him. When Nate heard and saw the pictures with the title of the chapter that Chuck was showing him, he took his head in his hands

« OMG Chuck, you did not have to do that and what's wrong with that man. I can't believe he wrote this about you. What is he looking for. Look, I can call Sarah and teel her to publish the chapter that Dan wanted to. »

« Are you kidding me, Nathaniel election are in a month, there is no way this chapter can be published now. It would for sure end up that joked of the so called wedding between my sister and this snake but it could have very bad repercussions on you and I can handle another chapter. »

« Blair is going to kill Dan. » said Nate worried

Chuck laughed again and replied that may be the possible damages coming with this chapter will drive to another fight between Serena and Blair and then to Serena seeing things as she should have for a long time. Dan was using her.

Nate thanked his best friend again and when Chuck asked again who was going to be his date tonight, Nate said that he had been thinking about Tamara. Chuck took his phone and marked Tamara's mumber.

Nate rolled his eyes and took the phone that Chuck was giving him. After getting a yes an answer, Chuck told Nate that time it was time to go to eat.

...

CB reunion.

Serena and Dan arrived quite early. Serena decided to keep low profile. She was all dressed up in black, with a bun and almost no make up. She was not really proud of who she had been in high school and ad she did not find Harry Potter invisibility cape, she believed that black was the best.

Obviously everybody was talking to them. Most of them asking Dan how he could have been writting all this sh** for years. Some were still mad, some were just impressed. Serena was waiting for Chuck, Blair and Nate to arrive to have a bit of fun. She was looking around and as usual she got the feeling that she became no one, she was just an the ex golden girl of this school. They were all running their parents companies or doctors or lawyers or having very good job like Nelly while she was just a student in psychology.

She escape to the bar and drunk two vodka. She saw her friends coming and she felt better for approximately 20seconds. Tamara was here and this time Serena knew that yes she came with Nate.

But there was something worst, Georgina was here too with Jack. For years now the relationship between her and Georgina was getting better but Serena was still not enjoying Georgina's company. She obviously forgot that Georgina would be here tonight, she had been a CB student too. As they were almost never going to class, it was still complicated for Serena to remember Georgina as a student of CB.

She asked for another vodka. It was not a good idea for her to drink, she was not use to anymore and those 3 glasses could give her a big headache and pushed her to overreact about everything.

She drunk her glass and mentally told herself that it was the last one.

...

After two hours and 5 glasses of champagne Serena was done with the party. It was bringing to her a feeling of weakness mixed with old fears.

She made an effort to find Dan. He was busy talking with people that she could not even remember who they were. She said that she was tired and that she was going home. Dan looked at his wife and sighed. She was drunk, obviously. He took her arm and made few steps back so the guys he was talking with could not hear him.

« Serena, see I am not the bad guy, I am not your psycho evil biographer. You are the master to get in troubles or similar stuff. Please go home and do not talk to anybody. The last thing we need is people finding out that you are still the same old Serena. »

He turned his back and smiled to the guys who were waiting for him. Serena took another glass of champagne and left. She needed to lesve before the tears appeared, she could feel them already.

...

About an hour and a half later, a bit before midnight, Nate was leaving. He had to go for a run with his father tomorrow morning at 8am. Even if the Captain had a heart attack over the summer, he was insisting on going out for a run, once per week with his son. Doctors said that as long as it was early on the morning and not too long and not going too fast it could not be bad. Nate had the feeling that his dad was going to die soon during one of their run, just fears probably...

...

Nate decided to go home by walk. It was not that far, he looked at the MET and saw Serena on the steps. What was she doing there. When Blair asked Dan were Serena was he said that she went home. She left at 10pm the party, what was she still doing there. He crossed the street and walked towards her.

He sat next to her.

« So Cinderella leaving before midnight. » laughed Serena

OMG, she was drunk, thought Nate. She had her drunk voice. He decided to reply to her joke by a yes and explained why he was leaving. Serena asked where was Tamara and he replied that she was still inside.

« Wow, may be she will find Dan and sleep with him so I could have another reason to leave him. »

Nate was not surprised to listen that. She was drunk so obviously she was not going to hide anything, even if that one was a stronger than what he thought. He should drive her home before she does something she would regret on the day after.

« Come on Serena, I take a taxi with you and I let you at your place. I think you should go to bed. »

« oh Natie, hum come on, what are you another version of Dan, ashamed of me, the drunk wife that we have to hide as soon as possible. »

« No, I am not Dan and I am not ashamed of you but I know you and Serena, we both know that it is better if you go home. »

He stood up and took her hands. He tried to make her move but she was laughing.

« No Natie, I am not going home. You know what, when I left the party I thought Serena go home, go to bed, do what people want you to do but what about what I want. Come on Nate, we could have fun. »

She stood up finally and crossed her arms around his neck with a smirk

« I don't wanna go home, my home but I am ok to go to yours. » she laughed

He took off her arms from him, he kept her hands in his so she would not touch him and he would not loose his selfcontrol.

« Sure the pink room is ready if you want. » he said with a smile

« The pink room, hum Natie, come on don't say that you haven't been thinking about it. You know I am thinking about it too, many times. The other day when you changed your shirt in front of me, I thought grau let's close the curtains, the door and have some fun. I know you want me, I can see the desire in your eyes and I want it too, so there is no problem. »

And he was definitely nit expecting that in either. He had to think and not listen to his instincts.

« oh yes there will be a problem tomorrow morning. » he replied as serious as he could

He sighed and forced her to go downstairs. He stopped a taxi and gave his address. Once they arrived at his house, Nate took Serena to the bathroom. He helped her to take off her clothes, he was making very strong efforts to do not listen to his thoughts and to Serena's words. She unbuttoned his shirt and even tried to take off his belt.

Once she was in underwear he opened the cold water and pushed her under it. She yelled at him

« Natie, this is bad, Natie. » and he continued until he heard that her voice was close to her natural tone.

« Nate, stop, come on Nate please. »

Here it was, he stopped the water and they looked at each other. She blushed and before she opens her mouth he went to his room. He came back with the pajama that she forgot when she left his house.

She looked at him, deep gaze.

« It is clean. I washed it. » said Nate

Serena broke in tears and she perfectly knew why. Because everything she had ever wanted was in front of her. This is what she wanted, someone who will love her no matter what, takes care of her and always, always be with her.

She took the pajama without a word and Nate left her alone so she could change with some privacy and he needed and iced shower.

...

About 20min later, she went to his room, he was in his bed checking few messages on his phone. He smiled at her

« feeling better, did you send a message to Dan, he might be worried »

She laid on the bed, next to him. She looked at him

« yes I feel better and no I did not and I won't, he won't be worried anyway. »

She asked if she could sleep with him, he nodded. He could not say no... He turned off the light, so he would not see her and he could belive that it was one of his awakened dream. Serena's breathe was regular now, she was asleep or about too.

He kissed her forehead and he wished her goodnight. A sleepy Serena replied to him

« good night, I love you Nate. »

Nate was like a stone in his own bed. What did she just say. No, no he was dreaming already for sure.

However, he did murmure an I love you too before to close his eyes


	23. Chapter 23

New chapter

xx

...

When Serena woke up, she looked at the empty space next to her. Nate was gone but he left her a piece of paper on his pillow.

 _I went for a run with my father. I wish you a good day and I hope your headache is not too strong, just writting in case you are gone when I come back_

Serena found the message sweet and no, unfortunately she had no headache and yes she remembered everything from last night. She really could not drink, she was dangerous when she was drunk... she could not believe that she say I love you to Nate. She knew that Nate heard her words and she did not know how to face him now. The fact that he was gone was may be a good thing but at the same time she was sad as may be the fact that he left meant that he did not want to talk with her about it.

She always believed that he still had feelings for her may be she was wrong. She sighed, took Van Der Bilt who was still sleeping next to her and went to the pink room to take a shower and get ready to leave.

...

When she closed the door of Nate's house, she felt as if air was missing, she could not breathe, she needed to talk to somebody about how she felt. She saw Winnie and bite her lips, she walked towards Winnie.

Winnie looked at Serena surprised and laughed while she was asking how she could help the beautiful blonde. Serena did a brief resume of what had happened last night.

« Well what did he say. » asked Winnie

« I don't know because I heard an I love you too but I am not sure that it actually happened. Between the fact that I was drunk and so sleepy I am not sure that he did reply those words to me. »

« Serena, the question is not if he replied or what he did reply, the question is why did you tell him that you loved him, I mean do you. »

« Yes but, oh gosh it is complicated to explain. I love him, I do but we are best friends and I just can't. »

She stopped and realized that she still had an husband, a life and she could not screw up everything. She needed to do things step by step as Behata told her and it was too soon to open the book about Nathaniel Archibald.

« You know what, just, just forget about what I said. I am going home before my husband gets too crazy. » Finished Serena who was already stopping a taxi.

She left, letting Winnie alone with her thoughts. Winnie rolled her eyes, the next few weeks were gonna be fun for sure...

...

Later that day

Curiously Dan did not seem to be mad or angry, he ignored Serena and it did not even bother her. She called Blair and asked if she could spend the afternoon with them. When she arrived at the Bass' penthouse, Chuck said that Alexis Carmichael, one of the ex students of St Jude was organizing a party tonight and that Serena was invited too.

Serena was surprised

« wasn't the party yesterday. » she asked raising her an eyebrow

« like old days sis, the public party, the undercover party and then tonight the real party, to really have fun. So you in. » asked Chuck

Serena smiled of course she was in. This was the best plan ever for her to forget about the sadness of her life.

« Like old days, I can like that. » she replied

Chuck and Blair laughed

« of course you love the idea Serena, like old days is probably the best sentence ever to describe you if we want to talk about how having fun. » laughed Blair.

...

They spent the rest of the afternoon together and when Chuck got a call from Nate, Serena realized that Nate was gonna be there too. After what happened last night she did not know if she should forced him to get drunk and have sex with him or if she should try to keep low profile and act as if nothing happened.

She would see later, once she would be there, for now she needed to go home and get ready. She left the Bass penthouse with hundreds of thoughts and none of them was for Dan.

...

At Serena and Dan's apartment

Serena picked a short silk dress, a black one and zanotti stilettos, her long wavy hair falling on her shoulders and back. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, yes she was ready. Dan was not home and Serena guessed that he might hadn't been invited to the party so she sent him a message to tell him that she was going out with Blair, Chuck and Nate. She did not say where.

...

At the party

She arrived at the party quite early but Nate was there already. He smiled when he saw her and Raised his hands to tell her to come. She could relax now, Nate was not mad at her. May be she dreamed that she told him that she loved him. She was so drunk... Nate acted as gentleman, always, she was so glad to be with him last night, when she joined him in his bed she was really sleepy so that it was a possibility.

Nate asked her how she was feeling, if she had any problem with Dan and he apologized about 3 times for letting her alone this morning.

Serena hugged him a bit too much and whispered

« everything's fine Natie, I am fine and now let's have fun. »

Nate smiled at her and he advised her that she should not drink too much

« I don't need to drink tonight, I am happy, I was not yesterday but now I feel more than fine. »

And she took him to the dancefloor.

...

About 2 later Dan arrived at the party. Serena was wrong, Alexis did invite him to the party. At th end, Dan was a member of the club now, sort of...

Dan came not because he wanted to, he came because his instincts were urging him to. He had the feeling that he would finally understand why things were unfixable with Serena. It was sad to admit but it was the reality, the end was near...

The key to Serena's problem was in high school, he always knew it and this party would be revelatory.

He saw her with Nate, they were dancing, they were too close, too shiny, too perfect, their gesture were too, too much. People were looking at them with desire but it feels that Nate and Serena weren't even seeing it as if they were alone on the dancefloor, on earth.

...

Dan was still observing his wife and Nate when He realized that Blair was next to him. He hadn't even seen her coming, he was too busy looking at his wife dancing with her best friend... although it did not look like two best friends

« so Humphrey enjoying the show. » asked Blair with a neutral tone, which was weird as she was obviously looking for something.

« I don't know, I've never seen Serena with such a smile on her face, she looked so happy, sexy and impish and Nate looks like he is alive for real. If we would be in a movie, this would be the most romantic and sexiest scene of it. I've never seen them like this» replied Dan looking at Blair

«You did not but I did, what you have in front of you is what was life before Serena left for boarding school. Serena being the center of the attention with Nate, Nate always next to her, as two golden souls, untouchable, like goddess. »

« I am sorry Blair, it must have been painful for you to see it. » replied Dan, he was being honest, he knew that it had been an hard time for Blair

« it was. » she replied but Dan interrupted her

« but weren't you Nate girlfriend, how could you be his girlfriend and have to see those things. Don't get me wrong but weren't you seeing that something was not right. » asked Dan. He needed that answer because he had never been in that position.

He would have never been able to handle it. Serena locked him with Nate in a love triangle but he had never been in the same position than Blair was. Apparently Blair was not sharing his opinion.

« I could ask you the same question Humphrey. Why did you marry Serena. Why did you propose last year. Dan, I was handling this as you do because at the end of the day Nate was mine, he was my boyfriend and this was giving me so much power, it was helping to feel good because I had something that Serena wanted to have. I got the boy that she loved. And for you it is even deeoer, you married one of the most powerful young lady of the UES, thanks to her you are no longer an insider. You became somebody but did you ever love her, I mean after your first romance during Junior Year. »

Dan was impressed, he eas not expecting something like that. He knew that a lot of people shared Blair's thoughts and somehow they were right. He needed Serena more than he loved her.

« May be but I've never obliged her to do anything. She chose me Blair and you were jealous of Serena. I am no longer jealous or afraid of Nate Archibald. »

« Are you sure. » smirked Blair. She wanted to push Dan to express his deepest feelings.

« When we were younger even if we were best friends, I was always jealous of Serena. » she continued before to be interrupted again by Dan

« because she was effortless but still, she was getting everything she wanted just by being her, Serena VDW. I got it Blair. I did not marry Serena because I wanted to get what Nate Archibald wanted and Nate got the help of his grandfather and got many things just because of who he is and it costs me to say that but he is also working hard, he deserves his success. Of course, I was glad to get the girl but I am not you Blair, this story is different. »

« that's what tou think but I can see the same ending coming. We both tried to stand in the middle of the golden boy and the it girl but we can't and now if everything you told me is really what you think then Dan, I need to understand why you kept Serena in a cage instead of giving her back her freedom. »

« Blair, how many times do I have to tell you, she chose me. I don't know what your twisted mind is trying to get but you are wring, if there is one person here that you need to confront about her feelings, it is Serena not me. »

Blair was looking at Dan. She was confused, she believed that a part of Dan acted like she did in the past but apparently she was wrong. She wanted to comfort herself about her past actions, to feel better, to do not have the feeling that she was the on,y reason why Serena and Nate were not together.

She was not feeling better but at least Dan told her the same thing that Chuck told her already. If someone has the answer it is Serena and this is where Blair had to look.

Serena and Nate belong together and she was going to make it happens.

« But anyway, we know how this will end Humphrey. » said Blair looking at Serena and Nate who were still dancing.

« Blair, I know how it ended the first time and I don't know how it will end this time. The only difference between you and me is that I won't waste my time by staying with someone who doesn't love me, like you did. Things are complicated between me and Serena and they are probably close to the end but if our marriage ends it is gonna be because of a lot of things, not only because of Nate Archibald. » explained Dan who got Blair's thoughts

« It took me years but I got it a long time ago already. Serena will always love Nate but for some reason she is not ready to accept her feelings or ready to give him a chance and Serena chose to be with me while Nate never chose to be with you. He was with you because Serena did not want to be with him, she was scared. Nate would have never been with you if Serena would have make a step ahead and I am sorry if it hurts you but I think it is time for you to finally accept the situation and stop trying to compare your past with my actual situation. Now if you excuse me, I have no reason to stay here. I already found what I was looking for. » he finished and he left.

Thanks to his conversation with Blair he finally got the last piece of the puzzle. Serena felt sorry for who she was, for having Nate, for loving him and be loved by the teenage guy so she did what she always does, she let Blair having Nate. He used that weakness of her many times, when you wanted to get something from Serena, it was essy, just try to make her feel bad about it and she will and then she will let it go so you can have it and you won't be mad at her.

She told Dan many times that her life would have been easier if she would not have been Serena Van Der Wodsen and may be she was right. However, Dan got the feelings over the last few weeks that Serena was ready to accept who she was for real and this was the real reason why their wedding was going to end.


	24. Chapter 24

New chapter

xx

...

Saturday night

Serena and Nate left the party really late or really early depends on people's point of view and again Serena asked Nate if she could go to his house and again they fall asleep in Nate's s bed. She spent part of the sunday morning with him, they took Sherlock out for a walk in Central Park, they bought hot dogs and laughed a lot. Unfortunately, she had to go back to her life and her husband and left, very sad, on sunday afternoon.

On monday they started to prepare everything for the upcoming meeting, which was going to be on friday. William VDB was impressed to see how much Serena was involving herself in Nate's campaign.

For Nate it was becoming complicated because he loves Serena and he did not really understand what was going on between Serena and Dan and between himself and Serena. But what he knew for sure is that Serena was still Dan's wife which means that no matter what, he could not cross any line even if he felt how fast his heart was beating everytime Serena was around.

It was very confusing for him and more people as looking at the picture people could see an happy couple and definitely not just best friends.

...

Nate was also really nervous because on friday it was gonna be the day of the big meeting and it was going to be at the Spectator. Nate was afraid that someone would ask him to explain his past decisions as Serena was going to be there. He had been feelings about that meeting as if something bad was going to happen. Serena said that it was just nerves and that he had to be confident but still he knew that something was going to turn in the wrong way.

Serena said that even if she had classes at Columbia she would skip them and stay at the Spectator as it was also her idea and she wanted to support Nate. Nate really appreciated the fact that she was here for him, he was grateful to have her by his side but he was scared.

...

For Serena things were totally different, she was not nervous at all, spending, every day, more time with Nate was just what she needed. She felt so great over the last past days, when she was with him and it felt so right even though she was not ready to totally give up on Dan. She was but to end up her marriage she wanted to get one last proof to be sure that she was doing the right thing.

Blair told Serena that she was afraid to be free because she would have less excuses to credit her actions and also because she probably really developed the Stockholm syndrom.

« You are going to be free to be you S, finally. You will be happy and no one will take you down anymore, you have to end up this marriage before it really hurts you, more than it already did. Look at me, I was so afraid to never find happiness and I am happy, happier everyday.» Blair said and she was right

Blair and Behata asked Serena what she was going to do once she will be free from Dan, would she go to Nate or not. Serena played the foolish card and said that Nate was just her best friend and she was supporting him and comforting him just as he was doing with her. Blair did not insist but Behata did, pretending that Nate was just her best friend was not going to help Serena. Accepting that Dan was not the love of her life was a good start but it was not enough.

Behata insisted more because at the end Serena asked her for help and this is what she was doing just like if Serena was a patient. For Behata there was no doubt that Serena was in love with Nate and she knew that inside Serena knew it too but the complicated task was to open Serena's eyes so she could accept the situation.

Behata was questioning her a lot about her past, her history with Nate to understand why Serena locked him in the friendzone. It was going to be a complicated task as Behata was pretty sure that all the causes of the past like Blair's feeling weren't the problem nowadays but created Serena's mental block and turned Nate as something forbidden in Serena's head.

...

Friday, the Spectator

It was 8:30am, everybody was arriving and Nate was still not at the Spectator. Meeting was supposed to start at 8:45am.

Serena was trying to reach him but he was not picking the phone, William VDB and Chuck were trying to calm down all the important business men who came this morning and who were getting upset to see that another Archibald was failing. As Nate was still not showing up Serena said that she was going to go to his house.

She knew that he had been very stressed over the last days and may be he got scared. However, Serena knew him and fears were not enough to stop Nate. Nate was convinced that something was going to happen on friday and Serena was afraid that he might had been right. She took her purse and left with a knot in her stomach.

...

It was 9:15am already and still no Nate. Some men said that they could not wait any longer and said to William that they won't wait any longer and had seen everything they needed to see. Chuck was trying to reach Serena and Nate but nothing.

...

In the meantime, while Serena was on her way to Nate's house, when she was on the corner of the 74th street she heard noises, someone was yelling and apparently there was a fight. Serena ran as she was pretty sure that it was Winnie's voice and for sure Nate was there too.

And she was right, Nate was lying on the stairs going to the basement, fighting with a man while Winnie was dealing two, she had her pepper spray and she was doing fine, much better than Nate who was apparently injured. Winnie saw Serena and the two almost blind men left when they saw her too.

Winnie and Serena ran to the man who was on Nate to help the young man. Winnie gave him a good shot of her pepper spray and he ran away as his colleagues did. Serena was tembling, she helped Nate to stand up while Winnie was looking around to be sure that the 3 men were not coming back. Nate lips and his right eyebrow arch were bleeding, his suit was dirty, Serena asked him if he was ok, he nodded still in shock about what had just happened. Serena started to cry and hugged Nate. She had been so scared, so scared for Nate.

She asked Nate and Winnie what happened. Winnie said that she arrived when Nate was dealing with the 3 men already, as Serena she heard noises and men fighting. Nate thanked her for saving his ass. Nate explained that he had no idea why those men came, for sure it had to do with the election and the meeting of the day that's all he was sure even if he had no proof.

« I went out of my house when they jumped on me, one man coming out from each corner, there was nobody in the street and they took me here, I tried to defend myself but they were three and I was alone and I swear that if Winnie had not come I would have ended up at the hospital for sure, they did not only come to scare me they came to kick me out of the board. My grandfather is going to kill me, gosh. » affirmed Nate. He sat on the stairs and looked at the two women.

Serena took his hands in hers and kissed them, then she kissed his cheeks and forehead.

« Oh my gosh Natie, I was so scared. » she said

He said that he did not know if he should go to the merting, Serena and Winnie comforted him

« Nate, I am going to call Chuck and tell him what had just happened and you are coming to the meeting. »

« but Serena I can't go like this. » Nate replied

« oh yes you can and this is what you are going to do and Winnie, you are coming too. Nate those people need to see that you are not lying, they have to understand that someone is apparently considering you as a real opponent and wants you to be out of the league, they have to know this, you will get their support and your grandfather has to see this too. And Nate, please tell me that you have an idea about who has done that to you and that you will go to the cops. » Serena said looking into Nate's eyes.

« I agree with her, Nathaniel, except for the fact that I should go. »

« Winnie you saved me, you have to come. » he affirmed with a smile.

Winnie sighed, Serena stopped a taxi and they got in.

Serena was holding Nate's hand and with her free hand she was trying to clean his injuries and stopped the bleeding.

...

At the Spectator

When they arrived at the Spectator, Wiliam looked at his grandson, Chuck said that Nate had been attacked but William did not believe that it had been in such a wild way. Everybody was murmuring. Nate stood up in front of his chair and explained what happened. He made a brilliant speech and ended it with

« and for the people who are asking who is that woman who saved my ass this morning, it is Winnie, she is my house attendant, my receptionist, my chef but more than everything she is my friend and being my house attendant doesn't mean being a slave who works for less money than people in China because without her my life would not be that easy and I am grateful to have her. She has nothing, no big house, no big car, no money but she did manage to help me and I want to insist on this because we have to believe, you have to believe as much as I do that there is hope. » he made a pause not sure if he should insist on this in front of those men but it was part of his campaign and his belief.

« A big part of my campaign will be about all the social actions that I want to create. Humans can be good and can be saved from the darkness, we just have to make the right things. The kids of this town are going out every morning thinking that we are leaving in an hopeless era, that they won't get a decent job or a decent life and they are wrong. I know that people are going to say that in my position it is easy to say those things but I just don't want to say them, I want to do it. And the reason why I am telling you this now is because we will all win something. Outside we have smart kids who are never going to get a real opportunity in life if we don't trust them and may be it is one of those kids who will find the vaccine against HIV and make you earn more money that what you already own. » said Nate

Serena applauded before to be joined by the rest of the audience. She was proud of Nate and she was also happy for Winnie who deserved to get better that life had gave her until now. She hugged the black woman. Winnie was not surprised by the announcement, Nate offered her already weeks ago to become his house attendant, she was not sure as Nate offered her a big amount of money and she could tell what would happen over the next fee months. She was not Mrs Irma but she really could read people's card.

However, after today she could not say no. She had previous experiences and because of her talent she always ended up leaving the houses, she knew when a husband was cheating on his wife, when kids were on drugs, she tried to help but people were not paying her to listen to her...

She felt so connected to Nate and to Serena so she had to accept the offer of Nate. She knew they were meant to be but the road was still long before total happiness and for the time in forever she knew that her talent would help.


	25. Chapter 25

New chapter

This scene is inspired from the scene at Lindsey office, between her and Peyton. When she gave Lucas's book to Peyton. From OTH.

xx

It was tuesday morning. The last days had been intense. The meeting of last friday had been success for Nate and Serena was spending all the free time she had with him. She wanted gim to win, she got so emotional when she heard his speech on friday, how brave he was. She was so proud of him.

Unfortunately today she had classes to attend at Columbia, classes that she could not miss, it was tuesday, october was in the corner, her favorite season was coming, fall.

She was having breakfast at home as she had classes to attend this morning so she would go to work on the afternoon. She had not seen Dan, he was gone already when she woke up and it was better like that, they still slept in the same bed but pretty much that was all. She knew that this situation and marriage had to end but she still wanted a proof.

She was in her inner world when Blair walked into her apartment, Blair was apparently really angry and Serena did not know why.

Blair started to yell at Serena asking her why she was waiting for a proof when she had dozens already. She asked what was taking so long, she asked Serena if she was waiting to divorce because Dan had not ruin their all lives yet. Blair was really mad and Serena had no idea what she was talking about.

Blair threw at Serena's face the new issue of vanity fair, opened at page 25. Serena looked at her best friend before to look at the page of the magazine. She knew what was this page for, it was for Dan's article. She read the title of the article and the first lines, it's a Bass world, as they said it neve falls far from the tree. For thos who wonders Charles Bass, Chuck, could be worst than his father. This is what happened when you dressed up you 3 years old biy with a suit. Upcoming projects of the king of Manhattan, thruth and myths about his methods...

Serena stopped reading after that line, she understood why Blair was so mad at Dan but not why she was mad at her and this is what she asked Blair

« because it is all your fault. If you would not have let dumbo came into our lives, exposing our secrets to him, trusted him he would not have so much info. Serena, nobody knows about this. Dan did not get the info on the social media and don't tell that you did not say a word because you did not, I know that but you live with him. He is your husband, you know that he reads your mails, listen to all our phone calls etc. This is why I am mad at you because you expose all of us and when you said that you need a proof I can't get it because you have so many. I love you S but as long as you will be Dan's wife you are not welcome into our house or our lives. I am not doing this to pressure you, I am doing this for the own good of my family. »

« Blair, I am sorry, I had no idea, I swear but you just can't kick me out of your lives because of Dan's actions. You can't blame and punish for what he does. » replied a broken Serena

« I can and I have to. His perverse mind created gossip girl because of you, all of this happened because of you and you can't even see it. Do something Serena, open your eyes, it is about time but I swear this is the last time that I am seeing my husband and myself as the subject of Dan's work. » and she left letting Serena alone.

...

Serena cried for a long time, she had to go to Columbia but she could not. She needed to find Dan and talk to him. She took the magazine and read the all article, it was horrible, letting Chuck in such awful position. She took her purse, the magazine and left her apartment. She called Dan until he finally picked the phone.

« I have to see you right now. » she said trying to be calm as possible

« Serena. I can't now, I am in a meeting with my editors. Sarah came from LA for this meeting and Peter from Chicago, you have to wait. »

« so you are there. » she asked

« yes, I see you later. » and he hanged out

Serena stopped a taxi and gave the address of the house of editions which was in midtown.

...

Once she arrived there, she asked for her husband at reception. She said that it was urgent and she did not care if he was in a meeting, she had to see him. The receptionist said that she understood but she could not do much as they left the office to have a meeting at a coffee and she had no idea where.

« Could you please try to call Peter or Sarah or even Francis, please. » insisted Serena

As the receptionist got that Serena would not give up, she sighed and called Francis but he did not pick the phone, neither did Peter or Sarah.

« I am sorry, it looks like you have to wait for them to come back. »

And this is what Serena did. It was almost 11am when Sarah came back at the office alone. When Serena saw her in her white suite, her blonde short haircut and her precious smile she felt so jealous and insignificant. Sarah was a powerful and smart woman and she got everything she had with work, not like her who got everythigpng she had because of who she was..

Serena was also mad Sarah because she let Dan published that sh**

Sarah was not Dan but she did come days ago and Serena knew that it was to talk with Dan about his article which means that she approved that article. Chuck was Nate's best friend, how could she accept this article, it was like betraying Nate.

She stopped her while Sarah was waiting for the elevator.

« Serena what are you doing here. » she asked surprised

« Looking for my future ex husband but I am glad that I am seeing you. How could you let him publish that. »

They stepped in the elevator.

Sarah looked at Serena in the eyes and said that she believed that Serena knew, at the end Dan was her husband and she did not approve anything, she was against this article but Chuck did give his ok

« Wait Chuck knows about this, it doesn't make sense because Blair came to my house this morning and she was furious. »

« Well may be Chuck did not say anything to her because he knew that she would not approve but I would have never let Dan and Vanity Fair published this without his ok and don't talk to me about Nate because Chuck did it to save Nate's ass. Believe me Serena the article that Dan wanted to publish was worst than this one, I came to NYC 2 weeks ago because I was in shock when I got his first article. » said Sarah while walking towards her office.

She opened the door of her office and invited Serena to come inside.

Serena followed Sarah in her office and took the chair that Sarah offered her. She asked what Sarah meant by the other article

« I mean how could it be worst than this one. »

« because it is about you Serena, you Nate and Dan himself. » revealed Sarah

Sarah was not Serena's friend, she had no reason to protect her or tell what she wanted and Sarah always believed what Serena needed was a good dosis of reality.

Serena was not understanding anything, Sarah took a paper from a dossier and gave it to Serena.

« This was the real article that Dan first sent me and the article that he wanted to publish. I did not let him because contrary to what you want to think I still care a lot about Nate and I knew that this would affect him and his campaign, career, life everything and he doesn't deserve that. »

« Locked in a love triangle, how my wife locked me in a love triangle, by Daniel Humphrey . » read out load Serena before made a pause

« I can't belive it, why. » she said in tears because this is what she never understood why was Dan doing this.

Sarah was confused, she did not know what to do or say. It is not that she wanted to comfort Serena, she lost Nate because of her and she could never be friend with Serena but seeing her so weak touched her.

« I am sorry Serena but isn't Dan right about the situation. I know that the way he paint it in his articles, the words he used are too strong but if you just look at the global picture I think that he is right. »

« This is not what I am talking about Sarah. » interrupted Serena

« What I do not understand is why he needs to write those things. After his book publication approval in january, he promised me that he would not write anything like this about me and he did. » she complained

« Last january, Serena, Dan's got the approval almost one year ago, last november. I remember it perfectly because I had to sign all the papers before Thanksgiving. The book came out in spring, we need months to have everything ready. January doesn't make sense. »

« this is what he told me. » replied Serena who did not like the tone of reproaches of Sarah.

« may be you misunderstood him. He said coming out and you thought it was the approval. »

« I am not crazy, I know what he said and I was actually really surprised when he added that the book would come out in spring as it seemed such a short period of time for me too. Blair was right as always, she told me that Dan proposed to me when he already knew that the book was going to be published. He proposed first to be sure that I would not break up with him. He played the role of the it is the last time Serena, I promised. My last book about my point of view of the UES. »

« don't do that to yourself Serena, you believed him because you had nothing to prove you that he lied to you and I am sorry to say that but Serena, there is a compilation of his books coming out next year. We bought the right to publish the first version of inside. That version of inside with the chapters that Vanity Fair published years ago. » explained Sarah

« I did not even know that there was a full book of this. When is it coming out. » asked Serena between two sobs

« we don't know yet, I am trying to delay everything so it won't affect Nate and his campaign but my boss and the owner of the house want to have it for Christmas. They think that the coffret it might be a best seller, good gift for Christmas. »

This achieved Serena. She felt her heart coming out of her body for so many reasons. She felt guilty...

...

Serena cried and said that she felt so bad, that Blair was right that it was all her fault, everything was her fault. She said that she was stupid and deserved to be exposed but not her friends, not Nate. She was the only one to blame.

Sarah was listening with attention, she noticed that Serena was insisting a lot on the fact that Nate was too good to be exposed in any of Dan's book, that he had got enough in his life and he did not need that. She insisted on the fact that Nate deserved to be happy and he could not because of her.

« Serena, please this is not your fault and Nate will never blame you, you know that. He cares too much about you to even think about it. »

« doesn't mean I am not right. »

« it is true but by thinking like this you aren't going anywhere. » pushed Sarah

« I have to go Sarah but before I leave, I have two questions, do you have Dan's first version of inside. »

Sarah nodded and looked into her dossier. She gave a block of paper to Serena.

« Thanks a lot. And the second one is, did Nate almost loose the Spectator because of me and why. »

Serena needed to know and if there was someone on earth who would tell her the truth it was Sarah. Sarah was surprised, she did not expect this question.

« that's make 3 questions but if you asked I guess that it means that you know he did so let's jump to the why part. Serena when you left 7years ago, to start a new life as Sabrina even if you think that nobody was looking for you it is not true. Nate is as usual the one who wanted to find you more than the rest of the group. » she started but Serena interrupted her

« may be but why he did not try to get in touch with me over the all summer. That's the part that I don't understand. »

« Serena, Nate was mad at you, not at you as a person but he was mad at his feelings for you. Charlie broke up with hm because of you. Because he was always protecting you too much and Charlie is a smart girl she understood that he was still in love with you and you know I am right. Nate never stopped loving you, he still is, we broke up because of you but this is not what you are asking me so let's focus on this. » said Sarah confused but she wanted to yell at Serena so much. She had the right to be mad at the pretty blonde.

« Sarah. » said Serena with her eyes wide opened. Serena felt that her body was getting cold and her head was about to explode. This could not be true, Nate was her best friend, she was his best friend. Sarah's read confusion and fears in Serena's eyes.

« No, no just forget what I just said. The point is that at the end of the summer they started to look for you and it did not matter that Nate was not the richest one at the moment or the most powerful of the group, he is the one who put in danger everything he had in that moment, which was his company to find you. He had a video to threaten gossip girl and he wrote to gossip girl, your husband who knew where you were and did not care about it but again I am going to another territory. So Nate said that he would delete this video if gossip girl would tell him where Serena was and he did, he did not even question that or think about it because for Nate you will always be a priority. This video was the chance for Nate to save the Spectator as it was in a bad situation even before Diana left. He then changed numbers to save his company but he had to save you first, end of the story. »

« thank you Sarah for telling me truth. I have to go and find Dan. » replied a very lost Serena.

« Serena before you go, I want to tell you something because it is important for me. I don't know what you feel for Nate but I know what he feels for you and I ask to please think before to jump. You don't have the right to believe that you love him, you have to be sure that you do and you should end up things with Dan first. Nate deserved to be loved and happy as you said and you broke his heart too many times to jump in a relationship that you haven't been able to accept before. Don't use him please. »

Serena took the book and stood up. At the door she said

« I loved him too, I never used him, I don't know why it is so hard for people to see it but I get your point. » she opened the door

« Good bye Sarah. »

« Goodbye Serena. »


	26. Chapter 26

I am sorry for the no update this week but I can't not sleep properly as upstairs my neighbor does a lot of noise all night so between my job and the lack of sleep, I have no energy to re read the chapter 26 and the next ones and post them. Everything should be solved next week!

Xx


	27. Chapter 27

New Chapter

As it is bank holidays, it is really slow at the office today so I got time to post

Enjoy

xx

...

With Dan's first version of Inside in her purse Serena went home. She arrived home, took a diet coke from the fridge, sat in the living room and read. Page after page she was getting angrier and sadder, at some point she had to take a break as her eyes and face were covered by her tears. Dan used her from the beginning. She had been his muse at some point but only in a way to open him the doors of the UES.

She tried to call Blair, she needed to talk to her. After trying about 10 times, Blair picked the phone and only asked Serena if she did call her lawyer and asked for the cancellation of the wedding.

« Blair, I did not have time but I am going to do it but I need to talk to my best friend now, I really have to. »

« I am sorry S but I thought that I made it clear this morning, we are not best friends right now. Call me when you will be Serena Van der Woodsen again. I am sorry S but I am doing this for you more than for me. bye »

Serena looked at the phone and then looked around her. The apartment, all so white, so modern, an apartment with no live, no feelings. She was tembling, she was scared but she had too end this. She took her phone and called Cece. She briefly explained the situation and Cece did not say much, she accepted Dan but always wished for that day to come but it was not the day to say it to Serena. She promised Serena that she was going to call their family lawyer and notary right away to start the process of the wedding's cancellation.

Serena could not believe that she was really going to end this and not only her wedding but her relationship with Dan, forever. After so many years, it should feel as if a part of her was going to die but she felt more than she was going to reborn...

She looked at the book, on the table, in front of her and decided to end her reading.

...

Dan arrived around 5.30pm, Serena was almost done with Inside, the first version. When she heard Dan's steps she did not even look at him or move.

He was standing next to her. He asked what had been so important this morning

« It was probably not that important as you did turn off your phone to what read. Serena please don't do that ever again, I had a very important meeting and you asked the receptionist to call Sarah, Peter and Francis, nobody was dying so could you please tell me what was so important that it could not wait but it turned out that yes it could wait as you did turn your phone off »

« I saw Sarah this morning after your meeting. » said Serena looking at Dan.

Dan finally saw Serena's face, her eyes and cheeks were so red. No need to ask if she had been crying the answer was yes and a lot.

« Why did you cry, did something bad happen. » he asked, he frowned may be something bad really happened

« Yes, you happened Dan, you and only you. and she show what she was reading to Dan. »

Dan was shocked, he was definitely not waiting for that line

« Did Sarah give you this. » he sighed

« Yes, she did and she also told me that it is going to be published and she also told me about my wife locked me in a love triangle. Why do you always need to expose me like that and more than me why do you need to destroy my friends. Nate has never done anything bad to you, never, I did even believe that you were friends. »

« We were friends Serena and I think I told you already, many times, I am just exposing facts, real ones. I am a writter, this is what writters do »

« Then write about others, why does it always have to be about us. » screamed Serena

« Because. »

« No Dan, no because, no more anything. I am done, we are done. »

« What does that mean. » frowned Dan

Serena was now standing up, looking at Dan into the eyes. She had to be strong and do it.

« I think you know, come on Dan. After today there is no way that I can be your wife. This is the end Dan, I am done, I am not going to loose all the persons that I love because of you. I lost too much already and you are not worth it, you have never been but I think I always known it but I wanted to try and I tried again and again. »

« So I am the bad person here. » he interrupted her angry

« Yes you are and don't try to take me down this time because it is not going to work, never again. »

« Pack your stuff and leave. » this is all he could reply.

After all those years Serena Van Der Woodsen was putting him down. He has always been afraid of that, he knew that it could happened but after so many years he started to believe that it would be just a fear and never a reality, until today, until now.

« Don't worry I was not going to stay here. I will need few days to find a place and move all my stuff but I will try to pass everything through my lawyer. She will send the petition of cancelation. »

« Serena, I am not going to just sign the papers that you are to send me. I am going to hire a lawyer too and about where you will go, I think we both know where you are going to end up. »

« For what Dan, this is over, we are lucky that we can just cancel our wedding. Divorce is a long process and I don't want anything from you no worries. The only thing I want is to get my life back and about where I am going this is none of your business and you are free to think what you want. I don't care and for the answer regarding your article, yes Nathianeil Archibald is a better man that you and yes i should have loose my virginity with him and yes I should not have break up with him and yes, yes I still love him but my biggest mistake is to have turn him down when he came to Brown but I am going to work on my mistakes. »

« Serena, I never forbide you to leave your life. You did it alone and I don't think that all your issues are going to go away just because we are breaking up. »

« No, but it is a good start. Goodbye Dan. »

She took the book and left the room.

Dan fall on the chair were Serena was sitting when he arrived. What now, he asked himself. He was a known writter now, he had money but would he still shine without the brightest girl of the UES. The good point that he was seeing is that he would finally be able to publish everything he wants, no needs to care about Serena or his ex friends...

He needed to talk with his Francis, the CEO of the house of editions that was representing him. They needed to think about how to face the Dan and Serena's final break up and turn it out for his own good. He left without saying bye, everything was said anyway.

...

Serena packed few things and when she saw that it was 7pm, she sighed. Where was she going to go. She did not want to go to her mum or grandmother because she did not want to face their questions or listen to them, their opinions... She could not go to the Empire or the Palace for sure Blair blocked her. She knew where she wanted to go but could she really go to Nate's...

She had Sarah's words in her head. She sat on the bed and tried to clean her mind.

She took her bags and left. She looked at what was probably her last time in this apartment. She was not going to miss the place, it was Dan's apartment, it had never been an home.

She stopped a taxi and gave Nate's address, she felt bad for doing this but it was the only place where she wanted to be.

...

Nate opened his door. Winnie was preparing the dinner. Winnie said that she was sure that it was Serena. She could feel it. Nate was not sure, the blonde woman did not show up at the Spectator and he did not hear from her, no reply to his calls or messages so he really doubted that Serena was the one but Winnie was right.

He was surprised to see Serena with two big longchamp travel bags. He saw her face and he knew that it was worst than usual. He opened his door and took her bags without asking anything.

« Winnie please add a plate, it looks like we have company. » he said as he was in the stairs already.

Serena was like paralyzed, she was thinking too much right now with still Sarah's words in her head.

...

Winnie stepped out of the kitchen and saw Serena, she opened her arms and the pretty blonde let her fall into Winnie's arms, Winnie helped Serena to walk to the tikcten while Nate was taking her bags upstairs.

Winnie was trying to calm Serena when Nate stepped in the kitchen. Serena heard his steps and almost jumped on Nate. Nate hugged her and Serena crossed her arms around him, not even a centimeter was between their bodies.

Winnie saw the scene and decided to leave. She knew that she needed to let them alone.

« Nate, I am leaving, see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow Serena and she left them alone. »

...

They stayed in that position for almost 15min. Nate was talking to her, comforting her, kissing her forehead.

« Serena, I don't know why you are crying to much but it is gonna be ok. I promise you that it is gonna be ok. »

Nate had the feeling that Serena did not just argue with Dan, he was happy to see Serena and have her in his arms but he felt again as a second plate.

She replied which surprised Nate as she had not say a word until now.

« I know but years of frustration are coming out now. »

She finally looked at Nate, she took his hands and drove him to the couch.

She explained him what happened, except for one thing the chapter that should have been pusblished about them, obviously she did not know that Nate knew about.

She did not say a word about it because she was not ready to talk with Nate yet. She needed to figure out many things first and as Sarah told her she had to right to jump in something that she was not totally sure about and break Nate's heart again.

For Nate it was the beginning of a nightmare, how will he be able to resist to the woman of his life now that she was about to be single again and with adding the fact that she was going to live here. May be he should tell her to leave but he could not do that either because he was Serena's best friend and she would not understand why he had to kick her out of his house.

Playing the best friend, resist to all the voices in his head who are telling him to kiss her, to love her, to confess his feeling, resist to Serena herself until he got the proofs that he was not a second plate. He closed his eyes for seconds, how was he going to handle that...


	28. Chapter 28

New chapter

xx

...

After talking for hours Serena and Nate finally went to bed.

Serena could not sleep, she wanted to be with Nate, next to him. She knew that she would fall asleep in less than 5min next to him but she was not sure if she had the "right" to do it.

...

For Serena it was like if Nate had magical power, like if he had the power to make her feel safe, happy and in peace. It was like this since she was a little girl. As a young girl, Nate was like her prince charming who was saving her from the horrible boyfriends/hudbands or fiances of her mother. Once Lily was letting her and Eric at the Archibald's townhouse, Serena automatically felt in security.

...

After looking at the clock every 5min for an hour, she left the pink room and joined Nate in his bed.

He was not asleep either which surprise Serena. She asked him how come he was not sleeping.

Nate, carefully, said that he had so many things in his head lately with the elections coming, the Spectator and a lot more that he sometimes has problem to sleep. The truth is that he was nervous because of Serena. He did not know how to act, he was afraid to say something that would betray his feelings. Serena nodded and told Nate that he was not alone and she was here for him whenever he needed to talk.

She let her head fall on Nate's chest, her fingers on his arms, drawing invisible lines. For few minutes Nate could not even move, his all body was like paralyzed, he was tense, scared and more than anything he wanted to have more. It was so unfair to have the woman of his dreams in his bed without the right to love her.

Finally, Nate closed his eyes and fall asleep in few minutes, he was in heaven, he had Serena and in his dream this is where he could have her completely. Serena fall asleep as well in few minutes but after Nate. She was listening to his heart beats, she felt in peace with herself in his arms and it was such a pleasant feeling.

She wondered if life could actually be that simple. May be it could be. She looked at him before to close her eyes, he was so beautiful. Day after day she was seeing how he was growing up as man and what a man. She bite her lips, she, somehow, had the feeling that she learning to fall in love again.

...

Wednesday and Thursday passed to fast for Serena. Between going to Columbia, helping Nate, working at the Spectator and meetings with the family lawyer. When she woke up on friday morning she was exhausted and she was happy to have 2 days to relax. Hopefully, she could talk to Blair and fix things with her. Blair had not return any of her calls or messages and Serena was really upset. She did leave Dan so she was not understanding why Blair was still not speaking to her.

When she was going downstairs to have her breakfast she heard Nate talking with someone who was not Winnie. Serena knew the voice but she could not say who it was. When she stepped into the kitchen Tamara was there, talking with Nate. they were both standing up so it was definitely not a pleasant conversation.

« I am sorry Tammy but I am going to leave my house » said Nate

« Nate, I am just a messager, I am here to see Serena anyway not you »

« And why are you looking for me, asked Serena on the door frame. » asked Serena who was standing behind her

« Serena, glad to see that you are finally up, I am Dan's lawyer. He hires me. » Tamara explained

Serena's face turned white, why was Dan making things complicated. She told him that she did not want anything from him, she just wanted to get her freedom backs nothing else, so why did he need to hire a lawyer, and specially Tamara, someone who hates her.

Tamara explained that as legally they were still married, the fact that Serena was living with Nate could play against her, on court Dan could say that Serena was cheating.

« This is ridiculous, Nate and I are not together. I am not cheating and who talked about court, we are not going to go for a divorce, we are going to cancel our wedding that's all. I told Dan that I want to make things easy for both of us. » replied Serena

« Well I am sorry Serena but apparently Dan and you did not understand each other. » She looked at Serena and Nate before to continue. It was not a pleasant situation at all for her, suddenly she regretted to accept Dan's offer.

« Look Serena, Dan called me on wednesday morning, he was so mad at you and I believe that he is not into trying to make things easy if you see what I mean. I came here to let you know that I am not your ennemy and I consider Nate as a friend so if I came it just to let you know that legally you are still married and if Dan wants to complicate things then you should think about going somewhere else. »

« I am not going anywhere else » interrupted Serena

Tamara and Nate were surprised by how determined Serena looked

« Dan can think whatever he wants and we have been married for less than 6 months anyway which means no divorce just a wedding cancelation and Dan can try to mess up things, it is not going to work. I haven't done anything wrong and he knows that. And anyway what does he think that he is going to win by acting like that, to have me back» ironically laughed Serena

« Time Serena that's what he wants so you can go to a divorce. » replied Nate

« But why, what does he want, money but he has now, scandal. » said Serena confused

« I don't know Serena, I don't know why he wants a divorce, sincerely no idea but he wants that. I guess it is a marketing strategy that they decided with his editor. Francis was there when I met Dan. » explained Tamara

« Well, he is not going to win. Now if you excuse us but you are kind of non invited for breakfast. » said Serena who crossed her arms and looked into Tamara's eyes.

« Tamara please tell Dan that he better lets Serena in peace. We haven't done anything to him, we did not make him pay for what he has done to us over the last decade, tell him to do not play with fire because the day he will get burn, he will be reduce in ashes. » added Nate who also wanted to get some peace before to go to work.

Tamara looked at Nate and Serena and understood that she better does not insist. She said that she was going to talk with Dan and try to make him understand that he has more to loose than to win if he looks for a divorce.

...

Serena could not believe it, Nate either. They talked about on their way to the Spectator. Serena told Nate that she did not want to go anywhere else, she wanted to stay with him at his house but if it was too much to ask she could leave. Nate hesitated, it was obviously better to have Serena living under another roof but he could not tell her to leave. She was happy, he was happy so why would she have to leave. And the fact that it was her decision and the way she acted with Tamara proved him that Serena was really going to end up things with Dan for good, well that's what he hoped...

Serena also explained Nate that she did not know why Blair was still not talking to her. Nate proposed her to join them for lunch.

« I will tell chuck to go for lunch with Blair and then we show up. You know how Blair is and with the pregnancy. »

« Her hormones are not an excuse Nate, she did say horrible things to me and I am not talking about what she said the other day, I mean in general over the years and I am always the one cleaning up the board. She does not do the effort to apologize unless she feels that it is almost too late and to be honest I am kind of a bit tired of it. I mean, she is supposed to be my best friend but when I look back, what I see is myself apologizing for so many things that aren't even my fault or doing things that I did not want to because of her or worst accept to be unhappy so she could be, like I did with you before we start high school. » revealed Serena

« Serena, do you want me to ask Chuck to help or do you want to have a time off with Blair. » asked Nate a bit confused about what she just said.

« I want to know why she is not talking to me, I want her to know how I feel and depends on how she reacts then may be yes I will take a break from her too. She always criticizes Dan for what he has done to me but she has to look at herself in the mirror too. I am always guilty for Blair and I am tired of it. » said a sad Serena

Nate took her hands in his

« I understand. Serena what do you mean by you accepted to be unhappy. » he had to ask, if he ever wanted to get answer about Serena's actions, he could not stay quiet and doesn't ask the question he had

« I let her have you when I loved you and I know that she knew it too. » replied Serena with a sad look.

The doors of the elevator opened

« Well time to work Natie, please arrange lunch with Chuck. I need to talk with Blair. » she said ready to face up her best friend


	29. Chapter 29

New chapter

xx

...

At the Spectator

Nate was in his office, he closed the door so Serena could not listen his conversations. He called Chuck and explained him that he needed him to bring Blair for lunch so Serena could talk to her. Chuck was not sure if this was a good idea, Blair was really mad about the article.

Chuck said that he did explain Blair that yes he did give his approval to Sarah so Dan could publish this article. He first believed that it would calm her down but Blair got even more furious as she only saw that once again their lives were going to be exposed because of Dan and Serena and it pissed her off so much that Chuck had to sacrifice himself because of this insane love triangle that Serena had been creating and maintaining for years. She added that actually it would have been better to let Dan publish this article as it was the truth and it was really well written.

« So Nathaniel, I am not so sure about this rendez-vous, Blair and her hormones are more dangerous than the Yellowstone. »

Nate sighed, it did not look good at all, he explained Serena point of view which let Chuck perplexed.

« Chuck, come on Blair is not a Saint and she had not always been nice to Serena. She did not properly betray Serena but she hurt her so many times and as Dan, Blair knows how to make Serena feels bad. »

Nate added that he was worried about the relationship between the two women, he had the feeling that if they did not act to save Serena and Blair's friendship may be this friendship could end.

Serena was ending her marriage with Dan, finally closing a big chapter in her life and apparently she wanted to clean up her all life and unfortunately her up and down relationship with Blair was one of the things that Serena wanted to fix or to end... Nate knew Serena too well to let her do that, she was simply hurt. No matter what, they loved each other, they were BFF and Serena was just seeing the bad things due to her personal life and its actual mess.

However, this time Nate had the feeling that there was something more, it was like if Serena was mad at Blair for too many reasons, for too many things that she had been accepting, all the efforts that she made for Blair over the years. Nate was thinking that Serena was seeing Blair as the responsible for the mistake she had made and Nate could not understand that, it was not like Blair forced Serena to do what she did, unless he missed elements which was also a possibility...

« Chuck, it is bad this time. »

Chuck told Nate that he was probably thinking right and he added that the thing that happened was probably him,

« Nathaniel, I think you are the first problem and unresolved chapter between the ladies. »

« What, me, are you crazy, how could it be me. » replied Nate confused

« Because Serena was in love with you, you were in love with her and she gave up on you because of Blair, because Blair loved you and as usual Serena did not want to annoy Blair or impide her plans. »

« You think so, I mean Chuck this was more than 10 years ago, almost 15 years ago. There is a lot of history between them and I don't think I am the only responsible here. »

« I don't think Nate, I know. Yes there friendship got many troubles over the years and they fixed them all, except one thing and this is you because until not that long ago you were the taboo subject. I know that you don't want to hear that because you think that this is not true but what if Serena was finally realizing that the biggest mistake of her life was not to marry Daniel Humphrey but to let you go 13 years ago. She had made so many mistakes, took so many wrong decisions and now she is finally understanding that everything she had been looking for was just in front of her, you and only you, her Natie, her best friend, the love of her life that she could not have because of Blair. And even if it is not Blair's fault, now Serena is seeing Blair as the guilty one. »

Nate did not know if he should laugh or just stop this conversation.

« My head is going to explode now Chuck. Sincerely I hope you are right but still how do we do about their friendship. »

« I bring Blair for lunch, see you at the Empire and once we will be there we will have to let the dragons act. Bring popcorn Nathaniel, it might be funny. »

Nate remembered fights that he had seen between the girls. He always had in mind the image of Serena and Blair fighting because a Barbie outfit when they were ten years old. It was scary...

« Not sure about the funny part but you are right, we will have to let them talk. I have to go, I have a meeting now and after I have to find the perfect answer in my role play as princecharming91. »

Chuck laughed

« see you at 1pm at the Empire. »

...

A bit after noon Nate was done with his meeting, he went back to Serena's office, it was time to leave if not they would be late for lunch with Chuck and Blair.

Serena was serious and looked determined

« ready, not nervous » asked Nate

« yes I am ready and why should I be nervous, I did not do anything wrong, this is what people like Blair and Dan love to make me believe but it doesn't work anymore. So let's fix this. »

she opened the door of her office and walked towards the elevator, her heels, killer legs, her hair, her face and everything, she was simply stunning and walking proudly. Nate sighed, it was not looking good when Serena was adopting this attitude, she was not like that, she was sweet and sensitive until you hurt her too much... (nb, remember her in 2.04)

...

At the Empire.

Blair and Chuck were already sat, Blair was suspicious, why did Chuck sit next to her and not in front of her and why did they take a table for four as they were only 3, Nate and them.

She had an important meetings on the afternoon, Olivier Rousteing from Balmain had accepted to meet her to talk about a possible collaboration, the meeting was at 2.30pm she could not be late.

« Bass, my love, you do remember who I am meeting this afternoon. And it is 1pm already, why haven't we ordered yet and don't look for stupid excuse this is your hotel, I can order everything I want when I want it. So what are we waiting for. »

« Nathaniel » replied Chuck with a smile

« Nate can come later and eat with you, we do this all the time. » and she called the waitress and asked for a steak with a roquefort sausage.

« and the steak well done please. » she ordered before to offer to Chuck one of her bitchy smile

Chuck laughed but inside he was starting to be a bit desperate. He did this to help Nate and because he also thinks that Serena and Blair friendship could not suffer more damages because of old memories but he knew his wife and it was not the day to do it or the week.

And Blair's face confirmed his thoughts, when she saw Nate and Serena walking towards their table.

« Hi Chuck, Blair, how are you. » said Serena with a smile

She told herself to be nice, with Blair it was better to act like that. Serena would not wake up Blair's inside dragon, she just wanted to let Blair knows how awful she feels and how much she needs her best friend.

« what is she doing here. » replied an aggresive Blair

« What am I doing here, seeing you because you haven't returned any of my calls or messages. I did what you wanted, I left Dan. Why are you not talking to me then. » explained Serena with a broken voice already

« I said I won't talk to you until you are really separated, which is not the case for now. You left him fine. How many times did you do that. How long will it take for Dan to ask for your pardon and you running back to him. And of course in the meantime you play the happy married couple with Nate, which is pathetic. »

« I won't get back with Dan ever again, I asked for the cancellation of our wedding but Dan is making things complicated. »

« of course he does because as I just said it is a question of time before he comes and asks you to forgive him, that he never meant to hurt you and never stopped loving you, blabla. » interrupted Blair rolling her eyes

« it is different this time and I haven't done anything wrong Blair, why are you blaming me and because of what. You are my best friend or that's what I used to think so why are you not by my side in this complicated period. I've always been there for you when you needed me and you are never here when I need you. I am always the one who is asking for your pardon to take your word. »

Blair took a deep breath, it was hard for her too but she had to do this and she was doing it for Serena.

...

Serena needed someone to push her and she was the only one who could do it, in a positive way of course not like Nate who was too much in love with Serena and too afraid of his feelings to push her, Chuck was seeing Serena as his sister, his faith in her was too big. Blair was the only one who knew that Serena needed someone to push her to react.

...

« You are my best friend Serena and I love you, I just don't want to see you making the same mistakes all over again. I am tired of it too and look it is working because you did leave Dan so I should have acted like this before. »

« Blair not talking to me is not helping me, I did not leave Dan because of what you told me but because of what he did, because of what he wrote. I miss you. »

« I miss you too Serena but I am sorry as I said until you are not officially separated I won't talk to you. I am sorry, I miss you too but the damages caused by Dan are too big and this article is icing on the cake, it is too much and now if you excuse me, I will go to the kitchen pick my steak and go to my office. Olivier Rousteing is waiting for me, he is on his way to my office already and I don't want to be late. Chuck see you later at home, I love you. Nate remember, she is not your wife, you should avoid her too, bye S. » she finished with one of her smiles

and she left letting Chuck, Nate and of course Serena astounded by Blair comments.

Serena looked at Nate with tears in her eyes and said that she wanted to go home.

« Of course, do you want me to call my driver. »

« No I will take a taxi, see you tonight Natie, thanks for your help and thanks Chuck even if it did not work. »

Serena left too

Chuck looked at Nate and the menu

« duck or steak for you Nathaniel. The show opened my appetite. »

Nate laughed

« duck and I am done, you were right, it is their thing, they have to fix it on their own. Sorry. »

« Nathaniel don't apologize, you did not do anything. They will clean up the board as always, it will just be a bit longer this time and you my friend you should start to think about what is the next step between you and sis, because Blair was right, it does look like you are playing at the happy married couple and you and I know that you aren't playing so it is urgent for you to find out what Serena wants. »


	30. Chapter 30

I will post a new chapter this weekend, it had been a crazy week!

xx


	31. Chapter 31

New chapter

xx

...

Nate's house

Serena was home, preparing cookies while Winnie was doing laundry. Once she was done, Winnie went to the kitchen to help Serena.

Serena felt comfortable with the lady and explained what happened with Blair and curiously Winnie said that she could understand Blair's reaction.

« She wants you to be happy Serena and she is using the big guns. »

« she used a kalashnikov Winnie. You know I was thinking, that once Dan and I will be officially separated, to go to Los Angeles or may be Europe for a while. »

Winnie laughed

« Serena you can't spend your life running away. What are you afraid of, yourself, being happy. »

Serena nodded and explained that it was a bit of everything. The last time that she had been really happy and really herself was during her time at Brown few years ago after she came back from Paris.

« You know nobody to tell me what to do or with whom I should be or shouldn't be. »

« I still think that this is not right. It is time for you to accept you who are young lady. » insisted Winnie

Serena was not looking at Winnie anymore, she was looking at her cookies in the oven.

...

Winnie took a deep breath and decided that it was the right moment to make Serena understand that you got nothing by running away by telling her a bit more of her own life, her tragedy.

« Look Serena. » she obliged Serena to look at her and took her hands

«My life had been really complicated, really. When my son died, I understood that there was no way back, that until the day I die I will have to leave with it. At the beginning, just after his death, every single day I was thinking, when he started dealing drugs, I should have move from Chicago so he would still be alive. And you know what Serena, this is not true. My son would have fall into this sh** in NYC, LA, Washington, in every city of this country and I did everything I could to save him, I tried everything. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my fault. I was the guilty one for everybody until the day I stopped feeling that this was my fault. People see what you show them.»

Serena had an idea of what Winnie was trying to tell her and she knew that she was going to cry. She was making an effort as Winnie was sharing this painful memory without a tear but Serena could feel the lump in her throat already.

« I did not take care enough of my daughter and my other son, I haven't been a good mother for them. I came to NYC to have a new life away from Chicago, from the pain that this city represented for me but that pain in my chest, in my heart will never go away Serena. This is part of my life, part of me and you can go to another galaxy, nothing is going to change the past, what you had lived. In appearance, you might think that you feel better but we both know that this is not true. You might be thinking what is this old crazy woman telling me but Serena you know I am right. Stop running away for the wrong reasons. What are you afraid of Serena. »

Serena could not stop the tears, she was crying

« to end up alone, to do not have a family, kids, to do not achieve anything. People think that I should be happy because I can to Barney's and buy the all store, I can buy a prbiate jet if I want but I don't care about this. When I see Blair and Chuck, I am so jealous even if I see my family life different from theirs but still they are a family. I don't want to be like my mum either. When our dad left when we were kids and my mother started to forget that we existed that feeling has started to grow inside of me, be alone. It is my biggest fear. I even did push away people like Nate for example. »

« Why does Nate have to do with this. Nate would never leave you alone Serena, I am sure about it, no matter what you do, he will always be by your side. »

« I don't know, when we dated few years ago, everytime we had a fight I was thinking what if you break up and he never speaks to you again. This is something that I would never be able to handle, same with Blair. I let her having Nate because at least I could still have my two best friends. So. » she could not believe that she was sharing this with Winnie.

Nobody, not even Blair or Eric knew why she broke up with Nate

« So you asked for a time off and left for Paris, running away again. In your head you thought that Nate would not be mad at you and when you would come back you could just be best friends again. »

Serena nodded again

« yeah pretty much and when I came back you know, I was really struggling with my feelings for both but Nate was mad at me so I got scared that if we try again that it could destriy our relationship if we broke up so I turned to Dan. For months Nate and I had not been closed and when they came to LA and he was finally acting normal with me, I told myself, Serena, this is over, Nate will be your best friend forever. »

« You know that we are in his house and he could be in the stairs listening to our conversation. » warned Winnie

« It is 4pm, Nate is at the Spectator. » replied Serena however she did look around to see if Nate was not here.

...

Her conversation with Winnie had been so deep that she almost forgot where she was and she should be careful. Winnie was right it was Nate's house, he could come at any moment.

Serena took the cookies out of the oven and Winnie made some tea. She told Serena that she has to forget about her fears. Winnie insisted on the fact that because of her fears Serena could never truly be happy.

« And also there is a question that I want to ask you. You don't have to reply if you don't want to but let's imagine for a moment that Nate is still in love with you and well you are two beautiful young people with desire and necessities, something happened and he asks for another chance, what would be your answer. »

Winnie wanted to ask Serena if she was still in love with Nate because she was now 100% sure that Serena still has feelings for Nate but she knew that if she asked directly, Serena would not reply. She would say no or find an excuse and change the subject of the conversation.

Serena replied that she had no idea. She was afraid of it because she could feel that this was going to happen, not Nate asking for another chance but something between them was going to happen, she was pretty sure about it.

Every night when she was going to Nate's bed instead of hers, when she was letting her head fell on his chest, she wanted more than that and she did not know for how long she would be able to resist...

She was in an uncomfortable situation, Winnie was reading in between the lines too much but someone was ringing the bell.

« Saved by the bell but this conversation is not over Serena. » smiled Winnie before to go to open the door.

Serena heard Winnie saying Mrs Bass, what was Blair doing here. When Blair and Winnie stepped into the kitchen, Serena acted as if she had not see Blair. Van Der Bilt was trying to steal a cookie and Serena took him in her arms and went to the living room

« No Van Der Bilt, cookies are not for you and Sherlock they are not for you either. »

Blair, perplexe, was looking at Serena, she was adjusting her blouse to do not yell at Serena. Even Henry was not acting so childish

Winnie, who doesn't really like Blair, took Sherlock and said that it was time for his run in Central Park. Serena gave her a killer look for leavingthe house.

...

Few seconds after Winnie closed the door Blair started to speak

« Olivier agreed on designing a collection for Waldorf design, I am so happy. » she gave few more details

Serena, finally, looked at Blair and replied that Blair probably did not come to tell her that.

« and anyway why would I show you my support as you aren't supporting me. » said Serena with a fake smile

« white flag S, I came because I think I owe you an apology. »

« just one. » laughed Serena

Blair sighed and told Serena that she was sorry for her reaction, earlier at the Empire, but she did insist on the fact that she was sincere when she said that she did what she did because she wanted the best for Serena.

« and the best for you is to be far away from Dan Humphrey. I do really think that Dan will come back very soon in the picture. I am sure that he can't believe what is happening and he is now looking for a plan to win you back and this is what is scarring me because at the end you always fall in the trap. »

Serena replied that Blair should not be worry that it would not happen this time. Dan hurt Serena too much and there was no way back

« Believe me Blair, between Dan and I it is over. I am also working on myself and my fears and you can glow you were right, Dan is not for me, he had never been, I just wanted to believe it to do not have to face my reality. »

Blair smiled, a real one. She was glad to see that Serena seemed so sure.

« I think it was time for you to do it. Also S as we are alone, I want to add that please don't think that I am responsible for the decisions that you took and may be drove you to the wrong side of the road. I know you are mad at me because Nate and more things but you took those decisions alone S. »

Serena did not really like that comment but somehow Blair was right.

« Don't tell me that you would not have kill me and Nate. » said Serena ironically

« Probably but you are my best friends and Nate and I were not meant to be so sooner or later I would have capitulate. »

« Well we can't be sure about it. Blair, you are telling me that now so I am wondering weren't you seeing that Nate and I were not acting like best friends. You smell those things and I can't believe that you never saw it. So why did not you set him free and let him be with me. »

« It was not my decision to take S, it was yours. You let me have Nate and yes I could see it but for some reasons you never took that risk, you had not been brave. For Nate, it was different because in his head it has never been really clear if you loved him or not. Even though he did take more risk than you and clearly expressed his feelings few times. He was waiting for you to make a move, I was too, you never did. So why would I have give up on my relationship with Nate. And the question is if I would have, would you have give him a chance. »

Blair won the battle with this sentence. They both knew it.

« I think this part of the past is clear now, so S are those cookies poisoned or may I eat one. »

« That's all, no cat fight Blair. » asked Serena surprised

« I don't want to fight with you S. »

...

They ate cookies and drunk tea until Winnie came back. They talked about nothing in concrete, some gossips, Olivier Rousteing and his future collaboration with Waldorf Design, the upcoming Victoria Secrets show...

Blair left a bit before 6pm, before Nate comes home, she did not want to see Nate and Serena playing the happy couple. After her talk with Serena it was sure that Serena still had the same fears that she had when they were in high school and it was heartbreaking because everybody could see how Serena and Nate were making such a wonderful couple. Even themselves probably knew it too but Serena was afraid of being with Nate and Blair wondered if that fear would ever go away...

May be Serena's friends from Brown were right and neither Dan or Nate were made for Serena. May be there was a man with whom Serena would not be afraid to leave or to be herself.

Winnie opened the door for Blair and told her

« No Mrs Bass, he is the one. » affirmed Winnie

Blair looked at Winnie confused

« how do you, do you read mind. » asked Blair confused

Winnie laughed and said bye to Blair. She could do more than reading mind but she was not going to tell that to Blair.

Blair saw Nate arriving and thought that she left just on time.

Winnie is played by Jackee Harry


	32. Chapter 32

Next chapter

xx

...

When Nate arrived home, Serena first thought that it was Blair again.

« B is that you again. »

Nate looked at Serena confused, she told him that Blair came and apologized. Nate did not seem surprise to know that, Serena asked if Chuck spoke with Blair.

« No, she called Chuck and said that she would come to see you. I did not know that she would do it today but I am glad she did. »

...

in the kitchen Nate sat on one of the chair, his gaze totally lost.

Nate looked tired and preoccupied. Serena offered him some cookies and he said that he was not really hungry. He took off his tie and looked around. Serena asked him if something was wrong. He lied and said that he was fine.

He went upstairs and took a shower. He stayed for a while in his bathroom thinking about too many things. Blair's sentences during their non lunch at the Empire hurt him, playing the happy couple. It was fake, they were not a couple and they weren't happy. Serena needed someone and as usual she picked him because she knew that he would be there. He was still doing the same stupid mistakes.

He thought about princecharming91, this has been another stupid idea. Serena was probably going to figure out soon that it was him, actually it was weird that she hasn't figured out that yet.

How could he think that he could find out if Serena's still has feelings for him by writting to Serena herself...

She was living with him, he could simply ask but he was terrified to know the answer. He looked at himself in the mirror but the mirror was not a magical one and he could wait here forever he would not get his answers by staying here.

...

Winnie left a bit before 8pm, Serena was worried, Nate was still upstairs. She found him in his room, reading a book on his bed.

She took a sit next to him. She took the book out of his hands, she took his face in her hands and asked him again if everything was alright.

« You know you can tell me everything Nate. »

« I am fine Serena, I just had a long week that's all. Sometimes, I act like an old man on friday night. » he replied with a forced smile

Serena said that she did not believe him but she was not going to torture him to get an answer.

«I am here in case you wanna talk. Are you coming for dinner. We made spanish tortilla with Winnie. » it was not really a question as she took his hands and forced him to follow her.

...

Nate went to bed before 10pm hopping that Serena would not follow him right away but she did. For the first time in forever it bothered him to have Serena so close, sharing the same bed. It was unfair.

Serena always looked surprised when someone was telling her that she broke his heart many times but seriously how could she look surprised. Wasn't she thinking in any moment that she was hurting him by acting like that, does she really have no idea about his feelings for her.

It pissed him off so much suddenly. He pushed her away and left the room. Serena was asleep already but he knew that she woke up when he pushed her.

He took a blanket and went to sleep on the couch of the living room. When he closed his room's door he was pretty sure that he heard a sob but he did not care at the end he was the one who has all the reasons to cry not Serena.

...

On the next morning when he woke up, he found Serena sat in the little table next to the couch with a cup of tea in her hands and another one on the table.

She looked at him and smiled. Nate asked what time it was with no smile. This feeling of rancor was still there.

« 7:45am » and she gave him the other cup

« it is red tea and the stick of cinnamon is to give it a sweeter taste. Winnie is not here yet and I am not going to let you escape anywhere until you don't tell me why suddenly you are acting so strangely. »

He looked into her eyes and sighed. He had to tell her how he feels, not that he loves her but how much she has been hurting him.

« Blair's words hurt me too. When she said that we were acting as if we were an happy married couple, it hurt me because, well it is complicated Serena but basically it reminds me that I am single and alone, also I don't want people to start spreading gossips around. »

Serena said that she could understand but she also said that they should not care about what people think.

« I had a really interesting conversation with Winnie yesterday and I don't care about what people think and you should not either. »

« what about your husband Serena. Dan is not going to make things easy, Tammy told you and Dan could say that you are being unfaithful, that we are having an affair. » argue Nate

« But we aren't having an affair Nate and he can say whatever he wants I don't care, gosh how many times do I have to say it. You told me not that long ago that I should not care about Dan and now you are the one who cares about it. And please don't use the excuse of the elections because we are going out and we are seen together not more than usual. » replied Serena who needed to get a good reason from Nate and this was not a good one

« we are living under the same roof Serena. » he replied rolling his eyes to accentuate his words. How could it look so fine for her, so normal.

« do you want me to leave Nate. » asked Serena who was very sensitive and knew that she could cry. She was crying all the time lately.

...

It took him seconds to reply. For the first time he had been about to say yes. Serena was seeing his silence as a yes too and she looked into his eyes

« Nate, do you want me to leave and why. »

« No, I don't want you to leave Serena but Serena things are not easy for me. I done want us to do something that we could regret. » he finally let that words going out of his head.

« who said that we could regret it. » she asked a bit too fast.

Nate put the cup of tea on the table and raised his hands

« Serena, no, no, you can't say that, you can't do that to me again. When I tried to stop you before you leave for France you kissed me and you told me that you still loved me. You had broken up with Dan like what the day before that and if it would not have been because I stopped you, you would have stay with me and now it is pretty much the same and it can not be possible Serena. You are driving me crazy, I am not your plan B. Things are bad oh ok let's go to Nate, no no this time is over Serena. And you know what I am also thinking about Dan, Blair is right it is a question of time before he comes with flowers, chocolates with stupid excuses to win you back. » he had been waited for this time for so long, he could not believe that they were finally talking about it.

He did not care of how it was going to end, he needed to tell her how he felt.

« Nate, Dan and I are over, I am done with him ok. I know that you are all thinking that I am going to fall in his next trap but I won't. Please Nate you are always the one who believes in me why not this time. » she replied, she tried to take his hands bit he did not let her and he replied

« Because at the end I am the one who is going to end up heartbroken again. »

« Nate, I won't get back to Dan. I swear, I wish you could read my mind so you would see that it is the truth. And you have never been a plan B, please stop with that idea. »

« then explained me Serena because this is how it looks like. » he yelled at her.

Serena's were wide opened, Nate had never been yelling at her, never.

« Serena I went to Brown, not Dan, for what listening you telling me that neither Dan or I were made for you, that with time we would all see it. You told me that going to LA was a good thing to realize it too. I was not heartbroken Serena when I arrived in LA destroyed. Serena the last time that I had seen you, you kissed me and expressed feelings for me and a year later I got this crazy explanation. Do you have any idea about how I felt. I came to Brown Serena because I wanted to propose to you and if you don't believe me you can look into my chest of drawers, the third one into a pair of blue socks, the box is still there, I never had the courage to return the ring. »

« I don't know what to say, you should have told me before. » she said with tears. She had been complaining many times that people never listen her version of the story but also nobody never listen to Nate, she never did when he was always here for her.

« for what, having more doubts, feeling worst. For a year, I woke up everyday thinking about your words, your kiss and I had been stupid enough to think that I could have a real chance to finally get the girl that I had been waiting for my entire life, the girl, woman with whom I want to have kids, get married and get old. Did you even think what you told me that day » he asked looking into her eyes

« yes everytime before I left for Paris and at Brown too because at that time I believed it Nate, it was making sense, neither, you or Dan were made for me and it was hard for me to accept it too. »

« but them you came back here and oh wait Dan was finally the right guy for you and now that you had married him, you finally found out that he is not the right guy for you so where does it position us, me, to the Brown theory again or will I be the right one now. »

« Nate things are not that easy you know it. I can understand that you are mad and you had been for years. You should have talk to me before and I can't answer you the question. I just can't but now I am sure that I did take the right decision Nate. I wish I could give you an answer. »

She once again thought that she could not be with Nate, a scene like that was exactly what she did not want because it could damage their relationship forever and she needed him too much

« Serena, I am afraid of this answer because if you pick the second one, why would it be because it did not work with Dan so by deduction, I must be the right one and you end up believing it or would it be because you love me and for some reason timing was just not right before. »

« Nate, I can't answer that but you have to believe me you have never been a second choice, stop with that. It has never been you or Dan, I mean not in that way. I pushed you away but it had never been because of Dan, it had been because of me»

« I need to know why Serena, I can't go on with my life if you don't give me that answer. »

« I can't explain you Nate, I am sorry. I will, I swear that I will find the right words to explain you but right now I can't. »

Nate sighed and stood up.

« I am going for a run, I am going to call my father. Serena, I give you a month to give me an explanation after that if you hadn't, you will be my employee and someone I used to know. I think you owe me this, at least, and I am too nice for giving you a month to do it but I just can't believe that you won't. I've been loosing time loving you Serena but the worst is that I've been loosing more time waiting for you and I won't do it anymore or the pain will kill me. »

And he left the room. For Serena the worst just arrived... She had too options, loosing Nate forever but protecting herself or be brave and give him thr chance that he deserves, that they deserve even if it means may be loosing him forever in the future. At the end wasn't it the same...


	33. Chapter 33

New chapter

xx

...

Nate spent the rest of the days with his family. He needed a time off, away from Serena and his thoughts. He felt relieved and stupid at the same time.

While Nate was trying to forget about Serena and the conversation they had, for Serena it was the contrary. She spent her saturday looking for the right thing to do. She called Behata and asked her if she was free for a coffee. Behata accepted. They agreed to meet at 2pm at the starbucks of the 63rd with Broadway so they could walk in Central Park after.

Before to leave the house, Serena picked a pair of maxi prada tortoise sunglasses in her closet so nobody would see how much her eyes were red. She spent part of the morning crying, she stopped because Winnie told her that at some point crying was not helping.

« It only makes you feel worst and ugly. »she told Serena

« I know and don't worry, I have to meet a friend. » replied the pretty blonde with a smile and she left the house.

...

We were in October but it was one of those warm day of fall thanks to the indian summer. It was Serena's favorite time of the year when she was a little girl until her freshman year, from there she always had in mind the day that she went to Blair's and everything changed.

It was also Blair's favorite season and ironically it was still her favorite season as if destiny has decided that it would forever be Blair's season. Serena stopped by the whole food market of Columbus Circle to eat something before to meet Behata.

Her phone rang many times, she did not take any call. She just sighed everytime that she was having a new call. Her mom tried to call her two times, Blair and also her grandmother. She would call them back later, once she would feel better and for sure seeing Behata would help.

...

At Central Park

They walked around central park for two hours, Serena was glad that she decided to wear her Chloe ballerina and not heels.

This time Behata did ask everything she had in mind and after thinking a lot she gave Serena her opinion.

« Look Serena, I think that for more than 10 years now you had always took the wrong decision and you knew it inside of you. Your heart and mind are conflicted and you never listened to your heart which is a pity. I can't understand why you are so scared of being with Nate, for what you explained, I can tell you that he loves you very much and don't roll your eyes like that because I am sure about it and you should be sure about it too. You should not question his love for you. »

She added that from her point of view Serena had no excuse and when Serena tried to say, one more time, that she was afraid of loosing him, Behata laughed.

« This is ridiculous. » affirmed Behata

« However you should be careful Serena, everybody has limits and I think that Nate is only few steps away from his own limits. If you love him and we both know you do then, react before it is too late. Go to see your lawyer on monday, call Dan and tell him that you will go tomorrow to pack all your stuff and you don't care if he is there or not because your life with him is over. And once the board is clean ask Nate to marry you or I will have no other choice than dying my hair in blonde, wear your perfume and of course kidnap you and locked you in the basement of my building because if you let Nathaniel Archibald go your the most stupid girl I have ever met in all my lifes, previous, actual and futures ones. » smiled Behata

Serena laughed and said that things were clear. She thought about Blair, if she would be here, she would have told Serena to be careful because who knows may be Behata could really do what she said.

...

Serena went home by walk, she enjoyed this moment even if she was alone, she felt better than this morning. When she opened the door she wondered if Nate was home. He was not and Winnie was done, so the house was empty. She looked for her phone in her purse and called Dan.

It was his voicemail, she let a message. She then called back her mother. Lily was glad to hear from Serena.

« I will pass by tomorrow as I will go to Dan's to take all my things. »

« I am sorry Honey. »

« Actually mom, I feel better now and relieved. I just hoped that he won't make things too complicated. »

She explained to Lily what had happened over the last days, except her intimate life with Nate. This is something that she was not ready to share with anyone not even Blair. She had the feeling that it could work only if she kept their life for herself and she knew that Nate was probably not saying a word either unless to Chuck and his parents may be.

Lily asked Serena to come for lunch before she goes to pack her things but Serena said that she did not know if she could or not

« Any plan with Nathaniel. » asked Lily who did not know what to think about the fact that Serena was at his house

«Mom, I asked him to stay with him, nothing more is happening. I am not sure that I can come for lunch tomorrow because I don't know if I want to come and precisely because I don't want to listen stupid things like the ones that you are thinking now. »

«Serena, I am just worried about you. »

« Don't be, I am fine, see you tomorrow mom, bye. »

...

She wanted to call back Blair and her grandmother but she knew that it was going to be pretty much than the conversation that she just had with her mother so she preferred to pass.

She looked at the clock, it was almost 6pm, where the hell was Nate.

She took her phone and hesitated before to put it back in her purse. Nate was not going to take her call for sure and beside, he was free to do whatever he wanted. He did not have to tell her what time he was going to come home, to his house.

She went upstairs, took a shower and put on her pink juicy couture joggers. She ordered sushis and picked a Walk to Remember as her saturday night's movie. and of course Van Der Bilt joined her. Sherlock was with Nate.

...

Nate arrived home around 8:30pm. He was feeling better. His father told him that as he has been waiting 27years old for Serena already so he could wait a bit more.

...

« Few more weeks are not going to kill you Nate. I know that I was not sure about you and Serena but son if you love her then have faith because she loves you too and even if it is hard don't close your heart, don't change who you are with her, stay the same Nate she has always known because if you don't do that you might block her. »

« easy to say dad but hard to do. » sighed Nate who was reslly tired of this situation

« If you do that Nate, I am afraid that you will never get the answer that you had been waiting for your entire life and as a father I can't let you take that risk because you are playing your future, your happiness and I want you to be loved and happy. My heart is weak and I am not sure that this journey will last many years or few weeks but the only thing I want is to see you happy before I die»

« Dad please don't be dramatic. » Nate knew that his father's life could stop at any moment because of his heart but Nate was pretty sure that his dad was exaggerating now.

« Nate, you have one life to be happy and life is short. You will never be able to get Serena out of your head so don't do any mistake that you could regret. I know it sounds unfair because you are the one who has been waiting forever but it could be worst. »

« you seemed pretty sure that we are going to end up together, I am a bit lost because few weeks ago you told me to forget her. »

The Captain said that he was sure because he observed Serena and he saw it into her eyes. He repeated to Nate to be patient.

And his father was right but Nate did not know for how long he could resist to the voices in his head who were telling him to kiss Serena, touch her and so much more than that. May be it would be easier if he confessed his feelings, after their conversation this morning it would be the next logical step.

...

He found Serena in the living room, upstairs as the living room of the main floor had no tv. She was watching a movie that Nate knew very well. He remembered the first time that they saw this movie 15 years ago. They were at Blair's and Nate was between the two girls. Serena cried a lot but not Blair. For Serena it was so romantic and for Blair too but as usual Blair was playing another version of the film in her head when Serena was just seeing the fatality of life...

As for himself, well he was seeing the fatality of his own life, be next to the girl he loves with no right except the one to hold her hand.

...

Serena pressed button pause when she saw Nate. They tried to act normal, asking each other how was their day. Serena asked Nate if he wanted to join her but he declined her offer. She bite her lips and saw him going to his room, closing his door behind him.

Nate was too lost and sad. Serena was crying a lot lately and god knew how much Nate wanted to cry aswell.

...

When the movie finished, Serena tried to sleep in the pink room but she could not so around 1am, she went to Nate's room. She knew that he had the right to push her away but she could not sleep if he was not next to her.

Nate was not surprised when he heard Serena pushing his door. He could not sleep either. He was shirtless and Serena first hesitated before to adopt her favorite position, her head on Nate's chest. She was drawing lines and circles on his left arm and his chest with her fingers, she knew that he was not sleeping

« Nate, I know that you are not sleeping. I just want to ask you to do not push me away. I know I deserve it but don't please. »

« I don't think I could even if tried. It is late we should try to sleep. » relied Nate who did not want to talk

« why do you don't touch me. » she asked which let Nate perplexed. It was a question she had in mind for a long time now. She noticed weeks ago already that they were always in contact because she was touching him, he never was and it was bothering her.

« what do you mean. » he asked, trying to hide his trouble

« I don't know, I am always the one holding your hands, hugging you but you don't, like now your arms are so straight. »

« I don't because I am not sure if I could stop Serena. »

End of the conversation, Serena did not move away which was a surprised for Nate but she did not reply. She was thinking about it, if Nate would do a move what would she do, she knew the answer and she regretted that Nate was not taking his chance now. She raised her head and stroked his lips with her fingers before to kiss him. It was a sweet kiss but Nate's heart was beating so fast. He did not understand why she kissed him so he did not move. He did not want to adk, not now.

« Good night Natie, don't be scared because I am scared enough for the two of us. » she murmured but Nate did not understand like when she told him that she loved him few weeks ago, in a similar situation.

« I am scared too Serena and I have good reasons for it while you don't. »

« I am going to pick up all my stuff tomorrow at Dan's. » she said as if it was enough to reassure Nate

She then kissed his neck before to let her head fall on his chest again before to close her eyes and fall asleep.

...

When Nate woke up he found a message in the kitchen.

I will be back for lunch. It is times to move away from Dan's and start to do the right things. Natie, call me if you are not at home. Love S.

Nate read the paper few times. What does that mean, does it mean that Serena wanted to be with him or what. It was so confusing, it was better for him to stay calm and with feet on esrth because with Serena, he never knew and he had fall too many times.

Prudence was going to be the word.

...

Serena called him a bit before lunch, she needed his help.

« I have too many boxes. » she laughed

Nate went there, it was weird Dan was there too, observing but not talking. Something was wring thought Nate, Dan was too calm and Serena too happy. May be he was just used to see things turning in a bad way for himself and that's why he had this feeling, he hoped that was it.

...

golnaz, we are going to see Dan for 2 more chapters and we will see Lily more and more every chapter but we won't see Eric that much except in the last 2/3 chapters which are quite close.

60% is posted already, the next chapter is the main one and then there are only about 10 chapters left


	34. Chapter 34 part A

New chapter. It is the first part of the chapter. It was way too long to post it in one only.

golnaz, yes I do ready every comment and I really appreciate every word

guest, I think I could write another story about Serena and Nate but this one is special because the end of GG had been a real disaster for me. Either you are a NS fan or not, everybody can say that it did not make sense at all to see Serena marrying Dan who was GG...

xx,

...

After putting everything in boxes, bags and suitcases Serena and Nate went home. Nate helped Serena to order her things. The closet of the pink room was now full and Serena realized that she did not want things to be like this. She did not want to be Nate's roommate, be at his house as a guest, no she wanted to be with him, she wanted his house to be her home too.

She always knew how kind and sweet he was but over the last weeks, she really fall for him all over again. She was so afraid of being with him, to loose him but she was also understanding that she could not miss another chance, she was in love with him. She could perfectly imagine him as a father too and she knew that he wanted kids not like Dan.

A girl for the pink room and a boy for Nate's room and with Nate they would just go to the master bedroom, the old bedroom of his parents that Nate totally renovated. She wondered sometimes why Nate did stay in his old room, probably because the other one was too big for one person and Nate did confess to Serena how lonely he felt sometimes. She used to feel lonely too but not when she was with him.

...

The week passed too fast again. Elections were in 2 weeks now, 2 small weeks to convince those people who were still not sure that Nate was the perfect candidate.

Over the week, Serena had meetings with her lawyer. Lily and Cece were helping her too however Dan was still not signing anything, it was desperately so much like Dan as Blair told Serena.

Serena went to see him but she did not get anything. He was just looking for a fight and Serena left before to give him this pleasure.

With Nate, Serena was acting each day a bit more as a wife and less than a best friend. She did not kiss him again but her words were different, she was not controlling every word that was coming out of her mouth.

Nate was in a strange position because he did not know what to do or what to think. Wait and see as the English said. He was afraid that at some point Dan would be back in the picture again as Blair predicted. Also Nate did not know if Serena was acting like she was because she really wanted it or because she felt that she had to.

He wished that he could get a proof that Serena was really sending him love signs and that it was not just his imagination. He knew that she was not playing but he was not sure why she acted like this. The question was not why are you acting like this but what makes you act like this and the only answer he got was

« I don't know what you mean Natie. I care about you, I guess that's why. »

But it was not enough to convince Nate that this was not another part of the play : Nate, the second plate...

...

On friday night he found Serena in her juicy couture tracksuit and told her that they should go out. He needed it, a moment without thinking about anything. She smiled and went upstairs to get ready. She was wearing a mini green Moschino dress, a denim jacket and white converse. She was stunning as usual.

They walked in Central Park and went to Times Square. Be in the middle of the tourists, all those people it was exactly what Nate needed to clean up his mind. They laughed so much, took pictures and selfies as if they were tourists and finally bought hot dogs and fries. They walked around and stopped in Central Park to eat on a bench.

« I am having such a good time Natie and I am not talking about tonight I mean since I moved to your house. I feel so happy, thanks Natie. »

They went home by walk, Serena grabbed Nate's hand and could not stop smiling, neither could Nate.

...

10 days before the election, William organized a party. It was a way to convince the now few persons, from their circle, who were not 100% sure about Nate.

Serena went with Nate. She was wearing a little red dress from dior, with a Louis Vuitton scarf to keep her shoulders warm as fall had finally decided to come.

She was admiring the view from the rooftop. William Van Der Bilt mansion was on the 89th street with the 5th avenue and the views were amazing. She found the captain and talked with him for a while.

He told her that he needed some fresh air as most of the persons who were inside still hated him.

« I did many good placements for them too but unfortunately they do all remember my mistakes, only my mistakes. I am proud of my son and I hope that he is going to win and hopefully I will live long enough to see him win. »

« Of course you will see him win. First tour is next saturday and the second tour is in less than 3 weeks. You will see him and yes you can be proud of him. He is going to do be the best Mayor that NYC could have ever wished for. »

The Captain laughed, he was happy to see how enthusiastic Serena was. Her eyes were full of love.

« So Serena, are you a single lady or not yet. »

She explained him how Dan was making things complicated.

« You will be happy Serena, you deserve it too. And I have to say that I am glad to finally see you smiling like that, it makes me remember the happy little girl that you were. »

« I am happy now and once Dan and I will be officially separated I will be even more happy, I just hope that I won't make more mistakes. » she said worried

« Serena, listen to your heart. He knows what is right. »

Serena offered her brightest smile to the captain. He went back inside and Serena stayed alone for few minutes before to be joined by Nate. They shared childhood memories as they used to come here and observed the city, Central Park, sharing their hopes and dreams.

« Nate, I need to ask you something. »

« Sure, tell me. »

« When I came back from boarding school, if I would have say that I came back for you, would you have really break up with Blair. » it was something that Serena always wondered. Wasn't he afraid of Blair's reaction, may be she was just the only one who was afraid of it.

« Yes, of course I would have. Don't have any doubt about it and actually we ended up because of my feelings for you. She would have been mad Serena but she would not have killed us either. And I would not have say no to any opportunity to be with the girl of my dreams. Why are you asking. »

« You stopped talking to me for a while because Blair told you to do it. And I don't know, when I came back I had feelings for you too but I needed to save my friendship with Blair and. »

« and you chose Blair. »

« No, Nate this is where you are wrong. I did not choose Blair's friendship over our relationship. I believed that it was better that way because I had no guarantee that you would break up with her and I was going to end up alone. »

Nate frowned that was ridiculous but it was also making sense. It hurt him because somehow it was demonstrating him that Serena did not totally trust him.

« I thought that you knew me better Serena. Why did you have doubt about me, come on Serena, I am the boy whole stole the flag of Constance and St Jude on the 8th grade because you asked me too. I took tampax and napkins from my mother's cabinet the first time you got your period because you did not want to tell anybody, I convinced Penelope to invite you to her birthday after you accidentally told her that she looked like witch»

« Nate, stop please. I made a lot of mistakes, I know it. I was stupid but I always trusted you, the one I did not trust was myself. »

Nate looked into her blue eyes and sighed. When Serena's father left, her all world fall apart and Nate knew that it marked the beginning of Serena's insecurities but how to fight against them.

She looked so vulnerable and beautiful at the same time. He hugged her and she kissed him again but this time he kissed her back.

« Serena, remember you have 10days to give me an explanation. » said Nate serious after breaking the kiss

He still wanted and needed to get real answers from Serena. Nothing could happen before.

Serena bite her lips and grabbed his hands.

« I know, I will. »

...

The week ended perfectly but the following one started in the worst way for Nate. Beside the fact that he got anonymous letters, again, threatening him to abandon the election if he wanted to have a long life, Dan started to call Serena. He said that he needed to talk to her, to understand why this cancellation, why all so sudden...

Of course, the first 2 days Serena did not give a shit about Dan's calls but then she picked up the phone and accepted to see him. Dan knew how to make her feel guilty.

But worst happened, his mother called on Tuesday around 4am as his father got another heart attack. The doctors said that the Captain stopped responding to his treatment and only a heart transplant could save him. Serena went with Nate to the hospital and she heard everything.

She was so sad for Nate, she comforted him and told him that she was always gonna be here for him and again she said that she loved him but Nate could not trust her. She was seeing Dan and even if she told him that it was just to force Dan to sign the damn papers, Nate had seen the movie too many times to believe her.

Anne Archibald asked her father to get the Captain on the top of the list. The Captain was now number 2 on the waiting list and doctors said that it would take less than a month to get a new heart for the Captain but Nate had that feeling that his father would not make it.

...

Elections were now in few days and Nate could not focus on anything. In a week his life went back to the same old road and Nate was destroyed. He was barely speaking to his friends. Chuck was trying to push him

« Come on Nate fight. » said Chuck many times

Winnie too, his mother and grandfather and his father but it was not working. The conversation with his father cheered him up a bit, at least it gave him enough energy to win the election but Nate was already sure that the rest was lost.

« Nate, you're worth it. Fight » said his father

« How am I supposed to fight, you, you are. »

« going to die, yes as everybody. Don't be sad about it please Nate and you heard the doctors nowadays with a transplant I can live many years »

« if it works.» interrupted Nate

« I lost the woman that I loved again. I am sure that it is a question of days now before she gets back with Dan. I can't loose you» he finished in a deep sigh

« Don't let her Nate. And you know what I can promise you that I am not going to die until I am sure that you got her. Nate, you are one step ahead towards your happiness. You haven't been fighting as you did to let everything end up in nothing. Do not bury me or Serena yet, do not bury your hopes never »

...

And finally here we were, the day of the election. Everybody was at the Spectator waiting for the results even if everybody knew that Nate was going to be on the second tour.

Nate was not waiting for the results, he was waiting for Serena to show up. She had left before lunch to meet Dan and she was not back yet, it was almost 4pm.

« It was too good to be true. I dreamt again, she kissed me as she used to for no reason when we were 13years old. » said a desperate Nate to Chuck and Blair.

« I wished I was wrong Nate. I really believed that this time Serena would not fall for Dan. »

« And she is not. Blair, have faith and you, Nathaniel please not because Serena is not here means that she is in bed with Dan. I know that this is what you are thinking. » said Chuck angry to see his best friend so devastated.

...

Serena arrived at 5:30pm but even if she was smiling Nate knew her too well and he knew that something was wrong. When he saw Dan arriving later, he knew that he thought too well.

When Serena saw Dan, she walked towards him and took him apart, in the kitchen and locked the door.

They stepped out of the kitchen few seconds before the final results. Nate was looking at them. He finished his third glass of vodka and he decided to leave. It did not matter if he win or not because he has just lost so much more.

The results were here, Nate won the first tour with 53% of the vows. Nate looked around and saw Serena and Dan in a hug and without saying goodbye to anyone, he left.

...

« Bye Dan. »

« Goodbye Serena. » said Dan before to leave

Serena was now looking for Nate but she was not seeing him. She wanted to congratulate him and also give him the other good news of the day.

She asked Blair and Chuck where Nate was and Blair said that they did not know. William was also waiting for Nate's speech but as he was not seeing his grandson, angry he did the speech to do not loose vows.

...

Serena, Blair and Chuck were now with their parents and Anne and the Captain.

« Where the hell is he. » asked them William

«I don't know dad, it looks like he disappeared. » said Anne worried

« Anne, he can't do this. He worked too hard and I worked hard too. He won the battle but not the war and he had to be here if he wants to win the war in two weeks. »

They were all calling Nate but his phone was turned off. The Captain was pretty sure that Nate had seen Dan and Serena and this was the reason why he left. He took Serena apart and told her.

« I thought you were done playing with his feelings Serena. I saw you kissing him the other day and now what back with Dan.» accused her the Captain

« I am not playing. Dan came to bring me the papers, he signed them. Our wedding is canceled, I don't know what Nate was thinking but he was wrong » said Serena horrified

She had to find Nate and explained him what just happened.

Serena said she will go and look for Nate. Anne wanted to go with her but The Captain did not let her.

...

Nate was probably at home and the small walk was going to help Serena to organize her thoughts. She just had her last conversation with Dan. She told him that she arrived at the conclusion that they were not meant for each other. Everytime they tried again it had been a mistake, marriage had been a mistake but at least they could go on with their lives, separately, now. Their wedding was officially cancelled.

When they started with the process of cancellation she thought that Dan was going to tell her that she was wrong, that they were going to go ahead and solve their problems but no, he did not, she did not want him to do it but he used to do it.

Today, finally, he agreed, he said that she was right. They tried but it did not work and he added that they could not change who they were.

« And Serena, I know that this is not what you think and not what everybody thinks but I've never tried to use you or your name to become a well known writter. I did mistake and I did take a lot of wrong decisions but I've never meant to hurt your feelings which I have to admit is not the case for your friends.»

« and that's part of the problem Dan, you had been hurting intentionally so many people that I love, that I consider as my family, they are part of me so I do not agree when you said that you never did anything intentionally to hurt me because you did and you know it »

« as I said already, I did heartbreaking mistakes and I am sorry and you are right, we are not made for each other, other wise we would not be having this conversation right now, conversation that we had so many times already. I am going to Chicago at the end of next week, I will spend some time there. I guess this goodbye»

Yes, she was ready for goodbye, this time it was over. They stepped out of the kitchen and shared one last hug and Nate saw only this.

The mix of feelings was too intense, freedom, peace of mind, her past, her fears about her future, it was too intense. Nate was the only person she wanted to see right now. Dan was right, she was always running to Nate but with Nate she always feels safe. He doesn't judge her, never and he always has time for her, she never got the feeling that she was bothering him, she was in love him that's why everything always seemed right with him.

She was ready to tell him everything, she just hoped that Nate would be ready to listen. She hoped that Nate had not been imagining too many bad things...


	35. Chapter 34 part B

New chapter.

I hope you will like it

golnaz, you will see what happened with Nate's dad in the next chapter.

hannah thanks for your comment

xx,

...

Serena had been ringing the bell several times, she knew that he was here because she could see that the of the living room were turned on and she could even Nate's shadow behind the curtains. For some reason he did not want to open the door which was ridiculous, he just won the first tour of the election. In 2 weeks he was to be elected the new and youngest major of NYC.

She used the key that was hidden behind climbing rose as she forget hers before to leave the house. Spines scratched her but she had no time worry about it. She was worried about Nate only.

...

Once she stepped into the house, she called him but he was not coming, only Van Der Bily and Sherlock welcomed her. She walked into the leaving room followed by the cat and the dog. Nate was looking at the window, hidden behind the curtains, a glass of scotch in his left hand. Serena's reflection appeared on the glass of the window, Nate's expression changed from sadness to madness. He looked at his feet and sighed.

Serena tried to take his free hand but he did not let her.

« Nate, I tried to call you, I had been ringing the bell because I forgot my keys. Everybody is looking for you, why did you left without saying goodbye »

As he was not facing her, she walked towards the window and faced Nate, her back on the glass. Their gaze met, he looked so devastated and she could not understand why

« I wanted to be alone » he murmured

« but Nate, you just won, unless if something unbelievable happened in the next 2 weeks, you are gonna be the new mayor of the city. Aren't you happy to see your dream, may be your biggest dream coming true » she smiled, she wanted to cheer him up

he sighed again and looked into her eyes, pression was intense

« it is not my biggest dream, it is only one of my goals and I am happy that I achieved it but I can't tell you that it is not my dream » and he stopped looking at her

« what is your dream Nate, you are the most eligible bachelors in town of probably of the state or may be the country, I don't think that you should be that sad because I don't see how all your dreams can't come true» she said with a confident smile

She could not understand why he was so down. She knew that it was something deeper than just the fact that he might have seen her hugging Dan. She was lost and confused, she came here happy and free and now she could feel a deep depression and Nate's answer disrupted so much.

« because my biggest dream is taken Serena, I can't have it, I just can't. I want to have kids, to have a family and it is not possible »

« Why not » she could not get Nate's words. Of course she knew that they did not really talk about them as a lovers or talked about a possible relationship after closing the Dan's chapter but Serena thought that she made it pretty clear with her gestures, kisses and words.

he laughed and she looked at him surprised and confused because it was a sarcastic laugh

she raised her eyebrows

« Nate »

« no Serena, you are wrong again and you know why because I met that the woman of my life already but I can't have her and I tried so hard to get her out of my mind but it is not working and you asked me why I left, I am gonna tell you. I left because, yes I did win that first tour and yes I am probably going to be elected in 2 weeks but that doesn't change anything because anyway when I will get home I will be alone and no Serena, Winnie doesn't count. I was there when we got the results and I was alone, I looked around me and everybody was in pair, except me so I left. At least here, I have my dog and my cat. I saw my dad and my mum, Chuck and Blair but most of all I saw you and Dan, Serena and that was too much for me. I had been stupid enough to think that this time it was really over but he comes and you run»

Nate was almost crying and Serena was not sure if she wanted to hear the rest. She was afraid of what he could say, for few seconds she had been worried that the woman of whom Nate was talking about was not her, but know that she was that she and Nate were still in love with each other, she got scared of what he could say. He looked so destroyed that for a moment all her fears were knocking at her conscience's door.

« Nate, It is over, I swear » but it seemed that Nate was not listening

« But you know the worst part Serena, is that I have to see the woman that I love with another man knowing that she is not even happy with him and yes Serena, I am talking about you. I love you, I've never stopped loving you and you broke my heart so many times that I think that you actually took it and kept it locked. I can't get you out of my head, heart, bones, I dream about you all the time since I am a kid. It is painful to see you everyday, be with you everyday when I know that you will never be mine. When we are in my bed at night, I want to love you. I want to have kids with you, I want everything with you and I can't because you don't love me. »

He was crying, she was crying. Nate was letting words that he had been retaining for years coming out of his mouth.

« I don't know what to say Nate except that you are wrong. I feel so sorry but why did you not say anything before, why did you not tell me sooner and don't say that I am not in love with you because this is not true»

« Because I don't want to be a second plate ever again, I didn't want to watch the scene over and over again, you choosing Dan or whoever it will be over me or having you running into my arms once it ended. I did not want you to come to me with you knowing what I feel otherwise I would never be able to think that you chose me over Dan. » his voice was drowned in his sobs

« I got that feeling already and I just can't leave with it. I want to have kids with you Serena, make you happy but I don't want to have that with the doubt that it might have been your second choice and this is what I have always been your second choice. I tried to avoid you, to leave in another city but you are always in my mind and even if it is painful as fuck, I decided that I preferred to have you in my life and to keep dreaming instead of not seeing you at all because that would kill me Serena but I am not so sure now. I can't see you with Dan anymore. »

He finished his glass, before to let sobs coming again. Serena had never seen him crying like that. She felt so bad, she felt so bad for everything and she understood his point of view. But he was wrong, he had never been a second plate or her choice by default but how could she explain that. It was not possible to believe it from the outside because she married Dan, for everybody she chose Dan over Nate but it was not like that in her head.

«Serena, I asked a question 2weeks ago, I need my answer. Are we back to the Brown theory or am I the right guy now because Dan is not. You said it was nothing like this, deadline is actually today Serena, I need my answer. What am I for you. Why did you reject so many times. You know how heartbroken I felt when you left with my cousin. »

Serena loves Nate, always had, always will but he is her best friend, she had so much to loose if things turned in a very bad way as they did with Dan. Dan is not her friend, he came into her life as a love interest and as hard as it will be for Serena to totally get over him, she will, she knew she will but getting over Nate was impossible. She could not loose him but how could she tell him that, make him understand that. There were so many years of unsaid things.

« I never meant to hurt you and you have never been a second choice, it is not like that. I love you, I really do.»

« then explain me what I am because I am lost and confused. » he yelled at her

« I don't know how to explain Nate. I love you Nate and it is breaking my heart to see you like this » and it was true, for the second time tonight, she felt heartbroken but this time if felt worst because now there was no way back. She could not pretend, they could not pretend that this conversation never happened. He gave her a deadline, she said I love you but it was not enough.

It was not that she could not tell Nate what she felt she just did not know how to make him understand that it was the truth because he was so convinced that he was a second plate, she knew that words would not be enough but what could she do.

« Nate » she said but she did not know what to add

She took his free hand and he looked at her, he was angry.

« Serena, I think it is better if you leave and if you now excuse me but I really would like to be alone. I did not want you here tonight, I just did not because in my dreams I am celebrating it with you in a way that I can't have in this reality »

He pushed her away and took the bottle of scotch and left the room. It took few seconds to Serena to realize that may be because she came tonight, may be because she always needs Nate too much, she might have lost him tonight, she had lost Dan but she was not going to loose Nate.

The poor Nate was destroyed and she did not want to loose him for her own good but what about him. Nate deserved to be happy and loved and she had never been sure that she should risk their friendship to give that to him until now.

Her heart and mind were conflicted and she finally listened to her heart, she ran after Nate. He was already in the stairs when she called him

« Nate, please get dress and come with me, everybody is waiting for you and what do you want me to tell them »

«Tell them that you did not find me, you can say whatever you want but Serena please leave me alone »

He was getting angrier now, still crying and really mad.

« Nate please do not hate me, I need you, I love you, I do so much »

« Serena, leave the house and dont even think of making one more step ahead » he warned her

«What are you gonna do if I do » she said looking for his eyes

« Serena, if you come any closer, I swear I won't control myself, I will take off your clothes and make love to you on the floor, in those stairs and everywhere because this is what I've been desiring for so long»

She looked at him and then looked at the door. She looked at him one more time before to make a move and when her hand was about to open the door, she heard a big sob. She closed her eyes and tried to do not look back but she could not stop her and she turned and saw him, fallen on the stairs crying with so much pain.

She knew that what he told her was gonna happened if she made a move back to him but this is what she wanted too. She wanted him, she wanted to be with him, she has been waiting for that a long time too. She took the stairs and sat where he was. She took his face in her hands and Nate did what he told her.

He grabbed her waist and after he murmured,

« Don't say I did not warn you » he kissed her and she kissed him back, it was wild and passionate and that was only the beginning of a long night. Serena knew that Nate needed proofs, she was ready to fight and give him proofs of her love.

She took of her jacket and shirt before to take off his shirt. Their roles just switched, she was the one who will have to fight for him now. Tomorrow, no tonight was the beginning of a new chapter and she was ready for it.


	36. Chapter 36

New chapter

golnaz, may be I will upgrade to R but not now. In the very last chapters I guess or may be I can send you an extra. The special scenes if you want.

xx,

...

Nate's house

When Serena woke up she felt so happy and loved. What happened with Nate did not feel awkward or wrong. Nate loved her in a way that Dan never did. It was not about sex, it was about love, Nate's look was so full of love, it gave Serena so much joy and peace. She had not feel like that for so long that she could not even remember when was the last time. Nate was still asleep and Serena leaned on her elbows to observe him, he was so beautiful. She bite her lips and let her head rest on Nate's chest.

However what she felt did not change the reality of the situation, she slept with Nate but what now. How was she supposed to act when he will wake up.

First she should tell him that Dan did sign the papers so her marriage was over. Yesterday before to leave the Spectator to look for Nate, she called a messenger to pick up the papers and bring them to her lawyer. Tomorrow, she will just have to pick up the confirmation of cancellation. She was a single woman, she was not Dan's wife anymore, she was Serena Van Der Woodsen again and she knew that will count a lot for Nate in his acceptance of seeing that he was not a second plate.

Somehow she was glad that nothing happened before because she did not cheat on Dan and Nate could not get the feeling of being betrayed.

But what to do next. What was he waiting from her?

The only thing she was sure about is that last night had not been a mistake. She stayed and had a wonderful night and Nate needed to know that. Her problem now was that she believed that she wasn't Nate's best friend. He acted like that because he was madly in love with her and now that he confessed everything how will he act.

She was hesitating, it was really early but she wanted to talk to him and she was also ready for another round but she was also afraid to wake him up because she could not anticipate his reaction.

His phone started to ring, Serena wondered who could called him that early on a sunday morning. It was 7:30am.

Nate woke up and took his phone. He did not push Serena away which she interpreted as something good.

«Hi dad, I am fine, no, no I did not disappear, I just needed to be alone. Where did I go last night, home, I told you, I needed some space. No I'm fine, I just did not want to be assault by journalists and stuff. Don't worry dad, I am fine. Yes, yes, ok, see you in 30min »

He look at his phone and then looked at Serena

He was insecure, Serena could see it in his eyes

She smiled at him, she kissed him and he seemed surprised so he smiled at her but he was still afraid to talk

« I have to go Serena, I promised my dad » said Nate. He did really not know what to say.

First evel when he heard his phone he was pretty sure that last night had been a dream because of the multiples glasses of scotch that he drunk but no, it was real. Serena was in his bed, her naked body pressed against his and a big smile on her face.

Second evel, he did not know what it meant for her. For him, it meant so much but what about her. She would have to tell him, he was not going to ask. It was her turn to express her feelings because he said pretty much everything last night.

Serena's voice interrupted his thoughts

« It is ok, I know you two go for a run every sunday in Central Park, I just thought that he was not going to run anymore after what the doctors said »

«No run but a walk, it is our moment»

« I guessed it means that I have to let you go then, such a pity » she said with smirk. She wanted more, Nate laughed.

He touched her hair and took her face in his hands

« Look serena about what we did »

She cut him

« I have no regrets, now go or you will be late, I will see you later, I have to go to my parents for brunch, Chuck and Blair are coming, so see you there Natie »

She gave him a kiss on the cheek but so close to his lips, he closed his eyes and then get out of the bed without adding anything. No regret, he felt relieved at least she was not going to avoid him or felt bad about it, it was a good point.

He picked up his clothes on the floor, dressed up and left the room.

Serena looked at the messy room, they broke one of Nate's lamps and she was pretty sure that the bottle of scotch that Nate took before to leave the living room finished its life in the stairs. She was not going to let Winnie clean this, she will do it.

She then looked at the empty space in the bed next to her, bite her lips and took her clothes on the floor aswell. She went to the bathroom for a quick shower. Something from last night crossed her mind but she decided to forget about this details.

...

The captain was waiting for Nate at the entrance on the 72nd street. When he saw his son he was smiling however Nate noticed that his father was really pale.

« My champion, my son the new Mayor of NYC. »

« I am not the Mayor yet Dad, we will see it in two weeks now but it looks good. Are you ok, you look tired. »

« Your mum she gave me an hard time yesterday. We were worried about you, why did you leave without saying goodbye, your grandfather was really angry. »

« Oh I kind of noticed that, I looked at my phone after you called and I had like 30missed calls and 10 from grandfather so I guess, I will have a very pleasant talk tomorrow. » joked Nate

The Captain laughed too but then he became serious. He told Nate that he saw Serena and Dan too and no matter how Nate felt in that moment he could not leave.

« You jumped to conclusion because you are obsessed with this idea, you believe so much that she will go back with him that you are interpreting everything as a sign going in that direction and it is your choice but it doesn't give you the right to fail and abandon the game. You know how many people were there, how many wanted to hear how happy you were but no you left, why because you saw something. »

« I know, it was stupid and I won't do it again dad but I was. »

« But you were what Nate hurt, overthinking and having crazy thoughts because of the pretty blonde that you had been in love since you are what 5 or 6. Be a man Nate. You can't be afraid. »

Nate explained to his father that he was not afraid but destroyed and admitted that his attitude had been totally wrong and that he was going to send an email to all the persons who were at the Spectator last night. The Captain agreed and added that William probably had something written by one of his communication's experts.

The Captain told Nate that for someone who was destroyed few hours ago, he looked pretty good. He asked Nate to sit on a bench as he felt tired and he had some difficulties to breathe.

« Did Serena find you, she left to look for you and soon after she left we tried to call her too and phone off. So I am just asking if she found you. »

Nate confessed

« I slept with her. »

« Don't you sleep with her every night. » asked the Captain who knew what Nate meant but he wanted to hear it from Nate.

« No, what I mean dad is that we made love and now I don't know what to do. She looked so happy this morning, so, I don't know. I mean what about us. I am scared that if we move too fast it won't work but at the same time, what is moving too fast. I've known her my all life, I know everything about her and I don't want to wait but I still need to be sure that she really loves me. »

« What do you expect from her. » asked the Captain who was very pale now

Nate asked his father if he was ok.

« Look Dad, we should go home. We are still close to the house, we should go and from there I call mum and she can send a car for you. »

« I am fine Nate. I am fine. »

Nate frowned, he knew that his dad was not ok. He took his phone

«what are you doing. » asked the Captain

« I am calling my driver, I take you to the hospital. »

« Nate, no, no please listen to me, I am fine. Why don't you go to buy me an orange juice or something. » he pointed a shopping trolley in front of them.

Nate was observing his dad.

« I buy you a orange juice but after I call my driver and take you home. »

«ok, ok. » said the Captain who was feeling to weak to reply

Nate did the few steps that were separating them from the trolley, looking back every second to see if his dad was ok. There were two persons before him, he waited for his turn still looking at his father. The Captain smiled at Nate and raised his thumb. Nate ordered the orange juice and when he was about to pay he noticed that he was tembling, he was scared.

He heard voices in his back and as he returned, he let the bottle fall. He had not been looking at his dad for what 10seconds, 20seconds and the Captain was lying on the bench with 2 runners around him.

Nate called 911 and took his dad's face.

« Dad, dad, can you hear me. I called 911. You can't leave me now. »

« I told you I will stay alive until you got your girl. »

« Dad it is not funny at all and I did not get the girl. »

« I think you did now, I repeat what do you expect from her. »

« Dad please stop talking, keep your energy, your strengths. »

The Captain took Nate's arms in his hand, on that moment Nate knew that his father was going to die. So he gave his father the answer as apparently it was important for him

« I want her to understand that I will always be here for her, no matter what, the good and the bad. I want her to see me as her life's partner. »

«Life is not easy Nate but love is most beautiful thing. Look at me and your mum, not always easy but I would not change our lives because I love your mother so much and you. »

« I love you too and now please stop talking. The ambulance is here. »

The Captain sighed one last time and closed his eyes

They took the Captain and Nate to Lenox. Nate called his mother while watching the doctors trying to resuscitate his father.

...

At the hospital

Anne arrived few minutes after the ambulance, she was with her father. The doctors did resuscitate the Captain but they explained to Nate and Anne that the end was near.

« I am sorry but there is nothing we can do. It is a question of minutes, may be hours. I am sorry Mrs Archibald, Mister Archibald, Mister Van Det Bilt »

« Can we see him. » asked Anne

« Yes you can and if you want to call friends or family so they can come to say goodbye it is now. »

William said that he was going to take care of it

«Go to see him, I take care of the rest. »

Anne took her son hand and they went to see the Captain one last time. He was in his bed awake but too weak to speak however he tried to smile. Nate and Anne sat on each side of the bed and the Captain took their hands.

Anne was crying and Nate was lost in his thoughts. Why does life have to be so complicated. Few hours ago, he woke up from a real dream next to the woman he has always loved, he was happy and now he was about to loose one of the persons that he loves the most. Yesterday, somehow he thought that he had lost Serena but it was his dad the one that he was going to loose.

Was this karma, a life for a life. He had the feeling that it had been Serena or his dad and it was breaking him.

As if the Captain could read his thoughts, he looked into his son eyes and hold his hand stronger.

« That's life son and life is unfair sometimes » murmured the Captain before to close his eyes forever but Nate was still feeling guilty. He was also thinking that it was his fault, if he had not leave last night, nobody would have been preoccupied, his father would not have been preoccupied or stressed. Doctors said that it was important to avoid those things.

Nate really got the feeling that it was his father or Serena and the worst is that even if he would have known that he had to choose he was not sure whom he would have chosen, his father or the love of his life. His father wanted to see him with Serena, happy and with a family, well Nate believed that he had to get it no matter what because if not his father died for nothing


	37. Chapter 37

New chapter,

golnaz, I am sorry that I killed Nate's father but also it is life and most of the time it is a way to open some doors. It was necessary for the development and also the ending of my story to kill someone close to Nate's. But to comfort you, think that we are now close to the end so close to an happy Serena and Nate ending. Also if you read in between the lines in the last chapter, there is something that you should like. Let's see if you can find this detail :)

xx

In the meantime at the VDW penthouse

Serena arrived at her parents early, before 9am. Eric was there, he came to spend the weekend in NYC and because of the elections Serena did not really have time to spend time with him. She knew that Chuck and Blair would arrive before 10am too.

Lily was surprised to see Serena so early, usually Serena arrives 10min late and not an hour an a half earlier. Serena replied that she just wanted to spend a bit of time with them before the rest of the family arrives.

« Eric is not there often so I came earlier, is he up. » asked Serena smiling

Lily nodded and called Eric. Serena was so happy to see her little brother. She asked him so many things about his new life in Vancouver, about his Australian boyfriend Jordan. Eric also asked Serena how she was, Columbia, the separation with Dan...

He knew that his sister left Dan and went to Nate's house but he was surprised to know that she was still living there and got even more surprised as she was calling Nate's house her home.

« You know what Eric, you should come home with me later. Nate got the house as it was before his parents sold it but at the same time he did amazing changes, I love it. The 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th floor are empty but Nate wants to do something there. We are thinking about what could be the best. I already told Nate that I want the 6th floor my office as in june I will officially be a psychologist. » she said excited

Her eyes were shining when she was talking about Nate but Eric believed that if she was not telling anything about her and Nate that's probably because it was not the right moment, all that matters to him was to see his sister happy. Eric knew that Nate always loved Serena and he knew that his sister always had feelings for the beautiful man too, as long as they could find happiness together, it was more than perfect for him.

...

When William arrived with the viennoiseries, they all sat on the couches and started to talk about everything. They were waiting for Chuck, Blair and Henry and also for Cece.

Lily noticed that Serena seemed really happy and she made a comment about it. Serena was playing with Bunny, the fluffy rabbit that her and Eric bought to their mom on last mother's day. As Lily was complaining that all her friends, except Anne Archibald, were grandmother already and she wanted to have grandsons too, so they decided to offer a pet.

Lily loved the animal but insisted on the fact that it could not be compared with grandchildren. That day, Serena had to tell her mother that she would not be grandmother anytime soon as Dan did not want to have kids yet. Remembering this was still painful for Serena, she wanted to have kids so much, she really took the right decision, Dan was not for her.

...

« Serena, honey, I am glad to see you smiling like that. You look so happy, who or what do we have to thank for this. » asked Lily

« Well, I guess that being a free woman again is helping. » laughed a sparkling Serena

« Are you sure this is all. » insisted Lily

« Yes mom, why. I am just so glad to be free » and she blushed as some flashes of last night came to her mind.

Lily raised an eyebrow and Eric and William looked at each other

« If you were feeling like that why did you marry him. »asked Blair as the Bass family was walking into the living room

Chuck said that he was happy for Serena and everybody agreed. However Lily was still observing her daughter.

« Yes honey, we are happy for you. And I have to say that I agree with Blair, if being away from Dan is making you so happy, why did you not do it sooner. » said Lily with a smile to make her sentence lighter

Serena rolled her eyes and laughed. Blair hugged Serena

« I am glad you did it S. »

...

After kisses and hugs, Lily said that they were only waiting for Cece and Serena said that she told Nate to come aswell.

« I hope you don't mind mom. »

«Of course not, Nathaniel is always welcomed in this house and as we did not have the chance to congratulate him yesterday, it is the perfect. By the way, we tried to call you after you left. We were all so worried about you and Nate. » explained Lily with her hands on her heart

Serena felt 5p pairs of eyes on her.

«He was home, he just wanted to avoid journalists and you know he received anonymous letters again this week so it was better for him to go home even if he knows that people could not understand. » Hopefully they would focus on the anonymous letters and forget about the rest.

« Oh I hope that those letters are just a way to scare him, politic is a complicated world and dangerous sometimes. Did he inform the police. » asked William concerned

« Yes dad, his grandfather did. »

«And my private detective is also working on it. »added Chuck

Lily was still looking at Serena.

« Well I hope it is nothing serious but Serena, it doesn't excuse you. You said you were going to let us know if you found him and you did not. Anne and the Captain were really worried. Why did you not pick up the phone. »

It sounded as a reproach and it was also a way for Lily to make Serena understand that she did not believe her. Serena hated when her mother was acting like that. Serena wondered how her mother could be such a bad mother sometimes but still having this extremely developed sense to flair when there was something going on.

« I am sorry ok. I left my phone in the kicten when I arrived home and then we went upstairs, I went to sleep and I forgot. »

« You went to sleep at 8:30pm. » asked Lily and Blair at the same time

« I spoke with Nate for a while and then I went to sleep but what I mean is that I did not go back downstairs. »

Serena was doing her best to make it sounds real. She did not like the fact that everybody was observing her. She felt like a 12 years old girl who would have stole candies.

«And now can we just eat and let the interrogations for later. » she said looking at the food in front of her. She hoped that Nate would act normal and was not going to let them notice anything. She did not want anybody to find out yet, they needed time for themselves before to tell anyone.

«Yes mom please I am starving. » said Eric who knew his sister and understood that she did not want to talk about last night. He would just ask her later what happened.

« May be we should wait for Nathaniel and Cece. » said Chuck

« Yes Charles you are right, I am going to call my mother because she is never late and Serena why don't you call Nate. »

Serena smiled and blushed, she needed to find an excuse as her phone was broken. She did not let it is in the kitchen as she said, she has her phone in her clutch, clutch that felt in the stairs, opened during its fall. Her phone fell, a long fall. It literally exploded in pieces when it touched the floor, she found out only this morning when she went downstairs, she was too busy taking off Nate's clothes last night to care about it.

« I forgot my phone at home. » she said with a smile. She picked a croissant and started to eat it.

Chuck took his phone and tried to call Nate but his phone was off. Lily tried Cece, line was busy.

...

Cece arrived 10 minutes later, she was livid

« Sorry, I know I am late but. »

« Mother are you ok. » asked Lily preoccupied

« Yes, I am but William Van Der Bilt called me. » She did not even take a sit which worried everybody. Specially Serena who was already up, with her jacket on.

« He tried to reach you Serena but darling your phone is still turned off and he knew that I was going to see you all so he called me. »

Serena looked at her grandmother. Her heart stopped beating, she felt her all body getting tensed

«Did something happen to Nate. » she asked already standing up next to the elevator ready to leave

Her reaction did not pass unnoticed, Chuck thought about what she said and wondered if something happened between the pretty blonde and his best friend. His instinct was telling him that those two did something more than talking last night.

Her grandmother stopped her

« The Captain had a heart attack, Nathaniel and Anne are at the hospital. The Captain won't pass the morning. Come on my car is downstairs. »

Serena was already in the elevator waiting for her grandmother, Chuck, Blair and Lily who were coming too.

Serena did not say a word during the ride. She could not think about anything except how Nate must feel. He was going to feel guilty for sure.

...

When they arrived at the hospital, Cece said that William gave her the floor and the number of the room. Serena ran out of the car without waiting for the rest of the group. She was running into the hallway, her heels slamming the floor.

She hoped that they were not arriving too late and that the Captain was still alive but once she opened the door she saw the straight line on the machine, the Captain was dead.

Anne was in her father's arms while Nate was still holding his father hand. She was behind him, he has not seen her yet. She put her hands on his shoulders and then wrapped her arms around his neck. Nate took her hands and stood up to face Serena. She saw the distress and pain in his eyes and she hugged him, her arms around his neck, her fingers in his hair. Nate wrapped his arms around Serena's waist in such a strong way as if he was afraid that she could leave, he was crying so much. Serena was crying too.

« I am here Natie. I am so sorry. »

Lily, Chuck, Blair and Cece, at the door frame, were observing the scene in silence. Lily and Cece went to Anne while Chuck and Blair hugged Serena and Nate.

« Anne, I am so sorry. » said Lily

« Thanks for coming Lily. »

« Let me know if you need help. »

...

Lily and Cece helped the Archibald to call the family members, the two sisters of the Captain. Cynthia came on the afternoon as she was leaving in New Jersey, the other one Christina was living in Washington but was arriving tonight.

They were not really close as since his marriage with Anne, the Captain had not see his sisters very often. They were not rich or powerful as the Van Der Bilt and the Van Der Bilt clan was not an easy one to get it. For years the Captain denied his family, he believed that he was better than them as he got William Van Der Bilt daughter. However, since he went out of jail, the Captain and Anne visited his sister Cynthia more often and saw Christina and her family in few occasions.

Cynthia said that it was better to let their mother out of it. The poor lady was suffering from alzheimer and as she could not clearly remember anything it was better to let her in her lost world.

...

Chuck and Blair helped William with the organization of the funeral and the election. William was trying to get an additional week before the second turn. This week had to be off to respect their loss.

...

Serena and Nate did all the papers, went to the cemetery of Plainfield as his father always said that he did not want to be buried with the Van Der Bilt in their family mansion in the hampstons. Nate had to insist on this point as his mother said that Howard got this idea after the bankruptcy.

« And when I am going to die, what Nate. » she said but Nate did not listen. He knew that this is what his father wanted.

«For now I don't even want to think about your funeral mum. »

...

It was the first time that Serena was in a car alone with Nate. They all got their driving license years ago and Nate bought an SUV mercedes in LA and transferred it to NYC when he came back even if in NYC none of them was driving.

Nate was really quiet but he was happy to have Serena by his side, he was happy that she had decided to go with him. As it was sunday, it had been complicated to find someone who could tell them what they have to do to get a place here. At the cemetery they found the Archibald family grave.

The Captain never took Nate here, it was sad that the Captain never really shared anything about his family and origins. They looked at all the names on the grave in silence. Serena was holding Nate's hand.

« I am sorry Mister Archibald but do you want to bury your father here with his family. » asked the mayor of Plainfield, a short man with a moustache. He was the one who took Nate's call and came to meet them. Nate nodded, yes this was going to be the place.

« Ok, fine, now Mister and Mrs Archibald, if you don't mind I need you to come to my office to sign few papers and also to pick up a date. It is impossible to organize it for tomorrow but may be tuesday. I know that you have the election but it is a small town here and I will need 48 hours. »

Nate said that it was fine and with Serena, they followed the Mayor to his office. It was not the first time that people who don't know them believed that they were a couple but it was the first time that someone called Serena Mrs Archibald and the smile that Serena offered to the Mayor after he called her Mrs Archibald was probably the only positive thing today, thought Nate.

Hopefully one day, she will be his wife and curiously this idea did not seem crazy anymore.

...

On their way back Serena asked Nate if he was ok as he was really quiet. He explained her that he felt so weird in front of that grave.

« I mean, I am an Archibald and I don't even know who were those people. Except my grandfather's name that I recognized for the rest no idea. Like what about this Lea Archibald who died at 12 in the 70's or Milan Archibald who died last year. It was so strange and I know that this is what my father wanted but I wish that I would have the chance to know the Archibald more. »

« May be you can. Your aunts are coming and may be your cousins too. I know funeral is not the place to reconnect with people but it could be a new start or we could go to see your grand auntie Laurel or your grandmother, even if I know that she is lost in her world but may be we are gonna be lucky and catch her in a good day where she knows who she is. »

Nate liked the idea but what he liked the most was the we that Serena used in her sentences.

...

William got an extra week before the second turn. All the details were settled, funeral was going to be on tuesday. St Patrick chuch before to escort the Captain to Plainfield. Lily and Cece with the help of Serena and Blair did a great job as many Archibald came to the funeral.

Some stayed at Nate's house or at the Van Der Bilt house. Nate offered his mum to come to his house but she preferred to stayed at the Van Der Bilt house. She did not want to be in this house, she had too many memories there and also she did not really want to see Serena and Nate together. She was sure, as many, that something happened the night of the election. She was seeing them being so close, so in love and she was worried about Nate. It will take her time to truly believe that Serena was not going to break his heart one more time so she got an idea to take Nate's away from Serena for few days at least.

Her father told her that it was none of her business and that may be nothing happened.

« At the end we got no proof darling and I am not seeing them acting differently. »

« I am sure about it dad, something is going on and Nate is not in a good position is weak and playing the married couple with Serena is not a good thing for him. I was thinking to ask him to come with me to the Hamptons until the end of the week. He needs time to think, away from her. We will leave after the funeral »

William sighed but agreed. Could not be that bad and it could also let time to Serena to think too, in case she needed too.


	38. Chapter 38

New chapter,

golnaz, Yes it was always all about the Van Der Bilt in the TV and it is a pity. This is now the end of the story. Serena is now the one who has to prove her love for Nate. She is not going to get help, no worries about it.

xx,

...

Monday had been a busy day to finalize all the details for the funeral. Serena and Nate had to go back to Plainfield to sign some papers again. When they arrived home at the beginning of the afternoon, the house was empty, only Anne and Winnie were there. Anne was waiting for them to have lunch. Winnie said the food was ready and left them alone, she added that she was in her apartment if they needed anything.

...

She was now living on the main floor of the house. Nate cut the space in two when he moved in as the 1076 sq ft were too much for him. He reorganized the space with a separated apartment of 500sq ft from and this is where he offered Winnie to live so she would not have to come everyday from Harlem.

...

Serena asked Anne and Nate if they wanted to be alone. Since the Captain died, they did not really have any moment alone together. Anne saw the opportunity to talk to Nate about her idea.

«Thanks for asking Serena and actually if you don't mind there is something that I would like to talk with Nate, in private. »

Nate looked a his mum perplexed and then looked at Serena. She smiled at him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. It was fine, Serena understood that Anne and Nate needed some space for themselves.

«See you later Natie. I am going to go to see if my mum and Cece or Blair need help. Goodbye Anne. » and she left letting the Archibald alone.

She wondered what Anne was going to ask Nate. She was afraid that Anne was going to say something about her, as Anne asked her to leave it was more than just a possibility.

...

Anne exposed her idea to her son. She said that as they have one extra week before the election, Nate should go with her to the Hamptons

« Just for few days Nate. We will come back on monday morning but I think that few days off are exactly what we need now. Away from the city, from everybody, from. »

«From Serena right. » asked Nate in a sigh

« Yes from her too. Nate, don't get me wrong but I don't really understand what is going on between you two and I am not the only wondering what is going here. Nate, she is not your wife or your girlfriend unless I missed a chapter or many. She just got separated and you are way too confused to think. »

« Mum » he interrupted her

« Look, I go with you to the Hamptons because anyway you won't stop asking until I say yes but my relationship with Serena is no different than it was last week. As my best friend she is just supporting me in this painful moment. Lily is helping you, isn't she and what about Blair and Chuck. »

« Nate, Serena is not your best friend and yes you are right your relationship hasn't changed and it does demonstrate how twisted is your relationship. You do look like a married couple and an happy one and it scares me because we know how is Serena and all her ups and downs and with the election, the loss of your father, I just want to protect you. I am scared for you Nate. What if she changes her mind and tomorrow she wants a fresh start again, away from NYC. I just lost my husband honey, I won't accept to see my son destroyed because he got his heart broken again. »

Nate had no other choice than agreed. It hurt but his mother was right. He was living in his dream but he had not get, yet, any serious proof from Serena. She was with him now but may be she was feeling guilty as he was about his father's death.

« We will leave tomorrow night after the reception. And Nate please stop feeling bad about your father's death . It is not your fault. There is nothing we could have done. »

«I know but haven't you feel sometimes that you are in front of two different doors and you have to choose and no matter what you do, the door you don't open will just disappear. You lost it forever. »

« The point is not what you are looosing but if what you get by opening the other door worth the loss of the other. Your father wanted you to be happy Nate, so if you feel related to his death then ask you this question. » replied Anne who assumed that Nate was talking about Serena

« I am trying mum. The other door is everything I want, it is just that I don't know if it will last forever. » he said with tears in his eyes, Anne stood up and took her son in her arms.

« It is gonna be ok Nate. Take those few days with me to think about you and Serena. You are not going to like what I am going to tell you but Nate love is not enough. I know you love her but who knows may be there is someone who could make you happy without the drama»

« No mom, I tried » affirmed Nate very serious

«She is the only one for me, I am 10000% sure about it and I've been waiting for it a long time now. And I am sure that I am the right man for her too because as you said we look like an happy married couple. The only problem is that she ran away from me, always, as if she was afraid of me and what is killing me is that she can't explain me why. So what are we supposed to do, live like that forever. Being together, sharing the same bed, sometimes make love but never put anything on the table so she can't get scared, this is what I can't do anymore. »he confessed to his mother

« Did you sleep with her on saturday night. » frowned Anne, Nate did not answer her. She did not like that

« Nate is it a simple question. » she said looking into her son eyes

He nodded

« Nate, you have to stop this game before it consumed you. She is the master, she always wins at this game, don't follow her rules Nate. Make her follow yours, make her understand that either she chooses you for real and accept or she sleeps in another bed. »

« I tried but it is not easy. I did not have any intimate relationship with a woman for so long and she is the only one with whom I want and I think I can and the other day I was weak and I could not resist. I know I have to try but it is hard. » said Nate loking down. As far as he could remember it was the first time that he was having a conversation like this with his mother, before he had them with his father.

« And what if she gets pregnant. What would you do, I mean you two have an unhealthy relationship and you have to think about those details. »

« She is under the baby pills mom. Dan did not want to have kids and believe me he was not going to let her forget about it. »

Anne did not want to fight with Nate so she declared forfait and kept her last thought for herself

« Fine. I was just saying it for your own good. »

They finished to eat remembering memories that they have in this house. Anne said that she was happy that Nate bought back the house when he moved back to NYC.

...

That night when Serena fall aspleep, Nate started to think about what his mother told him. She was right, where were they going. He was touching her hair and he felt the tears coming, Serena was not his wife not even his girlfriend.

Serena was not totally asleep yet and she heard Nate's sobs. She raised her head, turned on the light and kissed him.

« Natie, I am here. » and she kissed him again, her hands in his chest, hair. Nate stopped her

« Serena, I don't think that this is a good idea. »

She asked why and he told her that both were too confused right now. She said that no, she was not confused at all and said that she was in love with him and Nate asked her again to give him the answers he wanted. Serena bite her lips and said that the Brown theory had never been possible because she always knew that she would always loved him. She said that she tried so hard to convince herself that neither of them were the right one because it would have been easier for everybody.

« As I could not choose between you two, I tried this theory. When you left my room that day, at Brown, I knew that this theory could never work out. I knew that I hurt you and I wanted to stop you but I could not choose. »

« But you did choose Dan so at some point you chose. I accept the Brown theory not working out but as I asked you already am I the one now because it did not work with Dan. »

« Nate, it is not like this. I did not choose him over you. »

Nate sighed and turned off the light, interrupted her, told her that he did not want to hear the same song again and again. He could feel that this is what he was going to get one more time.

Serena started to cry because now that she was ready to express her feelings, Nate was the one who was stopping her. The funeral was in few hours and they should sleep but Serena spent the night thinking about how to explain Nate why she could not choose him.

...

After the funeral, most of the persons attended the reception that Blair and Chuck had been organizing with the help of William VDB. The reception was at Nate's house. Around 6pm people started to leave, some were going out tonight as it was Halloween. Serena did not really have time to talk with Nate and she had to before he leaves for the Hamptons.

She found him in his room packing. She asked if he needed help. He smiled at her. She closed the door behind her. She said that she was going to miss him but she knew that those few days out of everything would be good for him. She said that she did not want him to be mad at her even if she knew that she deserved it. Nate took her hands and they sat on his bed. He told Serena that he was not mad at her, he was just confused.

She hold her breath and finally said

« Before to marry Dan, Blair asked me if I was finally sure. If I had finally chosen and I said yes. She made this weirdo parallel between us and the love triangle between Kelly Taylor, Dylan and Brandon. I laughed and I told her that even if I ended with Dan, a part of me would always loves you, not the contrary and that was so like Kelly Taylor. Blair added that Kelly picked the wrong guy and even if it was because of the script, I should be careful and be sure about my choice. »

« But you married Dan not me. So I don't really understand what that means. » frowned Nate

« It means that if I am with you, there are no parts of me who are still in love with Dan. You used to believe that I never loved you enough or more than the rest of the guys, it is quite the contrary actually. I love you more and that's why I did not choose you. »

« What » asked Nate who was not just confused anymore but stunned

« You asked me about my theory at Brown, you got the answer, you wanted to know if you were the right guy now that Dan was out of the picture and the answer is what I told you many times. I did not choose Dan over you or loved him more than you and I never truly believed that he was better for me than you. No one is better than you actually and it always scared me. »

« What is different now, why are you not scared anymore. »

She said that she was still scared, a lot but she also wanted to be happy and she was so truly happy when she was with him, no drama, she could be who she really was, no pressure and she was ready to jump in. She insisted on the fact that she did not know what kind of answer Nate was expecting and apologized if it was not the one that he wanted but it was the truth. She could not say anything else because there was nothing to add. Of course she was conscious that from the outside it did not look like that and specially for him as she did reject him many times.

« But I love you Nate, I really do and I will do whatever it takes to prove you that I am all in. »

He was not saying anything, he was assimilating what she just said.

« Nate please say something. »

« I love you too Serena but it is not really clear for me. I got your point of view but I don't understand why now and not four years ago when I went to Brown for example. I think I need time to process the info and accept it. At some point I started to believe that you were never going to be mine and now you wantit, I want it too but I think that my anguish and fears are bigger than yours. »

He stood up and took the clothes on his bed to put them in his bag while he was looking for the correct words

« I mean, I know that you did not end your marriage with me because of Dan and I am glad but at the same time it hurts so much. Because what does that mean Serena, does it mean that if things would not have turn that bad, if Dan had not turn into the biggest asshole of Manhattan, you would have stayed with him even if somehow you loved me more than him. I am sorry Serena but it doesn't make sense for me. May be it does for you but I swear it makes sense only for you. I want to believe you Serena, I really do but if we are having this conversation now it is only because Dan screwed up. »

Serena stood up too, she gave him the rest of the clothes that were on his bed. Her eyes were full of tears. She had to admit that Nate was right, it sounded really ridiculous and unbelievable. Blair told her many times that someday she would regret her decisions and she was now. She was not lying at all but she did know how she will make Nate believe her.

« Natie, please give me a chance to prove you that this is the truth. »

« I am ready to give you a million Serena. I am ready to wait my all life for you but I just don't see how you can make it possible. Now could you please give me few shirts and a pair of socks while I pick up my stuff in the bathroom. » he stepped in his bathroom and immediately regretted what he asked her to do but to let

She had opened the drawer where Nate's socks were and obviously put her hand on the little box that had been here for years. She took the box in her hand, she knew what was inside as Nate told her few days ago. She just simply could not believe that she had found the box today.

...

They were looking at each other in silence. It was intense and sad. She wanted to open the box to see the ring but she could not. She replaced the little box in the drawer and gave few pair of socks to Nate. She was crying so much. Nate was making an effort to do not hug Serena or touch her but for once she was the one falling in tears, she was experimenting the pain that he had to deal with for so long. And his was deeper as at least Serena knew that he was in love with her.

Anne knocked at the door. She opened the door and said that they should come downstairs as people were leaving. She added that their car was ready to and she closed the door behind her. It was painful for her to see them like this.

...

After a long minute of complete silence, Nate closed his bag. Serena stopped him and wrapped her arms around his neck and passionately kissed him.

« I know I opened my eyes a bit late but don't close yours Natie, please. »

He kissed her with the same passion that she just did but did not say anything

« I love you Nate, have a good time with your mother but when you are gonna be back please let us be together. » she said better to let him go.

The pain in her chest was so deep, she was finally experiencing what Nate had been suffering this all time and she felt as the worst perosn on earth but she was going to win back his heart. She had done too many mistakes and she was done with running away or making the wrong choices. On the 2nd grade, they had to write who they wanted to be, she wrote that she wanted to be Mrs Archibald and so will she.


	39. Chapter 39

New chapter,

xx,

...

Nate's room

4 or 5 days without Nate, Serena looked at the empty space in the bed. She was missing him already and he did leave only few hours ago but the last 72hours had been so intense. She was tired but she could not sleep, she was thinking about Nate. How was she going to prove him that he was not a second plate. She felt so bad when he told her that if it would not have been because Dan screwed up, she would not be with him. She could not even say that it was not true.

Things with Dan were never going to work out, they never did and she was sure that sooner or later she would have left Dan but words were not going to be enough for Nate. She did not want to talk about it with Blair or Chuck, may be she could try to call Behata but she was dubitative. Behata was not her friend, yes she did help her a lot but Serena did not want to involve anyone in this, it was her battle. She could not call Dan and Nate, asked them to meet her at the top of the Empire, asked them to jump and saved Nate instead of Dan.

At least Dan was out of the picture, which made her remember that she forgot to tell Nate that her marriage with Dan was officially canceled.

She wanted to be sunday already to be reunited with Nate. She took her phone and sent him a message to tell him that she could not sleep because he was not with her. Few seconds later she got his answer, he could not sleep either and he was missing her too. She sent an I love you and as she was feeling better decided to turn off the light and try to sleep. Nate was not mad at her, he was just hurt and insecure but she would find a way to make him feel better.

...

Wednesday

On the following day Cece called Serena. As Anne was out, Cece needed help with the organization of Cotillion and few more charity events. Serena was an official member of the club but she was not as assiduous as Blair nevertheless she would do an exception for Anne and her grandmother.

Cotillion was in less than 6 weeks, Serena believed that they could have wait for Anne to be back before to start with the preparations however Cece insisted that they to start now.

« It is the biggest even of the end of the year, it has to be perfect and we are already late. So please Serena join us and help. I am here, your mum, Blair and some of your friends from high school. »

Serena sighed, she wanted to scream that she had no girl friends in high school except Blair but she did not insist.

« Perfect so see you tomorrow darling, 5pm at the Palace. » said Cece

...

At the Spectator, Serena saw Sarah. Sarah said that she wanted to see Nate as she could not really talk to him at the funeral. She laughed and joked about Serena's attitude.

« I mean come on Serena, when is the wedding because you did not let him alone even 5 minutes. During the mass, I was behind some of the Archibalds and I swear that many of them were wondering if Nate got married and their invitations for the wedding got lost somewhere. »

Serena rolled her eyes, Sarah was a nice and intelligent woman but because of her story with Nate, Serena could not be friend with her now or never. She told Sarah that Nate went to the Hamptons with his mother. Sarah was staying until friday and was sorry that she would not have the chance to see Nate.

«But as I have to come back soon, I will try to catch him then. Serena please tell him that I am really sorry for him, I know how much he father meant to him. Be good with him, he needs you. By Serena. »

Serena was upset now, how could someone be that nice. If she would be in Sarah's shoes she would definitely not be that nice.

...

On the evening Lily called Serena and asked her to come for dinner. Lily complained that since she moved to Nate's house she was not seeing her daughter.

« At least when you were with Dan, I was seeing you everyday. »

« Because I was fighting with him everyday and your apartment is in the same building. But I am coming, no worries. »

She did not really want to go. She knew her mum and she was pretty sure that Lily just wanted to interrogate her. Lily's radar was on and Serena could not escape. Unfortunately for her, Lily did invite Blair and Chuck too.

Many questions, many insinuations but Serena played well and let them with their doubts.

...

She sent few messages to Nate over the day but only got an answer to her last message. She tried to do not overreact, Nate was probably off from his phone during the day that's why he did not reply before.

...

On thursday, Serena went to the Spectator on the morning, to Columbia and left in a hurry as she promised her grandmother to be at 5pm at the Palace.

She got an anonymous letter on the morning while she was at the Spectator. It was the first time that she was getting one. Nate got several over the last months. He got the first one the day after he announced that he was going to be a candidate.

In her letter it was written that now that the Captain was dead, she was the first one on their list but what annoyed and scared her the most is that there were 2 pieces of papers which were all posts of gossip girl about her and Nate from their freshman years. She obviously knew that Dan could not be the one blackmailing Nate, it did not make sense at all. Dan shut down his blog 2 years ago so how the people behind those letters got those posts.

She decided to do not talk about this letter to anyone. She tried to smile when she arrived at the Palace but she could not stop thinking about the letter.

...

During this first meeting, the teenage girls of the UES had to come to give their names and the name of their partners and present themselves a bit.

Serena was with Blair. Blair was enjoying this so much. She was asking so many questions to the girls, like why are you coming with this guy, do your parents approve this choice, where do you want to study, do you want to be a socialist and why and which charity even would you like to be in charge of...

At least it was helping Serena to forget about everything else.

...

Around 7pm when they were all about to leave, Serena was looking for Blair who went to the bathroom again, pregnancy... Serena ran into Maureen Van Der Bilt who was 5months pregnant like Blair.

...

Maureen and Tripp had been about to divorce years ago but after months of therapy and an interesting job opportunity for Tripp in Detroit, Maureen decided to follow him. They came back to NYC 2months ago, at the end of august. Tripp was working with his father and grandfather or as Nate used to say, he is just paid to stay in the picture and do not get involved in anything that could affect the family name. They were obviously back because Maureen was finally pregnant.

The two women were still hating each other but they were trying to act like ladies when there were people around and right now they were alone.

« Serena, of course you are here. I always believed that you could not be here unless you were married to a man of the UES and unless I am wrong you aren't. You are lucky that your grandmother is here because since you married Dan you don't belong here anymore. »

« She belongs here more than you. » replied Blair who was opening the door of the ladies room.

«Blair, excatly the person who was missing right now. Never a pleasure. » smiled Maureen

« It is mutual. »

« Blair come on let's go, she is looking for a fight and I really want to go home. » said Serena

Maureen laughed

« Home, which home are you talking about. Nate's house is not your home. I hope that Anne and grandfather won't let him fall for you again or worst marry you. A whore in the family that would be a first. They got enough troubles because of the Captain, you will never be a member of this family Serena but don't worry this town is full of men who are going to fall for you. You are going to be exactly like your mother. »

«Troubles because of the Captain, what should we say about your lovely psycho husband. » replied Serena who knew that she should not say anything but this bitch knew where it hurt.

« Oh Serena, please you slept with my husband. And everybody knows that Nate is just a consolation price because you can't be alone. »

« Maureen think what you want. You are the one who is jealous because we both know that Tripp can't really make a woman happy with what he got but look finally you are pregnant. I still wonder how. At least Nate knows how to make me happy. »

« Serena, Maureen, this is enough. » interrupted Cece who was standing behind them.

Maureen apologized and left, followed by Blair. Cece rebuked Serena. She reminded Serena that Maureen was always looking for a fight because of the affair that Serena had with Tripp. Cece insisted and Serena had to promise that a scene like that was not going to happen again.

« Either you like it or not darling, she is the niece of Anne Archibald and Anne is the head of this comity. I am here because I had been the head of it for 20 years. I am helping Anne but she is the boss and Maureen belongs here. You should reflect on this. »

« Why should I reflect. »

« Darling because of Nathaniel. » cut off Cece

« Maureen is a devoted wife and William loves her. If you ever want to be accepted by this family, hold the white flag next time you see her because you will need her support. »

« This is ridiculous. » replied Serena rolling her eyes

« You think so. Serena why do you think that Anne and William Van Der Bilt took Nate out of town, away from you. Last time I checked you were not really on the top of their list to get Mrs Nathaniel Archibald title. »

Serena apologized and said that it won't happen again. Cece added that she shoud learn from Blair.

« She is a family member of the devil but she knows how to keep apparences. You had never been good at that and people like Maureen knows it, our little club is full of Blair and Maureen, you better train hard Serena. »

...

Serena went home alone, sad and demoralized. She told Winnie that she was not hungry and went upstairs. Winnie followed her and asked her what was going on. Serena felt the tears and decided to tell everything to Winnie from her night with Nate to her fight with Maureen, including the anonymous letter. She felt better after her confession.

Winnie laughed about the night between Serena and Nate, she said that she could have guess. She was happy for them and she encouraged Serena to open her heart to Nate.

« This is the only way to make him understand that you truly love him. Even if something sounds stupid, say it, do it. »

Regarding the anonymous letter, she did not like that, she was really worried but preferred to do not tell Serena. She just asked Serena to mention it to Nate

« and may be you should go to see Sarah, may be they sold gossip girl archives to someone. May be she could help to unmask the person who is sending those letters. Obviously it is someone who doesn't want to see Nate being the new Mayor even if Richmond, Nate's competitor, is out of the casting it has to be someone from his group, one of his investors may be. »

It was a good idea, Sarah could help. If someone knew about gossip girl it was her.

About Serena's fight with Maureen, Winnie agreed with Cece.

« You should listen to your grandmother, she loves you. And yes Nate loves you but if you want to win his heart, it also means winning his hearts family and you got points with William but with Anne it is gonna be harder. She knows about you two because Nate confessed. I was not listening, I promised. »

Serna laughed and thanked Winnie. Winnie left the room and told Serena that she was in her apartment watching old episodes of Santa Barbara.

« Scream if you need anything. And don't worry doors are locked and Sherlock will bark if he hears something. » Winnie knew that Serena was scared and was probably not going to sleep.

Serena called Nate but his phone was off. She was about to call the Van Der Bilt residence but she put her phone on the night table and turned off the lights.

...

Friday

On the next morning, Serena did not go to the Spectator, Sarah mentioned that she was leaving on friday and as Serena did not know what time Sarah was leaving, she decided to go to the house of editions. If Sarah was not there someone could tell her if she was still in town and if she was not give her a phone number.

She was lucky because Sarah was leaving on the afternoon and the receptionist told Serena that Sarah was actually in her office.

...

Serena took a deep breath before to knock at Sarah's office door. Sarah was surprised to see Serena so early on the morning.

« And I am even more surprised to see you here. Is there anything I can do for you. » asked Sarah preoccupied

Serena nodded and briefly explained that Nate got anonymous letter, it annoyed her when Sarah said that she knew about it but Serena did not come to fight, she let her jealousy apart.

« I got one too. » Serena gave the papers that she found with the letter to Sarah. Sarah frowned and wondered how this was possible.

« I have no idea how they got this. » replied Sarah with her eyes wide opened

« So you did not sell gossip girl archives or something like this. »

«No of course not. I mean you know this special books compilation that we are working on for Christmas, it includes a lot of gossip girl posts like a volume of poetry except that they are not poems but posts. And I am pretty sure that those pages are gonna be in the book. I am editing it now with Dan and Frank. As you can imagine it mostly includes posts about you and your little group and not really posts about Adam or Deborah from the chess club. »

« But if this is gonna be published for Christmas, it means that this someone who issending the letters is from here. » frowned Serena who absolutely did not care about this special Christmas compilation.

She observed Sarah in silence.

« Serena, hello don't look at me like that because it is not me. I agree with you, this dossier is confidential and obvisouly that person has access to our server but I have no idea whom it can be. I mean besides me, Frank, Dan and obviously our boss and his bosses have access to this dossier but I am not seeing them looking for stuff like this.»

«Do you think that it could be Dan. I mean not all the letters but the one that I got. »

« I don't think so. Dan flew yesterday to Chicago and Dan is smarter than that. He has nothing to win by doing this. I can understand your reflection but we should think about someone else. »

« Do all the investors have access to the documents. »

Sarah said no and epxlained that they can see everything but they have to ask before. Serena asked if one of them asked to see this dossier.

« I am sorry Serena, no idea. First because I am based in LA and the investors in this case are from NYC and Chicago. Second because I don't know who they are, I never met them and third because I could get fired if I investigate a bit too much. »

« Sarah please just give me the list of the investors. It is probably not complicated to get and not risky for you. From there I am sure that we can link someone to those letters. Please do this for Nate. I am really scared that something could happen to him. Few weeks ago he had been attacked and I am afraid that next time it could be worst. Sarah please, I know that you still love him and you don't want him to be hurt. » begged Serena

Sarah sighed and finally said that she would do her best to get this list of names.

« Take care of him Serena and love him. He deserves it. »

« This is how I want to spend the rest of my life. »smiled Serena before to close the door behind her

...

On saturday morning Serena decided to go to see Blair and Chuck. She was not sure how long it will take to Sarah to get this list. If someone could get it easily it was Chuck Bass.

Dorota was out with Henry and Monkey so Chuck opened the door. He was surprised but glad to see his sis.

« Come in, we are in our home office talking business with Blair. »

Serena explained why she came and detailed her conversation with Sarah.

«Obviously Dan Humphrey is linked to those letters. Thanks God we will never have to see him again and hopefully he will end at the asylum. »said Blair

« Blair why don't you finish your goat cheese toast so I can finish to explain why I came. »

She asked Chuck is by any chance he did invest money

«In an house of editions, where they print book and worst Dan Humphrey books. S, have you lost your mind. First, digital era, I love books and papers but books era is over and second, invest money for anything related to Dan, uhg that's never gonna happened. »

This time Serena laughed, Blair was so Blair.

Chuck told Serena that it was actually easy to find out and when she asked how, Chuck told her to call Dan.

« I mean if someone knows who are the people investing money in his obra, it's him. He probably signed a contract with all the names that we are looking for. »

The fact that Chuck used we was a good point. It meant that he was going to help Serena. However, Serena said that she was not going to call Dan. Dan was too smart and would ask why she wanted to know this now, after they divorced when she never cared while she was his wife.

« I agree with S, Chuck. And as we don't reall know if Humphrey could be linked or not, it is better to let him out. »

« Sis, do you still have keys of the apartment. »

No she did not, she did not have anything that belongs to him anymore. She added that Rufus and Jenny had keys but obviously they could not ask them.

Blair smirk was getting bigger and bigger

« Oh but we all know someone who has keys and who is going to help us even if he doesn't know it. Vania. I am going to call Dorota, we have a mission. »

Serena was dubitative but Chuck said that it was a good idea. Dan had probably a copy of his contract at home.

« Come on S, we are not going to steal anything. We find this contract, do a picture of the names while Dorota is distracting Vania. We put the keys back at reception and go shopping. I ordered several ties and bows to match Chuck, Henry and Adrian outfits. Hermes called before you arrived, ties and bows are ready. »

« Adrian, so you are expecting a boy. » smiled Serena. She hugged Blair before to add

«I know you wanted a girl but you are lukcy and this little boy is lucky too. »

« Yes,a boy. Chuck and I will try again but definitely if baby bass number 3 is a boy, I will go for Madonna and Angelina Jolie method, going to Africa and adopt a girl or 10. I have a collection of purses and clothes that needs a second life as vintage. Or give it to your daughter because I am sure that Nate is the typical man who will give you girls. I married Chuck and Bass means men.»

« Just for the record B, Nate and I are not together. » blushed Serena as she could easily portrayed a little blonde girl with blue eyes

« Not together yet. I am sure it is a question of time before you get pregnant. Thanks God you had been away enough time from freaky Humphrey so no one will have doubt about who is the Daddy. »

« Blair, we are not together. » repeated Serena

« And you just sleep at night. I know the song, it is the hit of this fall but I am Blair Bass and I am pregnant so my flair is a thousand times more powerful. »

Chuck and Serena laughed.

« I missed you B. I am glad I am done with Dan because a life without Blair Bass is not the same. »

« I know, I can glow. Now let's go we have a mission»

Serena followed Blair. She was not sure if this was a good idea to go to Dan's. What if someone see them. But she had to find out who was sending those letters, she was too worried about Nate. Speaking of Nate, she was mising him so much. He called her yesterday night to tell her that he was probably coming back on monday morning. Serena was not really happy about it as it meant one more day away from him but she had to respect his decision.

...

Blair's plan work perfectly. They found what they were looking for in less than 20min. Serena felt relieved, she sent the picture of the list to Chuck as he said that he was going to take care of the rest.

Serena had no other choice than following Blair to Hermes, D&G, Celine, Chanel and many more. At least they took a break at Ladurée. Serena was glad to notice that Blair was not asking so many questions about her and Nate.

« Why would I, I've seen everything I needed to see over the last few days Mrs Archibald because this how the Mayor of Plainfield called you right when we left the cemetery. Who should have seen Anne's face, it was priceless but then she smiled so I guess that Maureen was wrong and Anne is not that much against the idea. » smiled Blair

...

Serena went home after dinner. She tried to call Nate but as often those days, his phone was turned off. She opened his closet and took one of his shirt. Being away from him for few days was making her realized how much she needed him.

...

When Nate came back on sunday afternoon instead of monday morning, Serena jumped on him. He opened his arms and kissed her. She was afraid that Maureen could have been right and that the Van Der Bilt could have brainwashed Nate but even if they tried, apparently it did not work.

« Natie, I am so glad you are home. I missed you so much. »

« I am glad to be home too and I miss you too, a lot. »

« What have you been doing. I tried to call you many times, I was making an effort for not acting like a stalker and not call every 5 minutes»

Nate laughed. He put his bag on the bed and started to unpack. He said that he needed time to think and now everything was clearer

« About us too. » asked Serena who could not wait any longer. She needed to know


	40. Chapter 40

New chapter,

ita, que guay, me encanta saber que gente de todas partes lee mi historia. Muchas gracias por tu comentario. Besos

xx,

...

Sunday,

«About us two. » just said Serena

She has spent four days thinking about it, non stop.

She was looking at Nate, waiting for his answer. He passed his hand in his hair and frowned, he was serious.

He said that he wanted to give them a chance. This time they should take it slow for real. He did even ask Serena to go on a date. Serena laughed a lot but it was touching to see that Nate wanted to do all those things that they have never done before.

Even though she reminded him that they went on a date many years ago, when they were in the 8th grade. They went to see the Nutcracker during their Christmas holidays. Blair was at Disneyland in Orlando with her parents so they were alone for once. Serena could remember how much she liked those holidays. Her and Nate had so much fun.

Serena and Nate were 13 years old, Nate was almost 14. Serena and Eric stayed at the Archibalds between Christmas and new year eve and for the first time Anne let them going out alone every afternoon from 1pm until 6pm. Lily was away, skiing in Aspen with her fiance of the moment, Serena should have missed her mum but she did not because she was having the best holidays of her life. Snow, Christmas and her Natie.

« I wish I could go back in time. » she said nostalgic

Nate hugged her and promised her that their Christmas holidays would be better this year. She smiled and said that she was starving and suggested to grab something out.

They went out for dinner, they decided to go Times Square as Serena wanted to grab some M&M's, peanuts butter ones. They booked 2 tickets for the Lion King, last minutes and spent an amazing evening. They walked home holding hands and smiling.

...

When they arrived home and Serena started to unbutton Nate's shirt, he told her that he wanted to wait, to make it more special.

« I really want it to feel like we are dating, you know with all the details. »

« I won't make it easy Natie but let's see how long you can hold on. » she smirked and took off her clothes in front of him, all of them before to go to the bathroom to take a shower.

Nate laughed, this is the life that he wanted to have.

...

On monday, Serena went to see her parents for lunch.

She went to Eric's room, she was looking for her old diaries. She believed that it could help Nate to understand things from her point of view. Blair's Christmas present, in the 7th grade, was a special edition of the diary from Tiffany. It included 3 diaries, Serena wrote pages every single day until the day after the Sheppard wedding.

She wrapped them, added the paper from her lawyer, which confirmed, the cancellation of her wedding with Dan and then called a messenger to bring it to Nate. She had classes to attend on the afternoon so unfortunately she won't see Nate's face.

« I hope you will like it Natie. » she murmured

...

When she arrived home, Nate was already there. He told Serena that he loved his surprise and added that he already started his reading. Serena put some conditions, he could read only 10 pages per day, no more. That night Nate forgot about what he told Serena the day before, about not having sex yet again...

...

On tuesday, he got a new anonymous letter. Again, it was written that he should drop his candidacy but something was new as it was also written that if he did not abandon, he would have to loose someone he loves.

 _Your precious blonde_

Nate threw away the paper. He looked over the glasses and looked at Serena who was concentrated. Nothing could happen to the woman he loves, nothing. He ran away from his office to his grandfather house. His grandfather was concerned but again told Nate that it was quite common to get letters like this and as nothing had happened, he should not worry that much.

« So what, I just wait to see if something happens, until they hurt, or do worst than that to the woman that I love. »

William observed his grandsons, Nate was really serious and worried. William promise that Serena was not gonna be hurt.

« Nothing's gonna happen to her. Have faith in me Nathaniel. »

They went together to Nate's press conference. One of his last big conference before the final round of the elections.

...

Later that day, when he went home very tired and found Serena playing with Van Der Bilt and Sherlock, he sighed. He wanted to have a simple life, with kids and Serena, full of good, funny and memorable moments but was it possible with a political career. May be he should drop his candidacy after all...

Serena asked him what was bothering him. She said that she knew him very well and knew that something was wrong. When he told her about the anonymous letter, she told him that she got one too.

Nate got nervous and asked why she did not say it before. She calmed him down. She explained that she did not because she knew that he would worry too much. She mentioned her conversation with Sarah, the list of investors...

« I asked Chuck again this morning. He said that he needs one more day or maximum two to get all the names. Once he has it, I am sure that we will link someone to those letters. »

Nate agreed and felt a bit better. He was surprised to learn that Serena was already moving heaven and earth to find the person behind those letters.

« I would do anything for you Nate. At Brown, few years ago a professor told us that it was not about what would you do for love but what would you not do because clearly there's not much that you would not do for love. I did not get it at that time but now I can tell you that he was right. » she said befofe to kiss him

She did not share her deepest thought about this sentence because she did not know how Nate would react. It was something that was bothering her since she had her last entrevue with Sarah.

...

Finally on friday, Chuck got the few names that he was still looking for. As Serena was helping Blair organized her birthday party, which was next friday, Chuck called Nate and asked him to come over for lunch.

« Take your afternoon Nathaniel, the list is quite long. And don't worry, I sent it to your grandfather already. »

...

They spent the afternoon working on this list. Most of the investors were not even from NYC but Chuck said they should look at all the possibilities and do not drop those names yet.

However, after spending hours, they had to say that this list did not get them the answer that they were looking for. Of course, they needed to explore few leads but they had nothing concrete.

...

When Serena and Nate left the Bass townhouse, Nate called his grandfather. William VDB said that he got nothing on his side. As them he listed few names but nothing else.

« At least, we have doubts about the same names. » said Nate while he was closing the door of the house.

Unfortunately those names were not related to Nate's competitor, any of them, as far as they knew, had been investing money on Richmond. Most of them were on this short list because they had problems with the Captain.

Before to go to bed, Nate said that he should call Sarah as she did help Chuck to get few names. Serena did not like this idea and when Nate asked her why, she replied

« She works there and may be she knows more than what she says. You can call her to say thanks but please don't say much more than that. Don't tell her about the short list. »

Nate replied that Serena was just jealous because Sarah would never be involved in anything like that.

« She is always here for me, whenever I need her. We broke up because of my feelings for you but still if I call her at 3 in the morning to talk about you or my problems, she is going to listen and give me advices but I am glad to see that you are jealous. »

As she was pouting, he added

« As I like to read your diaries. It is helping me a lot to understand you. » Sarah was not exactly Serena's favorite person so he better had to add something positive so she would not get mad.

After a minute of silence, she finally smiled and asked with a smirk if Nate was tired

«Not really, I am ready to read more pages of your diary actually. I am now at the end of 8th grade, spring break. When we went to Washington with my mom for few days and we had to sleep in the same bed, in the same room alone because my mom did a mistake and accidentally booked two room with a king size bed instead of a single room with two beds. I can't wait to read your thoughts about this and see if we had the same»

« I have something more interesting in my mind. And actually, I can tell you that my thoughts were more or less the same that I have now. They are just more audacious than they were 15 years ago. » she replied with a smile

Nate could not stop laughing. She was really good at distracting him

« Come on Natie, it had been an hard week and I think we need to chase away the stress and anguish. »

« Serena, you remember the conditions. »

« I don't care about your conditions Nathaniel Cornelius Archibald. We can go back to your take it slow formula but tonight I am the boss. » she said sitting astride on him with a big smile on her face.

« I guess I have to declare forfait. » joked Nate

« Yes and you are also mine this weekend. »

He said that he was ok with that but then he added that they should do something, like going out of the city.

« Cece's house in the Hamptons is empty and I have keys, what do you think. » suggested Serena with a very sexy smile and nasty thoughts.

Deal was closed. They left early on Saturday morning. Serena texted Blair, her mom and grandmother to let them know that she was out until sunday evening. Nate did the same with Chuck, his mom and his grandfather.

Obviously everybody knew that they were together but nobody, not even Cece, knew where they went. Well that's what they thought because someone was constantly following them. Gossip girl old map tracking was still working and someone learnt how to used it.


	41. Chapter 41 update in 30min max

New chapter,

xx,

...

Serena and Nate had an amazing time, alone, in the Hamptons. They took Nate's car as they really wanted to be alone and free.

...

Van Der Bilt stayed at home but they took Sherlock with them. When they left the house, Winnie was joyful with Van Def Bilt is her arms. She was extremely happy to see Nate and Serena together, they had not officially announced it but she knew that they would soon.

« And soon Van Der Bilt, you will have two little ones to drive you crazy, don't look at me like that, they are going to drive me crazy too. » she said before to watch Nate's car leaving.

...

Serena and Nate stopped by a wallmart to buy food as Cece's house was empty. On the afternoon they went to Montauk and then went to Riverhead. Long walks on the beach, Karaoke, watching the stars, long talks and a lot of love, it was a good resume of their weekend.

For Nate it was all surrealist, he had to pinch himself many times to be sure that he was not dreaming. Everybody believed that they were a young married couple and Serena even dedicated a song to her husband.

For Serena it was pretty much the same, she was so happy. She was mentally insulting herself every second for having pushing Nate away many times and hold her happiness back.

She believed that it was the perfect timing to talk to Nate about her doubts regarding who was sending those letters. She could not explain her theory yet so while they were watching the stars on saturday night, she asked him if he kept all the letters and if he remembered when he received them.

He nodded and said that he remembered each word of each letter.

« I got the first letter the day I announced my candidacy, it was in March, few weeks after I definitely came back to NYC.»

« More or less at the same time that Dan's book got released » noticed Serena

« Yeah pretty much. I did not really pay attention to those letters to be honest. Messages were weird. »

Serena asked him to tell her when he got the rest of the letters and what was written on each letter.

« I got the second one in may, the day before your wedding. It was written, being elected won't make your pain go away. Abandon. I got the third one before your honeymoon with Dan and the fourth just after. The first one said being the Mayor of NYC is not your dream however it seems that you are late to get it. Abandon the elections. The second one was really weird too, countdown has just started, quiet before it is too late for you. »

« And after it, did you get many letters. » frowned Serena

Nate said that he only got 3. One before he got attacked, one after the first round about two weeks ago and obviously the last one few days ago.

«In this one you were mentioned so was my father. It scares me. Like if I have to choose between you and the election, it is crazy. »

Serena was pale and when Nate asked if she was ok, she replied that no, she was not ok.

« Nate, I've been kind of mentioned in all the letters. Don't you see that they are linked to me. »

« Now that I said it out loud and mentioned all of them, I have to say that you are right. I never thought about it before. What are you thinking? Do you think you know who it could be because whom on earth would be sending me letters to force me to choose between you and the election. I mean I don't get it. » replied Nate very confused

« Nate, I think that what the person behind those letters wants is you to give up on the election because of me. This person is pushing you to make you choose me. »

« Well may be I should say thanks because I am so happy, finally, you are all I need. » he was trying to joke but Serena was serious

« What's bothering you Serena. »

«I think there is something more behind but it is not working because I love you and I won't let you abandon. In case you would, I would support you because I truly love you and this is what the person behind those letters doesn't believe. Nate, I think that this person just want you to quit to focus on me and then this person is expecting me to break your heart, to push you away as I always did but this person is wrong and I think she got it that's she was more aggressive on the last letter. »

« She, sounds like you know who it is. »

« You won't like it but I have doubts about Sarah. Please let me finish. » she said as Nate was rolling his eyes

« I would have never think about it if we would have not talked about my Brown's profesor who asked us to write an essai about what we would do and not do for love. Sarah loves you Nate and she wants you back. I got it since she yelled at me that you broke up because of me and that I broke your heart many times not her. »

« Serena, stop please. You are jealous and I am glad that you are, I take it as something good but please don't take that road. It is impossible, why would she do that. She is always here for me. She forced me to come back to NYC, she has been supporting me for months and still does. I did not give up on you thanks to her. She is the one who told me after Dan proposed to you, Nate now you have 6months to get the girl of your dream. What you just said doesn't make sense and you have no proof. On what are you basing your judgment. »

« Look Nate, I knew that you were going to react like this but I swear it makes sense. I am studying psychology, I know what I am talking about. She is pushing you to quit as she believes that at some point I am going to push you away and as you will have nothing, you will run away from NYC, heart broken once again. She will be there waiting for you. She knows that she is the only woman with whom you could be if you can't have me. She is manipulating you, she makes you believe that she wants the best for you but it is just a plan. »

Nate was observing Serena in silence. He could not believe what she just said. But the worst part is that he could see in her face that she really believed it.

«Serena, it is impossible. You are looking for someone to guilt and she is the perfect one for you. You don't like her, you are jealous, I like her, I loved her but Serena come on you just said that you thought about it because we spoke about one of your professors theory's. We will find the person behind those letters and nothing is gonna happen to you. I know we are in a complicated situation and if you want once we are back in the city, we can say that we are together if you think that it could help »

« Nate, I am not scared for me but for you. Let's forget about what I just told you, ok.»

This had been the only bad moment of their romantic weekend. Serena was really worried because she got the confirmation that Nate was still scared, a part of him still believed that she was going to leave him.

He trusted her but not as much as he trusted Sarah. She would have to find proves but how, everybody loves Sarah. She was smart, brilliant and beautiful. An independent woman who almost made Nate forgot that Serena Van Der Woodsen existed. Even Blair and Chuck were in love with Sarah. It was not a mission impossible but kind of.

She would find a way to demonstrate Nate that this is not just about jealousy because she was really sure that Sarah was the person sending those letters.

...

When they came back home on sunday evening around 8pm and a messenger rang the bell to give an envelope to Nate, Serena looked into his eyes to see if a part of him could believe her. She did not see anything except anger as the envelope was full of cliches from their little trip. Someone had been following them.

 _Time to choose Nate, the love of your life or the election. I see everything, I know everything. Tic tac, tic tac, you have to choose and we both know that you don't want to see your precious blonde hurt._

« Nate, I am scared. » murmured Serena. The idea of someone following them was scary as hell.

He took Serena in his arms and promised her that he was gonna be here for her, always. He added that may be he should abandon and Serena said that he could not.

« Nate, she just wants to scare you, us. She wants you to quiet and you won't. She is not gonna win, she had lost already, she knows it and that's why she is threatening you, us like this. » replied Serena who was not going to let Nate quit.

« You still believe that Sarah is behind this. »

« Yes. »

Nate hugged Serena a bit stronger and repeated few times that it was not possible. He knew Sarah, she would never do something like that. He wished that he had an idea about who it could be but he had not, but he will soon. Elections, second round, were in a week, he had 6 days to resolve the mystery.

For Serena the countdown was on too, she had 6 days to get proves.

...

On monday Nate called his grandfather and Chuck. They spent the afternoon and part of the evening working on their short list but none of the names worked for them. They kept 2 names, one because he had been ruined because of the Captain and the other one because he was one of Richmond investors. However, he was a small investor and was not even a close friend of Richmond.

Nate went home very tired. Serena was sleeping already. He passed an arm around her waist and smelt her hair. He loved the smell of her shampoo.

5 days to find out, starting from 0 as suggested Chuck. They had nothing concrete, they were not on the right road. Nate was sure that it was someone from Ellis&Clark, the house of editions because as Sarah told Serena, nobody can have access to those dossiers. He thought about what Serena told him but chase away this idea. It was just not possible.

...

On tuesday when Nate met Chuck for lunch, Nate mentioned that it was someone from Ellis&Clark and that he was 100% sure about it.

« That give us few names only, Francis, Frank for his closed friends, Peter, Sarah and Dan. » said Chuck

« I would love to say, it is Dan but doesn't make sense» sighed Nate

«It could be Sarah too. » said Chuck even if he knew that Nate would not even think about exploring this lead.

He got very surprised when Nate said that Serena told him the same thing already. He exposed Serena's idea to Chuck.

« Sis is a good student, she is studying psychology, I know you dislike the idea but what does it cost to investigate a bit. Nathaniel, just to be sure that you do not share Serena's tastes for psychopaths. One Dan Humphrey in the family had been enough. I am still working on the damages he caused with his last article. »

Nate scratched his head and finally approved Chuck's idea.

« Call Sarah and tell her to come to NYC, tell her that you need her support for sunday. »

« She is gonna be here. She texted me the other day, after my father funeral she came to the Spectator and as she did not find me she texted me. She is actually in a plane now, on her way to NYC and I am supposed to see her on thursday, for lunch. »

« Amazing even if I don't think that she flew back to LA. »

« Why »

« Someone had to follow you and Serena. »

« Nobody knew about this little trip. It was not even planned. Sarah did not follow us. » replied Nate annoyed

« Well Nathaniel someone did and she worked with Dan. She has a doctors degree in Gossip Girl. She is smart and if she is behind this, she does even know when Serena is having an orgasm. »

Nate rolled his eyes, Chuck Bass class...

however, he had to admit that he might had overreacted when Serena shared her thoughts about Sarah. He was not going to mention anything to Serena yet because he could not still believe that this could be possible but who knows...

...

In the meantime Serena tried to get support from Blair. After attending class at Columbia on monday and tuesday Serena had to work with Blair.

They were working on the upcoming Charity event, which was a show followed by an auction of the pieces used for the show. All those pieces were donations from the UES women. Funds collected during the event will be used to foster disadvantaged children from the Bronx, Harlem and Queens.

Serena already decided to give many clothes, bags and accessories that she was not wearing anymore but it was hard for Blair to think about donating one of her purses or worst one of her coats. Serena and Dorota were helping her to clean her closet and Serena was using those moments of weakness from Blair to get her support and convince her that Sarah was sending those letters.

« Hum S, I don't really know what to think. This would be so creepy, the editor of your ex crazy husband, which happened to be Nate's ex sending anonymous letters to win him back. I would love to say that I am in but Serena, Sarah is a smart woman, it doesn't make sense at all. She is the one who broke up with Nate in the first place. »

« Yes because of me. »

« So what, Nate flew to LA, if she wanted to keep him, she just had to ask him to stay. Nate flew to LA to fix the damages caused by Humphrey's proposal. I don't see what she could be looking for with those letters as she could have it all. She turned Nate's down. »

« So you think that I am the crazy one. »

« No S, I think that you are just jealous of her because she is still Nate's confident, after you of course but somehow she is still in the picture. She is the most perfect woman for many and you want her out of the league for good. I would have been thinking the same thing if I would be in the your position but let's face it, it is impossible or at least I am not buying it until you show me real proves. And it won't be easy for you to find someone who will help you. »

...

Serena was desperate if Blair was not going to help who would. She thought about it on her way back. She knew someone and she wondered why she had not been thinking about this person before.

After exchanging few sentences with Winnie, she went upstairs, her phone in her hands. She looked for the right number and sighed

« I can't believe I am doing this. »

« Serena Humphrey, oh no sorry Serena Van Der Woodsen calling me. How can I help you darling. I am glad you are calling me, I was missing you.»

« Georgina, I wish I could say the same thing. »

Georgina laughed and asked again why was Serena calling her. Serena detailled everything to Georgina, Nate, Dan, Sarah, the letters, everything...

« I am impressed. You and Archibald are always good to get involved in crazy stories but this one might the best, so far. »

« Are you going to help me. »

« Sure, I buy your theory. The perfect california girl being a crazy bitch, I love it S. I have to investigate how she met Nate and if it was coincidence or not. »

« What do you mean. »

« She is Dan's editor right and she met Nate few weeks after he moved to LA, what a coincidence don't you think. I have my ideas just need to check if I am right but it looks pretty bad, worst than what you are thinking. »

« How long do you need. I am kind of in a hurry. I need it like before sunday. »

« Oh please S, I need time but even Sherlock Homes needs less than that to discover all Sarah's dirty little secrets. Jack is out, for business in Australia. I am alone with the kids and bored so you will have everything before friday . And now if you excuse me, I have to work. » she hung up letting Serena perplexed.

« I hope I am not doing a mistake. » she murmured. She heard Nate's footsteps in the stairs. She grabbed one of her books and ran to the living room. She sat on the couch and feigned that she was reading.

She grabbed his hands and stood up to kiss him.

« Wow, I did not know that you were missing me that much. »

« I do a lot. I was sleeping yesterday when you came home. I know that you are busy with the elections but tonight you are mine and you are not going anywhere. »

« And we did say to take things slow and wait before to have sex again and I had more sex over the last two weeks than the last 10 months. »

« You said it, I did not. » Serena replied with a smirk, unzipped her dress and pushed Nate on the couch. Winnie was probably busy watching Santa Barbara already so they could be as noisy as they wanted.

...

On the next morning, Chuck woke them up. He called Nate at 7am and asked him to meet him now but he did not say what was so urgent. Serena did not even ask what was going on, she was not feeling well and she wanted Nate's to leave so she could go to the bathroom.


	42. Chapter 42

New chapter,

xx,

...

After visiting the bathroom 2 times because of horrible nausea, Serena managed to get on time at the Spectator. Nate arrived around 10am at the office. He looked very serious and barely spoke to Serena. She asked him if something was wrong, he kissed her told her to do not worry.

Serena noticed that he kissed her in public. Ok, the Spectator was not really a square and they were in Nate's office but still they were not alone at home. As Nate looked not that serious anymore, she thought that it was just her imagination.

About an hour later Nate's secretary stepped into Serena's office, as you had to pass by to get to his office. His secretary was always wearing a perfume with patchouli, Serena was used to smell it but today she had to close her eyes and stop breathing and left her office. Nate's asked if she was ok and Serena screamed from the hallway that she was hungry and was going to the kitchen to prepare a sandwich.

...

About 10 minutes later, Sarah opened the door of Serena's office, Nate who was waiting for Serena to come back from the kitchen opened the door of his office and got surprised when he saw Sarah.

He asked her what she was doing here as they were supposed to have lunch on the following day and not today.

« Yes don't worry Nate, I will be here tomorrow at noon. I am here because I am actually looking for Serena. Is she around. » she asked with a lovely smile

Nate frowned and asked why she was looking for Serena.

«Well as she is now officially Miss Van Der Woodsen again. Ad her marriage with Dan hab been canceled my bosses want her to sign few papers. You know just to protect their asses when Dan's books compilation is gonna be published. They are afraid that Serena could take them to court as obviously it is mostly about her. »

« Well mostly about us. Why don't we have to sign those papers. » rectified Nate

Sarah was smart and knew that Nate would ask so she prepared her lines before to come.

« None of you did it before, so at Ellis&Clark, they think that it is not necessary for you to sign those papers. For Serena it is different as until recently she was Dan's wife.»

Nate told Sarah that Serena was not going to sign those papers, never.

« Well we will just change names in that case but still do you know where I can find her. » asked Sarah with her best smile

« She is in the kitchen making her a sandwich. »

Sarah smiled at Nate and left the room. She went to the kitchen and did not find Serena here. She wondered where Serena could be, probably in the bathroom retouching imperfections that she did not even have...

...

When Sarah walked into the ladies room, only one of the bathroom was busy and the person was vomiting. Sarah with a smirk on her face locked the main door of the ladies room and waited for Serena to come out. She was sure that Serena was the one vomiting and she liked that.

When Serena opened the door and saw Sarah, she hiccuped surprised to see Sarah. She asked what she was doing here.

« Officially I am here because I need you to sign some papers regarding Dan's books. »

« And non officially what are you doing here because we both know that I won't sign anything to help Dan or you to publish more trashes. » replied Serena with a condescending look.

She washed her hand, Sarah was standing next to her. Sarah turned on the hot water, at the maximum. Serena took her hands off and looked at Sarah, she got scared but she was trying to hide it.

«What do you want, you know that we are at the Spectator, Nate's here, if I scream someone will kick down the door. » warned Serena

« Serena, please I won't do anything to you here. I am not stupid. No I just came to warn you. Serena, if you ever try again to have a nosey into my past you will regret it. » said Sarah very serious

« I don't know what you are talking about. Now let me pass. »

Sarah was still stoping her, her back on the door.

« Oh no, really! Did not you call your friend Georgina to look into my past. If you did not then could you please tell me why she called my ex best friend Amanda, pretending that she was calling from Ellis&Clark, telling that she needed few informations about me as Vanity Fair was going to publish an article about me, Dan's editor. Don't be mad at Georgina, she said that her name was Daphne but as we have no Daphne working for Ellis&Clark in LA or NYC or Chicago, I tracked the number and found out it was from a Bar, next to Georgina and Jack Bass house. »

« Look Sarah, I did not ask Georgina to do anything. I am way to busy to think about you. You should not give yourself so much importance, you mean nothing to me.» replied Serena who was not going to let Sarah win this round

« Take me crazy. I don't know what you are looking for but you won't find anything. Unlike you or people like Blair even if Amanda and I are not friends anymore, she would never say anything about me. This is what we can call friendship. »

« Can I please get out of the bathroom now or what. You know that I will tell Nate about our little conversation. »

« I don't think so Serena unless you want him to know about your little secret. » Sarah was trying to intimidate Serena

« You are crazy, now get out of my way. »

« I am sure he would love to know, I wonder how he would react, you are lucky that Dan never posted it. And speaking of secrets, may be I should add that I did not find you in the kitchen but in the ladies room, vomiting, morning sickness S. » mocked Sarah even if a pregnant Serena was going to be a big problem for her to achieve her plan.

« You know what you can try to threaten me it is not going to work. And yes I did call Georgina because I know that you are the one who is sending those letters to Nate. I will find another way to get the proves that I need. And I don't know what you think that you read that Nate doesn't know but please go ahead because he knows everything and just to be clear, I am not pregnant, don't even try to put this idea into Nate's head. » defied Serena

She pushed Sarah and unlocked the door of the ladies room and walk towards her office. Nate was there, he saw her face and Sarah running behind her. He frowned but remembered what Chuck told him few hours ago, to act you would usually.

«Serena, are you ok. »

« No, Sarah had been tryng to threaten me in the bathroom.» started Serena

Sarah rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

« Serena, I did not do that. I just asked you to sign the papers. »

« Nate, she is lying, please don't believe her. » yelled Serena

« Serena please stop acting so innocent. Nate, I am sorry I lied to you, I did not only come because of the papers. I came because Serena asked Georgina to search into my past. I know that you love her and I always supported you but her jealousy is insane » said Sarah who was playing the victim perfectly

Serena looked at Nate, he looked at her. He looked annoyed, he asked Serena what was wrong with her. Pissed off Serena did not reply. She took her purse and left.

« I have classes to attend. »she said slamming the door, she was furious and upset.

...

Sarah stayed with Nate during his lunch break. When she left she was happy as she was convinced that Nate was not going to believe Serena no matter what, actually Nate seemed to be really mad at Serena. She left the Spectator joyful.

...

When Nate came home, Winnie was in the kitchen and Serena was upstairs, in the living room working on her thesis.

Nate was actually surprised to see that she was home. He believed that she would have leave or come home really late, he got even more surprised when Serena closed her computer and faced him. He said that he thought that she would not speak to him for a week, at least.

« Don't you see that this is exactly what she is looking for. Nate, I told you her plan is not going to work because I love you and I want to spend my life with you and no matter what she told you, she never believed it. She is expecting me to push you away but I won't. But I actually don't even care about her. I mad, so mad at you Natie. You yelled at me, in front of her, you chose to believe her and not me. Nate, when are you going to understand that this time it is different and why aren't you believing me. »

Serena was fulminating and Nate laughed. She took one of her book and threw it at his face.

«Why are you laughing. »

Nate was chocked to see Serena so aggressive. He did not have the intention to tell her about Chuck's plan but he needed to calm her down.

« Serena, please listen to me. »

She looked at him, took Van Der Bilt in her arms so Nate could sit next to her on the couch.

He explained her that he got mad this morning because Chuck was already investigating Sarah's past. Serena raised an eyebrow

« So you believe me. »

« I still can't believe that it could be Sarah but after working on all the names with my grandfather and Chuck, we found nothing so we had to start from 0. The only thing that we are sure, it is that this person works at Ellis&Clark and Chuck told me that Peter and Francis had nothing to win and even if I would love to believe that it is Dan, doesn't make sense. So well Chuck said that we should go for Sarah. »

« Did he find something. » asked Serena

Nate lied to do not alarm her. He added that he got scared that because of Georgina, Chuck's plan could be ruined.

« But don't worry because Chuck told me that he was not going to be that direct. His PD is really good, I think we will have the answer before sunday. I hope so. »

« Me too. »

...

On the following day, Serena was supposed to help Blair with the last details of her birthday party but she did not even manage to get out of the house. She woke up nauseous again, she made her way to the kitchen and when Winnie said that she had done scrambled eggs, she ran to the bathroom. Nate had to help her to get out of the bathroom as she was way too dizy to stand up properly

« Winnie, please call Doctor Robert. »

« No Nate, I am fine. I am sure that it is because of the sushi that we ordered yesterday. »

« Serena, I am not sick and we always order at the same place. »

«But you did not eat the spicy tuna rolls. I told you that they were smelling weird. » affirmed Serena

« They smelt as good as always but may be your stomach did not like them. »

« Nate, I am sure that it is food poisoning. No need to call the doctor, I am going to stay home have some rest and that's all. Winnie is here if I need anything. » smiled Serena

Nate did not let Winnie answer.

« I prefer to have doctor Robert's opinion. Look Serena, Sarah told me that she did not find you in the kitchen but in the bathroom and that you were vomiting. I am just worried about you. »

Serena rolled her eyes. She was going to kill that bitch. As it was better to do not insist, she let Winnie call the doctor.

Doctor said that it was probably poisoning and that she should stay home. Serena looked at Nate with a victory smile

« See I told you. Thanks doctor Robert. Goodbye.»

She did not mention or let Nate mention that she had been sick the day before aswell. Nate left to the Spectator suspicious, he sighed and then remembered that he should not believe Sarah. At the end she might be the one who had been manipulating him and sending him those anonymous letter and Serena could not be pregnant because she was taking the pill.

Serena would never go behind back and he loved her and she knew it. She did not have to get pregnant to get him back.


	43. Chapter 43

New chapter,

xx,

...

Nate left his house and went to the Spectator. He was a worried about Serena but Doctor said it was nothing and Serena said it too.

He spent the all morning trying to do not think about what Chuck told him. He had to meet Sarah for lunch and the only thing that he could think about was the fact that they did not meet, almost 4 years, by coincidence. He was waiting for more info from Chuck but this was already too much for him.

Nate was terrified, they still had no real proves that Sarah was behind those letters but what Chuck showed him was more than enough for him to understand that the real Sarah Parker was not the woman he fall in love with in LA.

It was hard for him to accept it, to accept that Sarah had been manipulating him from the beginning. Chuck said that Sarah was not obsessed with him but by Serena.

...

 _« It does look like your are her obsession but Nathaniel, she is obsessed with Serena. Nose surgery, dying her hair to be blonde and all the sexy glamourous outfits. She wants to be Serena Van Der Woodsen. This is the story of a middle class girl, not very popular in high school but she is also tortured genious who finds out about gossip girl thanks to her cousin Adam, her cousin from NYC who goes to school with us. Sarah is an average girl who wants to shine as our Serena, the it girl of the UES. And as she can't understand why our it girl is turning down our golden boy, she decides that she is going to be Serena Van Woodsen for you. Thoughts of an 17 years old teenage girl which got worst with the years. Open your eyes Nathaniel, she is mentally disturbed» this is what Chuck told him the day before_

...

Nate tried to do his best to do not let Sarah noticed anything and he did a great job. However, Sarah told him something annoying about Serena.

When he went back to the Spectator, he had to open a bottle of vodka and drunk a couple of shoots. He was so confused. What if what she told him was true.

He asked his secretary to cancel his meetings

«No dot transfer me any call either. » he added

He closed the door of his office, the window blinds before to call Chuck. He needed to speak with him and tell him what Sarah tried to insinuate.

« Nathaniel, I got not proof and I don't think Serena would ever do that to you but you should talk to her about it because obviously you think that it might be true. A part of you still believe Miss Parker.»

...

When he arrived home on the evening, he was still confused, as mush as he was or more when he left the house on the morning.

Serena and Winnie were waiting for him. Dinner was ready, Serena seemed to be feeling much better which increased Nate doubts.

«Natie, you are back. I made a pumkin pie this afternoon, can't believe Thanksgiving is in a week only. May be we won't have drama this year. » smiled Serena before to grab Nate's arms and wrapped her arms around his neck.

...

On friday as it was Blair's birthday party, Serena spent the day with her. She met Nate at 6pm, at home, so they could get ready and go together to the Bass townhouse.

Nate was waiting downstairs for Serena.

« Serena, we are gonna be late, come on, what takes you so long. »

« I am coming. » she said upstairs.

While she walked down the stairs, Nate was trying to breath, again. Serena was more gorgeous than ever in her lilac marchesa dress.

He forgot about what Sarah told him, about his fears, about everything. He finally got his chance, there was no way that he was going to ruin it.

At the party, some asked if they came together and Nate said yes, he did even add that she was her date. Serena was surprised, in a good way, as until now it looked like Nate wanted to hide their relationship. She could understand it few weeks ago but it's been almost a month, it was time to at least let their families know about it.

...

Saturday morning, the day before the election

...

Nate's house

When Nate woke up, he immediately looked what time it was. He had to meet his grandfather at 11am and as they almost did not sleep with Serena, he was afraid that to be late. But no, it was only 8am. He got out the bed, trying to do not wake up Serena

Serena groaned and grabbed Nate's arms. She asked him to stay in bed with her. He kissed her with passion and reminded her that he had to meet his grandfather.

« Tomorrow is the big day Serena and you know he wants to be sure that everything is ok.»

Serena sighed and got out of the bed too. She took her blue robe from La Perla. She felt dizzy while she was trying to tie the ribbons. Nate looked at her and asked if she was ok. She nodded.

« May be you should stay in bed. After your virus from the other day and the lack of sleep, may be you should rest. »

But she replied that she was fine.

...

Serena was making some french toasts with Winnie while Nate was on the phone with his mother.

« My mum is coming over. She is gonna be here in 30minutes. May be we should tell her about us.»

Winnie said that they needed more toasts then

« Thanks God, we have more eggs in the basement. And too bad it is too early for Champagne. »

Serena could not believe it. She was so happy.

...

She left the kitchen letting Serena and Nate alone. Nate took advantage of the situation, he was standing behind Serena, he grabbed her waist and kissed her neck, fondling her breast. She had to stop him as her breasts were really painful today. Nate laughed so much when she said it.

« It is not funny Natie. I am going to have my period in the next 72 hours and I feel so swollen and with such a big headache. Painful period are the worst thing on earth. Men don't know how lucky they are to do not have to deal with that. »

Nate got serious and took her right wrist. His peace of mind was gone. Serena looked at him confused because of his change of attitude in less than 5minutes.

« I always thought that one of the good point of taking the pill was having your period with no pain. »

Serena bit her lips as she perfectly knew what he meant. She tried to get back her arm but he did not set her free

« Yes that's right. »

« And as you did not stop to take the pill, how can you feel so bad, because you do take them right. »

She looked at her feet and decided that she better says the truth.

« After I got my period a month ago, I decided to stop to take them. It was like a week before we had sex. »

« So it is more than a month ago, so you are late, a week late minimum. » calculated Nate

« I took them for many years, women usually need months before to get pregnant and a week late is nothing. My body is still dealing with the changes. I stopped as I believe that it is a good thing for my body to be free from those hormones. »

« And it did not occur you to tell me about your amazing idea. I think it is a wonderful idea to liberate your body from the hormones but Serena we had sex without protection, do you know what that means. I can understand that you did not tell me anything after the first time but Serena we are having sex almost everyday, last time was few hours ago and you did not say a word. »

Serena said that she was sorry. She insisted there was nothing to worry about. Even if she was not been taking the pill for few weeks now, her body had been under this treatment for so long that its effect was still effective. She added that she wanted to tell him but she was afraid of his reaction.

« And I was right. Nate, the way you are looking at me now, it makes me feel horrible. I did not attempt to trap you and I did not say anything because I did not want you to believe it. And I know that Sarah tried to make you think the contrary and apparently she succeeded»

« May I come in. »asked Winnie who was standing in the door frame

Nate released Serena's arm. He was furious. He opened his wallet that was on the table, took 10$ and walked out of the kitchen. He grabbed his coat and left the house.

« I guess we don't need those eggs anymore. » murmured Winnie

Serena let her fall on the floor. Winnie comforted her, as often lately.

« I am so stupid Winnie. I should have told him but I was scared of his reaction. And look at the end, it is worst. »

« It had been a surprise for him. I can understand his reaction but don't worry he just need a walk in Central Park. And Serena, let's imagine 5 seconds that you are pregnant, I can tell you that it would be the best news ever for Nate.»

Serena was not so sure about it but she smiled. She stood up and served herself some toats, anyway she was not pregnant she was sure about it. She had been taking the pill for 13 years...

...

Nate came back 15 minutes later. As he heard his mother's voice, he let the little craft bag, that he carrying, on the desk next to the stairs. He needed to be alone with Serena, he had to find a way to make his mother leave the house.

His mother was talking with Serena about Cotillion and the charity event coming ahead. After listening them for 15 minutes, Nate asked his mother if she could go to her apartment to pick up his agenda.

« I really need it before to meet grandfather and as we cannot be late, do you mind to do that for me. »

Anne frowned and looked at her son and Serena. She sighed and declared that as she apparently interrupted something, she was going to leave. Nate rolled his eyes and asked his mother to do not be that dramatic. Anne passed in front of him without looking at her son. She tried to look offended.

...

When she picked up her coat, she saw the bag on the desk. She observed her son with insistance. She made few steps ahead, grabbed the bag and opened it.

« What. » asked Nate when he saw his mother's face. It was mix of surprise, anguish with a pinch of enthusiasm

« Well, I see you at your grandfather at 11am, don't be late. Now, as you are busy, I am leaving. I guess I don't have to say I told you. »

« No mum, please don't bother»

« You will inform me about the result, right. It might surprise you but I would happy if it would be positive. »

Nate opened the door and kind of pushed his mother out of his house.

« See you at 11am and don't worry, I will let you know. »

He closed the door, took the craft bag and went back to the kitchen. He put the bag in front of Serena. She opened it and sighed when she saw what was inside.

« Seriously Nate, you bought a pregnancy test. I can't believe it and the worst part is that I don't even know what you think about the idea of having a baby with me. »

« I would love that and you know it, I just would have loved to be informed about it. Now, let's go upstairs. »

...

Nate's room

Nate was carefully reading the instructions which was getting on Serena's nerves.

« If you just wanted to get in my nerves, bravo it is working. » she snatched the paper and the test out of his hands

« I am just reading the instructions Serena. I never used a pregnancy test before. »

« Funny. And well it might surprised you but never did I. However, it is the easiest thing on earth, I pee on it, we wait what 2 minutes and 1 stick means no baby, 2 sticks means baby. » she locked herself in the bathroom saying that she could not believe that she was doing this.

Nate knocked at the door and told her to open the door.

« Why, do you want to hold it while I pee. Are you afraid that I might put it in water instead. »

« Serena, I don't want to fight ok. I was mad, yes it is true but I am not anymore. I just need to know, don't you. »

Yes she wanted to know but she was so afraid of Nate's reaction in case the test turns positive. Nate was going to believe that she did plan it.

She let him come in the bathroom.

...

The next 2 minutes had been the longest of their lifes. She could not even look at the test while Nate was looking at it every 10 seconds.

...

2 minutes later, one stick.

Serena took the test and thrown it.

« See, I told you, I am not pregnant. And now could you please tell me why you freaked out like that. Did you seriously think that I could have tried to get pregnant, intentionally, on your back. »

As he was not answering and because of all the pressure of the last weeks, she let her fall on the bed and cried. Nate could see that she was devastated.

He felt like that so many times. He could not let her cry. He sat on his bed and took her in his arms. He hugged her, kissed her forehead and said that he was sorry

Serena hit him, her hands hitting his chest

« Let me in Nate. I love you, I am trying to prove you everyday that I won't go anywhere, that I am here for good. You said that you wanted to take it slow, I agreed but we haven't move on at all. We went on a date yes but beside that nothing. We live like a married couple which is crazy because I am not even sure that we are a couple and now this. I don't know what to do anymore Nate. I don't have a tip top time machine to borrow the mistakes I've done. But Nate don't you see that me trying to get pregnant without telling you, doesn't make sense. Why would I do such thing, to get what.»

« I am sorry Serena. I should not have listen Sarah but she told me that may be you were pregnant when you left Dan and now you are looking for someone to be the father. She also said that may be you were intentionally trying to get pregnant as I asked you to take things slow»

« She is manipulating you.» interrupted Serena

« Nate, you know that I got my period last month, we woke up in bloody bed. »

« I am scared Serena. »

« So was I and see where it drove me, to an uncountable number of mistakes and a cancellation of wedding. Nate, I know that life had not been easy, the loose of your father, the election, me but I am all in. Should I say it in all the languages of the world. »

She took her phone and started to translate it in different languages.

...

After trying to say it in Russian, Nate looked at his drawers, the third one where the ring was. He was ready to propose few years ago when he went to visit her at Brown, even if they were not even in a relationship.

He was thinking now that he should ask her to marry him. This was probably the best way to start his life with Serena. This is what he wanted. He was going to need years, may be, to believe that Serena was not going to leave him but may be their love story did not have to wait until then.

« Serena, after the election as I won't be the new mayor officially until january 1st, if I am elected, I was thinking that we could escape somewhere. Just you and me. »

« I thought that running away was so last season. » she joked before to continue

« I love the idea but only if we go there as us and you stop overthinking about everything. »

He agreed and said that the deal was closed then. He kissed her and said that he had to leave otherwise he was gonna be late to meet his grandfather.

...

A bit later in Central Park.

Nate and Chuck were with the dogs. They were watching them playing and Nate confessed everything to Chuck. Chuck said that he was not surprised at all.

« I could have guess. Nathaniel, you are not going to like what I am going to tell you but you find a way to trust my sis or you let her go. »

« I can't let her go. Serena is my dream.»

« Then don't push her away. She is in your position now and you are in hers. You can't stop thinking about her love for you, if she is going to leave, if it is real and as you are scared, you push her away. You are doing exactly what Serena had been doing to you over the last 15 years. You two love each other, go from there the rest doesn't count. »

« I know and this morning I was about to take the ring and asked her to marry me but I am also terrified by the letters and Sarah. What if by not quitting, I am putting her in danger. »

« Nathaniel, elections are tomorrow. If you win, you take a plane on monday morning with Serena in it. Private jet of your grandfather. Seychelles are beautiful, I highly recommend the place and I will manage to have Sarah roasting in jail before you come back.»

...

Election, sunday 19th of november

It was really cold today but sunny. After the pregnancy test chapter, Nate again that Serena would not speak to him but when she was acting normal. She told him that she was going to prove him that this time it was gonna be difference and yes it wasand Nate was glad.

He was also feeling relieved, either he wins or not, Sarah was going to loose tonight. Because tonight he was going to ask Serena to marry him. He left the house with the little box in his pocket.

Chuck, with now the help of Blair, was working on a way to force Sarah to betray herself.

Even another anonymous letter did not scare Nate.

 _Nathaniel, as it looks like you could not choose, I will have to choose for you_

He threw away the letter, what could she do anyway. Chuck's PD found proofs and as Sarah was a smart woman she was probably aware of it.


	44. Chapter 41, information

guest thanks for letting me know about chapter 41

I did not realize that the second part of the chapter was not the correct one. Something went wrong when I uploaded it. I just uploaed the right chapter. I am really sorry about it!

chapter 43 is correct

Sorry again


	45. Chapter 45

New chapter,

I will post a chapter tomorrow again and then I will have only 3 more chapters to post but. I will be traveling for the next 2 weeks so I might have to post the 3 final chapter after my trip

xx,

...

Today, they were not going to wait for the results at the Spectator but at the Empire.

Serena arrived there around 11am, she was desperately looking for Nate. She just got an email from Georgina with a lot of info.

When she found Nate, who was with Chuck and Blair. She showed them what Georgina found. Chuck said that he got the same info

« Now we just need miss I wanna Be Serena Van Der Woodsen to say that she is the one sending those letters because yes she is crazy but we need that to take her down. » said Blair while Serena was reading Chuck's PD report.

 _..._

 _Sarah spent the summer before their senior year in NYC with her cousin Adam. As he was constantly looking at his phone, she asked him what was so interesting and that's when she found out about Gossip Girl. Sarah was the geeky brunette with glasses with no real social life. She automatically got crazy about GG. She asked her cousin to tell her everything about those people, Serena, Nate, Blair, Chuck, Dan, Penelope, Nelly..._

 _She got jealous of her cousin, she told her cousin that she would love to meet them and go to Constance. She tried so hard to get something post about her on GG that summer. Her cousin comforted her, he told her that it was basically always about the same people which did not help Sarah to feel better. As usual she was insignificant._

 _At the end of August, she had to fly back to LA but she did not stop reading Gossip Girl. She called her cousin often to talk about what was going on the UES. She did even try to create a sort of GG platform with the help of her best friend Amanda but LA was not NYC and they were going to an average high school with teenagers who were dealing with regular problems, nothing to compare with the non judging breakfast club issues... They did not even have an it girl..._

 _And that was it, Sarah told Amanda that she was going to be the it girl of their high school. After the Christmas break, she changed the way she used to dress up, copying Serena's outfit most of the time. She started to wear lens and not her old glasses but still for most of her classmates she was still Sarah the geek... This was not a problem, she was going to UCLA, she was smart and she was going to be the it girl of UCLA. As her idol Serena, this would be a fresh start._

 _After graduating, she spent the summer working at the reception of the beverly hotel, with the help of her colleague Ross, they hacked few credit cards. She needed money and a lot as their parents could not afford her studies at UCLA and a nose job._

 _At the end of the summer, 3weeks before to start her class at UCLA, she went to see one of the best plastic surgeons of LA. Results, a perfect nose. A new Sarah, a person more confident who was ready to be the it girl of UCLA._

 _She tried so hard to become that girl during her freshman year but something was not working. Serena was her inspirstion but even if Sarah was trying to act like Serena, it was not working. Yes she was popular which was already something good but it was not enough for her. She did even dye her hair in blonde but still... probably because she did not have years of experience partying like Serena and did not have the designers clothes to shine..._

 _Also she got pissed, just before the summer break, when she read that Serena broke up with Nate. Sarah who had been idolizing Serena for almost 2 years started to think that Serena was just a stupid Barbie dool. If she would ever have the chance to be with someone like Nathaniel Archibald, she would never break up with him. When she was looking at herself in the mirror, she was telling herself that actually she deserved a guy like Nate._

 _She spent her second year at UCLA trying to find her prince but did not find any..._

 _When she read during the summer that Serena was in LA, she could not believe it. She was doing an internship for one of the biggest communication agency of LA, she was going to all the parties but did not see Serena anywhere. When Nate and Chuck arrived, she tried harder to meet them but still nothing even if she was at the party organized by Diana..._

 _She finished her studies at UCLA thinking about how she could ever meet them, how she could meet Nate. She started to believe that as Serena was pushing him away and Nate could not really forget about Serena, she could become a new Serena for Nate. The question was how he was in NYC, she was in LA._

 _She was in love with Nathaniel Archibald even if she did never meet him in person..._

 _She finally found a way to get in touch with them, GG, Daniel Humphrey. She has just started to work for Ellis &Clark as editor junior when Dan revealed that he was GG. Dan was going to be her chance to get inside. She thought that it was funny, the ultimate insider helping her to get inside..._

 _The worst, or best depends on the point of view, part is that from that day her all plans started to work out. When she met Nate the first time, after he moved to LA, it was because Dan was in town and Sarah invented an excuse to meet Nate. She told Dan that as he did sell stories to the Spectator, they needed Nate to come over and sign few papers._

 _It took her a year and a half to get Nate but she got him and she was never going to let him go, never. Serena was a stupid Barbie doll with serious mental issues as she decided to marry Dan. Serena was on her way to be has been while she was on her way to be the next top it girl. She was now one of the best editors of Ellis &Clark, she could afford all the designers clothes, purses and shoes that she wanted and ice on the cake was definitely the fact that she was Nathaniel Archibald fiance. _

_When they traveled to NYC to meet all his family and attend Blair and Chuck party, she really believed that rumors were right and that Nate was going to propose but how could he ever propose her to marry him while he was still madly in love with Serena. She hated Serena, she believed that she was really going to be the next Serena Van Der Woodsen but this trip killed her plans._

 _When she saw Nate's face after Serena said yes to Dan, she was devastated. Her dream was over and it was unfair, unfair to see people like Serena Van Der Woodsen always winning. She helped Dan with his books, she believed that after destroying Serena through Dan's book, Serena would become unpopular, it did not work. She was trying to make Nate happy for real but he was still in love with the only it girl of the story. Her rancor turned into madness..._

 _Nate flew back to LA, tried to reconnect with her but she told him to fight for Serena. She had a plan and it was her last chance to become the it girl of Nate's dream..._

 _She never believed that Serena would fall for Nate all over again. She always suspected that Serena never really stopped loving Nate but she also never truly believed that Serena would totally jump in and this is why she told Nate to fight for Serena because she was so sure that he would come back to LA heartbroken and she would be the one waiting for him._

Serena was trembling. Her theory was right. She had been so concentrated that she did not even notice that Chuck and Nate left a while ago.

« She is a psychopath. Dan looks so mentally healthy compared to Sarah. » said Blair who could see how affected Serena was.

« Serena this is not the moment to start thinking about how lucky we are to have privileges and to feel bad about it. »

Serena said that this is not what she was thinking about. She was just stunned, Sarah was dangerous and it was scary. Blair told Serena that there was nothing to worry about.

« Nate is going to win and tomorrow you two will be in a plane, destination Tahiti. » said Blair with a smile.

« Yes but today, Sarah is going to come and I am sure that she is going to play the perfect woman as she always does. »

«Don't even think about this fake blonde S. Think about you and Nate laying on the beach or locked in your suite. »

She was happy for them, Serena and Nate had dinner with her and Chuk, last night and Nate said that they were together and that they were going to make it official tomorrow. Finally, they were together for good and Blair was not going to let miss I wanna be ruin it.

...

Serena did not really see Nate during the rest of the day. She tried to avoid Sarah as much as possible as she could not tell her anything. Chuck insisted, everybody had to act normal.

She finally found Nate, few minutes before to get the results.

Nate won, it was not a surprise, Serena looked at Nate. He did not seem to be happy.

He pronounced his speech but did not say a word about his relationship with Serena. Serena bit her lips, she was not mad but confused as Nate promised her that he would do it during his speech. She wanted to think that it was one of her grandfather's idea but she knew it was not because of him.

She turned around, Sarah was behind her

« Well played Serena, just like your mother. I am happy for you two but as you can imagine it was not the right moment for Nate to make it official. You always hate to do not be the center of attention but I think he deserved to be alone under the spotlight tonight. »she told Serena with a smirk

« You are a bitch. »replied Serena fulminating

« I learnt from the best. »

...

Serena spent the next hour waiting for Nate to come to her. Tired, she asked Chuck where he was.

« Outside, I saw him going out. »

Serena went outside and there he was with Sarah. Helping her to get a taxi. He noticed that Serena was observing them, Sarah saw her too and she said something to Nate that changed his face.

...

Once Sarah was gone, Serena asked him why he was avoiding her

« and what are doing with her. »

« Trying to act normal as Chuck said. And I am not avoiding you Serena. I am sorry I did not have a minute for me. »

« Yeah, I kind of noticed Nate. I am tired, I am going home. » she said upset.

It was bothering her to see how much it was costing Nate to see Sarah as the vilain.

« I need to stay Serena, I join you later. Don't be jealous or mad. »

« I am not Nate, I am not. I am just tired. I love you, I will be waiting for you to celebrate it. »she said with a smirk

She tried to kiss him but he pushed her away.

« Yes sorry, I forgot we are still not official. » she stopped a taxi and jumped in

Nate sighed and took his face in his hands. He could not tell her, Chuck forbade him. Few minutes before the results he got a message from gossip girl, obviously Sarah wanted to feel like GG, the master piece of the game...

 _From Golden Boy to Mayor, well played Nathaniel. I heard you want to share something important with NYC tonight, you just won't or I will publish this list of posts about your princess. Careful N, I warned you many times. You can't have both remember, you have 3 minutes to choose. Your favorite anonymous writer_

Chuck was glad that Nate got this message. He said that this was a proof against Sarah and a good one. But Nate was not that positive. He could not let Sarah published them so he chose, for tonight he had to put Serena on the back of the picture, he did and Serena got mad and now he was on the sidewalk alone, lost and scared.

...

Monday morning, the day after

Serena arrived at the Spectator early, she wanted to see Nate, she needed to talk to him. He did not come home last night. She was confused, he said that he wanted to make their relationship official and instead of that he was avoiding her.

She was in love with him and it had been so hard for her to put her fears behind her and give him, them the chance that they deserved even if it meant loosing his friendship if things turned in a bad way, she was not going to let Sarah creates tensions between her and Nate.

She knew that Nate was gonna be at the Spectator. He had a press conference at 11am but before Nate would go to the Spectator for sure.

...

And there he was.

Nate arrived at the office a bit before 8:00am, the office was still empty and this is exactly what he needed. He was looking at the letter that was on his desk.

 _Too late, I will have to choose for you now, I already did. You could not say I did not warn you_


	46. Chapter 46

New chapter,

xx,

...

Monday morning, the day after

Serena arrived at the Spectator early, 8am, she wanted to see Nate, she needed to talk to him. He did not come home last night. She was confused, he said that he wanted to make their relationship official and instead of that he was avoiding her.

She wanted him, to be with him for real. She was in love with him and it had been so hard for her to put her fears behind her and give him, them, the chance that they deserved even if it could mean loosing his friendship if things turned in a bad way.

She knew that Nate was gonna be at the Spectator. He had a press conference at 11am but before Nate would go to the Spectator for sure.

And she was right.

...

Nate arrived at the office a bit before 8:00am, the office was still empty and this is exactly what he needed. He was looking at the letter that was on his desk.

 _Too late, I chose for you now. I warned you_

Chuck and his grandfather told him that Sarah was just trying to scare him but Nate knew her so much more than them. She was a determined woman and she was going to do something. He spent the night at his mom's but he could not live like that, afraid. Serena had been trying to call him so many times and he knew that he had to work on an good excuse as Serena was probably thinking like Chuck and his grandfather.

May be this is what Sarah wanted to scare him, so he would avoid Serena. He was doing exactly what Sarah wanted because she knew that he would never put Serena's life in danger.

Fortunately, Serena was determined to prove him that she was not going to leave him. This situation was making things a bit more complicated and Nate believed that he had good reasons to be scared.

His face changed when he saw that Serena was here. He did not want to face her, it was too hard, he wanted her so badly, he still had the box in his pocket, he could feel the box against his chest. He threw away the letter before she stepped into his office.

« Nate we need to talk, I had been calling you a hundred times, where did you sleep. » she was trying to keep her calm.

« At my mum. »

« Nate what is going on and why are you avoiding me. You said that you wanted us to leave after the election. Nate, I packed as you asked me to. Our suitcases are ready. »

« I am not avoiding you, yesterday had been a crazy day. I still want those holidays Serena but I don't think that we can leave now or may be you can and I fly to Tahiti as soon as I can. » he suggested

He hoped that she would do it. They needed just few days to put Sarah behind bars and having Serena far away from NYC, far away from the country was the best idea.

But Serena was not leaving without him. She was observing him while she was asking him why he was not talking to her.

« I am not crazy, something is going on. Nate, what is it. Look if this is because of Sarah, I don't care or no I do and a lot but let your grandfather and Chuck take care of her. Our flight is supposed to leave this afternoon, you have enough time for your press conference before we leave to the airport. » she replied not ready to give up

If they were not flying to Tahiti today, she did not care, Tahiti would always be here ready for them.

« Nate, please I just need to understand why suddenly you are avoiding me. I thought that you wanted to make things official between us, why did you step back. » she asked confused and sad

He sighed, this was going to be complicated. He stood up, left his office with Serena walking behind him, of course. And she was not ready to declare forfait yet...

« I know that you are the new Mayor of the city but Nate don't lie to me, you are avoiding me and I need to know why. Answer me. » she yelled at him

...

He called the elevator before to face her

« I am not avoiding you Serena and I am sorry I know what I said. I did not make our relationship official yesterday because I believed that it was not the right moment. »

He walked into the elevator, she jumped in before the doors closed

« Nate where are you going, we need to talk. Nate, stop hiding me, us. I know I deserve it but then if you wait for the perfect moment you might wait, we might have to wait forever. I want to be with you and kiss you at the office, in the street, hold you hands. »

Nate pressed level 0, his gaze still on Serena.

« Serena, give me one more week please. »

He knew that she was going to cry, she was really upset

« I am tired of waiting Natie. Sarah is not an excuse Nate. I have the feeling that I spent years looking for a good excuse to push you away and as much as you want to believe that you are acting differently, well you aren't. You are running away from me too.»

...

Floor 5

«Oh that's funny. Isn't it what you always did, running away from me »he said with anger.

He did not like her ton. He did not like to listen to her telling that she was tired of waiting, what should he say...

« You can't say that you are tired of waiting. How dare you » he said very annoyed

...

Floor 4

« I did not mean it in that way and you know it. Nate, tell me what is wrong please because I don't want to fight. » she asked desperate

« Nate, I love you. I did not come to fight. » she explained

...

Floor 3

« Me neither. »he sighed before to tell Serena that he was just really tired.

« Fly with me to Tahiti this afternoon just as we planned. »

...

Floor 2

« I can't leave the city before to be sure that Sarah is going to jail. » confessed Nate

« Nate, please don't push me away because of her. I know that it is horrible when you find out that a person that you loved had been playing with you the all time. Just forget about her. »

...

Floor 1

« I can't, I tried and I am scared for you, for us. Serena please take the plane, I join you once I am done with her. »

« I love you. »she said and she kissed him

She was not going to leave without him but this conversation was over. She understood Nate's point of view and insisting was not a good idea.

...

Floor 0, doors opening

« I love you too. Please do it for me. » He said before kiss her forehead

He knew she was not going to leave but at least he tried.

...

Nate walked out of the elevator, he needed to ask few things to the receptionist. He got a message on his phone, he looked at it but did not understand anything. It was from GG but for Nate it was not making sense because nothing ended...

 _Game Over N._

Serena replied that she was not going anywhere without him. She saw his face changing and she asked if he was ok.

They were looking at each other, it was intense.

« Serena, please, I do it for me » His bad feeling was back and he could feel his heart beating faster.

...

Nate stopped walking as he was in front of the receptionist.

« Could you please order my car now, I will leave to my new office now, I will be back this afternoon. Could you please. »

« Nate, I am talking to you. »interrupted Serena. Nate was not listening to her and it was annoying her. Nate looked at her, he did not even what she just said...

« Serena, one moment please. » he asked.

He was so perturbed that he could not even think properly

«Sorry to interrupt you but M Archibald, you wanted to add something. » asked the receptionist who was already calling Nate's driver.

« Yes please, tell my secretary that I will pass by this afternoon around. » he stopped

He looked at Serena who was standing next to him and then he looked behind her.

Someone was knocking at the window, trying to get their attention. Nate could not even say if it was a man or a woman, all dressed up in black with a big scarf, sunglasses and a hat. The person was pointing them, Nate saw what the man was pointing and pushed Serena to passed in front of her

« Nate, what are you doing. » she asked surprised

She tangled in her high heels, almost fall and heard shoots. She saw Nate falling on the floor. The receptionist was shocked.

Serena screamed him to call 911

Nate was on the floor, bleeding a lot. Serena was trying to hold him as much as she could.

« Nate, please stay with me, don't close your eyes » she did not even how it happened, it happened so fast. She did not see anything.

...

Serena noticed that he got shoot next to his shoulder and somewhere in his stomach, he was loosing a lot of blood but he was still conscious

« It looked like I was right to be scared. » he murmured

The pain was horrible, he was feeling how he was loosing his senses second after second. He tried to keep talking because he did not want to afraid Serena more than she was already. He had never seen her like that.

« Nate, chut we will talk about it later. Nate, I love you so much. It is gonna be ok, Roland called 911 » she said crying.

She was feeling sick and dizzy. She was making an effort to keep concentrated but she was feeling si nauseous.

Nate did it to protect her, she could not live without him. Karma was a bitch but there was no way that Karma could be that nasty.

« I love you serena, promise me that you will marry me if I get out of this one. I think I deserve it. » he closed his eyes but he was still breathing probably waiting for her answer. But she had no time to reply.

She wanted to say yes but she felt so dizzy, she saw the emergency car and closed her eyes. She felt unconscious.

...

Serena woke up in the car but one of the nurses gave her a sedative as they did not want her to see whkat was going on. They were trying to do their best to save Nate and Serena was not really going to help them.

...

Serena woke up in a room, she was at the hospital. A doctor, a woman, was in front of her. Serena looked at the clock, it was 10:50am. She had been like this for more than two hours.

She got out of the bed, asked how was Nate, she took her purse, put her shoes, she had to leave that room. She tried to open the door of the room but the doctor stopped her.

« Miss Van Der Woodsen please I have few questions for you before you leave. The doctors said that you were unconscious when they arrived at the Spectator. Did it happen before. » asked the doctor while she forced Serena to sit on the bed again

« The man that I love got shoot in front of me. I am fine, may I leave now please. » replied Serena pissed off

« This is not an answer. One of the nurses said that you told them that you were to be sick, as if you knew it. » She took Serena's arm and checked her blood pressure and heartbeat

Serena did not reply

« Miss Van Der Woodsen, I am just asking you the basic question. So have you been feeling sick lately or nauseous. Dizziness may be»

« Yes but it was food poisoning. » She had no time to loose with stupid questions and she did not like the tone of the doctor.

« When did it start. » asked the doctor ignoring Serena's comment

« A week ago more or less.»

« Have you noticed anything else different. Are the nausea all day or only on the morning. Is your appetite different. »

«No, yes mostly on the morning and no » Serena rolled her eyes, she did not even know why the doctor was doing a check up. She told the doctor, again that she was fine, she had just been living her wordt nightmare. Doctor said that she understood but she was just doing her job.

« You said that you did feel nauseous before, I have to find why. Miss Van Der Woodsen I am doing my job. »

Serena sighed, mumbled something that she doctor could not understand. Doctor took some notes before to ask more questions.

« Are you sexually active. »

Serena nodded

« Do you have different partners, have you been taking drugs. »

« No,no, no » asked Serena horrified by those questions

«Sorry, but we always have to ask. When was the last that you got your period. »

«Last month. » Serena rolled her eyes again

« Are you late. »

Serena first thought that she should lie but the Doctor was preparing a syringe and a tourniquet and she was confident she was not pregnant, she could not be.

« Yes more than a week but it had been a stressful period. I am not pregnant. »

« I am the doctor here and I am going to do a blood test just to be sure. »

Serena readjusted her sleeve and asked if she could leave. Doctor nodded and added that she would have the results in less than 24 hours. It could be nothing, a lack of something or may be you are simply pregnant.

Serena did not listen, she asked how was Nate, the doctor said that she had no idea about it.

« I am sorry, they had to take him to surgery that's the only thing I know. »

« Please send the results to the Doctor Michelle Hales too » asked Serena before to leave the room

...

Lily, Cece and Blair were waiting for her, they were sat in the hallway behind the door. They asked her if she was ok and Serena nodded. She asked how was Nate and the 3 women looked at each other.

« Is it possible to get an answer. » she asked nervous

Cece said that they had no idea, he was still in surgery.

« Anne, William and Chuck are waiting for news on the 3rd floor. »

Serena felt nauseous again, she ran to the bathroom. She was still vomiting when she heard her mother calling her. Serena said that she was fine. Lily hugged her daughter.

« It is gonna be ok Honey. »

...

Members of NYPD were waiting for Serena. They asked if she was feeling good enough to answer their questions.

Blair and Lily told them that it was inappropriated but Serena said that she was fine.

They took her apart, they told her that they stopped the man who shoot Nate. Serena was surprised, a man...

They explained her that he had been paid to do it, he was a professional.

« Lucky we are that the driver of the ambulance saw him running away so we caught him, it had been easy. »

They asked her questions about Sarah too and concluded.

« Ok so we will ask the judge the right to go to Ellis&Clark, perquisition, and we will send someone to do the same in her apartment in LA. We will put her behind bars, don't worry Miss Van Der Woodsen. »

« Unfortunately we are too late. »murmured Serena

« She might come here, please do not say anything that could indicate her that she is going to be caught » asked the policeman

But Serena was not listening anymore, she did not care about Sarah, about the police, about anything. She looked at the clock, it was noon and still no news from Nate.


	47. Chapter 47

New chapter,

Xx,

...

Everybody was waiting, everytime they were seeing a doctor coming they stood up and asked for Nate but did not get any news. It was almost 1pm, Anne and Serena were looking at each other, scared and stressed. Winnie came to bring sandwiches to everybody, she hugged Anne and Serena and said that Nate was strong and he would get out of this. She just knew...

Chuck had an important meeting, Blair too but they canceled them as they did not want to leave the hospital until they had some news.

William Van Der Bilt came back after attending the press conference where Nate was supposed to go. He briefly explained what just happened to the journalists and the people around and then went back to the hospital.

Lily and Cece also stayed for Serena and Anne. They were not really sure about what was going on between Serena and Nate but it was now obvious for them that Serena was still in love with Nate and they were probably together. The way Anne and Serena were looking at each other made it pretty clear for Lily and Cece. Lily was happy as she always knew that her little girl had more than just a crush on Nathaniel Archibald.

...

Finally, a bit before 2pm, a doctor and a nurse came to talk to them. Anne, Serena and William stood up.

The doctor and the nurse looked very serious and asked who was Mrs Archibald.

« I am Mrs Archibald. »replied Anne trembling

« Is my son awake. »she asked looking at the doctor with her big blue eyes

The doctor and the nurse looked at each other. William asked them to speak. The doctor said that they had to talk to Anne in private. William explained that he was Nathaniel grandfather.

« Ok, Mr Van Der Bilt, Mrs Archibald, please come with me. »

Serena was listening. She was feeling dizzy again. She was sweating, she was desperate but she was not Nate's wife, she knew that she did not have the right to go with Anne and William. However, Anne took Serena's hand and with a look made her understand that she could come with them.

Anne's hand was so cold compared to Serena's sweaty hand but the feeling was the same, anguish and fear.

...

The doctor made few steps away from the little group and after taking a deep breath he explained them that the surgery went well at the beginning but then they got some complications, at this moment Serena, Anne and William stopped breathing. The doctor was using a lot of medical terms, Anne was too nervous and she interrupted the doctor ordering him to tell them what was going on exactly.

« I am sorry Mrs Archibald but your son is in coma. We did out best but. »

« Your best and my son is in coma. » said Anne with a anger

« He is going to wake up soon right » cut William who believed that it was better to interrupt his daughter.

He could not believe, they did not want to believe that Nate was in come. He was holding his daughter as he could feel her anger and distress. The feeling of helplessness all around. Serena could not even speak, she was just trying to breathe which hard enough already.

« Probably but we don't know when, could be tomorrow, in a week, month or. » replied the doctor looking at his feet

« What can we do. » interrupted Anne who did not want to listen the last word of the doctor's sentence

The doctor explained that they could visit Nate, talk to him... It could help him to come back to life. The doctor added that they had now a lot of machines to see if something was indicating that Nate's awakening. He finished his speech telling them that he was really sorry

«We know how hard it is for the families but you need to have faith and keep hope alive. »

Before he finished his sentence, Serena knew that she was going to be sick again. She ran away to the bathroom.

...

As she was running to the bathroom, the rest of the group saw that she was crying and as they noticed that Anne was in tears aswell and Wiliam livid, they understood that the news were not good.

...

William explained them what was going on. Blair and Winnie cried a lot, Chuck's eyes were full of tears same for Lily and Cece. Chuck felt disconnected from earth for few seconds. This could not be happening, not to his best friend.

...

In the meantime, Anne ran after Serena to the bathroom.

She found Serena vomiting in one of the toilets.

Serena did not even close the door. After flushing three times, she took a bottle of water from her bag and rinsed her mouth and let her fall on the floor, her back on the door of the toilet. This is when she noticed that Anne was there, observing her.

Anne sat next to Serena and hold her. Serena was crying so much, more than Anne and it broke Anne's heart to see Serena like this. Life was so unfair, now that her son finally got another chance to be with the woman of his dreams, this happened...

Anne took Serena's face in her hand and with her thumbs dried the tears.

« We won't give up Serena, we will bring him back to life. Nate is going to wake up, he is strong and he went through so much already, he will get out of this one too. »

« Anne, why, why. I just can't leave without him, I just can't. » murmured Serena

« I know sweetheart, me neither. God took my husband already, he is not going to take my son. » she kissed Serena's forehead, their tears falling mixed falling on the floor.

...

After comforting Serena for few more minutes, Anne helped her to stand up.

« Can we go to see him. » asked Serena who noticed that her dress was full of bloodstain, Nate's blood. She moved back, closed the door of the toilet this time and vomit again. Anne worried asked Serena if she was ok.

« I am ok, it is just the emotions. » replied Serena, laying on the floor, her arms around the toilet bowl. She closed her eyes before to stand up. She hoped that she was done with the nauseous feeling for today. She opened the door, turned on the water and rinsed her mouth knowing that Anne was looking at her.

Anne frowned and remembered the pregnancy test that Nate bought and as Nate did not tell her if the test turned positive or not, she wondered if this could be more than the emotions. Serena's nauseas seemed to be too strong to be just because of the emotions. She wanted to ask Serena if she was seeing someone already or not and if she talked about her nauseas as they seemed to be really strong. However, she did not ask. She believed that it was inappropriate as even if Serena was pregnant, with Nate in coma she would probably not say that she was.

But Anne decided to believe that Serena was pregnant and that Nate knew about it and this would make him fight to get back to life. She looked at Serena walking out of the ladies room and she promised herself that once Nate would be out of the hospital, the next time she would come the hospital would be to the birth of her first grandchild.

...

Serena left the hospital a bit after 5pm, everybody was gone except her and Anne. The nurse, who believed that Serena was Nate's fiance, asked if she wanted to take Nate's clothes to bring them home. Serena hesitated but then took them. In the elevator she smelled his scarf, the only piece that was not totally destroyed. His coat, jacket and shirt were cut and covered by Nate's blood.

When she arrived in front of Nate's house, she felt so alone, he was not going to be there. Winnie was there, Van Der Bilt and Sherlock too but it was not the same. They both smelt Nate's clothes and they stayed for a while in the hallway as if they were waiting for Nate to come home.

Serena and Winnie were observing them, in tears. Winnie said that she prepared some soup and obliged Serena to eat.

That night Sherlock and Van Der Bilt jumped on the bed and stayed with Serena. She cuddled them until she fell asleep. She was exhausted and destroyed.

...

When she woke up, the next morning, she did not want to get out of the bed. The only reason why she actually did was Nate. She had to go to the hospital, she had to be there when he was going to wake up.

She took a quick shower and dressed up quickly. Jean, sneakers and a large grey sweater that was not really her normal outfit but she did not care. She was so sad, tired, she could leave the house in her pajamas...

...

Winnie was waiting for her in the kitchen, breakfast was ready. She offered Serena some waffles and some toats but as always lately Serena ran to the bathroom few minutes after she sat. Winnie sighed and rolled her eyes before to ask Serena if she needed anything.

Back in the kitchen Serena asked Winnie why she was looking at her like this

« Nothing Serena. What do you want to eat. » she asked with a smile

It was not the right timing for her to give her opinion to Serena but on the other hand she did not know when thet timing would be right.

«Oh don't worry, I am going to prepare myself a sandwich with peanut butter and some chocolate chips.» replied Serena with a smile as if this was the best option after vomiting.

Winnie raised an eyebrow but again did not make any comment.

...

Serena spent the all morning at the hospital with Anne. They spoke with the doctors to get the details about Nate's surgery and his coma... It seemed that doctors did not want to say much about the probabilities regarding Nate's awakening which let the two women disconcerted.

Serena left Anne alone a bit before lunch. She really had to go to Columbia but she told Nate that she was going to be back after her classes. Her heart missed beatings everytime she was looking at him, _asleep_ in this bed.

...

When Serena came back at the hospital on the afternoon around 4pm, Chuck and Blair were there speaking with William and one of the nurses. She got scared and wondered if something happened. When Chuck saw Serena, he asked her to come closer.

« Did something happen to Nate. Why did nobody call me. » started Serena before Chuck stopped her

« Serena, nothing changed but you have to breathe and relax or the plan is not going to work. »

« Which plan Chuck, what's going on and why aren't you in Nate's room. » she said trembling. She was too exhausted to control her emotions and it was like if she could not even control them..

« Because Sarah is inside. Yesterday afternoon they went to her hotel room but found nothing. They interrogated her but she is a smart woman and they had to let her go. But this morning, the police found some rough versions of her wonderful letters in her computer, at Ellis&Clark and also more proofs like messages sent to Nate's phone from gossip girl platform that she did set up in her computer. » explained Blair who knew that it was better to tell Serena the truth.

« If they found proofs what is she doing here. » asked Serena horrified

« Because nobody knew where she was. She did not go to Ellis&Clark this morning. She checked out from her hotel before 8am. The police called us after lunch and told us that she would go the hospital for sure, that she was probably at the hospital already waiting for you and Anne to leave the room. We came but Anne was still here when we arrived, we explained her everything. She left and we had to hide ourselves for an hour an a half before Sarah believed that it was apprently safe enough for her to go to see Nate. And now basically we are just waiting for her to leave and escort her to the police. They are waiting for her downstairs and you should leave may be she has a gun or who knows» finished Blair who did not need more drama.

Blair, Chuck and William were looking at Serena, waiting for her to leave but she said that she was not going anywhere. She was furious and they noticed it.

« No sorry Blair, I am not leaving and why should I. Because of her, the man that I love is fighting for his life so I am sorry but I am not leaving. » she pushed them nurse and opened the door of Nate's room and obviously fight started.

...

Serena told Sarah to get out of the room and she added that Sarah must be happy as her plan worked out so well

«My plan was perfectly perfect, it did not work because of you, always you Serena Van Der Woodsen. I understand why Dan wrote all those things about you, he is so damn right. You are just a Barbie doll with no brain, you are lucky that you have a good name because without it you would be a prostitute and Nate, you just don't deserve him. »

« Oh because a psychotic person like you does deserve him. »

« I love him Serena » yelled Sarah

« Oh because I don't. I love him, you are just crazy and obsessed. »

Sarah could not stop repeat that Serena did not deserve Nate which was really annoying Serena.

« You deserve to go to jail and this is where you are to spend the rest of your life. As a psychologist, I will send my report to the judge and believe me with what I am going to write you are never ever going to get out jail. » affirmed Serena who was not going to let Sarah's words affect her.

« I might be crazy but if it would not have been because of me, you would not be here today waiting for your prince charming to wake up. You realized that you were in love with him and wanted to be with him thanks to me. And if Nate is in coma it is because of you.»

« Because of me. I won't touch you but believe me I wish that I could just strangle you. » replied Serena who was now face to fave with Sarah.

The two women were looking at each other with so much hate, pain, and anger.

« Come on Serena, this is all your fault, not mine. If you would have realized sooner that you wanted to be with Nate, he would not be in this bed today and we all know this. I never wanted to hurt him, it was not supposed to be him. I just wanted to scare him so he would finally give up on you. »said Sarah who started to cry

« I hate you so much because you won, you always win without doing anything and this time you won thanks to me. You ruined my plan. » continued Sarah

« I did not ruin your plan. I am just in love with Nate. »

« But I sent him back to NYC, I told him to fight for you because I believed that you would do what you always do but you did not. You got him back thnaks to me. »

«So what, are you expecting me to be grateful for what, almost killing the man that I love. I always loved Nate and I will love him for the rest of my life. I did not need you to open my eyes. » pronouncing those words, it was hard for Serena because Sarah was kind of right.

Sarah opened Serena's eyes... She did when she told Serena that she was the one who broke Nate's heart many times, who gave her Dan's book, who told her to do not play with Nate's feeling, who told her about the deal that Nate passed with Gossip Girl/Dan, deal that almost cost him his freedom... but at least it gave Serna the chance to understand that Nate was the real man of her life and that she could not be happy without him and this is where Sarah got wrong...

In Sarah's shoes, Serena would have think the same, probably but still it was not an excuse and Serena could not feel any compassion for someone as crazy as Sarah.

« You know I love him probably more than you do and I know that the police is waiting for me downstairs. I needed to see him one last time. You won, he is all yours. You are one of the most egoist person that I ever met in my life and you don't deserve Nate but he deserves to be happy. Never forget that Serena. If you ever think about breaking his heart again remember that you are not allowed to do it anymore. The bullets were for you not for him. Giving his life to save yours, sometimes I wonder how you could have not open your eyes before. He would died for you Serena and sometimes it just seemed that you never understood this. » She said it, looking into Serena's eyes.

« I do, I always did, I was just too scared to accept it because even you won't believe me, I hurt him but everytime I was rejecting him, I was hurting myself more. » affirmed Serena

...

Blair, Chuck, William and now Lily and Anne, who arrived a bit after Serena, did watch the scene. They looked at Sarah leaving the room in silence before to look at Serena.

Serena could feel their eyes on her, she knew that they did listen everything and she felt guilty.

« So what, now it is my fault, this is what you all think. »she said looking at them before to leave the room.

Blair, Lily tried to stop her but she only stopped when Anne took her arms.

« Serena, I don't care about which reason helped you to open your eyes, I am just glad that you did. Better late than never and everybody knows that no matter Nate is never going to be truly happy if it is not with you and this is all I care about. I felt guilty when Howard and I got back together after I filed for divorce, guilty for not be here for him, for running away but he once told me that he forgot about this because what was important for him was to have me back in his life. Nate is like is father, he just wants to be with you. »

She hugged Serena and Serena wondered why and how Anne changed her mind about her. Not so long ago Anne Archibald was not Serena's biggets fan but something changed.

When everybody was gone and they were alone waiting for the elevator, Serena asked Anne why she changed her mind about her

« Is it because now you know that I love him or. »

« No, I know you always loved him. You still look at him as you used to when you were a little girl. I changed my mind because you did Serena. For so long you believed that you were not right for Nate or that Nate could not be right for you and this was the reason why I had doubts about you. I was scared for my son. You are going to be parents, you are going to understand what it feels to be a mother when you will hold your baby. »

Serena frowned, Anne was speaking as if she was pregnant, she remembered that Anne was there the day of the test pregnancy crisis.

« It turned negative Anne. I am sorry. » murmured Serena, she bit her lips and sighed. Have kids was her dream and somehow she wished that the test turned positive. It would have been a very serious reason for Nate to wake up. She wanted to have kids with Nate, she just hoped that it would be possible one day.


	48. Chapter 48

New chapter

xx,

...

After spending some time with Anne, Serena went home. Blair and also Lily asked Serena to come for dinner but Serena preferred to go home. She was so tired, she just wanted to stay home and cry.

Police arrested Sarah. William, Cece and Chuck called all their contacts to be sure that this would not be all over the newspapers on the following day.

Thanksgiving was in two days, Winnie was going to visit her family in Chicago until sunday. Lily told Serena that she should stay with them but Serena did not want to stay there. Nate's house was her home and even if it was hard to be here without him, it was better than any other place.

Winnie forced Serena to eat again. Serena explained Winnie what happened at the hospital and how bad she was feeling.

« You can't Serena. Sarah is mentally insane and she was trying to hurt you and apparently it worked. »

« I know but what if she would not have tell me all those things that I did not know, that Nate and everybody was hidding from me. I can't stop thinking about what if. »

« Serena with what if my son would be alive, I would be in Chicago, Nate's dad would be alive, Nate would not be in coma, may be or may be not. I've been reading people's cards for so long, Serena when something is written no matter what you do to change it, you just can't. What is written is going to happen sooner or later and there is nothing you could have done to change what happened. »

« May be but I still don't know how I would have. »

« How you would have what, figured out that Nate was the good man for you. Secrets can't be hide forever, neither can feelings. And don't get me wrong but Sarah turned on some lights for you that's all. She tried to destabilize you. I think the only thing that you should be grateful for is the fact that she gave you Dan's book. »

«I know but it hurts. It is like if she tried to say that I always underestimated Nate and that I am with him only because of what she told me and it is not true but it looks like that from the oustide. I think that I can understand now why Nate is still afraid of us»

« Serena there is always something or someone that help us to open our eyes. But the point is that no matter what, you and Nate are destined to be together. You love Nate and this is what Sarah did not get. »

« It is what a lof of people don't get. » sighed Serena

« They will see, it took you some time too. I told you already people see what we show them. At some point they will see that you love Nate and that this is love is forever. »

« This is more or less what Anne told me. That she changed her mind about me because she saw that I was sure about my feelings. Winnie, I don't care about what people think but I am scared because I can't stop thinking that may be Nate will always have doubts and I don't want that. »

« He saw you running away so many times but with love, your love his fears are going to disappear. And as sleeping beauty decided to take a nap, you should think about something special. Have something prepared for him when he will wake up. »

« Thanks Winnie, you always find the words. I have an idea already. » replied Serena with a smile

Winnie wanted to add something but as Serena was smiling she preferred to wait a bit more.

...

On the next day, when Winnie heard that Serena was in the bathroom, sick again, she decided that she should really talk to her. But Serena said that she had no time, that she was late for a conference at Columbia. She told Winnie that she would see her on the evening.

...

After the conference, Serena ran to the hospital. She knew that Anne would not come until 4pm so she would have a bit of time alone with Nate.

She took her old diary from her purse and she started to read just where Nate's stopped. The summer before their freshman years. She was reading and making some comments. When one of the nurse walked into the room, she told Serena that reading was a good idea.

« Do you think he can hear me. » asked Serena with some tears in her eyes

« I am sure about it. When people wake up from coma most of them remember conversations that people had while they were visiting. I will come back later, so you can have time alone with him before everybody arrives. »

Serena thanked the nurse. She asked if there was something new.

« Not yet but don't worry he will wake up. » she told Serena with a smile

...

Serena came home late as she stopped by Cece's apartment to take the list of what she had to prepare for the association that was going to serve meals on the following day which was Thanksgiving. Lily was there and she asked Serena to stay with them at least for the weekend but again Serena turned down the offer.

« I will come tomorrow for dinner. I will be there at 4pm, don't worry but I will go home after dinner » and she left before Lily or Cece had time to add anything.

She knew that her mother was going to insist but she was not going to move from Nate's house. Her mother would ask her too many questions and she did not need that right now. Also she did not want them to see that she was sick and got more questions because of her nauseas.

Too many questions were already crossing her mind because of her nauseas and she was trying to avoid them.

...

Later that evening

Serena was in the kitchen helping Winnie to do apple and pumpkin pies for one of the associations that was going to serve meals to the people who were homeless, poor or alone for Thanksgiving. The association was going to serve meals until sunday and Serena was really happy to help. At least when she was baking, she was doing something more than just thinking about Nate, her nauseas, the fact that she was really late...

Winnie was trying to get a smile from Serena. She did not like to see her like this. Of course, what happened to Nate was really difficult to accept but Serena could not stop to live and she told her.

« Serena, why don't you go to your parents instead of staying here alone. »

« I will spend thanksgiving with them. I can't stay there, what about Sherlock and Van Der Bilt. »

« Serena, please don't use the excuse of the cat and the dog. You can take them both with you. What are you doing to do, go the hospital, spend your days there, waiting for Nate to wake up. You can't stop living because he is in coma. This is not your fault Serena. I know that you want him back, I want it too, we all want to see his pretty face walking around. You can go to the hospital everyday, I think it is a great idea but do something else Serena. And Columbia doesn't count. »

Serena tried to defend her position, she told Winnie that she was reading her diary to Nate, that she did not want to be away from him and miss his awakening.

« I understand but Serena do something else. May be he is going to wake up in the middle of the night, they will call you.»

« I am afraid that if he doesn't see me there when he will wake up, he is going to think that I abandoned him. »

Winnie sighed and rolled her eyes.

« Serena, you are tired, you are sick every morning and don't bring the tuna rolls or whatever it was on the table. I think you should take care of you, for you, for Nate and for the baby that you are carrying. » she felt relieved, finally she managed to say it. She had been waiting for days.

« I am not pregnant. » murmured Serena

« Yes you are. Serena come on we are alone, we are home. The tampax box that I bought 2 weeks ago is not even opened. Your bathroom's season ticket, morning sickness. Your smelt like a radar, do I need to continue. »

Serena did not know what to say.

« The test turned negative. »she murmured looking down

She could not face Winnie, it was too hard but she got so surprised when she heard Winnie's words

« Actually it turned positive. When I went upstairs and cleaned the bathroom I obviously saw it in the bin and there was two bars. I guess that you did not wait long enough. I wanted to tell you but it was the day before the elections and then all of this happened and I just did not find the right moment and as I am leaving tomorrow morning, I could not leave without telling you. »

She opened one of the drawers, removed all the stuff that where inside and took the white and blue stick that she had been hiding here.

« I knew that you two never open this one. » she said and she gave the test to Serena.

Serena looked at the two blue bars. She bit her lips and looked at Winnie. She put the test on the table and looked at it in silence. This was supposed one of the happiest moments of her life, somehow it was but Nate was missing...

She took her face in her hands, of course she knew that this was the answer to all the questions but it just could not be happening now. When Nate bought the test, she already had doubts for few days but she truly believed that she was not pregnant.

Days passed and her morning sickness was getting worst and that her period was still missing, she obviously had more than doubts but Nate was in coma, she could not face it alone.

She wanted to have kids with Nate, having a family was her dream but she was scared that Nate could feel betrayed.

Winnie hugged her and told her that everything was going to be ok

« No it won't. Nate is in coma and only God knows when he will wake up. I don't want him to wake up in months when I will have a big belly and what if he never wakes up. »

« Serena, he is going to wake up and I know that he got mad the other day but it was only because you did not tell him that you stopped taking the pills. Nate wants a family with you. You can't have doubts about it. For now, I suggest you to buy a new test, call your doctor and ask for an appointment asap. Morning sickness can be a problem when they are really strong. » adviced Winnie

« I am going to do it tomorrow morning. As I will go to the hospital on the morning I will ask to see a doctor. »

« Serena, if you don't want to keep this baby, this will be our secret. »

Serena looked at Winnie in the eyes and said that she was not going to have an abortion, that this she was not even going to consider that option.

« I am just scared to do it alone. I want, I need Nate by my side. » she said in tears

Winnie comforted her as always lately.

...

They spent the rest of the evening talking about pregancies, kids... Serena felt better, she could not tell anyone but the fact that Winnie knew about it was going to help her a lot. She could share her doubts with someone even though Winnie reminded her that pregnancy was not something possible to hide forever.

...

Thanksgiving day

Serena woke up that morning and felt nauseous as she had felt for the last few days. After throwing, she looked at herself in the mirror.

She closed her eyes and sighed, it was thanksgiving today, they were all going to be at her mum and dad's place at 4pm for dinner, she just could not be that sick today or everybody would suspect that she was pregnant.

She was 2 weeks late, Winnie was right, she had to call her doctor.

The only thing that was bothering her is that the day of the accident, the doctor who took care of her asked Serena if she had been nauseous the days before, if she was sexually active...

She did a blood test but did not get any call from the doctor. She knew that the doctor thought that she was pregnant and obviously this is what the doctor wanted to find out with the blood test but then why did not she call her to give her the results.

Serena took a deep breath, she needed to find out today. Winnie was right, a test was not enough and she needed something to get over the nauseas.

Van Der Bilt was looking at her. Serena thought that even the cat knew that she was pregnant. She took the cat in her arms and asked the cat to keep this secret for now.

She dressed up and then went downstairs, she stopped by the kitchen where Anne and Winnie were talking about food, thanksgiving day... Serena was surprised to see Anne here so early.

« Your mother invited me for Thanksgiving, she called me yesterday. I was supposed to go the Hamptons with the Van Der Bilt but I prefer to stay here and I stopped by as I believed that you are going to go the hospital before to go to your mum. We can go together. »

Serena did not know what to say. She had important things to do and of course she was going to visit Nate but she also wanted to take care of her little secret.

« Serena, are you ok. » asked Anne as Seren was not replying

« Yes sure, we can do that, I just have something to do before we go. I have to buy something, I will be back in 30min may be less. »

She left the house letting Anne confused and suspicious

« Winnie, is Serena pregnant. She said that the test turned negative but I guess it did not work. » She said with a big smile that did not surprise Winnie.


	49. Chapter 49

New chapter

2 chapters left or 1, not sure how I will cut it.

xx,

...

Serena ran into the stairs, holding her purse against her breast.

Anne and Winnie were still talking in the kitchen but Winnie's driver was coming at 9:30am, in few minutes to take her to the airport so Serena had to hurry up.

She closed the door of Nate's room before to lock the door of the bathroom. She did exactly what she did few days ago. Not even 2 minutes later the word pregnant was visible on the clear blue test. She did not even have time to think about what to do, Winnie's driver was ringing the bell and she ran downstairs to say bye.

She hugged Winnie and murmured in her ear that the test turned positive. Winnie smiled at her.

« Take care of you Serena. And Serena, Anne call if he wakes up. »

The two women nodded and promised that they will call if Nate wakes up.

...

Winnie was gone and Serena was all alone with Anne and she did not really know how to act. A part of her really wanted to show Anne the test and go with her to the doctor but the other part was so hesitant.

Serena considered that she first needed to find out if everything was ok before to share her little secret. She was so tired and so nauseous and not just on the morning.

Anne was observing her in silence and Serena could see in Anne's eyes that Anne was suspicious.

Serena offered Anne a smile and said that they should go to the hospital.

« I just have to pick up my clothes for the dinner. I would love to stay in my tracksuit but Blair is going to kill me. »

« Ok, perfect. I call my driver and I wait for you here. Do you want me to take something for you, something to eat. You still loved the peanut buetter, apple with a hint of cinnamon sandwich » asked Anne with a smile and a special gaze that Serena knew so well.

Serena looked at Anne and this simple sentence sent her back in her childhood.

...

Anne was always taking care of her as if she was her daughter. When Lily was coming back to pick her and Eric, Serena could remember that she was so sad and upset. Sometimes she wished that Anne was her mum and not Lily.

Anne was a real mum and Serena always loved her so much. Nate used to tell Serena, she can't be your mom because if she is, I can't marry you but once we will be married she will be your mom.

Things changed when Nate started to date Blair and Serena lost herself in parties, drugs, alcohol and men...

Anne stopped looking at her the way she used to. Serena was not the daughter that she wanted to have anymore and Serena was ashamed of herself when she was feeling Anne's eyes on her. Then she left for boarding school and the link between the two women was broken.

Even when she dated Nate, Serena did not really try to reconnect with Anne. She always had the feeling that Anne knew everything, knew too much and Serena believed that she was not good enough for Anne anymore, it was so painful.

Anne never looked at Serena as she used for years, she started few week ago. Serena saw that look during The. Aptain funeral, at the hospital the past days and she just saw it again.

Serena could not cry now but her emotions were so hard to control lately, probably because she was pregnant. She tried to run away but it was too late Anne noticed the tears in her eyes and asked Serena what was going on.

Serena sat in the stairs and Anne joined her, she sat next to Serena.

« What's going on Serena. » asked her so sweetly

Serena laughed and she did not even know why. She faced Anne and told her how she was feeling. How happy she was to see that Anne did not stop loving her, to have Anne back in her life.

« Oh Serena, I've never stopped loving, you are the one who ran away from us. You ran away from Nate but from me too, from the Captain, from this house. You became a stranger. I just never really understood why you suddenly stopped coming home when you started high school. It had hard been hard for me too. My little blondie girl, my daughter was gone, my son was heartbroken and what hurt the most is that everytime I was seeing you looked so sad and then after the Shepherd wedding you disappeared. »

It was time for an heart to heart with the woman that Serena considered a better mother than Lily and that she used to love more than her own mother.

« I am sorry but I could not stay, it was just too much. I crossed so many lines during our freshman year and that day had been just too much. I was in love with Nate but what we did was wrong, what I did was wrong because I let Blair won, I let Nate go at the beginning of our freshman year. I got scared of what could happen. I was scared to loose Nate, Blair, everything so I ran away thinking that they would be happier without me, that it was the best for all of us. And I was wrong. When I came back, Nate came to see me, I was still in love with him but I was in the same situation than before or worst. Nate was with Blair and Blair was my best friend. I did not know what to do so I pushed him away again and I met Dan »

« And you believed that he could fix your heart. »

Serena nodded.

...

They stayed in the stairs for an hour, talking about Serena's mistake, Nate's feelings, their story... They needed this talk. Anne told Serena that she did not really like Blair at the beginning but Blair wanted to be with Nate, that Blair knew what she wanted...

« Not like me. » sighed Serena

« You were confused. I knew that Nate loved you so much and I was afraid that you could just drag him into your black spiral. I pushed him to Blair when you came back because I was scared of his feelings for you. When you were dating few years ago, I knew that it was not going to work out, I could see it in your eyes. When you broke up with him, he came home and he was so angry, so mad because you did not give him a real chance. »

Even if it was hard for Serena, she knew that Anne was not telling her all those things to blame or make her feel uncomfortable. And Serena needed to hear that, to understand how Nate was feeling.

« I know that I said it too many times but I did not want to loose him and after every fight I was thinking what if we end up so bad that I can't even have him as a friend so I decided to stop but at least I knew I was not going to loose him. »

Anne told Serena how Nate spent his summer while she was in Paris. She said that Nate was destroyed and was loosing himself to do not think about Serena. She added that she told her son to go to Paris to win Serena's heart.

« But he told me that he had been chasing you for too long, too many times and that it was your turn. » confessed Anne

Serena could finally understand why Nate was so mad at her when she came back from Paris and she felt bad because Nate did ask for another chance again that year.

« I was so blind. » she said between sobs

« I know. At some point I got mad at you because I've known you since you are a little girl and I know that you have always been in love with Nate. Seeing you pushing him away was so annoying. After the Brown episode, I told him to sell the ring, to forget about you for good. I did not want him to spend his life waiting for you. I did not know who you were anymore, my funny, intrepid little blondie girl was long gone, I believed it was time for Nate to see it too. »

« You knew about the ring, you knew that he wanted to propose. » asked Serena surprised.

Anne confessed that she is the one who told Nate to propose.

« He was so in love with you. I asked him how he could be so sure that you were the one for him after all that happened. He told me that he could never love anyone the way he loves you so I told him to propose. If he was so sure. And I have to say that I was not expecting you to turn him down like you did. You told him that you loved him the last time that you did see him and I don't know, I thought as you were 24 and not 14, you would be ready to give him the chance that he deserved. »

« He did not propose, I did not give him enough time. I am so so sorry because I broke his heart. I was more confused than ever, I really wanted to think that neither Dan or Nate were the good one, I tried to convince myself. »

Anne needed to know what Serena would have say if the conversation between her and Nate at Brown would have been different. What she would have say if Nate would not have keep the ring in his pocket.

Serena explained that she could have say yes but she was not sure about it.

« As I said I really wanted to believe that they were not for me. I knew deep down that Dan was not for me, he hurt me so much and we stopped loving each other but with Nate it was different. I could not be the one for Nate. He was too good to be the right man for me, I did not deserve him. At that time, I knew that I hurt him way too many times, I was still so unsure about myself that I decided that I could not give us a chance, I could not hurt him again. And I told him that LA was a good idea» admitted Serena

« And he met Sarah. » sighed Anne

She said that she really wanted to belive that Sarah could replace Serena but the fact that Nate was not really introducing her to their family and his friends, he kept her in LA, made Anne realized that he was not over Serena.

« When he came back to NYC and the all stuff with the elections, I did not understand what he was looking for until I got that he came back because of you. Then you married Dan and I kind of started to be more than just mad at you. You were always with Nate, always in the picture and the way that you looked at him, gosh you were married to another man. I was thinking that you will have an affair with Nate sooner or later and I did not want that. Nate to be the one to hide on the picture. You two look so perfect together, it was breaking my heart because you were refusing to see it. »

« I know and since that party where Nate defended me while Dan was just laughing when people were asking him if I developed a Stockholm syndrom, something changed inside of me and from that day my fears started to go away. » confessed Serena.

She smiled because she realized that she started to open her eyes before Sarah.

« I saw it too and I don't think that Sarah opened your eyes Serena. You did it alone and I am so happy to have you back in my life. Now all I want is Nate to wake up and to see you two happy and with kids of course. »

Serena laughed and knew that she had to tell it to Anne

« I am pregnant Anne. I did not want to face it but Winnie forced me too and I don't even know what to do. I am scared, I need Nate, I want to share this with him. I am so happy but I don't even know if I can »

Anne thought she was going to cry, she wanted that so much. Now that she was sure about Serena's condition she knew that Nate was going to wak up, he has to.

She took Serena hands and said that it was about time for them to go to the hospital. Anne knew a very good obstetrician at Lennox and while they were on their way to the hospital she called the dr James

Alison James told Anne that she was working until 2pm only but that she would stay to see Serena.

...

They went to see Nate and at 2pm, they went to see Dr James. Alison said that she got Serena's blood test results and that she could confirm that Serena was pregnant. She asked if they were in a hurry as she wanted to check something. Serena frowned and asked if something was wrong

« Nothing, I just need to be sure about something. Your last period was about 6/7 weeks so I should be able to see if I am wrong or not. Come with me, I am going to do an ultrasound. »

...

Serena and Anne were looking at the screen, trying to see something. Alison asked few more questions to Serena about her nauseas... and she turned on the sounds and said that those were the heartbeats of the babies.

Anne smiled at Serena while Serena looked confused

« Babies »

« Your HCG are really high, I instantly thought about it when I saw your blood results and your nauseas, it makes sense, congratulations you are expecting twins. »

...

Serena spent the all day, the all weekend thinking about her babies, she was expecting twins. Straight after leaving Dr James, she ran to Nate's room and showed him the picture of their babies.

« Natie, you have to wake up because I need you, we need you. » she took his hand and placed it on her belly. She closed her eyes and imagine that she was home with Nate, she was trying to picture his reaction. She smiled because she knew that he would open his eyes so widely and asked her to repeat again and again that she was expecting twins with a smile on his face.

She wanted to let the picture on the nightstand but as Anne said everybody would see it and it was still too soon to let everybody knows about Serena's pregnancy even if Dr James told them that hidding a twin pregnancy was more complicated. A visible belly was possible to get before the end of the first trimester.

...

Serena tried to act normal during thanksgiving dinner at her parents and during the weekend. As they all knew that she was alone, they invited her or came to see her. Blair forced her to go shopping.

«I need to buy my last trimester pregnancy clothes S. »

Serena first believed that it would be a good idea but it was not. Seeing Blair with Henry and Chuck giving their opinion about the clothes, talking about the baby upset her. She wanted to go shopping with Nate, to argue with him about the sex of the twins, the names, the color of their pajamas. She wanted to have Nate with her to buy clothes, to laugh about how big she was going to be in few months.

Life was so unfair. Everybody believed that she had no reason to be sad because it always seemed that she got everything without doing any effort but it was not true, she had so many reasons to be sad.

She spent the evening crying, alone at home with Van Der Bilt and Sherlock to comfort her.

...

Another week passed, Nate had been in coma for more 10 days now. Serena's breast were getting bigger, thankfully december and the cold was here so she could wear big wide sweaters. Day after day she was asking the doctors if there was something new about Nate and always the same answer, no.

She was still reading her diary to Nate. She was now in the middle of their freshman year. He has to wake up before she finished it. She wrote the last pages for him and she knew that the last pages were the answer to his question even if she wrote them 13 years ago.

...

Anne and Winnie were always around, forcing Serena to eat, reminding her to relax... but she also gave them the same answer all the time

« Why isn't he waking up. What is he waiting for. I don't want to live this alone, I don't want to show him pictures, I want him with me. I miss him so much. »

Serena wondered how Anne managed to keep her calm

« Because he has so many good reasons to wake up. » was her answer

...

On sunday evening Serena looked at the calendar before to go to bed, Cotillion was in less than 2 weeks, Christmas in a bit more than 3 weeks. Her next ultrasound was going to be on the 23rd, she picked the latest day that the doctor offered her because she really wanted Nate to be awake for Christmas.

She started to speak to her babies and she did promise them that daddy would be here for Christmas. She loved them so much already, they were the only reason why she was smiling.

...

Another week passed.

It's been exactly 3 weeks since the accident.

Serena had to buy some new pants as she did not fit in some of them already. Anne joined her and Serena cried because she knew that she could not hide her pregnancy for more than few weeks now, may be less. She did not want to tell anyone because she wanted Nate to know before everybody else.

« I am scared that he is not going to wake up Anne. I am really scared. » confessed Serena they were walking on the crowded streets of NYC. People were buying Christmas present, in family or for their family and Serena could not stand this. She had the best Christmas present growing inside of her, the best Christmas present ever for her and for Nate but he was _asleep._

...

For the first time in 3 weeks Anne did not know what to say. It was also becoming hard for her to wake up every morning, go to the hospital, see her son his this bed and listened the doctors saying that there was no improvement.

Their phones ring at the same time and they looked at each other before to look at their phone.

« Karma can't be a total asshole right. » asked Serena who could not even breathe


	50. Chapter 50

Last chapter a bit long but I did not want to cut it.

I have an epilogue after this chapter.

xx,

...

Nate was awake and responsive. Anne and Serena could not believe it, they were so happy. They cried and they did not care that they were in the middle of the 7th Avenue. They took a taxi to Lennox, they could not wait to see him.

They did not know much except that Nate was awake and responsive, finally awake after 3 weeks.

...

At the hospital they met Chuck. He explained that he arrived to visit Nate a bit earlier than usual and Nate was already awake.

« I haven't seen him though, they needed to do so many tests. I let you go first ladies. »

« Come on Chuck, you are like his brother, come. » said Anne

Before to get in they a confirmation from the doctors that Nat was fine, a bit stoned but fine.

...

Nate was in his bed, sat, awake and the smile on his face when he saw his girls and his best friend had no price. Serena almost jumped on the bed and she kissed him, he kissed her back, a bit surprise but extremely happy to see Serena.

When he woke up he was so lost. He did remember everything but he was afraid that Serena could be gone. He had been out of the world and he was so used to see Serena running away that it had been his first thoughts.

He did not know how long he had been gone until he saw the doctors. One of the nurses told him that he got a lot of visitors, she added that his mom and his fiance should be here very soon as they were coming everyday, sometimes twice a day.

...

«Nate Archibald, I love you so much, I missed you so much. Don't ever do that again. » Serena told him in his ear. He passed his arm around her waist.

« I miss you too and I love you too. »

They kissed again.

...

Anne and Chuck were looking at them with smiles on their faces. Serena moved and let some space for Anne and Chuck. Anne could not believe that she was finally holding her son in her arms.

...

They talked for a while. Nate asked what was new, what about Sarah, the situation with the election, was he still the Mayor... They explained Nate that Sarah was in jail, police was waiting for him to wake up to testify. He will, of course, be the Mayor of NYC from January 1st. William did everything he could to do not alert people and stopped Nate's competitors from having new elections.

Nate was glad, he said that he could not believe that he missed 3 weeks.

« You missed Thanksgiving pies and you ruined our holidays in Tahiti but I will cook some pies for you and Tahiti is still on the planet but I am not going to let you go anywhere without me or may be I can lock you home because I missed you so much. Van Der Bilt and Sherlock are also waiting for you.» revealed Serena who could not stop smiling

...

Anne and Serena spent the all day at the hospital, William and Winnie spent the all afternoon at the hospital. Blair came with Henry. Lily came with Cece.

Doctors said that Nate should stay at least 3 days at the hospital. Even if he was fine, they needed to keep an eye on him. As it was Cotillion on saturday, Anne asked if Nate could come to the event.

« I don't see any problem with that. He should get out of the hospital on thursday. But M Archibald remember that you need to rest »

« I've been sleeping for 3 weeks and I need more rest. Well at least now I have my ladies to serve me. »joked Nate

...

On their way back home, Winnie asked Serena when she was planning to tell Nate that she was pregnant.

« I mean, he knows your body and it stars to look different. » affirmed Winnie

It was not visible yet when Serena was fully dressed but when she was in underwear because of the size of her breast and because her stomach was not as flat as usual Nate would see it.

« And naked, he is going to notice in few seconds. He had been away for 3 weeks not for 3 centuries. » insisted Winnie

Serena bit her lips and confessed that she did not really know how to tell him. She wanted him to know and to share this amazing experience with him but she was afraid of his reaction. She did not want him to think that she planned it because she did not. She just wanted him to be as happy as she was.

...

However days passed and on friday morning when Nate came back to his house, he still did not know that Serena was pregnant. Serena told him that she had been reading him her old diary, told how much she missed him, explained him her conversation with Anne... but she did not find the courage to tell him about the babies.

It looked like Nate was finally ready to put his fears behind him thid is why Serena was hesitant. But with Nate out of the hospital it would be hard to hide that she was pregnant.

Anne and Winnie were pushing her but they also understood the reaction of Serena.

...

« So Serena are you gonna be my date tomorrow at Cotillion. I still have to officially announce that we are together unless you changed your mind. » he teased her

« Of course I will be your date and I did not change my mind and I won't. »

« Yes I kind of noticed that everybody at the hospital believed that we were engaged. » he said laughing

« And we are, remember when we were 8 years old and you told me that Anne could not be my mom yet because you were going to marry me and only after this she would be my mom. »

Nate laughed, of course he remembered that day. Serena was crying because Lily was going to take Serena and Eric home and Serena did not want to leave the Archibald.

He kissed her gently and she told him how much he meant to her.

« I already knew that I could not live without you, you did not have to take such a long nap to open my eyes. »

« Oh you know, I just wanted to test you, like just to be sure. I told you I needed proofs » he joked before to kiss her again

« I am sorry I let you alone but look, it was not that bad you reconnected with my mum and I could not be happier now. » he added

« I think you can be happier, happier day after day and this is what I am going to work on for the rest of my life. »

« Oh Miss Van Der Woodsen this sounds pretty serious, be careful I might take it seriously and who knows ask somethimg. »

They laughed but the way they were looking at each other was priceless. They did not need word. Serena believed that it was the right moment but Blair and Chuck were waiting for them for dinner. She would tell him after.

...

Cotillion passed. Serena and Nate we're officially together. Serena had to buy a new dress on the afternoon as her dress was not fitting her anymore.

She picked a Marchesa dress that was not too tight. Everybody was so happy for them however Cyrus made a comment that made Serena blushed

« Well it looks like we are all gonna be grandparents next year. »

Thankfully, it seemed that Nate did not notice because she still did not tell him... Everytime she was trying, someone was ringing the bell, or someone was calling...

...

Monday again but thanks to the pills and some natural remedies Serena was not that nauseous anymore. Anne was here for breakfast and she told Serena to confess her little secret today.

« Serena, what are you afraid of. »

« I don't want him to be mad, everything is so perfect between us right now. I just don't want to ruin it, Nate is finally free from his fears and I don't know, I am scared. »

« Serena, tell him, this is going to be the best Christmas gift ever. You have to tell him before someone tells him. I mean you are expecting twins. I know it so I can see a difference when I look at you but soon everybody will see it too. Look at Cyrus, he noticed it already and I am sure Cece and your mother aswell. »

Serena promised that she was going to do it today. Before to leave the house, she told Nate to be home at 6pm.

« I will be home at 6pm, are you going to ground me. »he joked

« Yes for life. » she said before to leave the house

...

« So what were you talking about with Serena. You both looked so serious. » asked Nate to his mother

« Nothing just giving her some ideas for your Christmas present. »

« Speaking of Christmas present, I have the ring in my pocket since I got out of the hospital. Actually I have it since the election. Thanks God Serena did not throw away my jacket. The first thing I asked her when I crossed the door of the house had been where is my jacket. She did not understand but well I am loosing track. I am going to propose and this time I am going to do it mom. I am ready, I hope she is too. » he said with shining eyes

Anne told Nate that Serena was more than ready. She hugged her son, she was so happy.

She took off her own ring and told Nate to give this ring to Serena.

« Are you sure mom. » he knew that when he wanted to propose to Serena the first time, few years ago, she did ask him to buy a ring which meant that she was not giving her approval at 100% but today it was different. Anne was sure about Serena and Nate was touched by his mother gesture.

...

The phone ring and as Winnie was making some pastries she did not pick it. Nate picked the phone and left the kitchen. When he came back about 2 minutes later, he looked so angry.

« Is Serena pregnant. »

The two women looked at each other

« Oh please don't lie. It was Alison mom, she wanted to know if Serena could come on friday instead of saturday for her ultrasound. Since when do you know. Why is everybody lying to me. » He was so mad.

Everything was so perfect with Serena, why did not she tell him that she was pregnant, why.

Anne and Winnie tried to calm Nate but he was so upset. He left the house but did not go to the Spectator, Serena would be there and he did not want to see her for now.

...

Anne called Serena and told her what happened. Serena spent the day trying to reach Nate. He did not come at the Spectator but she believed that he would come once she would be gone. He knew that she had to go to Columbia on the afternoon.

She let on his desk, her last diary. It was not from Tiffany's, it was a simple black book notes. It was few pages only but those pages were the most important ones. Serena wrote about how she felt after the Shepherd wedding and how she felt when she was in the train coming back to NYC a year later.

It was simply and purely a real love letter to Nate. She hoped that no matter how mad he was, those letters would make him realized that she never played, she never stopped loving him.

...

At 7pm as Serena still did not get any news from Nate she decided to go to the Spectator. It was late but he was probably there, hopefully reading her diary.

If he was not there, she had no idea where to look and she really had to find him.

Serena knew that she should have told him sooner that she was pregnant but Nate was finally sure about her, he believed her and she did not want him to think that the babies had something to do with it. The babies were icing in the cake that's all.

She tried so hard to make him understand but he was hurt and he was afraid so now it was her last chance to prove him that she was here and that she was not going anywhere.

...

He was in his office, looking out of the window, except for the glass of scotch this scene looked familiar... She noticed that her diary was opened, so he probably read it.

She took a deep breathe.

« Nate, I have been looking for you. I tried to call you many times. I went to the empire, your grandfather, your mum, the house. Thanks god you are here because I was desperate »

« I had a busy day » he replied

« A busy day avoiding me » she said

« Serena, I am not avoiding you. I needed to be alone. I read your diary.» he confessed and she blushed

« Nate, why don't you want to listen to me. »

«But I do and I believe you Serena. I just got mad this morning because you did not tell me anything and I don't know why.»

«I am so sorry. I wanted to tell you, actually I did. I did even show you the picture after the first ultrasound. But since you woke up, everything is so perfect and I can see that finally we are both ready, you finally decided to trust me and I got scared that you could think that I planned it, on your back because I did not. »

« Serena, I know that I overreacted when I bought the test more than a month ago but I was not mad about the idea of having a baby. I was just mad that you did not mention that you stopped the pills. Having a baby with you is my dream. » he said with a big smile on his face.

She was crying, he stroked her cheeks, dried the tears and smiled at her

« I always loved you Nate and I always will and I have your answer»

« It is not the point here Serena»

«It is, you told me that you needed answers. You are not the right man just because Dan is not. It was you Natie, always, you are the one and what I tried with Dan is to believe that you were not the one. My theory at Brown, again I was trying to convinced myself that you were not the one. »

« I read you diary. I would have never imagine that you suffered more than me. You are never going to loose me Serena, never» he said with tears in his eyes

...

By reading her diary he finally got her point of view, why she acted like that. He was depressed after the Shepherd wedding and used to believe that for Serena it did not mean that much, they had sex that's all but he was so wrong. Serena knew that she could not see him at school, not see him with Blair, she loved him so much but he would be in so much troubles because of her and he did not deserve that so she left.

On the last pages, she wrote them while she was on the train back to NYC. She wrote that Nate was still the only one, that she could still feel his lips on her skin and that she was going to leave a nightmare but Nate was with Blair. She was just not good enough for Nate, he was too perfect for her. And she knew that she was going to hurt him but she was hurting herself more everytime she pushed him away but he could not know that.

She was just trying protect him from her. Until she did not know how to protect her against herself she could not be with Nate.

...

« Natie, I realized that may be if I do involve myself, completely I mean, then may be this great friendship could turn into the best love story and family life that I could have ever wish for and this is exactly what I got. If this is a dream I don't want to wake up, never»

« So you are really pregnant» he asked while the tears where falling on his cheeks

« Yes, I am and I am so ready to live this journey with you»

« Serena, I have been living in a fantasy too those last past months. I love you.»

« When I found out about the baby, the day of a Thanksgiving, I wanted to scream how happy I was, I wanted to tell you and be in your arms and I can finally do it »

« I can't believe it, we are going to have a baby. Now I know why your boobs look much bigger» joked Nate before to kiss Serena, lips, cheeks, forehead, neck.

Serena stopped him, she had one last point to clarify.

« This saturday afternoon, when we were just at the beginning of the freshman year and we spent the entire afternoon kissing, I was not playing and things turned bad but not because I did not want to be with you. When I left, I stopped by Blair's, she was waiting for me, I wanted to tell her what had happened between you and me. I wanted to share the news but when I arrived Blair was wearing our school uniforms. I asked why she was so happy to go back to school on monday and she said because Nathaniel Archibald and I are gonna be a couple, the it couple of Constance and St Jude, it is high school, I need a boyfriend and I want Nate. When she told me that, oh gosh, she was so happy and I did not know what to do so I decided to do nothing and do not tell her what happened earlier with you. The biggest mistake of my life » confessed Serena

« I spent the evening calling you and the all sunday. When Blair came and she told me that you were happy for me and her and that you encourage her to ask me out, I freaked out and thought WTF. And on monday when we arrived at school and Blair almost jumped on me, you were there. Blair told you, Serena, meet the it couple of the next 4 years. I waited for your reaction but it did not come, nothing so I decided to give a chance to Blair as she was not afraid of being seen in public with me and apparently wanted me more than you. I was wrong. I guess we were too young»

« We were and I was scared»

« When we were together, you did cheat on me. Why. » he asked because he needed to know

« You were the perfect boyfriend but don't you realize that people around us, specially that little bitch Jenny, tried to hurt us, to break our relationship and I noticed that you did not totally trust me and it was normal after everything that happened between us but my fears came back. So I look at Dan. I was not ready for us Natie. »

« I asked for another chance and you did not even clearly say no »

« Because I never chose between you and Dan, I did not want to. I hurt you, I got it and I got it already when I came back from Paris. I did not give you another chance because I thought ok I do and if we break up, I would not even have you as a friend. With Dan it was different. Dan and I had never been friends but my life without you Nate it was not possible and then you avoided me for months until you came to LA with Chuck. In that moment I realized that I would never get over you and pretty much this it Nate, I ran away from you because I could not live without you, I know it sounds so crazy. »

« Serena, We had been so, so stupid »

« We were but I am ready for this now, for us and I've been for months already. »

« I am ready too. »

« Nate, I am not done, there one more thing, your last sentence that day, I know you remembered it and I did not reply because the baby of yours decided that it was not the time and I am not even sure that you did ear me but my answer was yes. Actually, I think it is my turn to ask Nathaniel Archibald, will you marry me. » She felt that she was the one who had to ask the question.

Nate laughed and took the box with the ring out of his pocket and placed the ring on Serena's finger. Serena was surprised to see Anne's ring and not the ring that Nate bought. She was also surprised to see that Nate had the ring in his pocket.

« I was going to propose the night of the second tour and I was going to do it again tonight. I love you Serena Van Der Woodsen » and they kissed passionately, both finally truly happy

He unzipped her coat and put his hand on her stomach and with a smiled and still some tears in his eyes asked when the baby was coming

«In july » she revealed with a big smile. She put her hand over his and they looked at each other before to kiss again.

She said that they had to leave because Alison was waiting for them.

« I called her back and she told me that she could wait until 8:30pm, so let's go. You have to meet our baby. »

...

Alison said that everything was fine, that the babies were fine. Nate frowned and Serena laughed

« Oh yes I think I forgot this details. We are going to have twins. » Serena said before to laugh

Nate's reaction was exactly the one that she portrayed. His eyes wide opened, a smile on his face and then he kissed her.

« Merry Christmas Natie»

«It is the best Christmas gift ever, actually it is the best gift that I could have ever wished for. » he replied before to kiss her again

That was it, they finally reached cloud 9 forever.

They looked at the screen, looked at their babies. Even if they could not see anything clear yet they did not care. Their love for each other was on this little screen, in those two little hearts.


	51. Chapter 51

Here we are the epilogue

Thanks to all the followers. I hope that you enjoyed the story

I hope to have you all ready for my next story.

xx,

...

 _On Christmas day, Serena and Nate decided to invite their families. It was about time to let them know about the babies and that they were engaged._

 _Serena picked an outfit that suited her perfectly and revealed her curves, her new curves. Nate took many pictures of Serena under the Christmas tree, he took many selfies too with Serena, Van Der Bilt and Sherlock of course. Winnie was spending Christmas with her family in Chicago but they did not forget to send her pictures._

 _Everybody arrived and of course everybody noticed Serena little baby bump however nobody said anything, they waited patiently for the news. Anne was so excited, she was the only one who knew about the babies._

 _Before to start eating, Serena and Nate stood up and shared the news._

 _«Well, we are really happy to have you today. It was important for us to have you here today because we have some really great news to share. I guess you all noticed that we will have extra guests next year so let's go to the real news of the day. » started Nate with a big smile on his face_

 _He looked at Serena and Serena thought that she was in heaven, she never imagined that feeling so much joy was possible. She raised her left hand so everybody could see the ring. »_

 _Everybody was so happy for them._

 _« Well Archibald, S, it was about time and I was pretty sure that you were pregnant. May be if you are expecting a girl we could already program a Bass-Archibald wedding. » commented Blair_

 _« Well speaking of the baby, Anne you know that we are going to be the it grandmothers of the UES. Eleanor, are you sure that you don't want to come back so we could be the super grandma trio. » said an emotional Lily who was looking at Serena and Nate with a smile._

 _She could see in her daughter's eyes that Serena has finally found where she belongs, with Nathaniel Archibald and Lily could not be happier._

 _« I am sorry Lily, Anne but William and I are the great grandparents of the baby and we will have priority to babysit her or him. »_

 _Lily and Cece started to argue about was going to hold the baby first..._

 _Serena, Nate and Anne were laughing_

 _« Grandma, mom, actually you won't have to fight and mom you will not have to fight with Anne either because when someone hold our baby you can just hold our other baby. Sorry we forgot to say that we are expecting twins. » laughed Serena as Nate grabbed her waist._

 _Lily laughed and looked at Anne_

 _« You knew about this. »_

 _Anne nodded and the two women shared an hug before to hug their kids._

 _..._

 _They got married on the 31st of December. They really wanted to start the new year as husband and wife. A simple wedding, in the Hamptons property of William Van Der Bilt, only their families, a simple white dress for Serena._

 _« Froufrou and big princess dresses were for our first marriage S, no needs of extra for our second weddings because we the second one is the right one. » Blair told Serena as she was helping her to zip her dress_

 _« Serena Van Der Woodsen, do you take Nathaniel Archibald to be your husband. »_

 _« I do »_

 _« You may swap rings »_

 _As Nate put the ring on Serena's, he let some tears fall. Finally, finally she was his wife._

 _« I pronounce you know husband and wife, you may now kiss your bride »_

 _And this is what Nate did before the priest even finished his sentence_

 _« I love you Nathaniel Archibald, I am sorry that you had to wait for me for so long. »_

 _« It was worth the wait, now it is forever. »_

 _« Longer that than, much longer Nate. »she told him as she gently kissed him again_

 _..._

 _6months later Serena gave birth, few weeks before her due, to a boy and a girl._

 _She had the babies at home, they did not make it to the hospital and even if Nate was scared he did a great job, with the help of Winnie of course, before the doctors arrived._

 _Serena was breastfeeding her babies with Nate next to her amazed by the scene. They were in their new room, they moved from Nate's old room to their new master bedroom only few days ago._

 _« You did a great job Daddy. » said exhausted Serena but she could not stop smiling_

 _Blair, Chuck, Henry and their little Adrian came to visit. Lily and Anne were still there. Blair looked at the babies and her best friends_

 _« Archibalds, you did a great job. You definitely have two future heartbreakers. Hopefully Summer won't break my sons hearts » Said Chuck_

 _« May be it will be Nick. » joked Serena_

 _« Or top models, Summer and Nicholas Archibald the super twins. » affirmed Blair_

 _They all laughed._

 _« So Archibald, it turned out that your crystall ball was working when you decided to have a pink an blue room. » commented Blair_

 _« You can be proud Nathaniel, look at what you got and Sis, you can be proud too. Babies are beautiful and as we know that you are exhausted we are going to leave and let you have some rest. Nathaniel enjoy the scene, your wife and your babies. »_

 _« Yeah, too bad there is no breast left for me. » joked Nate_

 _They all laughed again before to kiss the new parents and the babies and to leave._

 _Later that day, Winnie took the first picture of the Archibald family. Nate was still in his dirty suit, Serena's hair was dirty and messy and they were both tired but their smiles on the picture was priceless._

 _..._

 _18 years later_

 _« Summer, Nick, Blake, come on we are gonna be late. » said Nate who was calling his kids who were still upstairs_

 _Serena was preparing breakfast. Winnie retired few weeks ago and Serena decided that no one could replace Winnie and as Summer and Nick were leaving the house to go to College, Yale and Blake was going to start high school, Freshman at Constance, they did not need any help at home._

 _« Hum smell really good mom. »said Nick as he stepped in the kitchen_

 _He kissed her mother, followed by his sisters. Nate looked at the scene from the door frame with a smile on his face. He could not believe that Summer and Nick were going to college already. September was on the corner, his favorite month as 19th years ago Serena decided to start to open her eyes._

 _He observed his kids, his son and his two girls. Blondies, blue eyes, tall and real heartbreakers, he smiled proud of his kids. He then looked at the woman of his dream, his wife with her short blonde hair, her smile and navy blue eyes. Sometimes, on the morning he had to pinch himself to be sure that this was not a dream. Van Der Bilt and Sherlock passed away but they got two ragdolls, Ben and Jerry and Casper, their golden was the son of Sherlock._

 _..._

 _For years, Nate used to think that he was still in coma and this was a dream._

 _« And you can't wake up Natie because this is my dream too and I won't let you wake up, never. » this is what Serena replied_

 _However, a year ago, they thought that the dream was going to become a nightmare. When doctors told Serena that she had a cancer, they were scared but with their love, their kids and families Serena faced the cancer and won the war. Few days ago, doctors told Serena that she was on remission and Nate asked Serena to renew their vows for the 3rd time, the second time had been a year ago just after when they got the bad news._

 _..._

 _« Dad, you said that we were going to be late and we are all waiting for you now. It is not the moment to be in your inner world » joked Summer_

 _They all laughed and Nate sat at his place._

 _..._

 _They first let Blake at Constance, classes started in 2 weeks but students had to subscribe to extra activities before classes started. And Claire, the Bass girl, Blake's best friend, was waiting for her already on the steps of the MET. Because yes Serena and Blair got pregnant again the same year, both expecting a girl._

 _Then they escorted their twins to Grand Central_

 _« Mom, Dad, are you sure that we don't have to worry about our suitcases and trunks, I mean are you sure that our stuff. » she could not finish, Nick interrupted her_

 _« Summer, if it is fine, don't worry, you will have all your chanel bags and louboutin waiting for you in your room on the campus. »teased Nick_

 _« Said the one who had to send two boxes of khiel's cosmetic products. Don't worry even with dirty hair, they are all going to fall for you Nicky, men and women.» replied Summer who knew that her brother hated when she called him Nicky. Sounds like a nickname for girl, he always complained._

 _Serena and Nate laughed, they were going to miss their kids so much. After many hugs and kisses, they finally let Summer and Nick go._

 _«Don't worry daddy Thanksgiving will be here very soon and I will make sure that Nick did not get all the girls on campus pregnant. He probably already has a fanclub and girls are probably gonna be waiting for him at the train station of New Heaven but I will take care of him. And mom, take care of you, I am already waiting for you and Blake for a crazy shopping weekend before the end of september»_

 _« No worries, I won't get any girl pregnant. I need to dominate the world first. Mom, Dad, we love you and even if Summer is still not over her breakup with Adrian Bass and that's why I have to accept her bitchy dark side, I promise you she is gonna be fine. Sum, you know that you two are endgame anyway. We love you » said Nick as he passed his arm over her sister shoulders_

 _« We love you too. We will miss you a lot but we will be checking your social networks so be careful. » said Serena and Nate_

 _They shared a last hug as it was time to get on the train._

 _..._

 _As Serena and Nate were walking out of GrandCentral, Serena stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at the clock_

 _« Doesn't it feel like yesterday when we took them out for their first ride and we stopped here because it started to snow so much. »said Serena looking at her husband_

 _« Yes, it does. Serena are you alright. » he asked suddenly worried_

 _« Yes, I am just getting a bit emotional as our babies as on their way to adulthood. And with Blake in high school, time flies. Why are you asking.»_

 _« Because you used this sentence 16 years ago and then you told me that you were pregnant again and because you also used it last year before to tell me that I had to go with you to the hospital. I am just worried.»_

 _« I am fine and actually I am more than fine and I am so graceful to have you in my life. Thanks to you, I found the courage to fight the cancer, thanks to your love I never felt ugly even when I was almost bald. You made me feel confident, feeling beautiful and safe. I love you Nathaniel Archibald and this journey with you is the best life that I could have ever wish for. »_

 _« You are right and I am so happy to leave this journey with you. I love you Serena Archibald. »_

 _They kissed passionately_

 _« Well now it is time to start our day. » affirmed Serena._

 _The first and last day of school were days off for them. They did not go to work, even if Serena's office was on the 6th floor of the house but still, they just spent the day together doing what they wanted without the kids. It was their moment before and after the summer holidays._

 _« Let's go home, I've heard that the house is empty. » said Nate with a smirk before to kiss his wife again_


End file.
